(CUEUP: "God Save The Queen" as Lawrence Stanley is introduced.  Several fans stand up and put their hands over their hearts as the English national anthem is played. )

BB: Fans, we've been joined for this next match by controversial internet commentator Eric Wright, as "The English Gent" Lawrence Stanley makes his way toward the ring.

EW: And look at that, Buckley...the Presidential title, one of the most prestigious titles in this company, and it's dangling from a pole. 

BB: Mr. Wright has been an outspoken critic of this match, but has graciously joined us here at ringside.  And we're all just thrilled to have him...  Cameron Cruise has been introduced by Rhubarb Jones, Sammy, but he hasn't made his way out here!

SB: Well, Adler crowned him with that chair earlier tonight, so he's probably still seeing stars!

(CUEUP: Adler's self-composed theme)

BB: And now, the reigning Presidential champion is making his way to the ring... and what was advertised as a triple threat pole match is now apparently down to a one-on-one contest!

SB:  While somehow, what was supposed to be a TWO-MAN announcing team has turned into a FARCE!

EW: Well, the champion was at a distinct disadvantage in this match, since he doesn't have to be beaten to lose the belt, but instead someone had to climb a pole.  At least now he's evened his odds a little bit.

BB: The bell rings, and this one is underway!  Adler and Stanley tentatively circle one another, and now they lock up!  Both men jockeying for position in a collar- and- elbow tieup, and Stanley shoots on Adler's leg!  Nice sprawl by the Presidential champion, and he's got Stanley in a front face lock.  Stanley still driving forward and pushes Adler up to a vertical position and locks his arms...pops the hips... NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!

EW: Nice move!

BB: Stanley surprised Adler with that maneuver, and the champion back up on all fours, but Stanley now riding him in an amateur position, and rocks the champion with a nasty crossface! Adler now in a seated position and hooks Stanley's arm, and now rolls over and reverses Stanley into a hammerlock on the canvas!

EW: This is tremendous mat wrestling, Buckley, but it doesn't mean anything thanks to this format.

BB: Adler applying pressure to that hammerlock on the canvas, and he pushes himself up and DRIVES his knee into the arm of the English Gent!  Adler sinks in the armbar, and Stanley turns, trying to escape.  Stanley up to his face, turns trying to face Adler, but Adler wrings the arm and forces Stanley back down to a knee.

SB: Wake me when blood starts flowing...

BB: Adler delivers a kick to Stanley's side to force him back down to the canvas, and now he walks around the head driving that armbar, and has Stanley's shoulders down to the canvas...

SB: Who cares?

EW: See what I'm talking about...neither man can be rewarded for their wrestling skill in this type of match.

BB: You never know, Eric.  With just two men, it could come down to whoever can last the longest.  And these two are going at it hard.  Adler realizes a count isn't coming, and releases the armbar with a somewhat annoyed look on his face.  Stanley struggles back to his feet, and Adler POPS him with a hard forearm shot!

SB: That's more like it!

BB: Adler pushes Stanley against the ropes, and now whips him across the far side and catches him with an elbow to the jaw!  Stanley down like a ton of bricks, and Adler puts the boots to him...NO! Stanley caught Adler's leg and rolled him through, and sent Adler to the canvas!  Stanley up to his feet, and he delivers a series of kicks to the back of Adler's knee, and follows it up with an elbowdrop right to the side of the knee!

EW: Adler's past knee problems are well documented, so this is good strategy by the Englishman.

SB: Gee, and I thought you were an Adler apologist.

EW: I'm an impartial journalist, Sammy...as opposed to a corporate shill like Buckley and a buffoonish drunk like you.

SB: The buffoonish part was a bit harsh.

BB: And the 'impartial' part a bit disingenuous.  Stanley maintains his assault on Adler's knee, and now turns it over into a half Boston Crab, applying the pressure to that leg.  Adler crawling for the ropes, and he's made it.  Stanley releases the hold, as Mr. Magnificent gets to his feet, and Stanley ROCKS him with a European uppercut!  Another European uppercut stuns the champ!  Stanley whips Adler off the ropes and catches him with a clothesline... NO! Adler grabbed the arm and jumped up and DOWN with an ARMBREAKER DDT!

SB: He almost ripped Stanley's arm right out of its socket, Buckley!

BB: Stanley rolling around on the canvas holding his shoulder, and Adler follows it up with a double axehandle right on that shoulderblade! Adler now makes his way toward the corner, and begins climbing the ropes and his ascent up that pole!  Stanley quickly up to his feet, and Adler saw him! 

