(CUE UP: "Control" - Puddle of Mudd)

BB: That music is all-too familiar with this Seattle rowd! The volume in here is deafening!

SB: Let me guess...Mr. Personality, himself?

(Evan Aho steps out from behind the curtain to a fantastic ovation from the Washington faithful. Without even a cursory glance he marches to the ring, slides under the bottom rope and calls for a microphone.)

BB: An interview?

SB: NO! NO! NO! This is not happening!

(Aho looks a little uncomfortable with the stick in his hand and meanders over to the ropes. He deliberately addresses the crowd.)

AHO: Even though I grew up here, I still don't feel like y'all understand me. I never cared if you booed me or cheered for me, but I wanted you to understand wrestling. I thought, that if I sacrificed enough that you might.

When I was bleeding all over the Bagley Center in a cage match with Sky Suicide, I was wrestling...still trying to make you understand. When I was busting my ass at the Mercer Arena at five dollar ticket and beer night, I was still trying to find a way to reach y'all. When I went to EWI and wrestled four matches on one card in hopes of showing someone what it means to be a wrestler, you continued to miss the point.

(The crowd has gone from rowdy to a little confused. Evan doesn't seem to miss a beat.)

I didn't ask anyone to change. I didn't beg. I didn't plead. But I hoped.

For eight years I wrestled with a purpose and hoped that maybe, just maybe, it would have an impact on the way you thought about this sport.

But it didn't.

The more I gave, the less I got back. I sweat. I bled. I wrestled hurt. But you never got it. You never understood what this was all about. Not just Seattle, but pro wrestling fans all over the world.

(A couple of scattered boos, but mostly shocked silence.)

I was naive enough to think you could change. But you're not gonna change. No matter how it's packaged to you, the masses just don't have the understanding or the appreciation or the attention span for the last thing, the ONLY thing that is still pure about wrestling. For the longest time I thought I was the only one that gave a damn. After Battle of the Belts, I didn't think ANYONE gave a damn. But now there's one guy who I KNOW understands and is willing to make the sacrifice.

Mike Randalls.

(The crowd comes alive with a big POP.)

Hearing him talk at Primetime made me want to care again. It inspires me that someone else wants what I want. You're passionate Mike and that's good. But I don't know if it's enough.

Mike, you want to make them see the light? You can't, man. They'll never see it...because they're blind. No matter how you put out or how you sacrifice, they're not going to understand WRESTLING.

But Mike, I know you won't give up on them. Not now you won't. It's ice-skating uphill, but you're too stubborn to quit. I don't understand why you sacrifice for 'em. I don't understand it at all. But as long as you're at it... let me be a part of it.

(Small pop that starts to grow in anticipation of the proposition.)

I want this match. Merritt if you're hearing this, give me the match. I've only wanted one thing since I've been here and that's the opportunity. That opportunity is NOW. The match I want is with Mike Randalls and it may or may not save this sport.

But it will save me.

(Aho drops the mic and rolls out of the ring.)

RS: That may be the longest speech we've ever heard from Aho. And there's no doubt that Mike Randalls vs. Evan Aho would be a huge match for wrestling fans. Two former World Champs going at it...

ByB: You're like a Pavlovian dog... you're salivating!

RS: Since when did you know who Pavlov is?

ByB: I'm not an idiot, Rudy. I just play one on TV.

(CUE UP: 'When the Levee Breaks' - Led Zeppelin)

(Craig Miles, Eddie Mayfield, and Bandit (all three titles thrown over his shoulders) hit the ring flanked by Catherine Windham, who's wearing a Bandit Intruder shirt, cut-off biker denim shorts, thigh-high leather black boots. Cameron Cruise and Ryp Fandango, already in the ring, pat each other on the back for support. Stick together. It can be done.)

RS: The Unified World Tag Team Champions bring the scene with them, can’t question that.

ByB: They’d argue they ARE the scene Rudy.

RS: Fair enough. One fall, twenty minute time limit for this non-title affair.

