You know, I almost forgot how much I love the whole aura around BATTLE of the BELTS. It originally started as our counterpart to the old WCW "Clash of the Champions," an extended TV broadcast that was meant to be a free PPV. Of course, WCW went to the wayside, as did BOB for a while.

When I handed the lineup to Buckley to announce, I could see this confused look come over his face, you know the one... where it looks like he's a poleaxed mule? It took ten minutes and two tries to explain it to him before understanding finally become dawn on that curmudgeony old face.

Of course, right after that, I told him who his new broadcast partner for PRIMETIME was going to be... and that whole 'mule' face just came right back. I'm afraid that one day his face really will stick like that... I've been told that's happened to other wrestling announcers, despite the warnings they received.

So, the big questions I keep getting about Battle of the Belts? Why Windham and Hornet? Why a team challenge series? Why Aho and Flair? Why Valerian's Garden and not Hortense and the LOVE Sisters?

Come on, people, don't you trust me? What's the last BAD CSWA pay-per-view you saw? FISH FUND IV: The Subtitle That Shall Never Be Mentioned? Gimme a break...that was back in what, 1991?

We've come up on the fifteenth birthday of the CSWA, and some of you internet idiots still don't trust that I know what I'm doing? Sure, you point to little faux pas like the whole Red Midget ordeal, or Benson's "walk-out," or the "Who Wants To Be A Commissioner" fiasco. But on your fan sites you talk about Eli vs. Troy, Randalls vs. GUNS, and Hornet vs. Windham.

So to quickly answer your questions... Because I said so. Because I know that many of you have already wet yourselves thinking about another Windham/Hornet match, simply because it's so unpredictable. Because I know the others of you have already wet yourselves thinking about seeing that Angel chick from Valerian's Garden. Because I know that the 'smarks' out there are having happy happy joy joy dreams over the thought of a hardcore legend like Eli Flair facing one of the most technically gifted athletes of our time in Evan Aho.

And as far as the rest of it? Because I CAN. Because I'm tired of the GXW and PLR. I brought them in to do a job. And instead, they just kept bringing in more and more of their pathetic friends like breeding rats. Because I want to see if The Intruders really believe what they're saying, or if they'll fold like a cheap card table the first time they run into a concentrated effort against them. Because I want to see if some of these younger guys have what it takes to hang in the ring with veterans at a major event.

I've been called manipulative, vengeful, even petty... and I guess it can be said that I know what it is to be all those things. But when it's all said and done, the simple fact is... I'm good. The plan's in place, and there's nothing that can knock it off it's tracks. Every contingency has been considered, and every brick carefully laid.

So get off your cheap, lazy behinds and order the pay-per-view. You know it'll be worth it for any one of the matches I've so selflessly made for you. And who knows, you might even remember what real sports entertainment's all about.