BB: Up next folks we have a match that pits two relatively new CSWA
SB: You mean its time to go top off my beer?
BB: Did you already forget? You don't HAVE a beer.
SB: Oh yeah. Well somebody get me one!
BB: Not gonna happen.
Wait a second, it's Muffin Man time isn't it?
BB: Yes, it is.
SB: But I thought the
Muffin Man was Otis Spunkmeyer.
BB: That was a long, long
time ago in a CSWA far, far away.
SB: Oh...one of those....
Jones vs. Kin Hiroshi
("Bleed American" by Jimmy Eat World drowns out Benson’s remarks
as Kin Hiroshi walks out to a good reception from the crowd. He is wearing a Kin
Hiroshi "Keep Your Eyes On The Money" - Motley Crue T-shirt to the
ring and the crowd seems to be impressed.)
BB: Kin Hiroshi seems to have made an impact with the fans already.
SB: Oh please, the guys owns a muffin factory; these fat pigs will do
anything to get free food!
BB: Are you deliberately trying to annoy everyone?
SB: Uh-huh, is it working?!?!
("#1" by Nelly starts up and Fearless Jones walks out to a big pop.
Jones seems to enjoy the adulation of the fans.)
SB: Who the hell is this guy?
BB: You haven't been paying attention, have you. It's
SB: What the hell is he doing here?
BB: He’s fighting Hiroshi, Sammy.
SB: Jeez, it looks like Merritt’s letting anyone in now!
(The two fan favorites circle each other and slap hands before locking up.)
BB: A nice touch of sportsmanship there by these two outstanding athletes.
SB: Are you sure they weren’t out standing in the parking lot and were
dragged in here to wrestle?
BB: Look, if it makes you happier then go off and get a beer.
SB: Good, don’t mind if I do.
(Benson takes off his headset and walks off.)
BB: Wait, Sammy, I wasn't serious…..
(Hiroshi snapmares Jones to the floor and applies a headlock.)
BB: Sorry fans….let's try and concentrate on the match. Hiroshi
drives down hard on Jones’ neck before kicking him hard in the spine which
causes Jones to roll around the mat in pain. Kin bounces off the ropes with a
plancha before flattening Jones and covering him for a pin….1….2….Jones
powers out and knees Hiroshi in the guts before slinging him outside.
(The camera follows Hiroshi as he struggles to get to his feet despite the
ringside crowd patting him on the body and encouraging him.)
BB: Jones is on the top rope…..HIGH CROSS BODY! SWEET LORD, KIN HIROSHI WAS
SANDWICHED BETWEEN THE FLYING FEARLESS JONES AND THE GUARD RAIL!
(Hiroshi lies on the floor, blood trickling from his mouth as Jones gets up
favoring his right shoulder.)
BB: Jones is quick to stay on the attack, throwing Hiroshi hard into the
steel steps, now Jones climbs onto the timekeeper’s table…...FLYING LEGDROP!
HIROSHI’S HEAD JUST BOUNCED OFF THE STEEL STEPS! HE’S BLEEDING EVEN MORE
(The camera goes up close on the lacerated face of Hiroshi before backing off
as if warned by the director.)
BB: Jones picks up the Japanese star and rolls him into the ring, Hiroshi
appears lifeless, those two high risk moves really paid off for the Fearless
one! Jones now motions to the crowd that he’s going to inflict more punishment
onto Hiroshi as Jones climbs the turnbuckle.
(Flashbulbs go off as Jones steadies himself.)
BB: Jones leaps…..FROG SPLASH….NO…HIROSHI MOVES! JONES HIT NOTHING BUT
MAT AND BOTH MEN ARE LYING ON THE GROUND SUCKING AIR!
(Sammy Benson returns to the broadcast table.)
BB: Nice of you to come back.
SB: Aw crap, are they still fighting?
BB: Yes, its been and excellent match so far.
SB: Can you believe that nobody would sell me anything? You've been
circulating those fliers with my picture on it again, haven't you?
BB: No comment.
SB: I truly hate you, Buckley. (Benson leaves again.)
BB: I must apologize for Sammy’s unprofessional behavior, fans.
(Both wrestlers get to their feet.)
BB: Kin Hiroshi appears to have a second wind as he lays chop after chop onto
the chest of Fearless Jones, he whips Jones into the ropes, front lay-out suplex!
What a move by Kin Hiroshi! Hiroshi is back to his feet and is scaling the top
turnbuckle, he leaps, flying dropkick! I think Jones might have had his teeth
(The camera cuts to Jones who is lying on his front on the mat; there is a
trickle of blood coming from his mouth.)