EW: Adler's out of his element on that top rope!

BB: Adler sees Stanley coming and leaps off with a flying axehandle...NO! Stanley side-stepped it and caught him with a punch to the gut!  Stanley shaking out the arm, and now CLIPS Adler's knee from behind! Adler down on the canvas, and Stanley with a DIVING HEADBUTT to the back of Adler's knee!

SB: That you don't see everyday!

BB: Stanley grabs Adler by the ankle and picks it up and DRIVES the champion's knee into the canvas! He stays on the attack, and applies a step over toe hold!

EW: Wouldn't all this WRESTLING be great if this was a real wrestling match instead of a climbing contest?

BB: Stanley with another spin on the toehold, but Adler reaches up and grabs him and takes him over in a SMALL PACKAGE!

EW: But there's no pinfalls, Buckley!  It's asinine!

BB: Adler releases the small package and both men scramble to their feet, and LOOK AT THAT! Adler with a STANDING DROPKICK to the chest of Lawrence Stanley!

SB: He doesn't have the spring in his step after what Stanley's done to his knee, but it was still effective!

BB: Both men again back up to their feet, and Adler takes Stanley over with an armdrag, maintains a hold on the arm...LEGDROP on the arm, and now he hangs on and scissors the arm and yanks back on it with a cross-arm breaker! Stanley's in a lot of pain here!  He's reaching out for the bottom rope with his leg, and he's there! Stanley's got his foot in the ropes, but Adler's not letting go!

EW: Why should he, Buckley?  There's no DQ!  The only way he loses is if Stanley climbs that pole, and Adler's making sure that doesn't happen!

BB: Adler and the referee argue, but (SFX: Loud crowd reaction!) WAIT A MINUTE! CAMERON CRUISE is making his way to the ring with his head bandaged!  He slides in under the bottom rope...stares at Adler and Stanley on the canvas...AND MAKES A BEE-LINE FOR THE POLE!

EW: Now THAT'S nonsense!

BB: Adler sees it and releases the hold, and motors across the ring with a slight limp!  Cruise is halfway up the pole, but Adler's settled under him and grabs his legs!  Adler pulls Cruise down, and Cruise is sitting down on Adler's shoulders in almost a victory roll position!  Cruise is punching away on Adler's forehead, and...

SB: HERE COMES STANLEY!

BB: Stanley clips the knee again, and Adler and Cruise BOTH crash to the canvas!

EW: But Stanley clipped the knee with the bad shoulder, Buckley...he didn't come out of that unscathed!

BB: Stanley now attempting to climb the pole, but he's doing it as essentially a one-armed man!

SB: You know the old cliche about a one-armed man in a pole climbing contest...

BB: Stanley having difficulty making it up the pole, and Adler and Cruise both get to their feet at the same time!  They each get up to the middle rope and grab a hold of Stanley...HERE WE GO! DOUBLE BACKDROP SUPLEX OFF THE ROPES!  They just FOLDED Stanley up on that injured shoulder!

SB: POP IT, TOMMY! POP  IT!

BB: Stanley is down and out on the canvas, and now Adler and Cruise get to their feet, and there's no love lost here!  Cruise nails Adler with a hard right hand, follows it up with a chop, and now whips Adler off the ropes and DROPKICKS him right in that knee! 

SB: Get that man some Vicodin!

BB: Adler is writhing around clutching his knee in pain after that move!  Cruise now scoops Lawrence Stanley up and runs him toward the pole...DRIVES him shoulder-first into the pole, and follows it up with a SHOULDERBREAKER!  Adler back to his feet, and Cameron Cruise off the ropes...FLYING FOREARM! He caught him right between the eyes!

EW: Cruise's fashionably late arrival has helped him tremendously in this match, Buckley.  He missed all the REAL wrestling.

BB: Cruise pulls Adler to his feet and takes him over...SNAP SUPLEX!  He climbs to the top rope, and he's perched up there as Adler makes it to his feet...WAIT! Stanley got up to his feet and stumbled into the ropes, and just crotched Cameron Cruise!  Adler limps over to the corner and climbs the second rope and hooks him... BELLY TO BELLY SUPERPLEX!

EW: He drove him into the mat with that one!  That'll take some wind out of his sails.

BB: Stanley moves in as Adler gets to his feet, and catches him with a kick to the knee, and hooks him... LEFT HANDED DDT!

EW: He's still in a bad way when it comes to climbing that pole, Buckley!

