500 Memories

They'll Let Anybody In These Days

Final Countdown

Math and History

It's Over?


Triple Threat:
Kevin Powers vs.
Evan Aho vs.
Steve Radder


There's Been A Change In Plans

Greensboro's Champ

Jean Rabesque vs.
Open Challenger


Um... Did Somebody Tell Him?


CSWA World:
Joey Melton vs.
Shane Southern


Hail To The Thief


Branding Iron Match:
Dan Ryan vs.
Timmy Windham
vs. Hornet

It's Over

CSWA World Heavyweight Championship
Joey Melton vs. Shane Southern

(CUTTO: Bill Buckley and Sammy Benson.)

BB: The countdown to 2005 is on, but the wait for PRIMETIME 500ís Double Main Event is over!

SB: Oh, very nice work.

BB: Thank you. Joey Melton seconds away from putting the CSWA World Heavyweight Title on the line against Shane Southern! Weíve discussed how Joey was awarded the belt endlessly...

SB: Awarded? The man won it fair and square. Thomas knew if he didnít strip Ryan and put the belt on Joey, Senator John McCain would have done it for him. The writing was on the wall, Thomas chose to be proactive.

BB: Please.

SB: I detect a tone Buckley.

BB: You should! Dan Ryanís a class act in this sport, and what Thomas has done is deplorable. Heís set out to ruin a reputation. Nothing you can say right now would be justification.

SB: I donít have to justify it! Actions speak louder than words! Meltonís been a fighting champion! At forty-one, his title reign this year has lasted longer than his first, nearly seventeen years ago.

BB: Iím not hearing this.

SB: Search your heart Buckley you know it to be true.

BB: Quiet fool. Tonight Shane Southern has yet another shot at winning the CSWA World. Over the past two years heís been as close as humanly possible to winning this title! Southern was so close at CSWA15 to defeating Day Ryan and walking out with the belt!

(CUTTO: CSWA ANNIVERSARY 2004: CSWA15 -- March 28, 2004)

(ON Ė Fans nudging one another, holding their heads in disbelief.)

CM: Southernís tried everything but an Oklahoma roll. If that neck had taken another hit...

BB: It would have been Goodnight Gracie. Shane, heís past the point of belaboring close pins...has Ryan in the corner...KNIFE EDGE CHOPS!! Goodness those just vibrate across the Auditorium!! Ryan reverses, heís had enough, KNIFE EDGE CHOPS ON HIS OWN!!

CM: Okay hit me Bill.

BB: Ryan with a burst of energy throws Shane Southern into the opposite turnbuckle, SHANE FLIPS UP AND HEíS STUCK, SITTING ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!

(Ryan stalks Shane down.)

BB: Ryan to the top himself...TR GERMAN SUPLEX!!! Man alive!

(Worthington covers, he knows itís coming before hand.)

CM: Iíll count Bill, for a change of luck, ONE......TWO....THR-SHANEíS OUT! (pause) Baby!

BB: Ryan...drags Shane up....DDT! DDT!

CM: One more time Bill, itís a free PPV for crying out loud.


CM: Nice.

BB: The Champ doesnít pin, it might be a wasted effort anyway, neither man is going to lose tonight, someone is going to win, but at this stage, as Ryan goes to the top rope again, is that even possible?

CM: It has to be, cause I didnít pay for a fourth hour of coverage.

BB: Ryan off the ropes and he FINDS THE ROOF OF THE CAGE, JUST LIKE SOUTHERN! (Ryan pulls his legs up for momentum) THREE-HUNDRED AND SIXTY DEGREE SPLASH, but SOUTHERN MOVES!

(Fans jumping in their seats.)

BB: Southern moves and Ryan cracks his head against the mat. Southern rushes Ryan to his feet, positions him...POWERBOMB! POWERBOMB!!

(Shane still has a hold of Ryanís legs.)


(As his feet hit the mat, Shane slips a bit, losing one hand of the bridge.)

BB: (Worthington leaps into the air, flashbulbs go off, and he slides into position.) Southern for the World Title, ONE...................TWO......(Merritt Auditorium counting.) THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

CM: I donít believe it...


