BB: Ok, we are back, and we’re ready to go up to the ring for a huge matchup, between one part of that pesky team of the Intruders, and one half of the UNIFIED World Tag Team Champions, the Professionals – Cocky Craig Miles, faces the new Number One Contender to the CSWA World title – Dan Ryan!

SB: See, I like both of these guys – Miles, because he cracks me up on the stick, and he can back it up in the ring – Ryan because he’s just NASTY. This should be a great match!

BB: Let’s go down to ringside!

(CUTTO: The ring, where RHUBARB JONES stands, ready to rock and roll!)

RJ: Ladies and gentlemen – this next match is for one fall, and a 15 minute time limit! (MUSIC UP: ‘Zero’ by Smashing Pumpkins, and the crowd stands up and makes noise!) He checks in at 345 pounds, and is from Houston, Texas! He is the current Number One Contender to the CSWA World Title by virtue of the battle royal at BATTLE of the BELTS! Please welcome – The EEEEEEEEEEEE-GOOOOH BUSTERRRRR DANNNNNNNN RIIIIIIE-UHHHHHHHN!

(The crowd boos lustily as DAN RYAN appears on top of the ramp, looking ready to kill someone! He comes out wearing black jeans, a ZERO Smashing Pumpkins tee with just the silver star on the chest, black shades, and a bad attitude! RYAN looks like he hasn’t shaved in a few days, and scratches his beard as he walks down the aisle, ignoring everybody near him. He knees up onto the apron, and then throws a leg over the top rope and steps in, stomping around the ring, steam coming out of his ears! JONES smartly moves out of his way! QUICK CUTTO: A row of fans holding up a South Park caricature of RYAN, with the words, OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED THE INTRUDERS! beneath it)

SB: That’s MY kinda wrestler! Take it all – take no prisoners!

BB: I don’t care for Craig Miles much more than this guy.

RJ: (As RYAN stands in a corner, adjusting his black glove on one hand) And his opponent!

(The lights turn red as those sirens begin to wail, and we hear that voice again cry: INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!)

BB: The Intruders are a cancer on CSWA, Sammy. I hope that Ryan kicks Miles’ backside tonight.

SB: Hey, whose side are YOU on?

BB: The CSWA’s, of course.

RJ: He is one half of the World Tag Team Champions! He hails from Seattle, Washington, and is a legend in the ring! Being led to ringside by the Intruders’ ‘Brick Wall’, the BANDIT… (Crowd boos!) please welcome… CAHHHHH-KEYYYYY CAHHHRAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYLES!

(Crowd gets up and loud as BANDIT appears, in his usual leather pants, Harley Davidson Bandana, and black sleeveless INTRUDERS shirt, this one being the ‘The I’s Have It’ tee, with a solitary ‘I’ on the front in the Intruder scratch-font! BANDIT stands next to the ramp as CRAIG MILES comes out, smirking at RYAN, and stops to pull out a Newport, which BANDIT instantly lights for his boss! MILES gets a few test puffs in, and he saunters down the aisle, shaking his head at RYAN, like he made a bad decision coming to work today. MILES is wearing his usual tightpants, black with multicolor designs up one leg, ‘COCK’ stitched in white on one leg, ‘RING’ on the other, and his logo that looks like the Rolling Stones’ Big Lip design, except the tongue has a ball stud in it! MILES gets to ringside, and starts making noise at RYAN, who instantly hits the ropes and swipes out at him!)

BB: And this match hasn’t even started, and Ryan is ready to drag Miles in the ring by his ears! Bandit intervenes, and look! Ryan wants BOTH of them to get in the ring!

SB: He’s just psyching them out. I do the same thing when the bartender tells me I’m cut-off, and I go in the bathroom and put on a disguise to get another drink.

BB: Miles jogging around ringside, laughing, and Ryan is NOT pleased! Ryan slides out, and LOOK! Craig Miles just slid in the ring! He’s trying to make a fool out of Dan Ryan in there.

SB: I don’t think that’s a very hard thing to do, Buckley.

