 |
|||||
|
|||||
|
|||||
|
|
|||||
 |
|||||
|
|||||
 |
|
CUT TO:
The ON TIME logo at the top of the ramp from the show’s debut CUT TO:
The inside of the Shark Tank, one singular pyro marks the beginning of
CSWA: ON TIME as Moto Psycho hits its chorus…
The camera pans around to catch signs, quickly catching glimpses of “So
Sayeth Apocalypse”, “GUNS fears Sight”, “Marry Me, English Gent”,
“WE LOVE THE VIEW, TOO, MOA”, “P-R-O”, then focusing on three large men
bearing painted stomachs that reads “E-L-I”, before finally resting on Billy
Buckley and Rudy Seitzer as Moto Psycho fades into huge crowd response.) RS:
And we’re heading straight to the ring folks, this show’s getting
underway in big time fashion… RS:
And we’re heading straight to the ring folks, this show’s getting
underway in big time fashion… (CUE UP:
“God Save The Queen” – big time noise factor as Lawrence Stanley
walks out with Alfred by his side. Both men are dressed in very dapper
suits and stride purposefully to the ring as the giant TV screens behind them
show highlights of “The English Gent” in action. As they make their
way to the ring the camera pans round the crowd to look at the various signs,
‘Stanley Was Robbed’, ‘Teri is a Slut’ and ‘Hornet Fears the Gent’
are just a few of the signs on display. Finally RS:
What’s happening to you, Billy? Daddy
won’t be happy with you. ByB:
Shut up.
Cameron Cruise debuted the new entrance theme “Payback” by Flaw. During the bout, with the commentators distracted with Lawrence Stanley’s challenge to Hornet and their own quarreling, these two went at it lacking the intensity they had for each other not long ago but managed to put on a solid showing of mat wrestling. It erupted into a suplex contest moments later, with Nathan Storm getting the upper hand. In the end, however, “The Crippler” came out on top with a cradle piledriver. Winner: Cameron Cruise RS: We’re going to pay some bills, stay tuned, Southern takes on GUNS, and the young sensation Kin Hiroshi is NEXT! CUEUP: Commercial -- "The best in CSWA home entertainment… “Best of Eli/Troy” available on DVD or VHS! Also, check out ANNIVERSARY 2001 and Elvis Lives 2001 also available on DVD or VHS!" (With a hale and hearty blast of horns and
chest-rattling bass drums, the MEN OF ADVENTURE THEME SONG bursts to life!
"Adventurrrrre ... Men of Adventurrrrre ... Conquerrring the world! The
World of Adventurrrrre ..." as footage of the MoA - "IRON JOHN"
WAITS and BENJAMIN "BIG TOM" REMUS - in full trapper regalia are shown
in film clips of their 'mighty adventures!' - every scene merely the men gadding
about in front of a blue-screen. They race ahead of a heard of wild stampeding
buffalo, they walk on the wing of a classic biplane during a spectacular stunt
show, THEY LAUGH, STANDING IN THE CENTER OF A HOUSEFIRE, HOLDING MARSHMALLOWS!) (A 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' style logo flashes
across the screen with a whipcrack effect: "The Men Of Adventure - QUEST
FOR REAL MANLY MEN - and then fades, leaving us with John and Tom in their canoe
in front of a bluescreen of the deep forest around the TOM: "I tell you, John, my lad, our lives as
the only TRUE MANLY (BLEEP)DAMN MEN in the whole of the CSWA tag team scene, it
makes for a heavy burden. Take, for instance, our current self-imposed quest ...
