BB:  WRESTLING FANS....welcome to CSWA ANNIVERSARY 2001!  It's New Year's Eve, the Merritt Auditorium is packed, and we're ready to ring in the new year!  The CSWA's o-fish-al birthday may have passed, but this party's going on anyway.  along with me, as always, Sammy Benson.  And even Sammy's getting to partake a bit tonight.

SB:  Please tell me you don't call sparkling grape juice, 'partaking'.

BB:  It's the CSWA's signature event, Sammy, we can't risk you spoiling it.

SB:  Spoiling it?  How would I spoil it?

BB:  There was the little 'incident' a few years back.

SB:  That wasn't even me!  How long do I have to pay for Merritt's midget-mania?  Speaking of which, how'd they let him out of Green Valley Home for the Mentally Deranged anyway?  I guess money talks.

BB:  Fans, you know the lineup by now, so I'm not even going to waste our time going through it in detail.  We've got it all tonight... the House of Pain, the Rage in the Cage, a Streetfight, a Top Contenders Battle Royal, a Mystery Tag Match, and our own little four-man tournament in which Evan Aho gets to defend the CSWA World Championship.  I don't know what I'm looking forward to most... but I've heard the most buzz about who the mystery tag team partners of Eddy Love and Mike Randalls might be.

SB:  I still don't believe Randalls can't find anyone dumb enough to tag with him.  Maybe he got Carl Brigsby...he's pretty dumb.

BB:  Carl loves you too Sammy.  But let's get this party started right.

SB:  It's too late to get this party started quickly...we had to watch your hall-walking skills for ten minutes.

(CUE UP:  “Where The Downboys Go” by Winger – loud pop)

BB:  Sammy, this one seems like it might be a little one-sided, if you ask me…

(JJ DeVille is standing at the top of the ramp, with his arms extended, a kendo stick in one hand)

SB:  Of course!  JJ DeVille is a lethal weapon, he’s going to destroy that wanna-be skater punk, Lance Liezure! 

BB:  Heaven forbid we put talent over, Sammy… Look at that geek do the Fargo strut up the way!

SB:  Heaven forbid we put this piece of talent over, even though he already is a fan favorite wherever he goes!

BB:  What’s JJ saying to Rhubarb, Sammy?

SB:  Probably, “No autographs”…

JJ:  (speaking into Rhubarb’s microphone) Rhubarb Jones… IF THAT IS INDEED YOUR REAL NAME… Make the announcement…

RJ:  (laughing) I’ve just been informed by Mr. DeVille that this is the co-main event of tonight’s ANNIVERSARY spectacular!

SB:  What’s with the chuckle, Buckley, this is Main Event material!

BB:  Riiiiiiight…

(CUE UP:  “Feel So Numb” by Rob Zombie – huge pop, probably because the crowd hates JJ so much.  Lance Liezure is holding a skateboard over his head, by the trucks, and has a huge smile on his face.)

RJ:  And now…(still laughing at JJ) LANCE Liezure!

BB:  Sammy, you want to clock this one?

SB:  If it goes over two minutes, it’s because JJ wants it to.

BB:  OK…  Liezure charges the ring and he rolls in, JJ swings that kendo stick and he misses… Again, but Liezure blocks it with the skateboard, a kick to the midsection by Lance Liezure, and a DDT ON THE SKATEBOARD, JJ BOUNCES BACK UP TO HIS KNEES… LANCE Liezure WITH A HARD BOOT TO THE FACE OF JJ DeVille AND THE “KING OF COOL” JUST ROLLED OUT OF THE RING!

SB:  JJ has this match under control, and exactly where he wants it!

BB:  Lance Liezure has headed outside, and he’s laying his right hand against JJ DeVille… This guy is intense, determined, and he’s starting to build quite the cult following within the fans of the CSWA.  There he goes, throwing JJ into the steel steps…

(JJ’s scream is audible)

BB:  And Liezure with a shot to the other side, and JJ goes FLYING into the rail…

(Twice as loud, JJ’s scream causes Buckley to laugh)

SB:  This isn’t funny, Buckley!

BB:  No… but that is!  Lance Liezure is doing the Fargo strut, and now with a chop to JJ DeVille’s chest, and Liezure tosses JJ to the ground, and LOOK AT MANNY JUAREZ!  JUAREZ IS LAUGHING HIS HEAD OFF! 

SB:  That’s a biased official!

BB:  He might be, but then again, aren’t we all biased against JJ DeVille?  It’s a moot point, Sammy, all that matters is Liezure looks biased against him.  What a legdrop by the rookie sensation, and now he’s got JJ by the side of the head and he’s smashing the “waterboy” for the Playboys’ head against the arena floor… JJ might not ever wrestle again!

SB:  This isn’t right!

BB:  It’s a street fight, Sammy!

SB:  Like that closed fist to the side of the face… it’s not right!

