(The patented CSWA laser light show gives way to spotlights and pyro as Rhubarb Jones counts down the seconds to going live. The fans get to their feet and the noise level intensifies dramatically. CSWA commentator Bill Buckley takes a deep breath as the lead-in introduction ends and the stage manager cues him.)
BB: Hello wrestling fans, this is Arrowhead Pond, those are 18,000 screaming fans, I'm Bill Buckley, and this is CSWA PRIMETIME in Anaheim!
SB: And I'm already buzzed.
BB: That, of course, is my co-host, Sammy Benson. Sammy, we've got a heatwave going here in Anaheim, and I think PRIMETIME is making it even hotter!
SB: That was just horrible, Buckley.
BB: Fans, by now you know what's on the lineup for tonight, but from what I've been told, that's only half the story. In fact, Chad Merritt has personally billed this as one of the biggest PRIMETIME events EVER!
SB: And he's not one for exaggeration, of course. I mean, he always delivers, right?
BB: You're in an unusually foul mood for this early in a night, Sammy. What's wrong, the hotel maid forgot to untuck your sheets?
SB: You would think a simple word like 'untuck' would be easy to undrestand. Apparently Lupe just isn't very bright.
BB: Maybe English isn't her first language, Sammy.
SB: Oh, she understood enough that when I started calling her a 'stupid Mexican' she corrected me.
BB: Good grief. At least somebody did...
SB: Yeah, apparently she's a stupid CANADIAN! Even worse...
BB: I'm always amazed that you make it to the shows alive, personally. Fans, all the Intruders are here tonight, with Craig Miles, Eddie Mayfield scheduled in action. Plus, the newest Intruder, Bandit, will face off against a man who's ready to reap some revenge on the I's, Shane Southern. And, we've received word that GUNS has a special announcement.
SB: What, he's going to submit to a live drug test?
SB: I'm serious, that'd be big money!
BB: Speaking of special announcements, we've been told that Hornet is in the building tonight! And he'll address why he didn't show up for his match for the World Title at BATTLE of the BELTS.
SB: So he's going to get in the ring and cluck like a chicken?
BB: Top Contender Dan Ryan squares off against Craig Miles tonight. Eddie Mayfield defends his CSWA Presidential strap in a special "Presidential Challenge," and CSWA Owner Chad Merritt has promised a very special surprise opponent for the US Champion, "Mr. Magnificent" Tom Adler.
SB: If it's El Nino, I'll cry. We are near Arizona, after all.
BB: And to top it all off, the Main Event for the CSWA World Championship features "The Living Legend" Mark Windham against the man who won his shot from Evan Aho at the pay-per-view, Eli Flair!
SB: So that means that the FemiNazi will probably come down here and mouth off again as usual, right?
BB: Sammy, Iím going to do something I havenít done in 15 years of working with you.
SB: Just be gentle. I bruise easily. And though I may scream ďStop itĒ, by all means gag me and go on.
BB: You have problems. (Sammy: I know---) Iím going to ask you to ďpromoteĒ the card positively.
SB: Weíre getting out of my range, here. The show works to my strengths, thatís why I make more than you, Buckley.
BB: No, actually you donít. Give me a match youíre looking forward to seeing tonight.
SB: Geez. Now I pity the fly stuck in the car on Buckley family vacations. I can just see the lot of you playing ďI SpyĒ through five states. ďI spy....cocoa plants. Your turn, DaddyĒ
BB: ďI spy, a bi-polar middle-aged man who never admitted he needed sexual therapy.Ē
SB: (playing it off) Where?
BB: ONE MATCH, Sammy. Come on. Play along.
SB: This is why kids kill, Buckley. (sighs) Why do you think I drink? Iíve tried singling out moments in my life and slow building anticipation. In the end Iím always disappointed. I canít bear it anymore, the feeling that life could have been so much more. The trick is, to expect the worst from everyone and everything. That and moderate drug use.
BB: So youíre saying...