(Thereís bedlam in the old warehouse.)

CM: Southernís collapsed in the ropes...heís the World Champion and heís overcome with emotion! Man tears! Letís see them Shane!

(Ryan has remained very calm.)

(He feels even better as Worthington hands him the World Title.)


(Ryan slides out of the ring as the cage raises. He turns to a shocked Southern and points to his head, smiles and walks back up the aisle to a mixture of cheers and boos.)


CM: (Talking to Worthington off camera) Okay. Bill Ben just informed me...Southern took the pinfall.)

(CUEUP: FULL SCREEN Ė VIDEO REPLAY Ė The powerbomb. Southern with the bridge. Worthington counts, ONE.....TWO.....both of Southernís shoulders are on the mat. A half second before Ben hits THREE, Ryan lifts his left shoulder up.)

(Fans after viewing the CSWAvision groan.)

BB: Southernís shoulders were down! Good gracious! Heís in a state of shock. I want to say itís highway robbery, but it was a great call...and even better move by Dan Ryan.

CM: I told you he wouldnít lose it tonight. Southern... you have to feel bad for him. He was there he had it.

(Southern kicks at the ropes, hands around his head. As Worthington tries to console him, Shane drops Ben with a right hook, much to the delight of Merritt Auditorium.)

BB: One of the best matches Iíve seen in my CSWA tenure, Sammy, part of me still canít believe Southern didnít walk out with the title that night.

SB: Probably the same part thatís in denial about Billyís drug problem. Are we going to show every other time the manís come close in the past two years? You stated nearly an hour ago it wasnít a clips show. The fact of the matter is Buckley, Southernís a choke artist. He doesnít deserve the CSWA World title, or any other. Weíve seen the best of Shane Southern and it wasnít much.

BB: Marvin if youíll be so kind as to scroll the Benson disclaimer across the bottom of the screen...

SB: Shush. Why is this man still getting chances? Heís run through more World title shots than...than....

BB: Than what?

SB: I lost it.

BB: Oh come on, youíre getting paid to make funnies, and you LOST IT? RIGHT BEFORE THE MAIN EVENT?

SB: I choked.


BB: I was worried for a spill there.

SB: The great ones come through Buckley, remember that. Thereís a reason McCain and Thomas turned to Melton in the leagueís, in all of sportís darkest hour. The manís a proven commodity. He comes through, time and time again. Shane...hey, I like the guy...but heís proof the little engine isnít always rewarded for thinking he can.

(CUEUP: ďAinít Goiní DownĒ by Garth Brooks)

BB: You know what that sound means...

(CUTTO: Benson biting his bottom lip to refrain from singing along.)

BB: Shane Southernís back on the scene! In the very building he had his heart broken against Ryan at CSWA15! The fighting champion Melton.......weíll see if he can stop Shane! The former US Heavyweight Champion! The man thatís carried this league nearly for the past three years!

SB: Is this guyís ex-wife having you and Mrs. Buckleyís baby or something? Step back calmly Bill, and remove your lips from the hickís ass. Itís for the best, trust me!

RJ: Ladies and gentlemen, tonightís match is one-fall with no time limit. For the World Heavyweight Championship! First, the challenger making his way to the ring, standing at six-feet-three-inches and two-hundred-sixty-five pounds, hailing from Bourbon Street, New Orleans, Louisiana, he is a former United States Champion and the man who knows when the PARTYíS OVER. He is SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE SOUTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNN!

(Southern gives a slight nod to the Greensboro sell-out crowd, and steps through the middle-rope with a poker face thatíd break the strongest man.)

BB: Is it just me or does Rhubarb enjoy his job a little too much?

SB: No, weíve all thought that. Itíd be admirable if we didnít know he was a freak.

BB: How true.

(CUEUP: ďI Need A HeroĒ Ė Bonnie Tyler)

BB: I swear if that man rides out on a dog sled again...

SB: Heís theatrical! What else would you want in a World Champion? You should see what he has planned for Easter, if the beltís still defendable.

BB: Iíve heard rumors.

