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CUT TO:
The ON TIME logo at the top of the ramp from the show’s debut RS: Welcome to another week of CSWA: ON TIME! We’re heading straight out to the ring for action, it’s the former Greensboro champion - the RIGHTFUL Greensboro champion in my book - against this new... phenomenon known as SHAMON!
Southern hit the ring with his normal, determined attitude, the attitude that he’s using to be a locker room leader, the attitude that has won him so many matches before. His opponent, on the other hand, came to the ring wearing a shower cap. Shamon started this one off with some dance moves, urging Rudy Seitzer to make obscure dance references. In turn, Billy Buckley made a series of quick one liners but the humor in this match was stolen by the competitors in the ring; Southern manhandled Shamon, who let out various cackles and screams. Shamon somehow managed to grab the upper hand, but wasted valuable time doing the Moonwalk in the center of the ring, allowing Shane to hit a very solid DDT and score the pinfall. Winner: Shane Southern RS: Folks, this one is mercifully in the record books now... ByB: Mercifully, you didn’t DANCE during that bout! RS: I’m about to have you replaced with Sammy Benson! ByB: Look, Rudy... no need to go to drastic measures... RS: You really should watch your mouth sometimes, Billy. ByB: I can’t see my mouth without a mirror, but if you don’t shut up I can make it so you see yours... RS: Are you threatening me now? ByB: You said you were going to have me replaced with Sammy... that’s wrong, Rudy. Respect my elders my ... RS: (interrupting) ON TIME is certainly the place where you’ll find the newest, brightest stars getting a chance to shine, and tonight’s no exception, we’re about to hit the ring with two CSWA rookies, “Fearless” Jones is going to take on “Pitbull” Pete Hardy!
Pete Hardy started this bout off by showing that while he is new to the CSWA, he is far from being a rookie. The Pitbull took the fight to Jones throughout the beginning of the contest but “Fearless” came back with an array of offense, balancing the tide of the match out and bringing the crowd behind him, and showing that the CSWA can make stars in the blink of an eye. Hardy came in for a running lariat, and Jones capitalized on the move with a quick backslide into what would have been considered an upset win for “Fearless”, but The Pitbull rolled out and came through with an inside cradle to get the three count. Winner: Pete Hardy ByB: After this message, we’re going to have words from the... (sigh) Men of Adventure... CSWA: The Anthems - 16 of the hottest tracks in wrestling today, featuring classic and brand new titles by Metallica, Cold, Rage Against The Machine, Winger, Alice Cooper, White Zombie, ICP and more! (With a nut-quavering blast of horns and tooth-shattering bass drums, the MEN OF ADVENTURE THEME SONG bursts to life! "River of MEN! RIVER of MEN! It's up one side and back again, along the RIVER OF MEN!" as footage of the MoA - "IRON JOHN" WAITS and BENJAMIN "BIG TOM" REMUS - in full trapper regalia are shown in film clips of their 'mighty adventures!' - every scene merely the men gadding about in front of a blue-screen. They hold back a lion with only a stool, they walk a tightrope across the Grand Canyon, THEY TRADE PUNCHES WITH JOE LOUIS! A 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' style logo flashes across the screen with a whipcrack effect: "The Men Of Adventure - QUEST FOR A SET OF BRASS ONES - and then fades, leaving us with John and Tom inching along a snowy ridge of cardboard and paint, detergent snowflakes raining on their heads...) John: "Has it been ten minutes yet, Tom? I think so, MEASURE 'EM!" Tom: (grabs his crotch) "MY testicles are at LEAST five inches inside my abdomen!" John: "HAHA! MINE ARE THREE FEET IN! PAY UP!" Tom: (Fakes putting dollar bills in John's outstretched hands, a la Monty Python) "Wow, three feet John. That's impressive, all right, but surely not as impressive as our continuing quest to discover if ANY of the other tag teams in this misbegotten federation of spinsters are anything more than .. Oxygen subscribers, I say! But tell me, why are we pursuing the New Suicide Squad at this point? Aren't they ... beneath us?" John: "Probably Tom, we're about a million miles off the ground!" (he spits soap flakes) Tom: "No, I mean John that, as we know, suicide is the coward's way out. And since we're facing the New SUICIDE Squad, VIS A VIS MY GENIUS BRAIN, we already KNOW that they're COWARDS! Thus, not real men, so why bother testing them for potential manliness?" John: "I understand completely Tom, and besides that, you know what else come in Squads? CHEERLEADERS! And what are cheerleaders good for besides drugging up and humping on, or padding out a Jason film? NOTHING! But vigilance is our burden, so COME! Over this peak lay our destination!" (CUTTO stock footage of a team of Sherpas climbing a snowy mountain, then CUTTO the MoA standing in the middle of an Arab desert village (!), where they approach a small group of men in traditional dress) John: "Ho transvestites, nice gowns! Say, we heard the Suicide Squad resides here? Know where them boys is up in this piece, son?" (The small group - six men - look at one another uncertainly, then tentatively point at themselves) Tom: "All six? Good GOD, they ARE cowards after all! Well, if you think sheer numbers can overwhelm the Men of Adventure, that;s only true in terms of overwhelming us with F(BLEEP)GNESS! Nevermind ON TIME, Suicide Squad, we'll whup you HERE!" John: "Wait Tom, what if they're merely decoys?