(CUE UP: “Moto Psycho” - Megadeth
The ON TIME logo at the top of the ramp from the show’s debut
CUT TO: The Professionals walking
backstage, both with a cigarette in mouth
CUT TO: Eli and
“playing tug-of-war” in the crowd with a chair from ANNIVERSARY 2001
CUT TO: Triple X flying to the
outside with a senton splash at ANNIVERSARY 2001
CUT TO: Tom Adler holding the
CUT TO: Gemini and Dan Ryan
backstage at SHOWTIME
CUT TO: Apocalypse at the top of the
ramp from ELVIS LIVES 2001
CUT TO: Kin Hiroshi coming from the
top with a Hiroshima Bomb
CUT TO: Mark Windham running toward
the cage at ANNIVERSARY 2001
CUT TO: “Wicked Sight” Mike
Plett diving off the top turnbuckle with a moonsault at ANNIVERSARY 2001
CUT TO: The Men Of Adventure
standing victorious in the center of the ring
CUT TO: Hornet hitting the Hornet
Splash against Lawrence Stanley
CUT TO: Nate Logan laying Lance
Liezure out in the center of the ring
CUT TO: The New Suicide Squad at the
top of the ramp
CUT TO: Cameron Cruise looking over
the side of the stage at ANNIVERSARY 2001
proudly waving the American and British flags
CUT TO: Shane Southern pounding on
Tom Adler from ANNIVERSARY 2001
CUT TO: Lance Liezure hitting JJ
Deville with a chair at ANNIVERSARY 2001
CUT TO: Cardigo Mysterian pointing
to the sky in
CUT TO: “The Lone Walker” Paul
Michaels taking care of business at ON TIME
CUT TO: Kevin Powers flipping off
the skybox at ANNIVERSARY 2001
CUT TO: Mike Randalls in the
CUT TO: “Pitbull” Pete Hardy
gearing up backstage.
CUT TO: Eddy Love and Sweet Melissa
standing before a CSWA backdrop
CUT TO: GUNS
revealing himself as a masked man at ANNIVERSARY
CUT TO: Evan Aho with the World Title
wrapped around his waist
CUT TO: A huge pyro display,
followed by the camera panning around the arena catching glimpses of various
CSWA related signs from its eager fans before parking on Rudy Seitzer and Billy
Welcome to another week of CSWA: ON TIME!
We’re heading straight out to the ring for action, it’s the former
Greensboro champion - the RIGHTFUL Greensboro champion in my book - against this
new... phenomenon known as SHAMON!
Southern vs. Shamon
Southern hit the ring with
his normal, determined attitude, the attitude that he’s using to be a locker
room leader, the attitude that has won him so many matches before.
His opponent, on the other hand, came to the ring wearing a shower cap.
Shamon started this one off with some dance moves, urging Rudy Seitzer to
make obscure dance references. In
turn, Billy Buckley made a series of quick one liners but the humor in this
match was stolen by the competitors in the ring; Southern manhandled Shamon, who
let out various cackles and screams. Shamon
somehow managed to grab the upper hand, but wasted valuable time doing the
Moonwalk in the center of the ring, allowing Shane to hit a very solid DDT and
score the pinfall.
Folks, this one is mercifully in the record books now...
Mercifully, you didn’t DANCE during that bout!
I’m about to have you replaced with Sammy Benson!
Look, Rudy... no need to go to drastic measures...
You really should watch your mouth sometimes, Billy.
I can’t see my mouth without a mirror, but if you don’t shut up I can
make it so you see yours...
Are you threatening me now?
You said you were going to have me replaced with Sammy... that’s wrong,
Rudy. Respect my elders my ...
(interrupting) ON TIME is certainly the place where you’ll find the
newest, brightest stars getting a chance to shine, and tonight’s no exception,
we’re about to hit the ring with two CSWA rookies, “Fearless” Jones is
going to take on “Pitbull” Pete Hardy!
Hardy vs. "Fearless" Jones
Pete Hardy started this bout
off by showing that while he is new to the CSWA, he is far from being a rookie.
The Pitbull took the fight to Jones throughout the beginning of the
contest but “Fearless” came back with an array of offense, balancing the
tide of the match out and bringing the crowd behind him, and showing that the
CSWA can make stars in the blink of an eye.