RJ: Making his way to the ring, the CSWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, standing at six-foot and one inch, two-hundred and ten pounds, though he actually hasnít been weighed in ten years, THE UNIFIER JOEY MELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLTON!

BB: Jones cracked the lovely Miss Troy up with that remark! But Meltonís already threatening to walk out over it!

SB: I donít blame him! When a commoner like Jones thinks he can get away with a remark like that.... worlds collide! Rhubarb Jones could disappear tomorrow and nobody would know it except for the crackwhores who push his ďBest OfĒ CDs illegally at venues, and former VP Greg Paris...Paris being the fool who signed Jones to an iron clad lifetime contract...

BB: Okay Iíll bite... Hey, whatever happened to...

SB: How the hell should I know Buckley? Thatís like asking me for the whereabouts of Nicholas Rogers. This companyís had so many VPs itís ridiculous. Have you forgotten we used to give away a two-month run in a corporate office for being the one who guaranteed a sell-out at every venue? What still amazes me, and again...Iíve seen fire, and Iíve seep poop, is that (nameCensored) and Thomas gave these fools booking power. Lest we forget the boob responsible for the 20-midget under-the-bottom rope battle royal was shortly pooped and fired afterwards.

BB: And incidentally went on to run a successful promotion for a few years.

SB: So what are you suggesting? He used the bad ideas on us?

BB: Patrick Young finishes checking the attire of both men, and this one is underway!


SB: Melton and Southern circling one another, neither in a rush to make the first move! Troy yelling at Joey from the outside...my my Buckley...I think she just called Joey a....

BB: Kitty-Kat. This is family television, Benson. Melton dips into Shane, but fakes him out with a elbow in his gut!

(Melton drops an elbow over the back of Southernís neck, then pushes him back to the mat.)

SB: The olí fake collar-and-elbow tie-up! I used to spend hours instructing my charges on how to execute that properly...

BB: The Clarks? Exactly what was your relation to that family?

SB: Hey, Iím not the one on trial Buckley, Jacko is!

BB: Melton goes for an early figure four, but Southern kicks him off! Joey off the ropes, knee drop that misses! Southern to his feet, savat kick!

SB: The younger sister to the Superkick! It all works in stages..

BB: Southern with a hard right across Joeyís chops, and Melton embraces the mat unwillingly! A few more shots like that and he wontí be the prettiest girl on the block anymore! Shane drops an elbow! ONE.....NO!

SB: Is it just me or has Southern fattened up for his match? What did he weigh in at?

BB: Enough. Southern with a side-headlock! Melton to his knees...the World Champion quickly on the defensive in the early gettiní.

SB: Thatís a modified sleeper! Come on Young! Avenge your fatherís sins and call a match correctly!

BB: Melton to his feet, pushing Southern into the ropes. Young calls for the break, but Southern pulls Joey back from the ropes! Lindsay Troy berating Young for not breaking!

SB: As she should! Nice to see her taking an active role for a change!

BB: Sammy sheís seen more ring time in his title reign that he has!

(Joey lifts Southern in the air and drops him on his back, breaking the lock.)

SB: Itís fifty-fifty at least, come now Buckley.

BB: Melton up quick, pushing Southern to the turnbuckle....EYE GOUGE by Shane! Stopping Joey before he could unleash a series of chops, Shane turns the tide, Melton now in the turnbuckle, KINFE EDGE CHOPS BY SOUTHERN!

SB: He canít ape Meltonís moves! Thatís...thatís...

BB: Meltonís move?

(Southern lifts Melton off the ground with the force of his last chop.)

SB: Hey, he spent six-weeks in a reservation with Wahoo McDaniel, can Southern say that?

BB: I doubt Melton can either. Shane whips Joey across the ring, Melton crashes back first into the opposite corner! Southern charges in, NO! Joey narrowly avoided being hit with a flying elbow!

SB: Can Dan Ryan do that?

(Joey hooks Shane with a right cross, spreads his arms over the ropes, and unleashes a series of earth shattering chops.)

BB: Easily move out of the way of a telegraphed move?


BB: Melton hooks Shaneís tights, backs up, SLINGSHOT SUPLEX! No, Southern flipped over...DDT!! Covers, ONE..........TWO...............NO!! Meltonís dazed and waving to Troy!! Lindsay leaps on the top rope, get her off there! Get that woman off the apron!!