BB: Stanley trying to shake out the cobwebs in that arm, as he puts the boots to Adler!  Cruise back to his feet, and he grabs Stanley from behind with a waistlock!  Going for a German suplex...NO! Stanley blocked it, and rolled forward, hooked Cruise's arms with his legs into a VICTORY ROLL!

EW: Awesome counter, but no pinfall to go with it!

BB: Meanwhile, Adler back to his feet, and he DROPKICKED Stanley right on the jaw as he was in a seated position!  Adler quickly hooks Stanley by the legs as Cruise gets to his feet...Adler rocks back and SLINGSHOTS Stanley into Cruise, who CATCHES HIM IN MID-AIR WITH A POWERSLAM!

SB: Good gravy!

BB: Cameron Cruise just OBLITERATED Lawrence Stanley, and now Adler grabs him from behind and tosses him over the top rope!

SB: No he didn't!  Cruise is hanging on!

BB: Cameron Cruise skins the cat unbeknowst to Adler, who is making his way toward the pole! Adler climbing the ropes, and here comes Cameron Cruise! Cruise dropkicked the top rope, and UH OH! Adler falls and his leg is caught between the top and middle ropes!  Adler is hanging upside down, Lawrence Stanley is still down, and Cameron Cruise has a clear path to the title!

EW: What garbage...

BB: WAIT A MINUTE! Nathan Storm has made his way to ringside as Cruise is climbing the pole...he's got no business out here!  Storm slides into the ring and scampers up the ropes and pulls Cruise down! Cruise and Storm trading punches on the top rope and...

SB: HOLY MONKEY!

BB: NATHAN STORM WITH A HURRICANRANA THAT SENT BOTH MEN FLYING OFF THE TOP ROPE AND DOWN TO THE FLOOR OF FISH FUND PARK! That's a terrible drop, and both Nathan Storm and Cameron Cruise are down and out!

SB: The good news for Adler is that he managed to get free of the ropes!

BB: Cameron Cruise is essentially out of the picture, and Adler is down on the floor as well! Lawrence Stanley back to his feet, and he's heading toward the pole, but Adler rolls in under the bottom rope and charges with a DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN! He basically tackled Stanley to keep him from that pole!  Both men back to their feet, and Adler hooks Stanley's arms in a butterfly position...BUTTERFLY SUPLEX... NO! He brought him down with a SHOULDERBREAKER!

SB: Yeah, but the "wrestling genius" just dropped Stanley's shoulder on HIS bum knee!

BB: Adler down on the canvas clutching his knee, and Stanley's down clutching his shoulder! Nathan Storm is back to his feet, and he's ripped the bandages off of Cameron Cruise's forehead, and HURLS him into the steel steps! Cruise is busted open, and Nathan Storm's work here is done!

EW: Adler's the first one back to his feet in the ring.

BB: Adler back to his feet, and he's walking off that knee, and limping toward the pole, but he's shaking his head!  He's pointing to Nathan Storm!  Storm grins, and he climbs onto the apron! Nathan Storm is scaling that pole, but Cruise is back to his feet!  Cruise picked up the top of those steel steps...and NAILED Nathan Storm across the back! And again! A third time, and Storm falls off the pole and crashes back down to the floor!

SB: What a dirty cheater that Cruise is!

BB: Cruise still holding those steps...ADLER WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE! Adler kicked those steps right into the mush of Cameron Cruise! Cruise is down, but Stanley is up! Adler back to his feet, and here comes Stanley...Adler caught him with a HOT SHOT! 

EW: That might have been enough to score a pinfall if this was a real match.

BB: Adler limps toward the corner, and he's going to have to climb that pole himself with that bad knee! Adler laboring up that pole, but Stanley quick back to his feet, and he reaches up...

SB: OOOOOH! That'll leave a mark!

BB: UPPERCUT TO THE CROTCH of Tom Adler! That'll stop the climb in a hurry! Stanley now settles underneath Adler in the corner and hooks him... RUNNING POWERBOMB! He planted Adler with that move, and now he pulls Adler to his feet, and he's shaking that arm out!  He scoops Adler up...

SB: TREE OF WOE!

BB: Lawrence Stanley has hung Tom Adler upside down in the corner opposite the pole, and now he rolls outside the ring!  Stanley's brought a steel chair into the mix, and he takes a HOME RUN SWING with that chair right to the knee! And again, and he follows it up with a FIELD GOAL KICK right to the face!

SB: The title's in jeopardy, Buckley!