here we trudge the FILTHY BACKWATERS and FECES DANK festering SWAMPS of the most
distant reaches of the CSWA's feminine, pale, fleshy reach, seeking those paeans
to simpering domesticity and girlish fancy who compose this pathetic (spits) tag
team division." JOHN: "Yes Tom, it is our unholy and
damnable duty to root these fakers - themselves no more manly than mere STREET
MIMES - out into the unforgiving and brutish LIGHT OF SHEER MANLINESS!" TOM: "Yes, I want to make it very
clear" (speaks slowly and enunciates painstakingly to the camera) "WE
are on a QUEST to find even ONE TAG TEAM in the CSWA who are NOT (BLEEPS)." JOHN: "Yes," (speaking to camera)
"The PREMISE of our SERIES of ADVENTURES seems clear." (stares for a
moment, deadpan at the camera) TOM: "John, consult our MANLY MAP and tell
us what hateful dandies we seek here in this fetid swamp" (swats at
imaginary things) "CURSED TSE TSE FLIES! Take my blood if you dare, I HAVE
NONE! Like all MEN OF ADVENTURE, my veins FLOW with the PURE UNADULTERATED SPUNK
OF TITANS! The MAP, John, to which of these ballet-dancing ninnies are we
questing?" JOHN: "Tom, our first subjects, they are ...
I ... I fear to speak their name aloud, Tom, lest it turn my very tongue GAY
upon the uttering of their hated syllables!" TOM: "Courage, man..." JOHN: "Tom, we seek ... RAW DEAL! HO
HO!" TOM: "Ho HO!" (CUTTO: Black and white film footage from a
Tarzan movie, twelve black men in African tribal gear paddling a canoe while the
John and Tom sing their theme song in a voiceover. CUTTO: A closeup of the of
the canoe in front of the bluescreen again, John has his back turned the camera
and appears to be whizzing in the river) JOHN: "Ahhhh. Farewell fifteen cups of
coffee and muscatel, YOU SERVED ME WELL while in my GUT AND BLADDER you resided!
FAREWELL! Ho HO!" TOM: "Hush John! Hunker down, I think I hear
something! Pay heed and come astern!" JOHN: "Fat chance Tom, even the URINE of
true Men of Adventure CANNOT BE STOPPED! Besides, what do you think propels the
boat at this speed? I'll tell you. MY PEE! HO HO!" TOM: "So be it, but upon the wind wafts the
odor of something even more pungent than your nasty-ass excretions, friend John.
And good grief, lay off the asparagus, man. HO! I sense it on the wind, the reek
of their LACK OF MANLINESS is tangible! Come with me, through the forest!" JOHN: "Can't stop now, Tom! I see one of
those hated urethra-infesting parasite-fish of the Amazon, the hated Candiru, is
attempting to swim up the flow of my urine and infest my manly orifices with his
spiny badassedness! I WON'T HAVE IT! Only the strength of my expelled urine
keeps him at bay! BACK SPINY HORNFISH, TONIGHT YOU WILL NOT DINE ON THE SOFT AND
DELECTABLE FLESH INSIDE MY WEINER, YOU BASTARD!" (whizzes harder) TOM: "John, assuming you aren't
hallucinating the entire event, what difference does it make? Let the pokey
little bastard take up lodging in the manse of your manhood. And when he's not
expecting it, one of your multitude of crabs will probably kill its sorry ass
while it sleeps." JOHN: "True, my prodigous and spectacular
genitals are like the rough part of TOM: "We cannot wait, or the scent will grow
cold! Cut off the stream, John! It's the only option, for we must RUN to
ADVENTURE and the conclusion of our QUEST!" (CUTTO: More black and white Tarzan footage, a
team of Great White Hunters and their porters making their way through a jungle.