Hardy came in for a running lariat, and Jones capitalized on the move
with a quick backslide into what would have been considered an upset win for
“Fearless”, but The Pitbull rolled out and came through with an inside
cradle to get the three count.
After this message, we’re going to have words from the... (sigh) Men of
The Anthems - 16 of the hottest tracks in wrestling today, featuring
classic and brand new titles by Metallica, Cold, Rage Against The Machine,
Winger, Alice Cooper, White Zombie, ICP and more!
(With a nut-quavering blast of horns and tooth-shattering
bass drums, the MEN OF ADVENTURE THEME SONG bursts to life! "River of MEN!
RIVER of MEN! It's up one side and back again, along the RIVER OF MEN!" as
footage of the MoA - "IRON JOHN" WAITS and BENJAMIN "BIG
TOM" REMUS - in full trapper regalia are shown in film clips of their
'mighty adventures!' - every scene merely the men gadding about in front of a
blue-screen. They hold back a lion with only a stool, they walk a tightrope
across the Grand Canyon, THEY TRADE PUNCHES WITH JOE LOUIS!
A 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' style logo flashes across the
screen with a whipcrack effect: "The Men Of Adventure - QUEST FOR A SET OF
BRASS ONES - and then fades, leaving us with John and Tom inching along a snowy
ridge of cardboard and paint, detergent snowflakes raining on their heads...)
John: "Has it been ten minutes yet, Tom? I think so,
Tom: (grabs his crotch) "MY testicles are at LEAST
five inches inside my abdomen!"
John: "HAHA! MINE ARE THREE FEET IN! PAY UP!"
Tom: (Fakes putting dollar bills in John's outstretched
hands, a la Monty Python) "Wow, three feet John. That's impressive, all
right, but surely not as impressive as our continuing quest to discover if ANY
of the other tag teams in this misbegotten federation of spinsters are anything
more than .. Oxygen subscribers, I say! But tell me, why are we pursuing the New
Suicide Squad at this point? Aren't they ... beneath us?"
John: "Probably Tom, we're about a million miles off
the ground!" (he spits soap flakes)
Tom: "No, I mean John that, as we know, suicide is
the coward's way out. And since we're facing the New SUICIDE Squad, VIS A VIS MY
GENIUS BRAIN, we already KNOW that they're COWARDS! Thus, not real men, so why
bother testing them for potential manliness?"
John: "I understand completely Tom, and besides that,
you know what else come in Squads? CHEERLEADERS! And what are cheerleaders good
for besides drugging up and humping on, or padding out a Jason film? NOTHING!
But vigilance is our burden, so COME! Over this peak lay our destination!"
(CUTTO stock footage of a team of Sherpas climbing a snowy
mountain, then CUTTO the MoA standing in the middle of an Arab desert village
(!), where they approach a small group of men in traditional dress)
John: "Ho transvestites, nice gowns! Say, we heard
the Suicide Squad resides here? Know where them boys is up in this piece,
(The small group - six men - look at one another
uncertainly, then tentatively point at themselves)
Tom: "All six? Good GOD, they ARE cowards after all!
Well, if you think sheer numbers can overwhelm the Men of Adventure, that;s only
true in terms of overwhelming us with F(BLEEP)GNESS! Nevermind ON TIME, Suicide
Squad, we'll whup you HERE!"
John: "Wait Tom, what if they're merely decoys?( to
the men) How do we KNOW you're REALLY the Suicide Squad? YAAAAAGH!"
(Unexpectedly, in a crappy cgi effect, one of the men in
the back of the group blows up, sending everyone running except the MoA
John: "Good LORD! It IS them!"
Tom: "I have to admire their dedication to the
(Across the street, another man blows up unexpectedly
Tom: "Another one? You know, Friend John, I suspect
the turnover rate for membership in the New Suicide Squad is somewhat
(A Honda drives by, and the driver promptly explodes, then
a little girl and a man selling ice cream cones, then a dog. SFX:BOOOOM. CUTTO a
long shot of a model village, where firecrackers have been placed under
miniature figures, one popping off after another. Tom and John shout in V/O:
"Whoa! Another one! This is better than the Fourth of July! Oooh,
screamers!" CUTTO John and Tom standing in a smoking ruin, grinning wildly.
