BB:  The storied US Championship was vacated when former champion Havoc left the sport to recover from injuries and take care of some personal business.

SB:  You mean drugs, right?

BB:  No!  Anyway, tonight two former US Champions get the chance to add a title reign to the belt Mark Windham built.

SB:  Um, when was the last time he held the title, 1994?

BB:  But he held it four times!  Speaking of which, Hornet's been World Champion since the last time he held the US belt.... yet Merritt keeps telling us to bill this thing as the battle between two former champs.

SB:  Who knows what runs through the mind of a midget killer?

BB:  I don't know....but either Hornet's right, and Merritt's setting him up, or he's swerving us again, and he and Merritt are in cahoots.  With Hornet these days, I never know what's true and what isn't.

SB: That DAMN Hornet!

BB:  Thanks...we all needed that.

SB:  You're welcome.

BB:  Here we go!

(CUE UP: "All Star" by Smash Mouth. The pop music blares until GETCHER GAME ON, GOOO PLAAAY. The television wall reads... LEGEND. CHAMPION. LEGACY in gold script. Then, a smug look of Hornet's visage appears, followed by various shots of him in action. Hornet begins to walk to the ring as the crowd jeers him, Hornet is indifferent.)

BB: And there he is, folks... the one-time “Greatest American Hero.”

SB: And a man who will, in due time, eventually be squashed like a bug!

(CUE UP: "God Save the Queen" by The Lyndon Symphonic Orchestra. CUT TO: The tv wall, reading THE GENT. The clip shows Stanley hitting his power moves, looking emotional and fiery in all of them. Stanley walks out and stares at the ring, taping up his wrists still, and then hauls to the ring.)

BB: AND LAWRENCE STANLEY IS RUNNING TO THE RING ALREADY! AND HORNET MEETS HIM! THESE TWO ARE SLUGGING IT OUT! STANLEY ! HORNET! STANLEY ! HORNET! STANLEY ! STANLEY ! STANLEY ! NOW STANLEY BOUNCES OFF THE ROPES AND NAILS HORNET IN THE BRIDGE OF THE NOSE WITH AN ELBOW! HORNET ROLLS OUT OF THE RING, HOLDING HIS NOSE!

SB: That just set the record for "fastest to start bleeding." Hornet's already bloodied!

BB: Stanley shoves Ben Worthington to the mat and immediately follows Hornet out to the floor. Stanley just hit Hornet with a leaping knee! Hornet just flew into ring steps face-first! And Stanley doesn't relent, hopping right onto him, slugging away like a madman! I've never seen the usually reserved Hornet like this!

SB: You would be like this to if you lost the love of Teri Melton... the Alpha Female!

BB: Stanley now stomping away on Hornet... Worthington is on the floor, counting like mad, and that allows Hornet a chance to roll back into the ring. Hornet in the ring, backpedaling and HE JUST FELL FACE FIRST! Stanley now in the ring, charging at him and Hornet rolls to the corner, begging for Mercy. Stanley is not going to give him any-- OH NO! HORNET JUST LOWBLOWED STANLEY !        

SB: If he hasn't been emasculated enough already!

BB: Hornet wipes the blood off his face and flicks it on the mat... and he can't believe he's busted up already! He's lacing Stanley right in the head with some vicious boots, holding onto the top rope as he does for added leverage. Now Hornet's stepping across Stanley 's throat. He's trying to choke this kid to death!

SB: You would, too, if you were Hornet. He's on his last legs as a man and these young bulls have almost caught up to him.

BB: Worthington now makes Hornet back away, and he does... AND STANLEY GETS UP AND TACKLES HORNET RIGHT BACK DOWN TO THE MAT! AND HE'S SLUGGING AWAY ON HIS ARCH-RIVAL AGAIN! STANLEY IS CROWNING HORNET WITH SOME HARSH EURO-STYLE UPPERCUTS! (CROWD: "STAN-LEY! STAN-LEY!") Stanley now bounces off the ropes and rolls over and hits Hornet with a jawbreaker! And the almost-300 pounder gets up and meets Hornet on the other side with a dropkick! What agility from the Gent !

SB: He can move like that because he's running from his past... a past where he COULD have served the needs of Teri Melton. What an idiot!

BB: Teri Melton... who has used BOTH Stanley AND Hornet to her advantage, if you ask me... Stanley now has Hornet up on his shoulder and he runs with him and rams him into the top turnbuckle.. and he turns around and powerslams him! Oklahoma Stampede! AND HE HOOKS THE LEG! ONE.... TWO... THR-- NO! Hornet somehow kicked out...

SB: Digging down deep, inspired by the beauty of Teri Melton... the mother of his illegitimate child!

BB: Stanley, who has been dominant so far in this match, is standing over Hornet now, again slugging away-- NO! HORNET JUST USED A HANDFUL OF TIGHTS TO SEND STANLEY FLYING BETWEEN THE TURNBUCKLES! I THINK STANLEY JUST BUSTED HIS HEAD AGAINST THE RING POST! HE'S BUSTED OPEN ALSO!

SB: I can't get enough of the crimson mask...

BB: Hornet is now on the prowl, measuring Stanley ... he bounces off the ropes... BULLDOG! AND NOW HORNET'S SMEARING STANLEY 'S FACE ACROSS THE MAT! WE'VE SEEN THIS FROM HIM BEFORE! And now Hornet stands up, over his rival, staring at him... (There's a murmur in the crowd.)

SB: Well... guess who is coming to dinner! Grrrrrrow! (The camera shows "The Alpha Female" Mz. Teri Melton strutting down to ringside, tiara on her head.) The Alpha Female, soon to be the World's Greatest Mother!

BB: Teri Melton... who NO ONE wants to see at ringside tonight... nonetheless is making her way down.

(The camera zooms in on Teri.)

TERI: Hornet... doesn't want ME at his side? Well... Hornet's going to learn that HE doesn't make the decisions anymore... but MZ. MELTON DOES! (Teri puts her hand over the camera and pushes it away.)

BB: Hornet looks at Teri and shakes his head... he knows he has to concentrate on the man in the ring with him right now... and he turns to Stanley , stomping on him, and now dropping an elbow. Hornet hoists Stanley up... STANLEY CRADLES HORNET! ONE! TWO! NO!

SB: I think Hornet was distracted by that twinkle in Teri's eye. He's no different than anyone else!

BB: Hornet gets up... HE BACKSLIDES STANLEY ! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! WHAT? DID I JUST SEE THAT?

SB: Yes you did... the ever-forgiving Teri Melton just put Stanley 's boot on the bottom rope! She's beautiful... AND classy.

BB:  Hornet is now screaming at Teri... and Teri is screaming back at him. Stanley drops an axe-handle on Hornet and scoops him up... BUT TERI JUST GRABBED STANLEY 'S LEG? WHAT! HORNET COVERS! AND TERI IS LEANING DOWN ON STANLEY 'S BOOTS! ONE! TWO! THREE! HORNET WINS! (CUE UP: "All Star")

SB: She's a genius! Teri Melton is a genius!

BB: I don't know WHAT she is... but words other than genius comes to mind. Hornet is going on to the finals... and NO ONE knows what Teri Melton's plan is! Folks, we'll be back!