The MoA continue making voiceovers, as John exclaims "Ah, my urethra! You
win this round, spiney dickfish!" CUTTO: The MoA running up to a fakey
looking temple amidst a set of ferns and jungle foliage ...) TOM: "We stand at the temple door where the
grizzled veterans, the elder statesmen of the CSWA Tag Team Division are rumored
to reside, friend John. Inside this hateful place of stone and despair, do there
reside REAL MANLY MEN, or just another pair of mincing drag queens who symbolize
the downfall and shabby condition of this federation's overall MANHOOD?" JOHN: "I vote for drag queens Tom!" TOM: "As you always do! Quickly,
inside!" (The MoA jog in place as footage of a hallway dashing by is
played on the screen behind them. CUTTO: The MoA on a stage where two,
bald, old Marlon Brando lookalikes sit.) "What the hell? Do my
eyes decieve me? They better not, CAUSE I DON'T TAKE THAT (BLEEP) from ANYONE, Marlon Brando lookalike 1:
"I expected they'd send someone like you. You're an errand boy, sent
by grocery clerks ... DID YOU BRING GROCERIES?" (slobbers) JOHN: "These are the feared Raw Deal? I see
only self-indulgent fairies who are too lazy to muster the strength to dress,
although I appreciate the fine job you've done on shaving your heads. Very
smooth. BUT STILL! I believe my urethra-bound parasite fish could kick their
asses! Go get 'em boy, get 'em Spike!" (John pats his groinular region
encouragingly) Marlon Brando Lookalike 2: "You have no
right to judge us, kill us, but do not judge us." TOM: "Oh, we'll do worse than that! You who
have failed your TRUE MANLINESS more than any others! Who else but the hard-worn
veterans of the tag team division could be called MEN, other than we? WELL NOT
YOU, OBVIOUSLY! Look at you, you don't belong in a wrestling federation! You
belong on tiny motorscooters, wearing checkered pants and cowboy hats, appearing
in comical desk calendars! YOU'RE JOKES, and WE'RE BUD FREEMAN! (pause) HO! What
can we, as true MEN OF ADVENTURE give you but that which you truly deserve, RAW
DEAL! JOHN! Still full of coffee and muscatel?" JOHN: "And parasite fish! I'm fuller than
ever!" (unzips as the camera pans up towards his smiling face) "Say
hello to my leetul friend, HO HO!" TOM: (Camera pans over the look of terror on the
twin fat men and then towards Big Tom standing in the back of the room, as the
sound of a powerful fire hose is heard over gargbled screams) "The horror
... the horror ... Ho HO!" (FTB)
It’s another success for Hiroshi! The fan base seems to have already been there for Hiroshi, but his short CSWA stay thus far has only added to it. After an impressive ground display, Hiroshi took to the sky and quickly went to the top for the Hiroshi-ma bomb, decisively getting the three count. Winner: Kin Hiroshi ByB:
Let’s go to the back where Shane Southern has something to get off his
chest… (CUT
TO: Backstage.) SS:
Last ON TIME Mike Plett came out here n' told off tha' Strongest Arms in
Tha' World. Last week Wicked Sight TOLD Guns what alotta' guys in tha' back were
thinkin'. Since that time Guns, you've hadda' lot ta' say on tha' subject. Since
this match was signed, all I've heard from ya' is how tha' CSWA's goin'
down...brick by brick, n' how you don't care WHO gets destroyed in tha' process. You've
told me that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, that I can't make
tha' CSWA a place worth savin'. I disagree Guns. But
I don't only disagree with YOU...and you're not tha' only man who I've gotta'
problem with. Guys like Eddy Love and And
Chad Merritt, he allows it to happen. Because, in his warped sense of thinkin',
those guys have always made him money...so why stop now. WHY give these new boys
a chance? It scares Merritt when I start talkin' 'bout takin' on guys like
Hornet and GUNS, because he doesn't think Shane Southern can make him as much
money as those boys. So he strips me of a title ta' show me mah' place. (boos
from the crowd) He thinks that maybe now that I see what he'll do ta' me if I
keep talkin', that I'll shut up. Oh, 'Cause
ya see, I ain't tha' only one with this goal. I ain't tha' only man that will
soak this mat with his blood, sweat n' tears ta' see tha' CSWA become a' better
place. There are others. WICKED
SIGHT is one of those people. (crowd pop) He's one of tha' guys that are gonna'
ensure that tha' people that WORK tha' hardest, tha' people that have tha' most
TALENT, tha' people that want it MOST are allowed ta' shatter that glass ceilin'
n' show those limo ridin', mansion livin', first class sittin' suns u
<bleep>es just WHO tha' BEST really are. He's one of tha' guys that's
gonna speak his MIND, and DAMN be tha' consequences. He's gonna' fight 'till his
very last breath ta' make sure that YOU (points to the crowd) get what you WANT.