ByB: Quit throwing in subtle Monica shots in Mayfield’s presence. He’s THE President with honor, if you’re wearing rose-colored glasses.

(Bandit, straps the Presidential belt over Eddie’s waist, then hands him the other two before hitting the ring with Miles. Eddie nods and makes his way to the announcers' post.)

RS: Bandit and Miles tonight? Cameron and Fandango are questioning the same thing, although a bit more animatedly. I guess "Intruders rules" are in effect, 'cause it looks like we’re about to have company, Billy.

(CUTTO: Announcers' position. Eddie sets the Tag Titles on the table, and is given a chair by a ring-hand. He settles in close.)

RS: We’re joined by Presidential Champion Eddie Mayfield. Eddie watch your step...Billy...scouch.

ByB: Eddie, watch it. My contract calls for not being packed into the post like a sardine.

EM: Look dood, serve your president and climb in Seizter’s lap. Ask not what...

RS: Billy, he was joking.

ByB: Seizter, that’s enough. I’m nowhere near your lap. All right who brought a sword to the table?

EM: (to the ring) Hang and bang boys!

(CUTTO: Ring.)

(Bell sounds. Miles starts off against Fandango.)

RS: Miles and Fandango lock up! Ryp with the advantage. He pushes Miles into the ropes. Ref calls for the break, and Miles sneaks a thumb into Fandango’s right eye!

EM: Sneak? That baby was telegraphed to test Dango’s reflexes. It’s almost a shame the belts aren’t on the line tonight.

(Miles shoots Ryp across the ring, goes for a flying elbow smash, but Ryp rolls under, stops and dropkicks Miles after he bounces back up from the mat.)

BB: Speaking of which, shouldn’t you be wrestling tonight?

RS: Fandango with a monkey flip and Miles clears the bottom rope and hits the floor!

EM: A zoologist, baby! Nice. (Awkward silence) An old-schooler. Aight?

(Cruise gets in a good shot on the outside then rolls Miles back in.)

RS: Miles buries a shoulder into Ryp’s gut from the middle ropes! Craig leapfrogs into the ring and rolls Fang up! ONE...TWO....no!

EM: Do it cool, doods. My man Miles loves the zoo as well. Believe dat!

(Miles backs Fandango into the ropes again and fires him across the ring, Miles hits the mat, Ryp goes over, Miles to his feet fast and drops Ryp with a dropkick. Cameron Cruise, the recipient of a hot tag before Ryp was dropped, leaps off the top turnbuckle and executes a Thesz press on Miles.)

RS: ONE.....TWO....AND THAT’S ALL. Quick tag there by Ryp. Buckley had a point though Eddie...what are you doing here?

(Cruise drops Miles with a side-slam. He hops on the middle-rope in preparation to slingshot off, but Bandit reaches over, grabs his head and drops him across the top rope.)

EM: Ohhhh! A man for all seasons! Bandit baby! PROFESSIONALLY trained. Unlike that OTHER President, I don’t keep secrets. We got sumthin’ good nuff to share, it finds the open.

(Miles with a sweet side Russian leg sweep)

RS: One....two...(Craig lifts the head up) Come on!

EM: Who’s that cat in California bein’ recalled? Neglect the power, you lose it. LADIES AND GENTLEMENT YOUR PRESIDENT made a decision tonight to unearth our WMDs!

(Miles tags in Bandit, who leaps over the top rope and drops the big boot on Cruise.)

RS: The man is destructive, there’s no denying that... (Bandit yanks Cruise to his feet) POWER SLAM!

ByB: Can I get a word in now?

EM: No dood, you’re doing good. ILLEGAL DRIVER! ILLEGAL DRIVER! Hahaha. Who’s goin’ test that?

(Miles is tagged back in, he hiptosses Cruise across the ring. Cruise tags in Fandango.)

RS: Does he need to be tested?

(Miles and Ryp lock up, Ryp armwhips Craig, who hits the mat and oversells the impact.)

BB: I think you all should be.