( to the men) How do we KNOW you're REALLY the Suicide Squad? YAAAAAGH!" (Unexpectedly, in a crappy cgi effect, one of the men in the back of the group blows up, sending everyone running except the MoA SFX:BOOOOM) John: "Good LORD! It IS them!" Tom: "I have to admire their dedication to the theme!" (Across the street, another man blows up unexpectedly SFX:BOOOOM) Tom: "Another one? You know, Friend John, I suspect the turnover rate for membership in the New Suicide Squad is somewhat significant!" (A Honda drives by, and the driver promptly explodes, then a little girl and a man selling ice cream cones, then a dog. SFX:BOOOOM. CUTTO a long shot of a model village, where firecrackers have been placed under miniature figures, one popping off after another. Tom and John shout in V/O: "Whoa! Another one! This is better than the Fourth of July! Oooh, screamers!" CUTTO John and Tom standing in a smoking ruin, grinning wildly. John starts to speak, and another man blows up in the distance. SFX:BOOOOM) John: "Ho HO! Well, if THIS is the worst the Suicide Squad has to offer, then the Men of Adventure are GUARANTEED a victory! Blow yourselves up all you wish, foolish squad! We Men BATHE in the ashes of the recently immolated! It's like rosewater to us, BUT NOT AS GAY!" Tom: "Yes, On Time brings us a guaranteed victory for SURE in the NEW life of the Men of Adventure! And besides, I LOVE THE SMELL OF NAPALM IN THE MORNING!" John: "It smells (he inhales deeply) like victory. HO!" (Someone blows up in the distance, FTB )
Kin Hiroshi came down to a not-so-surprising pop; between his incredible performances on ON TIME cards like this over the past months in the CSWA, he has built a fan base of “X-Treme” in the GXW. GUNS came out to the mostly heel pop that still shows the fans have a respect for him underneath the hatred, and the two went face to face. Without question, GUNS was physically dominating, throwing “The Muffin Man” around the ring with little trouble, but Hiroshi came back with high-impact, high-flying moves. Every time he would get ahead, however, GUNS brought him back down to the canvas with a bodyslam or clothesline. Kin somehow managed to mount a comeback and he went to the top for the Hiroshima Bomb; GUNS got up, however and powerbombed Hiroshi out of the corner, planting him and keeping him down for the three. Winner: GUNS ByB: GUNS was very decisive in that one, wouldn’t you say, Rudy? RS: Don’t take anything away from Kin Hiroshi, he is a Hell of a talent but GUNS proved to be too much for him here tonight... (CUE UP: “Just Got Wicked” by Cold -- huge crowd response. The monitor shows GUNS’ face turn from victory to anger.) WS: Well, GUNS, you put another one away. I’m surprised though... you didn’t attack Kin from BEHIND. That’s the way you like to do it... I’m out here, doing my damndest, putting my body on the line for these WONDERFUL CSWA FANS... and you like to do the run ins, you like to cost me the CSWA Heavyweight title. You like to jump me from behind, put me through tables. I’ve taken it from badder dudes before, GUNS... But let me warn you. If you renig on your promise... if you interfere in my US title match with Hornet... you’re going to regret it. This isn’t a US title shot because I’m feuding with you and Merritt wants the chance of GUNS and Hornet one more time. You should know better, I’ve been getting the title shots I deserve every since the day I decided to not sit back and let them pass me by anymore. I’m not the flavor of the week, GUNS... I’m here to stay, I’m here to climb the mountain, and I’m going to take out Hornet like I have before, and this time there’s gold on the line. After I’ve won the United States title, you and I can go at it. Until then... you’d better stay out of my business... (GUNS has snatched a microphone from Rhubarb Jones and now speaks.) GUNS: Don’t worry about PrimeTime. Worry about tonight. You’re dying to show the world you’re here to stay, but you’re nothing, kid. You’re another here today, gone tomorrow chump who thinks he can hang with me. I’ve been gone... but not that long. Not long enough for someone to show up and be something. You’re going to just be another souvenir for some fan... courtesy of THIRD ROW, INC... (CUE UP: “Ride of the Valkyries”) ByB: Fans....we'll be back!