SB: So do we have the footage of Portmanís naked body or not?

BB: Southern walks to Troy...SUPERKICK!

(Lindsay goes flying off the apron, hitting chest first on the security railing.)

BB: This place is going nuts! OH! Melton clubs Southern on the back of the neck! Shaneís unaffected though! Southernís good and pissed off! Kick to the gut, Shane sends Melton off the ropes, across the ring, leapfrog by Joey, off the ropes, POWERSLAM BY SOUTHERN!!

SB: Making Melton wrestle on New Yearís Eve...whoís idea was this?

BB: SHANEíS GOING FOR THE FIGURE FOUR, roll up by Melton, ONE...TWO...NO! Joey showing his mastery in the ring there, nearly retaining the title from a defensive position. Melton rolling out of the ring, he needs a second to regroup.

(Melton steps out to check on a shaken Troy, whoís standing but arched over clutching her chest.)

SB: The thinking manís champion. Using the ten-count to his advantage. The longer this goes, the more it favors Melton. Good boy Joseph....

BB: How do you figure that?

(Southern take two giant steps and leaps over the top rope towards Joey, Melton seeing Shane flying through the air, grabs Troy by the arm and pulls her in front of Shaneís falling body.)

BB: Ohhhh! Melton....quite the hero....that was sickening!


BB: You saw what!

(Southern briefly eyes Troy with a look of concern before Meltonís right foot crashes across his skull.)

SB: I saw the Queen volunteerarily take one for the team!

BB: Stop it Sammy! Melton throws Shane back first into the ring apron! Melton vicious Knife Edge chops! Joey...whips Shane into the security railing!

SB: See! Heís returning the favor for Troy!

BB: He hasnít looked at her once, after the fall!

(Melton pulls at Shaneís mouth with his fingers, leaning Southern over into the front row of fans.)

SB: She knows he cares. It....goes unsaid.

BB: Joey rolls back inside to restart the count....body slam! Southernís back cracking against the cement floor of the CSWA auditorium. Joey...pulling Southernís body to the railing, HEíS GOING FOR A FIGURE FOUR, THROUGH THE RAILING!

SB: I think I just heard Southern give! What a baby!

BB: He did not! Melton screaming at the fans in the front row to make room...

SB: Like those idiots are smart enough to make room. Put the camera on them and the cell phones whip out...

BB: Joey trying to hook the line.....LINDSAY TROY DROPICK ON MELTON OFF THE RAILING! Whereíd that come from!! Troy sprung to her feet and sent Melton flying into the seats!

SB: Clearly sheís still groggy, and has no idea who she just nailed...

BB: Yeah right! Southern reaches into the stands and pulls Melton up....suplex over the railing and onto the floor!!

SB: Damn womenís rights movement! Just because Troy votes doesnít mean she has the right to get uppity with Joey Melton! The manís practically royalty!

BB: Southern shoves Joey into the ring, he knows better than anyone, the title has to change hands there! Heís going to the top rope! Sammy is this wise at this junction? Such a high-risk move?

SB: Oh, who gives a (Censor)?

BB: Joey to his feet....he canít find Southern.....TOP ROPE FRANKíNíSOUTHERN!! (crowd explodes)

(Meltonís body rolls through the bottom rope.)

BB: Southern hit his move!! No! Joeyís outside...look at Southernís face! He has the World Title in his hands, but Meltonís not in the ring! Inches from the CSWA World title again! Melton...heís not moving Sammy!

SB: Of course heís not you ass! The man just took a spill thatíd kill a lesser man!

BB: Shane quickly outside and rolling Joeyís body back in, but it may be too late! Southern...heís hesitating Sammy...does he pin, or stay on the offensive...

SB: Choking before our very eyes....wasting precious seconds...

BB: Agreed...he canít give Joey more ti----SOUTHERN TO PIN, ONE.....TO.....NO!! Foot on the rope for the Champion! The challenger disgusted with himself as he should be. Over shot the move, and tripped going for the pinfall.