BB:  And now, Liezure is certainly in the driver’s seat as he scoops JJ up for the ride… what a powerslam on the floor!  Liezure might only be wrestling JJ DeVille, but make no mistakes, this kid has got big things laying ahead of him…

SB:  Only wrestling JJ?  Only wrestling JJ?  You’re joking, right, Buckley?

BB:  Lance Liezure now, following up with a hip toss onto the floor here, and he’s heading our way, Sammy!

SB:  I might go after that punk myself!

BB:  You don’t want that.  Sit down and call tonight’s great matches, instead of getting killed by Liezure. 

SB:  I’ll have you know, I’m quite the underground fighter… BUT THAT’S CHEATING! 

BB:  This is a street fight, Sammy, if Lance Liezure wants a steel chair, he can have it!

SB:  That’s cheating!

BB:  Lance swings at JJ DeVille, JJ ducks… WHAT THE… A JUDO CHOP BY JJ DeVille, AND LANCE Liezure LAUGHS IN HIS FACE… CHAIR SHOT TO THE HEAD OF JJ DEVILLE AND I THINK JJ MAY NEVER SHUFFLE TROY WINDHAM’S PLAYSTATION 2 CARDS AGAIN!

SB:  Lance Liezure is a madman, and should be arrested!

BB:  This is the CSWA, we’ve watched a half a million chair shots in our time as commentators, Sammy… And now Lance Liezure is throwing JJ back into the ring…  And he’s heading back our way…

SB:  You better watch out, Buckley, he might go for you!

BB:  Oh would you give it a rest?  Lance Liezure is doing us all a favor by silencing JJ DeVille!  This crowd is giving it up for this young favorite!

SB:  The man is picking up a microphone for crying out loud! 

BB:  And he’s heading back in the ring, I don’t know what he’s doing… he charges in, and scoops JJ up to his feet…

(Microphone reverberates as it smacks across the forehead of JJ DeVille)

SB:  That’s uncalled for!

BB:  JJ DeVille is screaming for his mom, right now, folks, and now Lance Liezure has wrapped his hands around JJ’s neck, and he’s strangling him! 

Mic:  (between gasps for air)  OK… OK… IT IS INDEED… IT IS… YOUR… IT IS… YOUR… YOUR…IT’S YOUR REAL NAME… LANCE…

BB:  (laughing)  Good lord, did you hear that Benson?  We finally have confirmation, his name really is Lance Liezure.  Sweet Lord, JJ’s trying to break out with a Judo chop again!  AND A KICK TO THE SHIN!

SB:  IT DIDN’T WORK!  Liezure MUST BE IMPERVIOUS TO PAIN!

BB:  (maniacally laughing) What?  And there it is, folks, the Liezure Suite… an old-style rocker dropper on top of that chair, and I think this one is mercifully over.

SB:  NO!

B:  (along with Manny Juarez and the crowd) One… two… three!  Thank the Lord, JJ might not have a voice after tonight!

SB:  That’s horrible news, who’s going to answer Eddy’s phone?

(As Lance is grabbing for his skateboard, one of the fans vaults over the guardrail, clad in torn blue jeans, a black t-shirt and a ripped denim jacket. With his chin length dark blonde hair whipping behind him, he rolls into the ring, jerking the skateboard out of Liezure's hands.)

BB: What the--?!

SB: Who the HELL is that?

(The "fan", capitalizing on Liezure's shock, rears back with the skateboard, slamming it into the side of Lance's head, snapping the board into two pieces. Liezure stumbles for a moment before the "fan" nails him with a double knee lift before hitting a swift DDT.)

SB: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO HE IS, HE JUST LEVELED Liezure!  YES!

BB: Wait a minute! That's no fan! And the small contingent of alternative wrestling programming fans in the audience recognize him! I'm not sure that we can use his pseudonym due to copyright laws, since I don’t know his contractual situation, but that's Nate Logan!

(Logan rips the microphone out of the ring announcer's hands, raising it to his lips after the crowd gets under control.)

NL: You call THIS a street fight? This federation doesn't know the MEANING of those two words. And especially not the two elitist pricks lying in this ring. You see, I'm here to educate the CSWA. You people NEED to know what hardcore really means.  You people NEED to know what extreme really means. And I know what you're thinking...he can't do this. This isn't legal.

BB: He can't do this! This isn't legal!

SB: Shut up, Buckley, you were going to let that skater punk Liezure murder JJ DeVille… Lance got EXACTLY what he deserves!

NL: Well guess what fellas? IT IS! That's right, I am signed, sealed, and tonight...I JUST DELIVERED. The hero of the indy leagues has just become the zero of the CSWA.

BB: A contract?

NL: And from this day forward, the CSWA will truly know...the definition of X-treme.

(Logan tosses the microphone down and rolls out of the ring, leaping back into the crowd as "Zero" by The Smashing Pumpkins cues up.)

BB: Apparently Nate Logan has signed, sealed and delivered himself to the CSWA, and taken exception to the "Luscious One."  Up next, we may not know who's going to come out tonight as the CSWA World Champion, but before we do, we'll know who the next challenger is!