(CUEUP:  "I Get High" by Styles P as Rhubarb does his job announcing the entrance of the HIP HOP EXPRESS!)

BB: The Hip Hop Express is entering the ring, and they’re awaiting the arrival of their opponents – The Men of Adventure.

SB:  Is this a sack on a pole match?

BB:  No, this is a match for the right to be number one contenders for the Unified Tag Titles.

SB:  I’d rather see a 6 pack on a pole match.  Or even that little midget they used to carry around with them in a sack on a pole match.

BB:  You’d rather- -

(The lights kick out as new music blares.  The crowd doesn’t initially respond, expecting something but not sure what to give.  A spotlight hits the black curtain, and standing in front of it is Ulysses S. Dudley, the Adventurous Ones new manager.  He holds the curtain back, turns to the crowd with that greasy smile, and then gestures.  Two beams of light flash through the darkness that is behind the curtain.  The lights, like a train coming through a tunnel, move closer to the arena.  They cut through the hole in the curtain to reveal…)

(The crowd boos as the Men of Adventure, "Big" Tom Remus and "Iron" John Waits, come barreling through on two motorcycles.  Neither seems capable of controlling the horsepower as they head down the entrance ramp.  Big Tom lets the bike slip out from under him as he enters the ring area.  It careens out of control, caroming into and off of, the ring.  Iron John does a great stunt to the crowd’s amazement.  He slams into the ring steps.  As the motorcycle comes to a stop, his body does not, flying over the ringsteps and crashing to the concrete floor.)

BB:  And with that, we’ve got ourselves a match.  Inferno Ice climbs to the top rope and plunges himself down onto the prone John Waits outside the ring.

SB:  He got high on that one… I know there’s a joke in there somewhere.

BB:  But this is no joking matter.  Waits is in trouble early, and… what is he doing?

SB:  Tying up his horse?

BB:  Big Tom is tying his motorcycle to the ringpost, like this is some sort of corral.  Ulysses is shouting at him to get in the match.

SB:  What match?  We have John Waits lying on his back, Inferno Ice lying on his stomach.  No one’s even in the ring… has this match started yet?

BB:  The ref is calling it like it has.  Boogie is heading outside, helping his partner to his feet.  He took quite a spill early on in the match.

SB:  Uh-huh.  Boogie may have to carry him like a sack of smoke.

BB:  He’s carrying him now, rolling Ice back into the ring.  Smallz hefts Waits on his shoulders and tosses him through the ropes into the ring.  Smallz is heading toward his corner.

SB:  OW!  Big Tom hits Boogie from behind with a clothesline.  You should never turn your back on the Men of Adventure.  I hear they do some nasty things in the back.

BB:  I’m not even going to go there.  We’ve got two matches going on early.  Ice and John Waits are in the ring, neither getting to their feet.  And Smallz is at the feet of Big Tom Remus.  Remus picks him up and sends him down with a clubbing right hand.  He smiles… is he missing a tooth?

SB:  Teeth.  More than one.

BB:  Oh wait.  That’s a tobacco wad.  Yikes.

SB:  Now THERE’s a real man for you.  I haven’t seen him spit once tonight.

BB:  Smallz is hoisted up by Remus, quite a feat unto itself with the 300 pound Smallz.  Remus holds him up and… FALLAWAY SLAM ONTO THE RING STEPS!  NOTHING TO BREAK THAT FALL!  Those steps gashed right into Boogie’s kidneys.  He’s wailing in agony after that one.  Big Tom has a broad smile after that one.  He picks up Smallz again, he’s got him into position for… SIT DOWN DDT.  And AGAIN he used the stairs.

SB:  How about you call the match in the ring and I’ll call the outside the ring action?

BB:  Nothing’s happening in the ring.  Inferno Ice and John Waits are still recuperating from their earlier falls.

SB:  Exactly.  Which means that I won’t have to listen to you for awhile.

BB:  Big Tom grabs Smallz for a piledriver.

SB:  Hey, that’s my area to call.

BB:  Then call it – OH, I didn’t even notice that Inferno Ice was on his feet, let alone able to take YET another dive to the ground.  He saved Boogie Smallz from a dangerous predicament.

SB:  You’d have known that if you took my advice and called the “in ring” match.

BB:  Shut up, Sammy.

SB:  You're always trying to monopolize the air time.  It’s no wonder that Chad Merritt always wanted rid of me.  You don’t let me get me a word in edgewise.

BB:  That’s my secret, Sammy.  And it's what I'm paid to do.  Let’s watch that Inferno Ice spot again on the instant replay.  He had gotten to his feet, glanced at his partner, and then did yet another plancha from the top rope to the outside, catching Tom Remus with a lariat.

SB:  That wasn’t a lariat.  That was a flying body crashing into a standing body.  Don’t call it more than what it is.

BB:  Then I’ll call it impressive.

SB:  Yeah, for a crash test dummy.

BB:  Maybe you should try the same thing, if it’s not that impressive.  Inferno is back outside the ring, yet again on his back.  Remus is hurt, and Boogie is still shaking the cobwebs out.  Boogie drops an elbow onto Remus.