(CUE UP – Techno version of the theme song to The PowerPuff Girls. “Sugar. Spice. And Everything Nice.”)

(Crowd POPS)

RS: What in the world?

(Two men, one significantly older than the other, dressed as former Presidents, walk down to the ring to laughs. One man has a mic.)

BB: Eddie, what have you done?

EM: This ain’t me, aight!

(In the ring, Fandango bridge-suplexes for a two-count.)

MAN: (Now twenty feet from Mayfield) Eddie Mayfield, you sir do not have the power to govern! You are not a TRUE AMERICAN PRESIDENT.

EM: This boy’s bugged.

MAN: What you did to George Washington (crowd laughs) was distasteful, dishonest, disheartening....

EM: I dissed him. Spit it out, yo.

(In ring – Miles kicks Ryp in the gut, reaches back tags in Bandit, then they both pick up Ryp and throw him across the top rope.)

MAN: You embarrassed a man who BUILT THIS COUNTRY. A man far greater than you, whose legacy will far out live any feeble trail you leave behind.

BB: Here...here.

EM: I’m sellin’ the dood’s rotted teeth on EBAY with a reserve of 10 grand. Believe dat!

(In ring – Bandit clotheslines Fandango)

MAN: Tonight we defend the First President’s honor. My son Quincy and I challenge you to a duel!

(crowd pops)

RS: Quincy? For Pete’s sake. John and John Quincy Adams.

EM: (laughing) Two generations of incompetence with one stone? Mmm...I’ll bite.

(To great approval from the crowd, John and Quincy Adams walk to Cruise, climb on the apron and tap him on the shoulder and gesture that he should leave.)

BB: Titles on the line? MISTER PRESIDENT?

EM: This nation’s PRIDE is on the line. What else is needed?

(The Adams get more vocal to Cruise. Cameron pushes John away; from behind Quincy tackles Cruise. Together father and son work over Cruise.)

RS: Oh come on! Eddie, stop this.

BB: They did ask nicely, Seizter.

EM: It’s THAT kind of attitude that got this country a massive deficit.

(Fandango breaks away from Bandit and goes over to help. He reaches over the ropes and grabs Quincy by the hair, nailing him with a right hand. John leans in and gives Ryp a nut shot, protecting his son. Together they shove Ryp back, who turns and meets the giant boot of Bandit face first!)

RS: Fans are cheering this Eddie but frankly they shouldn’t be.

EM: Because of me Seizter every one of these peeps will vote in 2004. You know this to be true. Hmph.

RS: Miles, with Ryp sitting on his shoulders, stands up. Bandit to the top rope...good news isn’t approaching if you’re one of these two men’s parents.

(Miles walks to Bandit, Bandit grabs Fandango by the throat, lifts him up, then positions him to rest on the top turnbuckle. Bandit stands up fully, draws Fandango back for a chokeslam, and as he’s about to jump off the ropes, Miles ‘launches him’ from underneath. TOP ROPE ROCKET LAUNCHED CHOKESLAM)

(Big POP)

RS: Never seen that! Man alive! Fandango is out cold!

BB: Cast the electoral votes now. It’s over.

EM: Excuse me, boyz.

(Mayfield stands up and takes off the headset)

RS: Bandit with the one-arm cover...ONE...TWO.....THREE! The Professionals win again!

(Miles struts across the ring. John and Quincy roll into the ring and begin stomping at Cruise, working him over good. Bandit picks Cruise up and slings him across the ring, ADAMS FAMILY DOUBLE DROPKICK! Cruise goes down, slowly rolling out of the ring.)

RS: The stars must be aligned tonight, because now I’ve seen it all.

(Eddie strolls into the ring. The Adams reach into their coats and pull out cigars, one for everybody. Together they light up, Bandit providing the flame. It’s their world. We all just live in it.)

BB: Cubans? Ten bucks says Juarez is their supplier.

RS: We’ll be back in two and two.

(Fade on The PROFESSIONALS beaming in their smug circle.)