GUNS mighta’ done a number on him, but he’s gonna’ keep doin’
whatever it takes to get tha’ job done. Evan Aho....(crowd pops again)... we've had our differences in tha' past, but NOBODY, n' I mean NOBODY is happier ta' see ya' wearin' that World Title 'round yer waist right now than me. I know ya' say that tha' belt really don't mean nuthin' to ya'...n' that's fine, you go on tellin' tha' world what ya; want 'em ta' hear...but in tha' few months I've been here Evan, I've learned somethin' 'bout you...you're goal in yer career is ta' be tha' BEST wrestler on tha' face of tha' earth. THAT belt yer wearin'...is a sign that you're there. Like it or not Evan, you're tha' standard bearer for tha' "new generation". You got what Mike n' I WANT...and we'd LOVE ta' take it from ya. But at tha' same time Evan, you've got ta' take a look at yerself and what's goin' on AROUND ya'. You've got ta' KNOW that if ya' don't FIGHT tha' system, tha' system is gonna' take you down. You may CLAIM not ta' care Evan, but ya' better start real quick...or Chad Merritt could do tha' SAME thing ta' you he did ta' me. THEN where will ya' be Evan? Back to tha' NEW Suicide Squad? BACK ta' Jimmy V ta' give ya' a little direction? Wake up Evan, before it's too late. GUNS, no matter what happens ta'night...tha' battle RAGES ON. And I think we BOTH know how tha' party's gonna' end...that's right...(smiles Party's OVER.
(Backstage, Eddy Love is
seen arriving to the building at a CSWA house show the night before. As
he walks down the only-slightly-lighted hall, he hears footsteps behind him.
Love stops, turns, and surveys the area, but sees no one. After a few
moments, he shrugs and continues walking to his dressing room. As he
turns a corner and approaches the room, we see that the door is already
opened. Love drops his gear and cautiously peers into the room. No
one's around, but there's still the bathroom to check. He cautiously
creeps his way over to it and opens the door, wincing as it creaks. The
camera, located directly behind Love, reveals that the room... is empty.
But someone's been there already. Recently in fact. This is
evident because someone's taken a black Sharpie marker and left a message for
Love on the mirror. The message: "I'm always watching."
Suddenly, Eddy's cell phone rings. He nervously grabs it and flips it
open. Through the miracle of technology, we can hear the
obviously-distorted voice on the other end.}
Voice: I'm looking forward to meeting up
with you soon, Eddy. And I'm sure you're just... dying... to know who I
am. You'll know soon enough. The whole world will know. But
until the time I decide to come forth, know that I'll still be watching.
{We hear an audible click and the line... goes
dead. Love looks around, nervous and sweating slightly, as the camera
fades to black.)
(CUT
TO: Michael Plett watching the
interview as he stretches, smiling slightly… somebody taps him on the shoulder
and he runs out, as the camera cuts back to the arena
Whereas Sight thrived on the reactions of the fans, his opponent did nothing of the sort. Machine came out to a large response that sounded like a pop founded on the fact that the crowd is still awestruck by this monster. In what should have come as no surprise, he manhandled the lighter Sight through a greater portion of the match. But as the crowd began to back Plett, he came back with his signature, high-paced offense and after Machine missed a running lariat, Sight came out of nowhere with the View To A Kill to get a well-earned victory over the young German “exchange student. Winner: Wicked Sight (FADEIN: 'COCKY' CRAIG MILES sitting on the mock Masterpiece Theatre Set. He's wearing a silk black bathrobe and puffing casually on a Newport Cigarette. The dimmed lights come on and MILES swings the red velvet chair to the camera's view…) MILES
(in mock British Accent): "Hello
and welcome to another installment of Masterpiece PROFESSIONAL Theat-ah.
