What Has Gone Before...
(FISH FUND XII: Fire It Up!,
August 10, 1998, Sweetwater, TX)
(Back on camera, on
this is Bill Buckley with a special CSWA UPDATE here on U-62.
We wanted to update you on the fire that has begun raging at FISH
FUND Park Arena. We've been told that the entire audience has
escaped unharmed, although word is there still may be some CSWA
employees inside. Firefighters have not yet gone in to try and
put the fire out...hoping it remains contained to the lower levels
and will burn itself out..... (Buckley stops as a shrill yell
bastard! You won't even try to help your own brother.
WINDHAM: I told
HORNET: I don't
care! I never thought I'd see the day when Mark Windham became
(Hornet takes off
running toward the stage door.)
either of them get hurt, it's your fault...do you hear me!?
apparently Timmy Windham is still inside. Hornet has just made
his way toward the Arena to look for the youngest of the Windhams........
(Buckley's voice is
drowned out as a large explosion rocks the nearby parking lot like
an earthquake. Flames jet out of part of the Arena's roof,
while chunks of rock are hurled straight into the air. The
camera rocks, then steadies, as we see the stage door explode
outward, carrying Hornet with it. Hornet is thrown outward
like a ragdoll against the pavement, as the stage door crashes on
top of him.)
(Fire engine sirens
begin to wail as debris continues to fall just short of the caution
barrier erected in the parking lot.)
BUCKLEY: Oh my
Lord....sweet mother of all that's good and pure. Somebody get
some help. Please...somebody get some help! (Buckley
drops the microphone and rushes toward the scene.)
(The camera centers
on a still Hornet, buried beneath the bent and twisted stage door
and the rest of he rubble. Near the camera, just beneath the
sounds of sirens, Teri Melton can be heard sobbing. The camera
shifts as the cameraman sets it on the ground. We can see his
feet as he too runs towards the scene, where a crowd of paramedics,
firefighters, wrestlers and other CSWA employees can be seen trying
to move rubble off of Hornet.)
(FADEIN: A dimly
lit futuristic hanger. CSWA Owner Chad Merritt hands a manila
envelope to one of his personal druid droids.)
MERRITT: See that
to the hands of our Dark Lord.
DRUID: Yes master.
MERRITT: It is to
be guarded with your life. Do not fail me again.
DRUID: (confused) Master, today is my first day. The paperwork didn’t go
through until this morning.
THE DARK LORD IS NOT AS FORGIVING AS I AM!
Uh…right. To his hands. Gotcha.
(Druid shuffles off)
Newbie. How hard is it to get some friggin help around here?
VPs Jon ”Gumballs” Katz, and Gregg Gethard storm into the
! You won’t get away with pitting
the workers at CS Towers against each other.
Yeah right, Katz like I was the one to create office
politics. Here’s a newsflash for you, you weren’t fired as part
of a game, you were terminated because you’re a boob who’s
incapable of carrying out the simplest task.
That’s not true. That’s impossible!
And Gregg…I only hired you to have a go at your mother.
Dude you’ll pay for all the midgets you’ve killed today!
blue stuff fires out of Chad’s fingertips, picking Gregg up
and throwing him into a wall twenty feet away.)
As you can see Katz, my powers are still far superior to yours.
cool blue stuff flies at Katz, but Jon mysteriously vanishes,
leaving in his place a Katz bobblehead doll. The doll is burnt to a
crisp. Katz shows up behind
Chad, lightsaber extended.)
That’s just a little something from Louise at the office.
Yeah? How is she?
She sends her regards.
and Merritt strike at each other. Merritt blocks a high attempt,
countering with a sweep, Katz jumps over the lightsaber and force
’s hair back)
Louise was always sweet on you.
Yeah, she pined after you all day. Good grief man look in a mirror.
Your parents were either carnies, or distant relatives of a misshapen
tribe of gypsies.
They were English, actually.
attacks Merritt, Chad
force unignites Katz’s lightsaber
then knocks him on his butt.)
a piece of paper) Take it.
What’s this? No, I’m not doing any death notes.
Chad, but misses horribly.
slices off Gregg’s left arm)
Oh relax, I left you with one arm. That’s all any Gethard really
needs. Now, gentlemen…the end for both of you is near. Good night,
raises his saber up for the kill.)
small shadow appears on the wall)
Red Midget staggers into the hanger)
How’d you track me down? You think you’re smarter than me?
MIDGET: No, I never said that.
Then how did you track me down?
MIDGET: You had certain…disadvantages.
MIDGET: You’re insane.
Red you’ve interfered with our affairs for the last time.
MIDGET: Hmmmmm. Much darkness I sense in you, I do, I do.
One, two, buckle my shoe. Yeah
whatever. Anyway, this is a death scene.
MIDGET: Not quite. My contract only called for two.
(ignites saber) You’ve been….picked up.
force throws a grandfather clock at
Red, Red throws it aside.)
It’s clear this won’t be decided by our knowledge of the force.
Which is a bit disappointing, given the fact that you’ve got a pea-sized brain to go along with your chicken sized body
MIDGET: I got it where it counts.
curls into a ball on the floor and shoots at Chad
at breakneck speed.
just dodges Red, before Red comes
flying back at him. Lightsaber action is fast and furious. Red,
comes to a halt on top of Chad’s shoulders.)
The series finale this is.
raises his saber)
You’re forgetting one thing.
We shot an alternate ending!
bucks Red off, and force throws him
That’s the best way for your people to make a living. It’s
boards his personal spaceship)
Katz, and an almost-unconscious Gethard look on as Chad
Hours later, Chad’s ship lands in another hanger.
This one, reeks of needing a woman’s touch. Evil lives here.)
climbs out of his ship, his cloak
catching on the way out.)
Let go…let go!
cloak rips, and Chad’s falls to the floor)
You’ve done well, Merritt.
Thank you master. I aim only to serve you.
The VPs have been handled?
Their demise is imminent.
And the midget?
Like any growth, it still needs to be cut out. But it’s only a
matter of time, my lord.
kneels at the foot of a mystery
In Greensboro, NC, the two tall
buildings housing the corporate headquarters of CS Enterprises are
dark and quiet. Not only is it a Sunday afternoon, but most of
the staff is down in Sweetwater. A lone janitor is cleaning
up. It seems useless, since almost no one will be in
tomorrow. Jimmy the Janitor has been a CSWA employee for over
a decade; he knows the ropes. Jimmy uses one key on his set of
almost a hundred to open the large doors to Chad Merritt's corner
office. He does just a cursory cleaning, dumping the trash,
dusting around piles on the desk. He accidentally hits a key
on the keyboard, and the screen lights up, showing Merritt's
computer desktop. Jimmy quickly finishes up, killing the
lights and locking the door. Just a typical lazy North
At least it was. A black window
emerges in the middle of the desktop, appearing like a rogue black
hole in the midst of a field of matter. Green letters flash
across the dark space, only to be answered:
Virtual silence returns, but only for
a moment. Asterisks appear like deformed stars on the black
The odd characters appear again and
again on the screen, only to disappear and be answered by the same
two words, over and over again.
The same green characters repeat
again and again, filling the black space with short lines of
green. The pages scroll until the field of green finally
changes, just slightly.
The black hole disappears, replaced
by matter again. Important matters...