SB: Anyone actually watching this doesnít need to be sold further that life is passing them by. We havenít had an entertaining show in eight years. Iím not about to start quality control now. Letíem waste, Buckley. Sing and dance foríem. Thatís our role.
BB: I hate when the doctor switches your anti-depressant medication.
SB: You know, I do feel Iím reacting poorly, but honestly...itís a subtle change from where Iím sitting.
Aelieas Fierte vs. Henderson Bramble
Men new to the CSWA stopped making their name off Henderson Bramble years ago. Maybe itíll be more truthful to say a name has never been made off him. But, thatís the position men like Fierte are put in repeatedly year in and year out. Itís the north and south polar of motivation. The first step on the ladder is neither glamorous nor fully rewarding. Itís necessary though. Get in with a CSWA journeyman and see how far up the next step will be, if thereís to be one.
Henderson Brambleís upside once mirrored his heart. Each cast a strong shadow. Somewhere in his effort to climb, the way was lost. Bramble stopped reaching and made a career of stalling. Morally defeated, he forged the only lasting connection with the CSWA that he could. He became a step. Itís a niche he never dreamed of filling starting out. But it pays the rent, and affords him the opportunity to dream.
Not every man can be Hornet. Most in fact never reach higher ground. Use Bramble, then disappear into the mass of mediocrity waiting before them.
Is Aelieas Fierte different?
Could Henderson take a step instead?
At the Pond in Anaheim, Fierte made Brambleís decision for him.
From the French island of Nuku Hiva, Fierte devoured Bramble in a matter of minutes. From watching Aelieas work, it was obvious he didnít sign up to impress. Fierte punished Bramble for himself. Every step was measured, as if efficiency was a test. Fierte overpowered, and dominated Henderson Bramble, and after ending Bramble with his finisher, the "Crush Your Soul" (front face powerbomb), Fierte gave a faint smile, thoroughly pleased with the clean and quick win.
WINNER: Aelieas Fierte
Shane Southern vs. Bandit
Shane Southern may have been one of the few men ever to suffer two losses in a given night and still come out smelling like roses. At BATTLE of the BELTS, Southern started the night off well, saving the win for his team in the elimination tag match, despite one of his own team members working against him, and another deciding not to compete. The Intruders took the loss as a personal affront, attacking the man they previously offered a stable spot to. Southern went on to lose the US Title in an amazing match against a fresh Tom Adler, the man who had earlier refused to compete as his team member. And in the battle royal to become the top contender to the World Title, Southern, despite the grueling matches to that point, was the last man eliminated by Dan Ryan, who had to beat Shane within an inch of consciousness to get him out of the ring.
And then there was Anaheim and a non-title match. Southern got a chance to step in the ring against Bandit, Troy Windham's bodyguard turned Intruders pseudo-secret-service agent. Shane seemed less than impressed by the height difference, as Bandit tried to bear down on him, Southern simply backed into the ropes and took the big man down with a Thesz press that almost gave him the match in record time. Bandit quickly rolled outside, getting pointers from Intruders' partner Pi.
Back inside, Southern quickly kept the big man off his feet, sweeping his legs out from under him Cajun-style, then hitting a quick legdrop from the second rope. Southern made a mistake early, coming off the ropes for another Thesz press which Bandit was expecting. Bandit kept his feet, hooking in a bear hug on the US Champion and keeping him away from the ropes. Southern started to flag, but the clapping of the fans kept him in it, as he repeatedly crashed his arms on either side of Bandit's head, eventually getting him to release the hold. Southern, out of breath, fell back into a corner, but was able to pull himself out, avoiding the big boot from Bandit.
Southern quickly went to town on the hamstrung Bandit, giving him a reverse DDT, and then pulling the big man over with a Franken-Southern. From there, just as it looked like it was starting, the Party's Over made an appearance, putting Bandit down for the three-count, and giving Southern a small taste of revenge on The Intruders.
Revenge is one thing, useless sacrifice another. As the "Intruder Alert" alarm went off, Southern quickly rolled out of the ring and made his triumphant exit.