Originally scheduled to take on another CSWA newcomer, Josh Novell's plans were changed when he got to the arena and found out he was taking on CSWA vet Wesley Paige. True to his nickname, Novell took the news without a word, then went out to the ring and destroyed Paige. In a clinic, Novell demonstrated some incredible technique, nailing Paige with a shortarm clothesline/T-Bone suplex combination that the smaller man never recovered from. After another three minutes, Novell finally ended the match with his "Entrapment" finisher, an almost-choke hold from behind that put Paige out of commission. Winner: "Silent Rage" Josh Novell
Tsunami and The Warhorse Kid started off well, but were in for a bad night. Their wires got crossed somehow, and shenanigans ensued. MoA took over, with John Waits putting Tsunami over the ropes with a huge clothesline, then whipping Johnny Lang into the MoA corner to let Big Tom Remus hammer on him. Waits slammed into the corner, squashing Lang. The two men wailed away on Lang, using quick tags and doubleteams to keep him on the mat. Tsunami got back in the action by taking matters into his own hands...going up top. But Remus was ready, and caught Tsunami from the top with the 'atomic' right hand. Tsunami folded like a you-know-what, and Remus hooked the leg to pin Lang for the three-count. Winners: Men of Adventure ByB: It’s amazing how many losers can win so many matches here in the CSWA... with all the talent we have here, and Men of Adventure are winning tag matches... RS: What’s amazing is how much you learned from Sammy Benson the last time he stopped in here! What’s the matter with a team like the Men of Adventure, who want to entertain the crowd and make a few jokes? They’ve got what it takes to get the job done inside the squared circle. ByB: What’s amazing is how much you suck up to these fans. I guess it’s good some of you suck ups stick around, that way people keep watching. The good guys would be nothing without someone to keep them in a reality check... and the people that have to do all the work, THEY are the ones who get booed. RS: You’re a bitter, bitter young man, Billy. Your father... ByB: You’d better watch it, Rudy, I can shove this monitor down your throat in the time it takes us to cut to a commercial break... RS: Folks, we’ll be back with our main event, Joey Melton and Nathan Storm... don’t change that dial! "We’re on the road to Fish Fund..." ByB: Fans... we’re back, and I’ve got no clue where Rudy Seitzer went, he finally took the hint and realized that I can handle this broadcast team by myself... We’re heading to our main event here with Joey Melton taking on the man already in the ring, Nathan Storm...
As young Billy Buckley spent the better half of this match talking about his announcing accolades and years of college (most likely paid for by his father, the respected journalist Bill Buckley), Joey Melton had a hard time dealing with Nathan Storm who used a series of suplexes to take the veteran to the canvas. After a barrage of knife-edged chops in the corner, Storm attempted to shoot Melton into the corner but was reversed and Melton hit a brainbuster, leaving both men laid out in the center of the ring. Melton took the advantage at this point, working the canvas. (Joined now in progress, 3:15) ByB: Much like the way I often have take initiative out here at the broadcast position, Joey Melton is taking the initiative to slowly suck the life out of Nathan Storm here with a sleeper hold. I imagine Rudy would lay out the history of the sleeper hold, at this point, but he’s not here, is he? Nathan Storm is starting to struggle out of this hold, fans... (An all-too-familiar noise interrupts Billy...) ByB: You’re kidding me... (The Call of the Falcon is loudly coming through the speakers at this point, and neither Nathan Storm or Joey Melton is paying much attention to it. Storm wiggles free and sends Melton into the ropes, coming off with a flying shoulder tackle as the camera pans to the audience, where The Hooded Falcon - who bares a striking masked physical resemblance to Rudy Seitzer - makes his way to the broadcast position, holding his infamous cane.) ByB: What is the meaning of... HF: (In super hero-esque voice, but still giving away the impression that this is indeed Seitzer) DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF YOUR BROADCAST COLLEAGUES NOW! There is action in the ring WAITING to be called upon, young Buckley... Pay it attention before I use this cane to do something your FATHER should have done a LONG, LONG time ago, Billy... ByB: (whispering) Back to action... HF: Fans, Rudy Seitzer had to take a break due to the aggravations of working with a green young broadcast partner, so I offered to come out and fill in his duty for this main