BB: Cameron Cruise is back to his feet, but so is Nathan Storm, and he cuts off his path to the pole! Cruise and Storm are brawling up the aisle here at Fish Fund Park, but there's no one to stop Lawrence Stanley! His shoulder is in absolute agony, but he's beginning the long climb up that pole!

SB: Where's HE going?

BB: Fans, Eric Wright has left the broadcast position, and he's calling the referee's attention to the ringside altercation between Storm and Cruise! What is this all about?  Storm just scooped Cruise up and dropped him HEADFIRST across the railing! The referee has left his position in the ring at Eric Wright's behest, and he's ejecting Nathan Storm from ringside!

SB: A bit late for that, don't you think?

BB: Meanwhile, Lawrence Stanley is almost there...HE'S GOT THE BELT! HE'S GOT THE BELT! What a courageous climb by a practically one-armed man!

SB: But Storm's still arguing with the referee, Buckley, and Eric Wright's right there!

BB: Lawrence Stanley is the new Presidential Champion, and he slides down the pole and back down into the ring...Adler hooks him from behind... ABDOMINAL STRETCH...NO! ADLERPLEX!!!!!

SB: It's a FUM-BLE!

BB: Stanley's down, and Adler scoops up the belt and COME ON! He climbs up on the middle rope holding the belt and makes it look like he's descending the pole, as Wright points the referee back to the ring! The referee's calling for the bell!  He can't be SERIOUS!

SB: So much for an unbiased journalist!

RJ: "Ladies and gentlemen, your winner...and STILL Presidential Champion... TOM ADLER!"

BB: Eric Wright nods and heads back to the locker room...are he and Adler in cahoots, or was this just some form of journalistic protest?

SB: Either way, Adler keeps the belt another day, and Lawrence Stanley got SCREWED!  Personally, after Teri dumped him, he probably needed a good screwing anyway...

BB: Good grief!  Up next after this video package, we're going to get to the grudge match between GUNS and Michael Plett.  After GUNS won the Greensboro Title just two weeks ago, this match became a championship affair!

SB:  Isn't GUNS trying to SELL the Greensboro Championship?

BB:  Apparently so.  Speaking of which, we're told there are some buyers backstage!

(CUTTO:  A different backstage hallway where "COCKY" CRAIG MILES and "HOT PROPERTY" EDDIE MAYFIELD have walked up on GUNS.  The Professionals are still wearing their GXW gear.)

MILES: Hey, check it out, Eddie...JUST the man we were looking for!

GUNS: You've gotta be kidding me. I've got a match...what the hell do you two clowns want?

MAYFIELD: Chill, big dog...first thing, I gotta say, man, I've spent some quality time with your wife over in the AAW, and she is lookin' FIT. But that's not what we're here to talk to you about.

GUNS: Make it quick, boys...I've got an ass to whip.

MILES: Here's the deal, big man...peep the shirts...me and Eddie...we're COMING OUT! WE'RE THE MOLES! And, this is OFFICIAL GXW BID-NESS! Eddie and I are here to take you up on your offer for that title you're holding. As you can see, we've already got the shirt for you...you know they're down with changing the company's name...and now all we need to seal the deal is $7.95! Eddie, pay the man!

(MAYFIELD goes through his pockets, but only comes up with about $6.50)

MAYFIELD: Dammit...I knew that late fee was gonna come back to haunt me!

MILES: You gotta be [BLEEP]in' me! You didn't return Grand Theft Auto 3 on time again?

GUNS: Look, fellas...I don't have time for this crap.  Third Row Inc. is about to open for business. 

(GUNS shoves past MAYFIELD and MILES and walks toward the 'first position' area to get ready for his match.)

MAYFIELD (holding arms out in a Hanz & Franz like pose, and talking in an extremely deep voice): Third Row, Inc. is about to open for business! And we're gonna PUMP (claps hands together!) YOU UP!

MILES (continuing with the Hanz & Franz schtick): I'm going to tear this GIRLY MAN company down BRICK...by BRICK...with my MASSIVE arms and my BORING mic spots!

MAYFIELD: Wait, before I can do that, I need my GERITOL! It makes me BIG and STRONG!" (Flexes at MILES, and MILES flexes back! MAYFIELD and MILES continue mock flexing at one another, and then laugh and move along.)

SB:  You gotta love The Pros.  I haven't seen anybody tear into GUNS that good since...well, JJ DeVille!

BB:  Sure, Sammy.  You've kept your Eddy Love obsession under check so far, let's see if can't hold it to...

SB:  BRING HOME THE TEDDY BEAR!

BB:  Yikes.  Fans, let's send you to this video package before Sammy speaks again.