We are very excited to provide you the loyal U-62 viewer with the highest
excellence of THEAT-AH. Tonight is
NO different as we are proud to present the off-Broadway production starring
Joey Melton titled 'A Man and his Pig.' (MILES
puffs on his cigarette and blows out a ring) ENJOY." (FADE
OUT…) (FADEIN:
JOEY MELTON standing in an empty theatre with a table behind him…) JOEY
MELTON: "I’ve come out here tonight with the intention to show the world
that Joey Melton is more than a drug dependent sex hound, and all around sports
entertainment God. Stop looking for a magic rug you haven’t been transported
to another dimension, the words you hear are genuine. In the past I’ve taken
Steven Flair, Peyton Wright, and Poison Ivy from the depths of the barrel all
the way to the top. But, it’s come to my attention many of you think Joey
Melton lives for yesterday. With that nugget on the table right here on
Wrestling With Amos and Andy I’m going to make another career." MELTON: "I asked for the time tonight so I could showcase the soft, chewy, self-less core of my being. I know time is limited but I’d like to introduce a local performer, who after tonight will have the world eating out of his hand. Harry, it’s your show. (CUTTO:
HARRY NEBAL, an early twenty-something Dungeons-and-Dragons-looking geek
nervously shuffles onstage, his eyes never move off the floor.
Stagehands bring out a set piece covered by an E.T bed sheet.) MELTON
(putting the mic in Harry's face): "Tell these fine people your name." HARRY
(adjusts Buddy Holly glasses): "256...256 toothpicks...256." MELTON:
"Excuse me Raymond?" HARRY:
"Avoid the Noid, avoid the Noid...JJ Deville made a joke." MELTON:
"I’m sorry that was a little gag we worked out before the show. You
ready?" (HARRY
nods then disappears behind the bed sheet.) MELTON:
"Amos, Andy, do the honors." (The
Stagehands yank the sheet away revealing a good sized puppet set. The set is a
replica of SWEET MELISSA's teenage bedroom! The walls are painted pink and
adorned with Billy Ray Cyrus and Lynyrd Skynyrd posters. A life-sized cardboard
cut out of Bobby Brown seems oddly out of place.) (A Sweet
Melissa puppet, with frizzy blonde hair, sporting a tube top and high riding cut
off jeans, sits on a heart shaped bed.) SWEET
MELISSA: "Eddy are you done yet?" (Off set
RACKET) MELISSA:
"Eddy that’s so gross! If you loved me you’d let me be first!" (more
off set RACKET, followed by a pig SQUEALING!) MELISSA:
(humming) "Don’t break my heart, my achy breaky heart..." (The
bathroom door flies open and a squealing pig runs out, then off set.) MELISSA:
"EDDY!" (An EDDY
LOVE puppet, mullet hair cut, Clemson sweatpants and a COPS t-shirt, steps out
of the bathroom out of breath.) LOVE:
"You said something?" MELISSA:
I said that’s gross! LOVE:
"Baby Bubba Ray dared me, for ten bucks. If I’m going to put you through
Beautician school I gotta bring home the bacon somehow." MELISSA:
"Why’d you say it like that? Beautician school, what’s with the
sarcasm?" LOVE:
"Give it a rest, huh. I ain’t mean nothin’ by it." MELISSA:
"I thought I told you to lose that DRAWL? You sound too much like my
uncle." LOVE:
"What’s wrong with being Southern? It’s who I am Melissa!" MELISSA:
"You’re dumb Eddy, okay...you don’t have to sound dumb too." LOVE:
"If you think I’m so dumb, maybe we don’t have to go to the prom!" MELISSA:
"Fine!" LOVE:
"Okay!" MELISSA:
"Fine!" LOVE:
"Okay! Although you know it’s going to break Aunt Bootsy’s heart."