BB: Hiroshi is up again and grabs Jones by the head, he leans back, and
twists into an inverted DDT! He flips over into a cover…1….2…Jones twists
his shoulder off the canvas. Hiroshi is all over him, though, and a series of
chops pushes him towards the turnbuckle where Hiroshi mounts the turnbuckle and
starts to wail away at Jones. Jones grabs Hiroshi and brings him out, attempted
atomic block but Hiroshi counters into a tornado DDT! Kin Hiroshi climbs the top
turnbuckle and waits for Jones to get to his feet, Hiroshi jumps off the top…..FLYING
CLOTHESLINE…..NO…..TURNED INTO A FACEBUSTER BY JONES!
(Cut to Hiroshi lying on the mat holding his face as Jones scrambles up the
ropes to his feet.)
BB: Jones is motioning that he’s had enough and he’s going to finish
it! He’s motioning for the “The Super-Dope Cool-Down Technique.”
Boy am I glad Sammy wasn’t here to hear me say that! Uh-oh, speaking of which,
here he comes!
(The camera cuts to Benson walking back towards the commentary table holding
a massive hotdog, he walks past the ring, unaware of the abuse he is getting
from the fans for blocking their view.)
BB: Jones is outside the ring and climbing the turnbuckle, what in the
world? As Jones was climbing the turnbuckle, he accidentally kicked Sammy’s
hotdog! Its gone all over Benson!
(Cut to an chili-drenched Benson standing there fuming as the crowd mock him.
Jones is unaware of what he is doing as he perches above the ring.)
BB: Sammy is up on the apron…OH NO…HE’S PUSHED FEARLESS JONES OFF THE
TURNBUCKLE! MANNY FERNANDEZ WAS CHECKING ON KIN HIROSHI AND DIDN’T SEE
IT! NOW JONES IS LYING HOLDING HIS KNEE ON THE GROUND.
(Benson walks back to the table.)
BB: What were you thinking?
SB: That stupid freak robbed me of a hotdog, and now I smell like chili!
BB: Hiroshi is standing on the top turnbuckle, he looks down at Jones, he
leaps off the turnbuckle….HIROSHI-MA BOMB! THE BOMB HITS THE TARGET!
HIROSHI COVERS JONES…..1…..2…..3!
SB: Serves the goof right for ruining my post-match snack.
BB: You’re going to get into a whole load of trouble for that.
SB: Do I look like I care? Somebody get me another hotdog!
BB: Sammy, do you really want to leave and miss another
one of your heroes?
SB: Unless Eddy's coming out next, what could be more
important than another hot dog?
Melton vs. Cameron Cruise
BB: Up next, we have a contest between two more senior members in the CSWA.
Speaking of senior, they don't get any more tenure in the CSWA than Joey Melton,
the man who first held the CSWA World Championship back in 1988! He faces
off against former Presidential Champ Cameron Cruise, who seems to have been in quite
a bad mood since he returned from a brief hiatus.
SB: That guy's been in a bad mood ever since he looked in the
mirror. Come on, Buckley.
BB: This should be a great match... it's Melton's first match back, and
while it's not the match he wanted, I'm sure these two will put on a show.
SB: It's ridiculous...Melton offered ten million dollars to Merritt,
just for a title show in his return match to the league he made famous.
Merritt's an idiot for turning him down.
BB: Apparently he decided that the World Title can't be bought.
SB: He was asking for a shot at the title, Buckley...not to BUY
BB: Well, I guess we'll see if he's got enough to get by Cameron Cruise
(Joey Melton exits from backstage to a chorus of boos from the fans in attendance. The fans
occasionally throw a piece of garbage in his direction, and Melton just responds with a sneer. He makes his way towards
the ring, intent on defeating his opponent, Cameron Cruise.)
BB: And Melton isn't welcomed warmly here, as should be expected.
SB: What are you talking about, Buckley? Don't see that group of
guys bowing down, showing they're not worthy? The man's a REAL legend, not
like the Living Psycho.
BB: Who's also in action later tonight.
SB: Oh joy.
(Suddenly, Cameron Cruise races out from backstage and down the rampway, quickly sliding into the ring. The bell
rings, and the match starts as Cameron catches Melton off guard with a quick right, followed by a hard
left. Then, Cruise whips Melton into the ropes, and hits him with a flying knee when he returns, taking the veteran down to the mat.)
BB: Cruise here with an early domination over the first and former World
Champ. Melton is a bit rusty in the ring, as should be expected. I just hope he can put on a good
SB: Whatcha mean 'hope' he will? HE'S JOEY MELTON...HE'LL KICK CRUISE'S
BB: Settle down, Sammy.
(Cruise lifts up Melton, and whips Melton into the turnbuckle. Cruise then attempts to follow through with a hard elbow into Melton's back, but
Melton knowing he is going to be elbowed, stumbles out of the way, allowing Cruise
to ram his elbow into the turnbuckle post, and scream out in pain as he pays for
BB: Ouch, that's gotta hurt. Melton quickly schoolboys Cruise for the
cover! ONE...... TWO...... KICKOUT! Cruise kicks out, and he's not a
(Cruise quickly gets up, and kicks Melton in the head. Cruise lifts up Melton, and whips him into the ropes, catching him with back body drop.