event bout... Nathan Storm and Joey Melton are in the center of the ring trading shots, and Melton is taking the brunt of the blows, and now Storm sends him into the corner and follows in with a knee lift, doubling Melton over and there goes Storm with a hip toss, Melton lands on his back and Storm drops an elbow, goes for the cover but only gets one, it takes more than that to take Joey Melton out of the game... ByB: Melton is a... HF: SILENCE! Back to action, Nathan Storm has lost his advantage, and Joey Melton is taking it to him, he throws Storm out our way and I imagine Billy Buckley will begin cowering in fear any moment now... ByB: Hey, list-- HF: SILENCE! Melton slams Storm into our desk now, but Storm with an elbow to the gut of Melton, and now he’s turned the tides and Melton’s head crashes into the table and now he sends Melton flying into the steel steps... ByB: Referee Manny Juarez is being very... HF: WHAT PART OF SILENCE DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND YOUNG CHILD? ByB: Lis-- HF: SILENCE! SILENCE, SILENCE, SILENCE! Storm is looking around here for a weapon, and he grabs the steel chair from Rhubarb Jones and he makes his way toward Joey Melton, but Melton laces a boot into his stomach and Storm doubles over, Melton goes to whip Storm into the corner, but no, Storm reverses again and MELTON HITS THE OTHER STEPS, Storm is really taking it to Joey Melton right now, he rolls Melton in the ring and could go for the cover... but ... He’s coming back our way for something... (Nathan Storm motions for The Hooded Falcon’s cane, but The Falcon doesn’t want to give it up. Finally, Storm snatches it out of Falcon’s hands and rolls into the ring. He turns his body to The Falcon and holds the cane up, ignoring Melton...) ByB: Oh no! Melton with a rollup! The cane goes flying, Juarez counts... JOEY MELTON WINS THIS ONE! HF: SILENCE! I’m going to get my cane! (The Hooded Falcon runs to ringside, spreading his “wings” and diving toward Nathan Storm, who is in disbelief that he just got beat. As Joey Melton walks up the ramp with a slight smirk on his face, The Hooded Falcon lands a right hand on Nathan Storm, who proceeds to kick The Falcon in the gut, sending him through the ropes. Storm follows, kicking The Hooded Falcon again, then ripping his mask off. The Falcon quickly hides his face underneath the ring apron, with Storm grabbing a foot. ) ByB: That’s what that old man Seitzer...Falcon....whoever gets! What a punk... (Nathan breaks the cane over The Falcon's back and heads to the ramp, walking away with a dirty look on his face.) ByB: That’s great stuff! (At that moment, “Wicked Sight” Mike Plett comes running to the ring, ignoring Storm, and tending to his friend The Hooded Falcon.) ByB: Now I know why Sammy hates this guy... what’s going on? We’re almost out of time, fans, I know you’ve enjoyed my commentary this evening... (CUE UP: “Ride of the Valkyries”) ByB: PLETT WILL GET WHAT HE DESERVES RIGHT NOW! (Sight steps away from the Falcon and grabs both halves of the cane that was broke over his back, and defiantly asks GUNS to come in.) ByB: Tear him in half! They’re going at it, GUNS swings his mighty hand, but Sight dodges it, dodges another, he blocks one and hits GUNS over the head with part of that cane! What a dirty fighter! GUNS has a huge bout with Eli Flair at PRIMETIME, what is Sight trying to do? IT DOESN’T MATTER, GUNS JUST LEVELED SIGHT WITH THE BIONIC KNEELIFT AND SIGHT IS ON THE CANVAS! (GUNS points out at the crowd using three fingers...) ByB: It’s got to be, THIRD ROW time for Wicked Sight! (GUNS lifts Sight to his feet, then goes for the Gorilla Press, but Sight wiggles free in the air and kicks GUNS in the back of the leg, then hooks GUNS’ head, and goes for an inverted View To A Kill but GUNS shrugs him off into the ropes, but Sight comes off with a HUGE 360 Degree Clothesline and GUNS hits the canvas hard, with Sight following in and unleashing a barrage of fists at his much larger foe.) ByB: You’ve GOT to be kidding me! Sight... well there’s security to save him, because if GUNS gets up and a hold of Sight, it’s going to be over for that kid... we’ve got four or five officials holding GUNS back, and Sight rolls out of the ring... He’s pointing his finger at GUNS, like “stay out of my way”... You’ve got to think, GUNS isn’t going to keep his promise, PRIMETIME is going to be a dandy, fans... that punk Sight is taking on Hornet, there’s the chance that GUNS and Hornet are going to be in the ring together! Don’t forget, also, GUNS takes on Eli Flair, and there’s loads more great action bound to happen... and who knows what’s going on with guys like DAN RYAN and Gemini! For my laid out colleague... (sinister laugh)... This is Billy Buckley, see you next time on ON TIME! |