MELISSA:
"I ain’t goin’ to the prom with yer Aunt Bootsy!" LOVE:
"That ain’t what I meant! She wanted us to drop by the motor home for
pictures. Woman probably had a stroke just cleanin’ the ace for the
occasion." MELISSA:
"Huh?" LOVE:
"She cleaned the place for us, okay. Momma said she ain’t been feelin’
well of late...workin’ with MELISSA:
"Gawd, what an embarrassment having an Aunt who gets high on LOVE:
"She’s aunt Bootsy!" MELISSA:
"She’s a drugged out ol’ witch! (DRAMATIC
pause) I need a hit, Eddy, I’m bored. Where’s..." (SFX:
KNOCK on the door! CUTTO: MELTON
gets on his knees and slides over to the side of the set) MELISSA:
"JOEY! How’d you get up here?" MELTON:
"Just like any other guy, I tipped your brother five bucks." LOVE:
"Sup." MELTON:
"Wow...it is. I heard a nasty rumor you were suspended for OD’ing. But I
guess Melissa hides the cleaning supplies, aye?" MELISSA:
"I can’t believe you’re here, the captain and starting quarterback of
the football team in my own bedroom!" MELTON:
"Amazing huh?" LOVE:
"I saw the five touchdown game last week. Not bad." MELTON:
"Congrats on the perfect attendance award." EDDY
LOVE: "It’s nothing." MELTON:
"Oh come on. Dumb people have to hang their hat on something." MELISSA:
"Joey I was wondering...do you have a date to the prom?" (LOVE
doll can’t believe she said that!) MELTON:
"I do. Why did you want to take me?" MELISSA:
"Kinda. I mean yes." MELTON:
"Well I can’t be seen at the prom with you, but if you stay prettied up
I’ll drop by after ten and take you some place nice." MELISSA:
"You fer real?" MELTON:
"Always. Wait...why aren’t you going with Ed here?" MELISSA:
"He was my date…" LOVE:
"I’m still your date! Joey you can’t take my girl!" MELTON:
"Calm down Eddy...I’ve got a date for you too." (MELTON
whistles - CUTTO: The pig comes back on set and everyone laughs, but LOVE) MELTON:
"Take it easy on her big man." LOVE:
"Damn you Melton!" (LOVE
lunges at MELTON. MELTON shoots up grabs the LOVE puppet off HARRY's hand and
starts kicking away at it!) MELTON:
"You can touch the pig boy, but not ME." (MELTON
destroys the puppet set! Stomping
rapidly on it until its reduced to nothing, but smithereens! HARRY steps up
beside MELTON - canned pop! MELTON quickly regains his composure.) MELTON:
"I told you he was fantastic." (HARRY
warms to the cheers, which now sounds like a canned standing ovation!
HARRY steps in front of MELTON and takes a bow. MELTON gets an enraged
look on his face grabs HARRY by the hair and drops him with a NECKBREAKER!) MELTON:
"Who do you think you are son? I made you! You're place is in the pigpen
with Eddy..." (MELTON
rips HARRY up and bulldogs him onto the broken set!) MELTON:
"It’s prom night girl, where are ya?" (MELTON
rummages through the remains and picks up the SWEET MELISSA puppet and kisses
it!) MELTON:
"Eddy...have fun with the pigs and teddy bears." (MELTON
gives a field goal kick to the LOVE doll and struts off stage with the SWEET
MELISSA doll…FADE OUT…) (FADEIN:
MILES back in his chair…smoking that cig still…) MILES:
"We hope you enjoyed this week's episode of Masterpiece PROFESSIONAL
Theat-ah. Please come back next week
for the chilling episode entitled 'The Prozac Files' starring Eli Flair, Gabriel
Poe and the Greenvalley Medical Staff." (FADE TO
BLACK as the Masterpiece Theatre music plays…) (CUT TO:
The announce position.) ByB:
Those guys are great… RS: Well,
they’re going to be out here a little later for an interview with Poison Ivy,
but right now we’re about to see the debut of a man who’s been described as
the most outlandish wrestler to ever enter a CSWA ring…
Complete with the girlish shrieks and annoying cries for cheese and board games, this four hundred pound monster came at Apocalypse with intensity, but for the most part Apocalypse dominated the bout. As the commentators cracked jokes on the physique of the MastR, Apocalypse dug in deep to hit a huge powerslam, then motioned toward the rampway… (CUE UP:
“Because I Got High” by the Afroman – loud “surprised” pop) ByB:
That’s… THE HIP HOP EXPRESS! RS:
The Inferno looks as cocky as ever! But
Boogie looks like he’s in a bad mood… folks, the last time we saw these two,
they were associated with Apocalypse, and it looks like they’re here to help
him again… ByB:
I don’t know why, but these three men are lacing boots into the MastR…
welcome to the big leagues! RS:
A TRIPLE SUPLEX! IT TOOK ALL
THREE MEN, BUT THE MASTR JUST HIT THE MAT! ByB:
Did you see the ring shake? RS:
Boogie and Apocalypse are stretching him out on the mat, and the Inferno
is heading up top! What’s he
doing? ByB:
FROG SPLASH! These three men
have completely taken out the MastR! RS:
It looks like they are reunited, Billy! ByB:
We’ll be right back after this quick timeout!