BB: Craig Miles telling Ryan to get in the ring, and OH! (Crowd pops!) BANDIT FROM BEHIND WITH A CLOTHESLINE! Miles laughing, and he tells Bandit to throw him in, and there’s the bell! Ryan trying to get to his feet, but Craig Miles is putting the boots to the Ego Buster right here, and Ryan can’t get to his feet! Ryan grabbing the ropes, and referee Pee Wee Troutman gets in between Miles and pushes him back, and OH! RYAN WITH A HARD RIGHT HAND THAT POPS MILES RIGHT IN THE JAW! Miles staggers back, and Ryan is up, and MAN he’s upset! Dan Ryan is almost as big as he is wide, and I wouldn’t wanna get him mad! Ryan rocking Craig Miles with big right hands, and Miles stunned, and Ryan grabs Miles and whips him innnnnNO! Short Arm Clothesline, but Miles ducked it! Miles off the ropes, and Ryan turns around, and NO! Ryan went for an elbow shiver, but Miles put on the brakes! (Crowd pops as MILES points to his temple! CUTTO: BANDIT, arms folded, motionless!)

SB: Miles better stick and move, or Ryan will paste him good!

BB: Dan Ryan calling for a test of strength, but Craig Miles waves him off! Ryan is waggling his fingers, and he insults Miles’ manhood! Miles looking at the crowd, and he shrugs, and he goes to lock UPWAIT! Ryan with the boot, but Miles telegraphed it, and spun his leg around! Ryan turned around, and Miles hooks the waist, Belly to Back Suplex! Ryan caught offguard by that move, and Miles grabs Ryan by two hands of hair and brings him up to a vertical base, but Ryan slaps his hands away, and OH! (Crowd jumps up!) RYAN HAS MILES BY THE THROAT! WE’RE GONNA SEE THE CHOKESLAM!

SB: YES! Carnage!

BB: Miles looking for a way out, and he’s waving for Bandit! Ryan heaves him UHHHP! NO! Miles with a thumb to the eye, and Ryan drops him before he could get himn airborne, and Miles jumps back and fires the Superkick.. NO! RYAN CAUGHT HIS FOOT! Miles thinking fast, twists and goes for the Enziguri, but Ryan ducks it, and holds on to the foot, and WOAH! (Crowd pops!) RYAN LOCKS IN an ANKLE LOCK! (Crowd marks for that!) RYAN TRYING TO RIP MILES’ LEG OUTTA THE SOCKET!

SB: He’s trying to crawl to the ropes!

BB: Craig Miles is screaming bloody murder, and he’s inching for the ropes, and Pee Wee is eyeing it closely, and … OH GET HIM OUTTA THERE! Bandit on the apron, and Ryan turns around, and Miles uses the distraction to turn and snap Ryan down to the ground, and now MILES IS ON TOP! Miles looping his legs. He punches Ryan in the ribs, and he’s trying to go for a Surfboard maneuver… and Ryan ain’t having it! Ryan shimmies out of the move and gets to a standing position, and he just ROARED AT MILES AND LEVELED HIM WITH A BIG BOOT TO THE CHIN! RIGHT ON THE BUTTON! Miles down in a heap, and Ryan scoops him UHP AND DOWN with a body slam! Ryan scoops Miles up and runs him into the ropes… SPINEBUSTER! Ryan cuts the air with his hands and screams ‘That’s ALL!’ and drops down for a cover! ONE! TWO! NO! Miles kicked out!

SB: You gotta do more than that to put Miles down. He’s a PROFESSIONAL, in case you weren’t paying attention.

BB: I’m well aware of that, Sammy. Craig Miles coughing, and that Spinebuster took the air outta his sails there… Dan Ryan getting to his feet after the two count, and he looks at the ropes and pulls Miles by the legs to a position… Ryan exits the ring and he’s on the apron… He turns and gives the finger to Bandit, and he grabs the strands and vaults… NO! OH MAN! (Crowd screams!) SPRINGBOARD LEGDROP ACROSS THE THROAT OF CRAIG MILES! Miles almost lost his boots! Ryan looking sure now, drops down for a ego cover… not even hooking the leg, and he’s nodding along with the ref… ONE.. TWO… NO! NO! (CROWD GROANS!) Miles got his leg on the bottom rope! Ryan is beside himself!

