What Has Gone Before...

(FISH FUND XII: Fire It Up!, August 10, 1998, Sweetwater, TX)

(Back on camera, on U-62)

BUCKLEY:  Fans, this is Bill Buckley with a special CSWA UPDATE here on U-62.  We wanted to update you on the fire that has begun raging at FISH FUND Park Arena.  We've been told that the entire audience has escaped unharmed, although word is there still may be some CSWA employees inside.  Firefighters have not yet gone in to try and put the fire out...hoping it remains contained to the lower levels and will burn itself out..... (Buckley stops as a shrill yell interrupts him)

MELTON:  You bastard!  You won't even try to help your own brother.

WINDHAM:  I told you....he's....

HORNET:  I don't care!  I never thought I'd see the day when Mark Windham became a coward.

(Hornet takes off running toward the stage door.)

MELTON:  If either of them get hurt, it's your fault...do you hear me!?

BUCKLEY:  Fans, apparently Timmy Windham is still inside.  Hornet has just made his way toward the Arena to look for the youngest of the Windhams........

(Buckley's voice is drowned out as a large explosion rocks the nearby parking lot like an earthquake.  Flames jet out of part of the Arena's roof, while chunks of rock are hurled straight into the air.  The camera rocks, then steadies, as we see the stage door explode outward, carrying Hornet with it.  Hornet is thrown outward like a ragdoll against the pavement, as the stage door crashes on top of him.)

MELTON:  NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!   TIMMY!!!!!   TIMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Fire engine sirens begin to wail as debris continues to fall just short of the caution barrier erected in the parking lot.)

BUCKLEY:  Oh my Lord....sweet mother of all that's good and pure.  Somebody get some help.  Please...somebody get some help!  (Buckley drops the microphone and rushes toward the scene.)

(The camera centers on a still Hornet, buried beneath the bent and twisted stage door and the rest of he rubble.  Near the camera, just beneath the sounds of sirens, Teri Melton can be heard sobbing.  The camera shifts as the cameraman sets it on the ground.  We can see his feet as he too runs towards the scene, where a crowd of paramedics, firefighters, wrestlers and other CSWA employees can be seen trying to move rubble off of Hornet.)

(FADEIN: A dimly lit futuristic hanger. CSWA Owner Chad Merritt hands a manila envelope to one of his personal druid droids.)

MERRITT: See that to the hands of our Dark Lord.

DRUID: Yes master.

MERRITT: It is to be guarded with your life. Do not fail me again.

DRUID: (confused) Master, today is my first day. The paperwork didn’t go through until this morning.

MERRITT: THE DARK LORD IS NOT AS FORGIVING AS I AM!

DRUID. Uh…right. To his hands. Gotcha.   (Druid shuffles off)

MERRITT: Newbie. How hard is it to get some friggin help around here?

(CSWA VPs Jon ”Gumballs” Katz, and Gregg Gethard storm into the hanger)

KATZ: It’s over Chad ! You won’t get away with pitting the workers at CS Towers against each other.

MERRITT:  Yeah right, Katz like I was the one to create office politics. Here’s a newsflash for you, you weren’t fired as part of a game, you were terminated because you’re a boob who’s incapable of carrying out the simplest task.

KATZ: That’s not true. That’s impossible!

MERRITT: And Gregg…I only hired you to have a go at your mother.

GETHARD: Dude you’ll pay for all the midgets you’ve killed today!

(Gregg charges Chad.)  

KATZ: Gregg wait….

(Cool blue stuff fires out of Chad’s fingertips, picking Gregg up and throwing him into a wall twenty feet away.)

MERRITT: As you can see Katz, my powers are still far superior to yours.

(More cool blue stuff flies at Katz, but Jon mysteriously vanishes, leaving in his place a Katz bobblehead doll. The doll is burnt to a crisp. Katz shows up behind Chad, lightsaber extended.)

KATZ: That’s just a little something from Louise at the office.

MERRIT: Yeah? How is she?

KATZ: She sends her regards.

(Katz and Merritt strike at each other. Merritt blocks a high attempt, countering with a sweep, Katz jumps over the lightsaber and force throws Chad ’s hair back)

MERRITT: Louise was always sweet on you.

KATZ: Really?

MERRITT: Yeah, she pined after you all day. Good grief man look in a mirror. Your parents were either carnies, or distant relatives of a misshapen tribe of gypsies.

KATZ: They were English, actually.

