9/16/95
Current Issue: MIDGETS!
Okay, okay, I
admit that I had a part in bringing the Mighty Morphin' Midgets to life in the CSWA. Hey,
it all started out, as do most inane ideas, in the mind of "The Kentucky Kid."
It was something we joked about. Unfortunately, like the Muppets before it, it was a joke
that came to life as part of the CSWA. First there was Muppet Mania, and now we're
experiencing MIDGET MANIA in the CSWA.
So, Steve dreamed up the idea of combining his obsession for midgets with the
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. So what? Well, here's where I come in. I brought them in
with Junior Hornet as a gimmick, a one-time thing to start with. They were something to be
toyed with. Well, it got out of hand.
At
FISH FUND X, the midget barrier was destroyed. Not only did the midgets roll out the red
carpet for Hornet and have their own introduction before the card, but they interfered
with the big boys. They forced Mad Mike to his knees, double midget DDTed him to the
concrete, and then dragged him away by his hair. And then, of course, came the terrible
moment when the Midgets tried to save Junior Hornet and Timmy Windham from first the
crazed Mark Windham, and then the wrath of former Mexican Muppet, El Nino.
Let me say right here and right now that they were never supposed to actually
interfere with wrestlers. And more importantly, they were never supposed to get hurt. But
when the little boys get mixed up in the big boys' affairs, something's bound to happen.
It was a tragic incident, as one midget was blasted halfway across the arena by El Nino's
flaming goo. But at least his little costume protected him. Unfortunately for the Red
Midget, he wasn't so lucky. He's still lying in a come at Memorial Hospital.
That should have been the end of it right there. The Midgets should have left.
But how was I supposed to know that Stan Parsons would go off the deep end? How was I
supposed to know that instead of going back to some freak sideshow, the Midgets would
return, led by a stranger, more freakish force in the guise of a CSWA announcer? I can be
held responsible for all that's happened since FISH FUND X. Benson and the midgets
evidently have a grudge against Mad Mike. And then just recently at ELVIS, they were in
the ring attacking Jim Williams and Johnny Tropic! As if that weren't enough, now they're
running around on speedboats, as well as dropkicking announcers off of hundred-foot high
rides in the Happiest Place on Earth!!!!
It's gone too far. It's gone way, way too far. The Midgets must be stopped. I don't know
how, but they've got to be stopped and soon. Granted, their idea of pushing Thomas
head-first into his own birthday cake was a fun prank, but speedboats? Come on. It's time
for the midgets to disappear back to wherever they came from. The only problem is: I don't
know how to stop them. And I don't know if anyone else in the CSWA does either..... Until
then, MIDGET MANIA will continue...
Last updated on 95/09/16 04:26:30 EDT.