SB: He really thought he had him there.

BB: Dan Ryan is stomping around the ring, and he gets in a crouching stance, and he’s calling for Miles to get to his feet! The crowd is on it’s feet, and Miles is slowly getting up, holding his throaAAAAAAAAAARYAN OUT OF THE CORNER WITH A CLOTHESLINE… NO! Miles ducks and hooks Ryan on the way by, SCORPION DROP! Ryan dazed, and Miles stumbles to his feet, KNEEDROP ACROSS THE HEAD! ANOTHER! Miles off the ropes… ANOTHER calculated kneedrop!

SB: Those are crisp and precise, Buckley… he’s wearing him down for his finisher.

BB: Miles slapping at Ryan, grabbing him to a standing position. WOW! MILES HOOKS RYAN BY THE PANTS…. STUFFED PILEDRIVER! Ryan holding his head, kicking his legs! Miles caught him with that one!

SB: I call that the ‘Wedgie Driver’. Well, that’s what it looks like.

BB: I don’t think that name will stick. Miles looking cocky, and tells Bandit that it’ll be time to go home soon, and Miles drags Ryan to his feet and nails a boot to the gut, buckling Ryan over… Miles backpedaling… hits the ropes… ROCKER DROPPER DOWN ACROSS THE BACK OF RYANS HEAD! Ryan looks in a bad way! Miles turns to the crowd, and screams ‘Let’s take it home, baby!’

SB: He’s a PRO. Every day, all day.

BB: Miles strutting around the ring. He’s slapping his bicep, and nodding! He’s calling for the CockyLine Sickle that he used so many times to take off heads! Miles waiting, calling for Ryan to get up…. Ryan slowly getting to his feet… AND MILES ROARS INNNNNN OH NO! RYAN DUCKS! Miles hits the ropes and comes back – WOAH! RYAN BOOT TO THE GUT, AND HE CINCHES HIM IN! (Crowd pops!) Ryan looking around with Miles’ head stuffed between his thighs… and he hefts him UUUUUUUUUHHHP… AND HE PROPS HIM UP ANOTHER LEVELLLL OH MAN! BOOOM! HUMILITY BOMB! HUMILITY BOMB!

SB: That may be Craig Miles’ Last Ride, ever!

BB: Ryan caught Miles coming off the missed Cocky Line! Ryan drops down and hooks the leg this time… ONE…. (BANDIT trying to make the save) TWO… THREE!

(BANDIT gets in a second too late! Crowd makes noise! Bell rings! ‘Zero’ by Smashing Pumpkins plays. MILES counts little birdies around his head!)

JONES: THE WINNER OF THE MATCH… EGO BUSTER… DANNN RY- (JONES’ mic gets cut off!)

SB: What the heck?

(CUTTO: The rampway, where EDDIE MAYFIELD walks out with a mic! The crowd boos!)

BB: Eddie Mayfield… what the heck is he doing!

MAYFIELD: Rhubarb Jones… what the [BLEEEEP!] do you think you’re doing!
(CUTTO: JONES, eyebrows raised!) That’s right… this match ain’t over! (Crowd boos and throws trash! RYAN gets to his feet, and rolls out before Bandit can get at him!) That’s right Dan Ryan! I was in the back watching that farce of a match, and we all saw you with your feet on the ropes!

BB: I don’t like either of these guys, but I know Ryan didn’t have his feet on the ropes!

SB: Shush! He’s going somewhere with this!

MAYFIELD: That’s right Ryan, this is EYE-TEE-VEE, and here, lowlifes and thugs like you WILL NOT get over on fine upstanding citizens like Craig Miles, a registered voter and taxpayer. (Boos! CUTTO: RYAN, spitting!) So you roll your beanstalk (bleep!) back in that ring, and timekeeper, restart this match! I will not allow travesties of justice to go unchecked on MY show! So let’s get back in there!”