MERRITT: Bloody, brilliant.

(Katz attacks Merritt, Chad force unignites Katz’s lightsaber then knocks him on his butt.)

KATZ: (Hands Chad a piece of paper) Take it.

MERRITT: What’s this? No, I’m not doing any death notes.

KATZ: Chad please.  

(Gregg flies at Chad, but misses horribly. Chad slices off Gregg’s left arm)

GREGG: Noooooooooooo!

MERRITT: Oh relax, I left you with one arm. That’s all any Gethard really needs. Now, gentlemen…the end for both of you is near. Good night, sirs.

(Chad raises his saber up for the kill.)

(A small shadow appears on the wall)

(The Red Midget staggers into the hanger)

MERRITT: Master Tallman.

RED MIDGET: Merritt.

MERRITT: How’d you track me down? You think you’re smarter than me?

RED MIDGET: No, I never said that.

MERRITT: Then how did you track me down?

RED MIDGET: You had certain…disadvantages.

MERRITT: What disadvantages?

RED MIDGET: You’re insane.

MERRITT: Red you’ve interfered with our affairs for the last time.

RED MIDGET: Hmmmmm. Much darkness I sense in you, I do, I do.

MERRITT: One, two, buckle my shoe.  Yeah whatever. Anyway, this is a death scene.

RED MIDGET: Not quite. My contract only called for two.

MERRITT: (ignites saber) You’ve been….picked up.

(Chad force throws a grandfather clock at Red, Red throws it aside.)

MERRITT: It’s clear this won’t be decided by our knowledge of the force. Which is a bit disappointing, given the fact that you’ve got a pea-sized brain to go along with your chicken sized body

RED MIDGET: I got it where it counts.

MERRITT: Um. Ewwww.

(Red curls into a ball on the floor and shoots at Chad at breakneck speed. Chad just dodges Red, before Red comes flying back at him. Lightsaber action is fast and furious. Red, comes to a halt on top of Chad’s shoulders.)

RED: The series finale this is.

(Red raises his saber)

MERRITT: You’re forgetting one thing.

RED: What’s that?

MERRITT: We shot an alternate ending!

(Chad bucks Red off, and force throws him twenty yards.)

MERRITT: That’s the best way for your people to make a living. It’s your…destiny.

(Chad boards his personal spaceship)

(Red, Katz, and an almost-unconscious Gethard look on as Chad gets away.)

(CUTTO: Hours later, Chad’s ship lands in another hanger. This one, reeks of needing a woman’s touch. Evil lives here.)

(Chad climbs out of his ship, his cloak catching on the way out.)

MERRITT: Let go…let go!

(The cloak rips, and Chad’s falls to the floor)

VOICE: You’ve done well, Merritt.

MERRITT: Thank you master. I aim only to serve you.

VOICE: The VPs have been handled?

MERRITT: Their demise is imminent.

VOICE: And the midget?

MERRITT: Like any growth, it still needs to be cut out. But it’s only a matter of time, my lord.

VOICE: Excellent.

(Chad kneels at the foot of a mystery figure.)

In Greensboro, NC, the two tall buildings housing the corporate headquarters of CS Enterprises are dark and quiet.  Not only is it a Sunday afternoon, but most of the staff is down in Sweetwater.  A lone janitor is cleaning up.  It seems useless, since almost no one will be in tomorrow.  Jimmy the Janitor has been a CSWA employee for over a decade; he knows the ropes.  Jimmy uses one key on his set of almost a hundred to open the large doors to Chad Merritt's corner office.  He does just a cursory cleaning, dumping the trash, dusting around piles on the desk.  He accidentally hits a key on the keyboard, and the screen lights up, showing Merritt's computer desktop.  Jimmy quickly finishes up, killing the lights and locking the door.  Just a typical lazy North Carolina Sunday.

At least it was.  A black window emerges in the middle of the desktop, appearing like a rogue black hole in the midst of a field of matter.  Green letters flash across the dark space, only to be answered:

ACCESS DENIED

Virtual silence returns, but only for a moment.  Asterisks appear like deformed stars on the black background. 

ACCESS DENIED

The odd characters appear again and again on the screen, only to disappear and be answered by the same two words, over and over again. 

ACCESS DENIED

The same green characters repeat again and again, filling the black space with short lines of green.  The pages scroll until the field of green finally changes, just slightly. 

ACCESS GRANTED

The black hole disappears, replaced by matter again.  Important matters...