John starts to speak, and another man blows up in the distance. SFX:BOOOOM)
John: "Ho HO! Well, if THIS is the worst the Suicide
Squad has to offer, then the Men of Adventure are GUARANTEED a victory! Blow
yourselves up all you wish, foolish squad! We Men BATHE in the ashes of the
recently immolated! It's like rosewater to us, BUT NOT AS GAY!"
Tom: "Yes, On Time brings us a guaranteed victory for
SURE in the NEW life of the Men of Adventure! And besides, I LOVE THE SMELL OF
NAPALM IN THE MORNING!"
John: "It smells (he inhales deeply) like victory.
(Someone blows up in the distance, FTB )
Kin Hiroshi came down to a
not-so-surprising pop; between his incredible performances on ON TIME cards like
this over the past months in the CSWA, he has built a fan base of “X-Treme”
in the GXW. GUNS came out to the
mostly heel pop that still shows the fans have a respect for him underneath the
hatred, and the two went face to face. Without
question, GUNS was physically dominating, throwing “The Muffin Man” around
the ring with little trouble, but Hiroshi came back with high-impact,
high-flying moves. Every time he
would get ahead, however, GUNS brought him back down to the canvas with a
bodyslam or clothesline. Kin somehow
managed to mount a comeback and he went to the top for the Hiroshima Bomb; GUNS
got up, however and powerbombed Hiroshi out of the corner, planting him and
keeping him down for the three.
GUNS was very decisive in that one, wouldn’t you say, Rudy?
Don’t take anything away from Kin Hiroshi, he is a Hell of a talent but
GUNS proved to be too much for him here tonight...
“Just Got Wicked” by Cold -- huge crowd response.
The monitor shows GUNS’ face turn from victory to anger.)
Well, GUNS, you put another one away.
I’m surprised though... you didn’t attack Kin from BEHIND.
That’s the way you like to do it... I’m out here, doing my damndest,
putting my body on the line for these WONDERFUL CSWA FANS... and you like to do
the run ins, you like to cost me the CSWA Heavyweight title.
You like to jump me from behind, put me through tables.
I’ve taken it from badder dudes before, GUNS...
But let me warn you. If you
renig on your promise... if you interfere in my US title match with Hornet...
you’re going to regret it. This
isn’t a US title shot because I’m feuding with you and Merritt wants the
chance of GUNS and Hornet one more time. You
should know better, I’ve been getting the title shots I deserve every since
the day I decided to not sit back and let them pass me by anymore.
I’m not the flavor of the week, GUNS... I’m here to stay, I’m here
to climb the mountain, and I’m going to take out Hornet like I have before,
and this time there’s gold on the line. After
I’ve won the United States title, you and I can go at it.
Until then... you’d better stay out of my business...
(GUNS has snatched a
microphone from Rhubarb Jones and now speaks.)
Don’t worry about PrimeTime. Worry
about tonight. You’re dying to
show the world you’re here to stay, but you’re nothing, kid.
You’re another here today, gone tomorrow chump who thinks he can hang
with me. I’ve been gone... but not
that long. Not long enough for
someone to show up and be something. You’re
going to just be another souvenir for some fan... courtesy of THIRD ROW, INC...
“Ride of the Valkyries”)
ByB: Fans....we'll be back!
"Silent Rage" Josh Novell vs. Wesley Paige
Originally scheduled to take on another CSWA
newcomer, Josh Novell's plans were changed when he got to the arena and found
out he was taking on CSWA vet Wesley Paige. True to his nickname, Novell
took the news without a word, then went out to the ring and destroyed
Paige. In a clinic, Novell demonstrated some incredible technique, nailing
Paige with a shortarm clothesline/T-Bone suplex combination that the smaller man
never recovered from. After another three minutes, Novell finally ended
the match with his "Entrapment" finisher, an almost-choke hold from
behind that put Paige out of commission.