Cruise looks down at Melton, and climbs up the turnbuckle. As Melton gets up, he
stumbls right into a powerful top rope lariat by Cruise, taking him down to the mat. After several seconds, Cruise gets the strength to drape an
arm over Melton.)
BB: Now it's Cruise's turn for the pinfall!
ONE..........TWO.......THREE!!! NO! Melton kicked out at the last
second! He's still in this one!
SB: YES! Come on Joey!
(Cruise slaps the mat in frustration, and stares at Melton. He lifts up Melton, and whips him, but Melton reverses it, and catches Cruise when he
returns with a big boot to the face. Cruise stumbles around, and Melton shoulder butts him to the mat. Melton
hits the ropes, and follows up with a hard legdrop onto Cruise's sternum as the fans boo Melton on.)
BB: That's gotta hurt!
SB: That's my man!
BB: I thought Eddy Love was 'your man,' as sick as that sounds.
SB: Eddy's THE Man, but Joey was the first!
BB: Now that really sounds bad. Look at this...Melton puts
his finger on Cruise's chest for a humiliating pinfall. Ref Patrick Young
counts.... ONE....... TWO...... THR.... NO! Cruise kicks out and sends
Melton flying. Melton's yelling at Young, arguing that it was a slow
SB: Somebody should kick that ref's teeth in.
BB: That's a little harsh, Sammy.
SB: What can I say? I don't like the way he looks, never have.
BB: Well THAT'S certainly a reason to want him hurt.
SB: Hey, I'm not a perfect person, Buckley; I freely admit it.
BB: While Melton's jawing with the ref, Cruise grabs him from
behind! Standing switch by Melton, and now he hoists Cruise up and drops
him jaw-first on the turnbuckle! He slams Cruise's head into the
turnbuckle and now follows up with some massive chops! Most of these fans
may not remember Melton fondly, but they're definitely into this match as they
boo each chop.
SB: He's got charisma for the ages, Buckley.
BB: I don't even know what that means. Melton lifts Cruise onto
the top turnbuckle....he's setting him up for that massive superplex to try and
put the former Presidential Champ away! Melton goes to lift Cruise
up....but Cameron shoves him off the top! (SFX: Big fan
SB: HE CHEATED!
BB: ...no, he didn't. Didn't we have this talk earlier? Cruise is
up! He stands on the turnbuckle.... TOP ROPE SPLASH by Cruise right onto
Melton's midsection! He nails Melton, but knocked the wind out of himself
too! Both men are on their backs, and Patrick Young has begun a standing
SB: Come on, Joey.... you've got him right where you want him.
BB: What are you talking about?! The man just got pounded into
the mat with the force of a mack truck!
SB: But he hasn't lost yet, has he?
BB: Young hits six, and Cruise is up to his knees. He crawls
towards Melton and drapes an arm over him! Here's the cover!
ONE......... TWO........ THREE!!! Cameron Cruise defeats....
SB: HE HAD HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES!
BB: And for once, you're right. Patrick Young is explaining the
situation to Cruise...who quickly pushes Young out of the way and pulls Melton
to his feet. Cruise whips a breathless Joey Melton into the far
corner! He follows in for the SPEAR!! NO!!!
BB: Melton dove out of the way, and Cruise goes through the corner into
the turnbuckle post itself! He may have just knocked himself silly!
Melton pushes him back out of the corner and onto the mat! That mistake
could've been the end for Cruise!
SB: Count on it, Buckley. I told you Melton wasn't done yet!
BB: Melton lifts the right leg of Cruise and motions to the
crowd! He's got him set up.....and here's the FIGURE FOUR! Cruise
isn't even fighting it... I think he's out from the miss into the post.
Cruise's shoulders stay on the mat....and Patrick Young counts the one....
two.... three! Joey Melton is back in the CSWA, and he's got one more win
under his belt.
SB: And he'll be trading that leather one in for a certain twenty-pound
gold belt soon, Buckley.
BB: Who knows what the future holds, Sammy.
SB: Miss Cleo.... and she told me.
BB: What a classic match between these two...it all came down to one
major mistake. Patrick Young is helping Cruise to his feet, while Melton
poses with two valets who have brought out a robe and towel.
SB: It's just a fraction of what he deserves. He made this place,
BB: Hold on... Cruise pushes Young to the mat. He nails Melton
from behind with a big forearm and sends the girls scattering! Melton
quickly rolls out of the ring.... but Cruise is following, and he picks up a
chair on the way!!! Melton hightails it up the ramp, robe tucked between
his legs, with a furious Cruise right behind him! We'll be right back!