SB:  No, I think he fell on top of him.

BB:  Either way, Remus was the landing pad for the 300 pounder.  Boogie is struggling back to his feet.

SB:  No, I think that’s how he normally walks when he’s high.

BB:  Anyway, he’s standing and… HERE COMES JOHN WAITS!  He dives through the ropes and… OH!  Smallz boogied his way out of the danger zone.

SB:  You’ve been dying to say “Smallz boogied” this whole time, haven’t you?

BB:  Actually...yes.  Smallz picks up Waits and drops him throat first across the security railing.  He does a little dance, and- -

SB:  No, he does that anytime he’s high.

BB:  Give it a rest and go do your twelve steps or something.  Smallz picks up Waits again and… It looks like the ref wants a REAL match.  He’s making Smallz send the match back into the ring.  Smallz isn’t happy, but he wants those titles back around his waist.  It looks like Smallz and Waits will be starting this match out.  Boogie sends John to the corner and follows it up with a big splash.  Waits collapses to the mat, face first out of the corner.  Boogie runs into the ropes and BACK WITH ANOTHER SPLASH.  That is 300 pounds once more landing on top of Iron John.

SB:  So, are you going to say he’s a “flat iron” now?

BB:  Sammy… shut up.  Smallz goes to his corner and tags in Inferno.  Boogie picks up Iron John.  Ice into the ropes.  Boogie into the opposite ropes and DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!  One from the front, the other from the back.

SB:  …uh

BB:  Shut up Sammy.  Inferno is partying after that one.  He goes for the easy cover and… only a 2 count.  He can’t win a match with a cover like that.

SB:  He’s not wanting to win.  He’s wanting to humiliate.

BB:  And now he’s wanting to hurt!  That was a nice Double Arm DDT.  Another lax cover and anothe two-count.  Inferno makes another tag.  That’s smart tag team work.  In and out, hitting the opponent from all sides while they’re in your part of the ring.  Ulysses is screaming in the Men of Adventure’s corner.  He’s NONE too happy with this predicament.

SB:  I would’ve thought he’s too unbelievably, incredibly, absolutely eloquent for mere screaming.  And why does he look so familiar?

BB:  Since when did you become Don King?

SB:  I have better hair.

BB:  Didn’t you buy your hair?

SB:  Bill… shut up.

BB:  Inferno whips Iron John into the corner.  A double whip by the Express and BOOGIE with a CRUSHING SPLASH IN THE CORNER.  Smallz tosses Waits at Inferno and a dropkick.  Iron John staggers back and…CHOKESLAM BY BOOGIE SMALLZ!  GOOD LORD, THEY’VE BEEN WORKING ON THAT ONE!  SMALLZ with a cover and hook of the leg.  This could be OVER!  1…..2….. THREE!  NO!  Big Tom in with the save.

SB:  Why didn’t he do that earlier?

BB:  Because a save is illegal.

SB:  So he was WAITing on Iron John to make the tag?  You were going to use that today… weren’t you?

BB:  Sammy… Shut up.  The ref is trying to push Big Tom out of the ring and… Ulysses is getting on the apron holding a chair.  The ref’s got divided attention here.  Ulysses tosses the chair into the ring for his team to use.  Boogie grabs it but THE REF WON’T HAVE IT!  Ref grabs the chair from behind Smallz and BIG BOOT TO THE SIDE OF THE FACE FROM BIG TOM!!  Iron John heading to his feet finally as the ref tosses the chair outside and forces Big Tom outside.  Ulysses seems proud of his little distraction.

SB:  I’d say Iron John is the happiest here, cause he needed that breather.

BB:  John tags in Big Tom Remus who heads full steam at Boogie… TILTAWHIRL BACKBREAKER BY SMALLZ!  Ulysses definitely not happy now as Smallz has been a powerhouse tonight!  Smallz gets up, still shaking his head from that boot, but he delivered the last blow, and that’s all that counts.  He whips Remus into the ropes and kick to the stomach, run to the ropes and- -

SB:  Ulysses seems happy now.

BB:  Actually, Ulysses seems more than happy to interfere again!  He tripped up Smallz.  This is getting out of hand.

SB:  And it’s about to get into a VERY big hand.

BB:  The Apocalypse has come to Fish Fund!  I believe the Hip Hop Express have their Ulysses neutralizer.

SB:  To say the least.

BB:  Gabriel Poe is headed to the ringside area, and he’s got a bead on Ulysses Dudley.  And IN the ring, it looks like Tom has tagged in Iron John again.  Iron John to the top and CLOTHESLINE to Boogie Smallz.

SB:  And Poe has Dudley on the run.

BB:  And John has Boogie in the corner with a beatdown of right hands.  Dudley headed into the WRONG corner.  He’s got Inferno Ice directly behind him on the apron.! The ref has slipped outside to exhort them to separate, but Ice is setting this one up…

SB:  And IN the ring, … heh – I getta call this one.

BB:  IN the ring, Boogie is getting beat down and LOW BLOW BY BOOGIE!