(Southern sets a weary Melton up against the ropes, then bounces off the middle rope a foot from Joey and pulls off a Reverse FrankíníSouthern into a bridge pin attempt.)

BB: Yes! Southern, this is it...ONE.....TWO...SHOULDER UP FROM MELTON! How!?

SB: Maybe the belt wasnít won in ring Buckley, but Joeyís a genius in-ring. Donít ever forget that.

BB: Southern again off the middle-ropes almost out of desperation, LION SAULT....Knees up from Joey and Shane takes it in the gut!

SB: The window of opportunityís closed for Southern....even with Troyís traitorous actions! In simpler times, sheíd be tried and hung.

BB: Melton driving a forearm into the small of Southernís back. GERMAN SUPLEX FROM MELTON! Trying to mount an offensive attack after surviving a series of near pinfalls....Southern to his feet, Melton charging, SWINGING NECKBREAKER!

SB: I can breathe easier Buckley. (inhales) These never get any easier...whew.

BB: Clothesilne into the corner by Joey! Knee to the gut! Joey, fistful of Southernís hair in his hand charges towards a nearby turnbuckle and drives Shaneís head face first into the padding!

SB: If Troy were a good manager sheíd have taken off that padding by now! Theyíve been together for over a year and it barely shows!

BB: Short jab by Joey! Backslide! ONE.........TWO.....THATíS ALL. Southern easily rolling out. Joey...leaping clothesline, staying on the offensive! Joey shoots Southern off the ropes, SLEEPER HOLD!

SB: Iíve seen this man take down wild boor in Africa with this move! Obviously, the execution was a lot tougher in those situations, but the point is...Southernís finished!

BB: Iíd love to see the slide show from that trip. ďHereís CSWA World Champion Joey Melton wrestling a wild animal to the ground with a basic wrestling lock.Ē

(Southern tries to buck Melton off. Joey wise to whatís happening, releases the hold and throws Southern through the middle-ropes.)

SB: Great stuff, I assure you.

BB: Patrick Young warning Melton! Next timeís a DQ!

SB: Hollow words, hollow words...

(Shaneís leery of an approaching Lindsay Troy as he catches his breath. Troy approaches but keeps her distance. Melton leans over the top rope and yells at her, angrily motioning for Troy to work over Southern.)

BB: Melton and Troy getting into it here! I tell ya, Sammy, I wish these two would just (censor) and get it over with.

SB: You and me both.

BB: Joey jumps outside....to confront Troy! Lindsay and Melton face-to-face! Meltonís totally lost focus of the task at hand! Southern spins Melton around, wild right hand! Joey ducks, and SHANE WALLOPS MISS TROY!

SB: Look at the way he abuses women! Itís sick! That may win him a few points with Rudy, but not with me Buster!

(Joey grabs Southernís tights, and vaults him headfirst into the iron post.)

BB: Southernís head may have cracked right open! Joey scoops Southern, pins his leg back, KNEE DROP! LIFTS HIM AGAIN...KNEE DROP ON THE SECURITY RAILING! Joey carefully tending to Lindsay as Southern sways back and forth on top of the railing.

(Melton grabs Troy by the arm and whips her at Southern, Troy in self-defense clotheslines Southern.)

SB: There ya go sweetie!

BB: She no more meant to do that than....

SB: Looked like it to me!!

BB: The Champion pulling Southern back over the railing. Heís going for a German Suplex on the cement floor! This could break Southernís neck!

SB: Donít jinx it!

BB: Sheís waving Melton off! I think sheís had it! There you go girl! Tell him off!

SB: Sheís making the biggest mistake in her life! That manís the best thing that ever happened to her!

(Southern waits a second then dropkicks Troy into Melton, Troy clothesline Joey by accident.)

(Huge crowd pop.)

BB: Turnabout is fair play! Southern hurriedly rolls Joey into the ring! Southern to the top rope!! Can he do it this time!?

SB: I canít look Buckley! Lifeís just not fair sometimes! Itís not, I swear!

BB: Yeah it is! Southern off the top, FROG SPLASH! FROG SPLASH! Meltonís in the center of the ring! ONE...........TWO..........................(Troy comes flying off the top rope to break the pinfall with an elbow) No!