The crowd was decisively behind Lance Liezure for
the duration of this bout, even though Nate Logan has built a huge fan base
abroad; Nate’s condescending attitude toward the supposed lack of
“X-Treme” in the CSWA brought about their reaction.
Nate took it to Lance at first with intensity, but Liezure subdued him
with a quick arsenal of mat wrestling. Moments
later, referee Manny Juarez took a bump to the head from a missed superkick by
Liezure, and ByB:
Who’s that? RS:
Well the crowd response should say it all, the man that seemed poised to
retire after ANNIVERSARY 2001… that’s Kevin Powers! ByB:
What’s he want with either of these men? RS:
He’s had a history with ByB:
No, we shouldn’t… The GXW isn’t abroad, even though it’s
following is composed mostly of South Malaysia, the upper part of Canada… and
Erik Zieba’s cast of illegitimate children of course.
The man could start two baseball teams… RS:
You’ve been reading from the Sammy Benson how-to-commentate book,
haven’t you? I tried to tap dance
around the situation, and you had to mention those three letters!
It doesn’t matter, that’s there and this is here, the only place that
matters, but Kevin Powers is at ringside and inside the ring, let’s not
forget, Manny Juarez is down but Lance Liezure is pounding away at the side of
Nate Logan’s head, and it looks like this young buck may have what it takes to
put him away… ByB:
Powers is in the ring, and Liezure… WHAT’S THAT FOR?
“Good God” with a big boot to the face of Liezure, and now he’s
going… it could be… KISS THE CANVAS! KISS
THE CANVAS, LANCE LIEZURE IS OUT! RS:
What did he do that for? ByB:
He just laid RS:
I can’t believe this, folks… ByB:
The count seems academic here… one… two… three… Did you hear what
Powers just screamed? RS:
No, I didn’t catch it… ByB:
Figures… He said, “You couldn’t get the job done!”
He did this to taunt Nate Logan! RS:
The two are facing off right now, and Lance Liezure is still out from the
Kiss The Canvas… They’re jawing to each other, neither man wants to
flinch… ByB:
Any second now, Seitzer… they’re going to come to blows… RS:
A HUG? A HUG? ByB:
They just hugged each other! I
can’t believe this! What could
“Good God” Kevin Powers and Nate Logan… the ZERO… what could they have
in common, and what do they WANT with each other? RS:
Liezure is getting up… and these two are leaving, I guarantee Liezure
will want to retaliate, but I have a feeling that this isn’t about Lance
Liezure to these two, with all due respect to Liezure… ByB:
They have bigger fish to fry, that’s for sure… RS:
LIEZURE WITH A SUPERKICK TO THE BACK OF LOGAN’S HEAD AND ByB:
That was stupid… RS:
Powers with the boot, ONE MORE TIME… all three men are on the floor now
and this does NOT look good for Lance Liezure, I don’t know what Nate Logan
and Kevin Powers have in common, I can’t see the common denominator, but it
looks like Lance Liezure is going to pay for something.
ByB:
KP is setting up Kiss The… CONCRETE? RS:
ByB:
A lot of pain. RS: This was disgusting, folks… we’re going to be right back with our main event, it’s GUNS and Southern, and it’s NEXT! Not only that, but SAMMY BENSON joins us at the table!