Winner: "Silent Rage" Josh
Adventure vs. New Suicide Squad
Tsunami and The Warhorse Kid started off well,
but were in for a bad night. Their wires got crossed somehow, and
shenanigans ensued. MoA took over, with John Waits putting Tsunami over
the ropes with a huge clothesline, then whipping Johnny Lang into the MoA corner
to let Big Tom Remus hammer on him. Waits slammed into the corner,
squashing Lang. The two men wailed away on Lang, using quick tags and
doubleteams to keep him on the mat. Tsunami got back in the action by
taking matters into his own hands...going up top. But Remus was ready, and
caught Tsunami from the top with the 'atomic' right hand. Tsunami folded
like a you-know-what, and Remus hooked the leg to pin Lang for the three-count.
Winners: Men of Adventure
It’s amazing how many losers can win so many matches here in the CSWA...
with all the talent we have here, and Men of Adventure are winning tag
What’s amazing is how much you learned from Sammy Benson the last time
he stopped in here! What’s the
matter with a team like the Men of Adventure, who want to entertain the crowd
and make a few jokes? They’ve got
what it takes to get the job done inside the squared circle.
What’s amazing is how much you suck up to these fans.
I guess it’s good some of you suck ups stick around, that way people
keep watching. The good guys would
be nothing without someone to keep them in a reality check... and the people
that have to do all the work, THEY are the ones who get booed.
You’re a bitter, bitter young man, Billy.
You’d better watch it, Rudy, I can shove this monitor down your throat
in the time it takes us to cut to a commercial break...
Folks, we’ll be back with our main event, Joey Melton and Nathan
Storm... don’t change that dial!
"We’re on the road to Fish
Fans... we’re back, and I’ve got no clue where Rudy Seitzer went, he
finally took the hint and realized that I can handle this broadcast team by
myself... We’re heading to our
main event here with Joey Melton taking on the man already in the ring, Nathan
Storm vs. Joey Melton
As young Billy Buckley spent
the better half of this match talking about his announcing accolades and years
of college (most likely paid for by his father, the respected journalist Bill
Buckley), Joey Melton had a hard time dealing with Nathan Storm who used a
series of suplexes to take the veteran to the canvas.
After a barrage of knife-edged chops in the corner, Storm attempted to
shoot Melton into the corner but was reversed and Melton hit a brainbuster,
leaving both men laid out in the center of the ring.
Melton took the advantage at this point, working the canvas.
(Joined now in progress,
Much like the way I often have take initiative out here at the broadcast
position, Joey Melton is taking the initiative to slowly suck the life out of
Nathan Storm here with a sleeper hold. I
imagine Rudy would lay out the history of the sleeper hold, at this point, but
he’s not here, is he? Nathan Storm
is starting to struggle out of this hold, fans...
(An all-too-familiar noise
You’re kidding me...
(The Call of the Falcon is
loudly coming through the speakers at this point, and neither Nathan Storm or
Joey Melton is paying much attention to it.
Storm wiggles free and sends Melton into the ropes, coming off with a
flying shoulder tackle as the camera pans to the audience, where The Hooded
Falcon - who bares a striking masked physical resemblance to Rudy Seitzer - makes his
way to the broadcast position, holding his infamous cane.)
What is the meaning of...
(In super hero-esque voice, but still giving away the impression that
this is indeed Seitzer) DARE YOU
MAKE FUN OF YOUR BROADCAST COLLEAGUES NOW! There
is action in the ring WAITING to be called upon, young Buckley... Pay it
attention before I use this cane to do something your FATHER should have done a
LONG, LONG time ago, Billy...
(whispering) Back to
Fans, Rudy Seitzer had to take a break due to the aggravations of working
with a green young broadcast partner, so I offered to come out and fill in his
duty for this main event bout... Nathan Storm and Joey Melton are in the center
of the ring trading shots, and Melton is taking the brunt of the blows, and now
Storm sends him into the corner and follows in with a knee lift, doubling Melton
over and there goes Storm with a hip toss, Melton lands on his back and Storm
drops an elbow, goes for the cover but only gets one, it takes more than that to
take Joey Melton out of the game...
Melton is a...
SILENCE! Back to action,
Nathan Storm has lost his advantage, and Joey Melton is taking it to him, he
throws Storm out our way and I imagine Billy Buckley will begin cowering in fear
any moment now...