SB: I knew she wouldnít let me down!

BB: NOW Troy and Melton are back on the same page?

SB: They may bicker and argue but at the end of the day they want the same thing. Itís really a healthy relationship at heart.

BB: Southernís got Troy by the throat! Troy kicks Southern down low, bounces off the ropes, SUPER KICK!

(Southernís body falls over Meltonís back who was on all fours behind Southern, Joey rolls up Shane the second his shoulders hit the mat.)

BB: It canít end like this...........ONE...............

SB: Oh yes it can!

BB: Two.......................t-no! Southern kicks out!

SB: Damn that man!

BB: Young goes to call for the bell, but I think Southern just waved him off! Melton backs Shane into the ropes, signals to Troy, irish whip....tilt-a-whirl slam by Troy, NOO! FRANKíNíSOUTHERN! Melton charges, flying heart punch by Southern! The Pin, NEW CHAMPION? ONE..........TWO....... (Troy dives to break the pin again!) Oh come on!

SB: Just enjoy the ride Buckley. As Latifah said. U.N.I.T.Y. Thatís a unity.

BB: Lindsay wisely rolls out of the ring, hopefully feeling over wrought with shame for her part in this!

SB: Not likely Bill, but keep trying.

BB: Southern..........Cajun Leg Sweep! Shane runs for the ropes, shoots off, LOU THEZ PRESS! But the force takes Melton over! Joeyís got the pin!!! ONE..... (Melton reaches back to grab the ropes for leverage.) TWO...................................... (Young stops the count, seeing Melton cheating, he kicks at Joeyís arm breaking the hold.) Southern rolls Melton back over! ONE.........TWO........................NO! Again......incredibly close to the World Title!

SB: Iím an old man Buckley my heart canít take this. Nor my liver! Though that was shot going in.

BB: Both men slowly to their feet.....trading blows! The World Title hanging in the balance! Southern getting the better of the trade off! Meltonís knocked off his feet! (As Melton falls back he grabs Young by the belt and throws him through the ropes and outside to the floor.)

SB: Blasted Young! I hate to say it, but this company hasnít had a strong ref since Manual Juarez!

BB: Thatís enough! Joey...struggling to his feet....but the damage is done, heís bought himself some more time with Youn-----what???

(Southern turns his back to Melton, reaches in his tights and pulls out a pair of Brass Knuckles.)

BB: South....Southern just pulled a foreign object! Southern just pulled out a foreign object!! What the hell? HARD RIGHT HAND WITH THE KNUCKLES! Joeyís rocked...Melton is rocked! DISCUS PUNCH BY SHANE SOUTHERN! And Joeyís out!

(Young, having managed to brace himself on the previous fall, climbs back in without much time lost. Southern hooks shots the knuckles into the stands.)

SB: I canít believe my eyes! They burn Buckley! They burn!

BB: Shane covers Joey, I donít think Troy knows whatís happening, ONE.............TWO......THREEE!!!! Weíve got a new CSWA World Heavyweight Champion and itís Shane Southern! SHANE SOUTHERN IS THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION!! Whatís happened here?!

(Big pop)

SB: Highway robbery! Buckley I feel dirty.

(Young reaches over the top rope to get the World Title from Rhubarb then awards it to Shane Southern. Southern on one knee looks at the belt like he doesnít believe itís his, kisses the Golden plate, and then calmly rolls out of the ring.)

BB: Shane Southern...has finally won the CSWA World Title...but not without....controversy!

(Lindsay Troy rushes in to tend to Joey Melton, still out cold and bleeding profusely. The crowdís in shock, the majority pumped theyíve witnessed a title change, but an eerie feelingís washed over the Auditorium, as if nobodyís been able to process what theyíve seen.)

SB: (crying) Joey no..........not the World Title.....Buckley Nooooooooooooooooo! It canít end like this. It canít......

BB: Good grief man get a grip! Fans, we need to break. The Main Event still to come! Hornet, Timmy Windham, and Dan Ryan in a Branding Iron match! Shane Southern...World Champion... believe it! Weíll be back!