SB:  I wanted to call that!

BB:  Boogie needs a tag and Ice… ICE OFF THE APRON AND

SB:  OW!  He missed with THAT back elbow.

BB:  Not exactly missed, more like he flew off the apron at Ulysses!  The manager of the MoA dropped to the floor when Poe decided to come after him.  But unfortunately for the the Express, it was Apocalypse who took that back elbow instead!  And it COULDN’T come at a WORSE time.  Boogie is looking for a tag and can’t get to his partner OR get help from Apoc.  He staggers toward his corner and…

SB:  Big Tom rakes Boogie’s eyes from behind, PICKS HIM UP AND…

BB:  RIVER OF MEN!!!  That huge front facebuster from the shoulders may have knocked Boogie out!  The ref slides back in the ring with a ONE...... TWO..... THREE!!!!!  We have our number one contenders!

SB:  Smart work from Ulysses.

BB:  He certainly was an asset tonight.  The Men of Adventure now have the opportunity to 'call in' that Unified Tag Title shot at any CSWA event after tonight!  What a huge chance for this odd tag team.  It looks like Big Tom and Iron John are taking the opportunity to get back on their motorcycles...if they can drag them away from the ring area.  Uh oh.... WHOA!  Big Tom almost took his hog off the ramp entirely!  But now it looks like the Men of Adventure are bailing to their own two feet as "Apocalypse" Gabriel Poe starts to advance.

SB:  Run Ulysses RUN!  Sorry, I've always wanted to yell that.

BB:  As they say, 'stupid is as stupid does.'

SB:  Yeah, I never figured out what that means exactly.

BB:  Trust me, everybody watching you knows.

SB:  That was some sort of crack, wasn't it?

BB:  Speaking of a crack, folks, we're told somebody just took a chairshot backstage!

(CUTTO:  A backstage hallway with dressing rooms on either side.  Tom Adler slams the back side of a steel chair down on the head of Cameron Cruise, who begins to gush blood from his forehead as the metal breaks skin.  Adler throws the chair to the ground as security rushes into the hallway.  Adler walks away as security surround Cruise.  A paramedic rushes in to check out Cruise, just as the cameraman catches a very determined "Triple X" Sean Stevens storming down the hallway.  The cheers from the crowd watching on the screen in the arena can be heard.  The astute cameraman quickly spins around to follow Stevens, who stops in front of a doorway down the hall.  As the cameraman rushes to catch up, Hornet’s dressing room door opens.  Trip barrels in, with the cameraman right behind, showing Hornet standing in front of his locker, going through his gear for the evening.  Stevens doesn't waste a moment.  He slams the door behind him, but the cameraman keeps it ajar just enough to show the two men standing face-to-face in the middle of the small room.)

STEVENS: You’d better learn to love the fact that I’m a player in this game, Hornet, and will be for a long time. I don’t know what your problem is... And, I’m not gonna try and pretend to know what it is, you’re thinking. But, read my lips... Ivy and I don’t need you in our life, we don’t WANT you in our life. And, I don’t want you anywhere near her.

HORNET: This isn't the time, Sean.  We're gonna be in the ring in just over an hour.  Why don'tcha wait until then?  For now, I suggest you leave.

STEVENS: Or what? You gonna threaten me with your statistics? Tell me how many times you were Unified Champion?

HORNET: (laughs) What, and then listen to you regale me with stories about how you got the job done in the HEW, only to close the place down?  Or what about the CWL?  Or maybe you're gonna tell me all about your failures in the fWo.  As far as what Ivy wants or needs, Sean, that's for her to decide.  Cause I don't think you have a clue what she needs, Sean.  She may want you for the moment.  That's all up to her.  As far as what you want...  (grins and deepens his Southern accent) Well frankly my dear Trip, I don't give a damn.

(Triple X pauses for a moment, surveying his surroundings, before returning his focus to the man standing in front of him.)

STEVENS: I guess we'll see, old man.  I guess we'll see.

(Neither man appeared ready for a fight, but each threw a punch at almost exactly the same time, catching each other off guard.  They quickly went to the floor, fighting for position.  After about thirty seconds of scuffling, security enters the dressing room and pulled the two men apart.)

BB:  First, Adler goes after Cameron Cruise, and now Hornet and Sean Stevens are brawling in the middle of the floor!

SB:  Gethard's security teams have their hands pull tonight.  Where is Gethard, anyway?  Did somebody string him up by his underwear again?

BB:  No, thankfully "Gumballs" Katz is far, far away.  Tom Adler has just changed the tenor of this next match, folks.  This match for the CSWA Presidential Championship is supposed to be between three men who have vastly different techniques.  But with Cruise being tended to by the paramedics for a possible concussion, it looks like it will be down to Adler and Stanley.  Who knows, technique may not be as important as strategy in this one, with the Presidential strap hung on a pole extended from the turnbuckle.  It's a completely different set of circumstances than a normal match.  We're going to send you to a video package on the ongoing feud between Adler and Cruise, while we try and get an update on his condition!