BB: Eddie Mayfield has just restarted this match, and it’s obvious he’s just cheating on behalf of Craig Miles! Dan Ryan is furious, and understandably so. He picks up a chair, and starts up the ramp, and Craig Miles is now up, holding his back, but ordering the ref to count Ryan out! Eddie Mayfield sees Ryan approaching, and Mayfield sprints to the back! Ryan in the aisle, and Craig Miles slides out and runs at Ryan…OH! RYAN SWUNG AROUND AND TOOK OFF MILES’ HEAD WITH A CHAIR SHOT! Miles walking around ringside with that chair around his head like a necklace, and Ryan takes him by the seat of the pants and rolls him back in the ring! Miles on dreamstreet, and Ryan whips Miles into the ropes…. BIG BOOT! MILES GOES DOWN!

SB: And he’s still got that chair around his neck!

BB: Ryan rakes his thumb across his throat, and he stuffs Miles in between his legs again, and he’s going for another Humility Bomb! Bandit is going crazy at ringside, and (A blur runs down the isle and runs up on BANDIT!) OH MAN! BANDIT GOES DOWN! THE REF LOOKING OVER THE ROPES! RYAN HAS MILES UP! HUMILITY BOMB…NO! NO! MILES RIPPED THE CHAIR OFF OF HIS HEAD AND SMASHES RYAN RIGHT IN THE SKULL! RYAN CRUMBLES, AND MILES WITH AN X-FACTOR! WOW! (Crowd is on its feet, cheering at the athleticism!) It looks like a train wreck in there!

SB: Who’s that at ringside!

BB: The ref is looking over at Bandit, and someone just came out here and cleaned his clock… and he just scooted under the ring! Bandit is down, and (Crowd screams!) IT’S RYP FANDANGO! RYP FANDANGO JUST CAME FROM UNDER THE RING ON THE OTHER SIDE, AND THE REF DOESN’T SEE HIM!

SB: What’s he doing here!?

BB: Fandango just slid in the ring! He picks a groggy Craig Miles up and hooks him in… He salutes the crowd… RYP CORD! FANDANGO JUST PULLED THE RYP CORD ON CRAIG MILES! (Crowd marks out!) FANDANGO JUST PLANTED HIS FINISHER ON CRAIG MILES, AND MILES IS OUT!

SB: He just planted his face into the mat!

BB: Fandango jumps outta the ring, and Bandit is up, holding his head. He sees Fandango, and chases him around the ring! The ref is paying attention to the circus at ringside, and a groggy Ryan drapes an arm over Miles, and there’s no ref! There’s no ref! (Crowd counting the imaginary pinfall!)

BB: The ref finally sees the cover, and runs over and drops… ONE! TWO! NO! KICKOUT! KICKOUT! Miles kicked out!

SB: He was ALREADY out!

BB: Ryan is on his knees, knocked loopy, and Miles is hardly moving at all! Ryan gets to his feet, and grabs the ref by the shirt, and he’s shaking him around! He wants to know where the cover was! (As RYAN is arguing with the ref, FANDANGO has escaped into the crowd, and MILES is motioning to BANDIT, who takes a steel liquor flask out of his pocket and slides it in the ring!)

SB: Looks like Miles needs a drink from all this wrestling.

BB: What the hell? Miles is in the corner, taking swigs of… whatever is in that steel flask, and

(Crowd cheers loudly as ‘XXX” SEAN STEVENS runs down the aisle!)

BB: Dan Ryan lets the ref go, and he turns around… and WHAT’S MILES DOING… HE’S GOT A LIGHTER! HE JUST FLICKED HIS BIC AND (SFX: A HUGE WOOOOOOOOOOSH! And a JET OF FIRE!) NO! MILES JUST BLEW FIRE LIKE A DRAGON! RYAN GETS KNOCKED DOWN AND THE REF TOOK IT IN THE FACE! PATRICK YOUNG IS DOWN, AND HE’S SCREAMING! That’s Triple X! He just ran out here and knocked Ryan clear of Miles’ Fire Attack!