SILENCE! Melton slams Storm
into our desk now, but Storm with an elbow to the gut of Melton, and now he’s
turned the tides and Melton’s head crashes into the table and now he sends
Melton flying into the steel steps...
Referee Manny Juarez is being very...
WHAT PART OF SILENCE DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND YOUNG CHILD?
SILENCE! SILENCE, SILENCE,
SILENCE! Storm is looking around
here for a weapon, and he grabs the steel chair from Rhubarb Jones and he makes
his way toward Joey Melton, but Melton laces a boot into his stomach and Storm
doubles over, Melton goes to whip Storm into the corner, but no, Storm reverses
again and MELTON HITS THE OTHER STEPS, Storm is really taking it to Joey Melton
right now, he rolls Melton in the ring and could go for the cover... but ...
He’s coming back our way for something...
(Nathan Storm motions for
The Hooded Falcon’s cane, but The Falcon doesn’t want to give it up.
Finally, Storm snatches it out of Falcon’s hands and rolls into the
ring. He turns his body to The
Falcon and holds the cane up, ignoring Melton...)
Oh no! Melton with a rollup!
The cane goes flying, Juarez counts... JOEY MELTON WINS THIS ONE!
SILENCE! I’m going to get
(The Hooded Falcon runs to ringside, spreading his “wings” and diving toward Nathan Storm, who is in
disbelief that he just got beat. As
Joey Melton walks up the ramp with a slight smirk on his face, The Hooded Falcon
lands a right hand on Nathan Storm, who proceeds to kick The Falcon in the gut,
sending him through the ropes. Storm follows, kicking The Hooded Falcon
again, then ripping his mask off. The Falcon quickly hides his face
underneath the ring apron, with Storm grabbing a foot. )
That’s what that old man Seitzer...Falcon....whoever gets!
What a punk...
(Nathan breaks the cane over The Falcon's back and
heads to the ramp, walking away with a dirty look on his
That’s great stuff!
(At that moment, “Wicked
Sight” Mike Plett comes running to the ring, ignoring Storm, and tending to
his friend The Hooded Falcon.)
Now I know why Sammy hates this guy... what’s going on?
We’re almost out of time, fans, I know you’ve enjoyed my commentary
“Ride of the Valkyries”)
PLETT WILL GET WHAT HE DESERVES RIGHT NOW!
(Sight steps away from the Falcon and grabs both halves of the cane that was broke over his back, and
defiantly asks GUNS to come in.)
Tear him in half! They’re
going at it, GUNS swings his mighty hand, but Sight dodges it, dodges another,
he blocks one and hits GUNS over the head with part of that cane!
What a dirty fighter! GUNS
has a huge bout with Eli Flair at PRIMETIME, what is Sight trying to do?
IT DOESN’T MATTER, GUNS JUST LEVELED SIGHT WITH THE BIONIC KNEELIFT AND
SIGHT IS ON THE CANVAS!
(GUNS points out at the
crowd using three fingers...)
It’s got to be, THIRD ROW time for Wicked Sight!
(GUNS lifts Sight to his
feet, then goes for the Gorilla Press, but Sight wiggles free in the air and
kicks GUNS in the back of the leg, then hooks GUNS’ head, and goes for an
inverted View To A Kill but GUNS shrugs him off into the ropes, but Sight comes
off with a HUGE 360 Degree Clothesline and GUNS hits the canvas hard, with Sight
following in and unleashing a barrage of fists at his much larger foe.)
You’ve GOT to be kidding me! Sight...
well there’s security to save him, because if GUNS gets up and a hold of
Sight, it’s going to be over for that kid... we’ve got four or five
officials holding GUNS back, and Sight rolls out of the ring... He’s pointing
his finger at GUNS, like “stay out of my way”...
You’ve got to think, GUNS isn’t going to keep his promise, PRIMETIME is going to be a dandy, fans... that punk Sight is taking on Hornet, there’s
the chance that GUNS and Hornet are going to be in the ring together!
Don’t forget, also, GUNS takes on Eli Flair, and there’s loads more
great action bound to happen... and who knows what’s going on with guys like
DAN RYAN and Gemini! For my laid out
colleague... (sinister laugh)... This is Billy Buckley, see you next time on ON