(Crowd screaming it’s collective brains out as the ref screams and rolls around!)

BB: Triple X Sean Stevens is checking on the referee, and Craig Miles is up, and he’s calling for Bandit… Miles is crouching, calling for Stevens to turn arounnnnd… Stevens turns and OH MAN! COCKY LINE! COCKYLINE! HE CAUGHT TRIPLE X SLEEPING! Triple X is down, and Bandit steps over the ropes, and Miles is stomping away on him, and hes ordering Bandit to do damage! Bandit RIPS Triple X to his feet and SLAPS THE HAND AROUND THE THROAT…. CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM ON TRIPLE X!

(Bell is ringing, and here comes the EMTs and EDDIE MAYIELD!)

BB: The ring just shook! Triple X just paid the price for protecting Dan Ryan! Ryan getting to his feet and MILES collects that chair and CROWNS RYAN WITH IT! Ryan down in a heap, and Miles stands over Ryan’s back, and he’s making the… hmm…

SB: He’s making the ‘sex symbol!’

BB: Miles miming his finger going through a hole… that’s so immature… and NO! NO! MILES JUST SLAPPED THE COCKRING ON RYAN! RYAN FLAILING HIS ARMS AROUND! THAT RINGS OF SATURN HOLD IS DEADLY! The bell is ringing off the hook, and the EMTs are dragging the ref out of the ring for care. Now Eddie Mayfield is in the ring, and he’s taking off his tie, and throwing down his suitjacket! He’s putting the badmouth on Ryan and XXX, and Mayfield rolls out and pulls out a TABLE FROM UNDERNEATH THE RING! Mayfield is propping it up at ringside, and Miles STILL has Ryan locked in that Cock Ring! Here comes a set of refs, and Security, but Mayfield pulls out that paper again, and they back off! The refs hit the ring… OH NO! Bandit runs interference and starts dealing out Chokeslams! There’s bodies littering the ring! Eddie Mayfield slides in the ring and picks up XXX Sean Stevens… He scoops him up! SCREWJOB! SCREWJOB SPINNING TOMBSTONE ON SEAN STEVENS! Stevens eyes fluttering in rapid eye movement and Mayfield is pointing down at his body, giving him his what-for!

SB: The Intruders are taking over PRIMETIME for REAL!

BB: Dan Ryan trying to fight to his feet, but Miles, Mayfield and Bandit are putting the boots to him! Mayfield and Miles get Ryan to his feet, NO! (Crowd pops!) RYAN FIGHTING BACK! FISTS FOR MAYFIELD! FISTS FOR RYAN! FISTS FOR BANDIT! Ryan breaking out!

SB: But not for long! Watch out!

BB: Eddie Mayfield from behind with that dented-to-hell chair right in the crook of Ryan’s knee! Ryan goes down, and Miles and Mayfield feed Ryan to Bandit! Bandit has Ryan set… and he roars… POWERBOMB! POWERBOMB OVER THE ROPES AND THROUGH THAT TABLE AT RINGSIDE! Ryan just got DEMOLISHED!

SB: Wow. I don’t think I remember Ryan getting handled like that before.

BB: Eddie Mayfield, Craig Miles and Bandit are all celebrating in the ring, and Mayfield is calling for a smoke break! Cigarettes get passed around, and lit up… and (Boos!) OH THIS IS DISGUSTING!

SB: Oh man!

BB: In the ring, the PROFESSIONALS are celebrating with a Victory Smoke, and Ryan and Triple X are laying low! The Pros start leaving the ring, as Miles’ music plays. This is just disgusting. I don’t believe what I just saw. Dan Ryan won that match fair and square!

(CUTTO: STEVENS getting to his feet, wincing in pain, and RYAN stumbling out of the wreckage, a bead of blood on his forehead breaking, then trickling down the middle of his face! He gets up and staggers backwards, looking at the aisle, angry as hell!)

SB: Man, what have they just started!?