(Match joined in progress at 9:30 elapsed) RS: GUNS grabs hold of Southern's ponytail and pulls him to his feet. Big knee to the midsection by the former CSWA World Champion... ByB: Bionic knee, that is. RS: GUNS backs Shane into the corner and continues to deliver those shots to the midsection until referee Ben Worthington's count gets to four-and-a-half. GUNS backs off of Southern, and then dives right back in, slamming that knee viciously into the gut of Southern. Worthington tries to pull GUNS out of the corner, but gets pushed away for his trouble! SB: Benny better watch it... or he might experience roid rage up close and personal. RS: GUNS turns back to Southern, who quickly delivers a hard left hand! The southpaw with another, and another, staggering GUNS slightly! Southern with another closed fist, and then he ducks one from the big man! SB: GUNS got nothing but turnbuckle....it's the story of his life. ByB: I don't understand why my Dad says all those bad things about ya... you're hilarious. SB: Your pop lost his sense of humor in the war, junior. RS: Southern with the big left, and then a boot to the gut. GUNS staggers back a step... Southern hops up to the middle rope.... HUGE TORNADO DDT by the N'awlins native! ByB: N'awlins? Since when were you from the South? SB: Bourbon Street.... mmmmm. RS: Southern's heading back to the ropes...he's gotta hurry. He half-climbs half-leaps to the top... .MOONSAULT! There's a cover! ONE..... TWO.... NO!!! GUNS uses those massive arms to toss Southern a quarter of the way across the ring, breaking the cover. ByB: Do you think maybe instead of roids, GUNS just had bicep implants? I mean, the man did get a bionic knee after all. SB: Now he just needs a brain implant and he's all set. Well, I guess it wouldn't take care of the emotional issues.... RS: Walking a fine line, aren't ya, Sammy? Southern's held his own this entire match, and he was just a moment away from winning it. Both men are on their feet...collar-and-elbow in the middle of the ring, GUNS whips Southern across... Souther ducks the clothesline! He comes off with a high cross body... and GETS CAUGHT! Fall-away slam by GUNS! He covers! ONE........ TWO..... NO! Southern gets the shoulder up! ByB: Hold on a second... SB: Oh joy, Freakboy himself is coming down. Do you ever wonder if the kid thinks he's Spiderman? You know... goofy kid turns goofy superhero? RS: Wicked Sight's on his way down.... he's looking for revenge after what happened in his World Title match at PRIMETIME!!! SB: Maybe I should be looking for revenge for getting tarred-and-feathered.... uh oh, he's coming this way. Great... we're gonna get to hear the kid whine on air. ByB: Don't worry, Sammy, I've got your back. SB: Yeah kid, that's SO reassuring. RS: In the ring, GUNS with a HUGE power slam on Southern, but still just a two-count as Shane gets a foot on the ropes. GUNS is arguing with the ref... Worthington argues back... and gets a hand in his face pushing him into the corner for his efforts! (SFX: There's some loud rustling... sounds like a headset falling off as a commentator gets unceremoniously dumped out of his chair.) ByB and SB: HEY! RS: Sight's headed to the ring apron... SB: AND HE JUST TOOK MY CHAIR! RS: GUNSshot on Southern!!! He's down hard... but it looks like GUNS is going for more maneuver. He backs into the ropes... and gets HAMMERED in the back of the head with that chair! GUNS swings around, knocking the chair out of Sight's hands before he can use it again. SB: Sight is such an idiot... the head isn't GUNS most vulnerable spot. It's denser than concrete. Kid, why don't you go find me another chair. ByB: Sure, Sammy, my pleasure. RS: Wicked Sight fires a right hand, and another... but GUNS catches it and wrenches the entire right arm back, causing Sight to howl. That arm injury has plagues him for quite a while. GUNS uses the other hand to lift Sight by the throat...... LOOK OUT!!!! (Sight catapults through the air... landing on the commentators' table hard, although it doesn't break. Benson's Dr. Pepper goes flying and hits him in the head... drenching the commentator.) SB: YOU SON OF A.... RS: SAMMY! It's not like it was Sight's fault! BB: They're both idiots, Buckley. I'd say they share a brain, except it's obvious they don't have a half of one between them. RS: Hold on... in the ring... GUNS turns his attention back to Southern... who's WAITING for him. PARTY'S OVER! He BLASTED him with that superkick right to the face! ONE......... TWO............ THREE!!!! Shane Southern wins this one... GUNS suffers a defeat... and Wicked Sight is laying on top of our table! SB: And Ben Worthington gets a little revenge on GUNS with a count that was a little faster than before. I've never been so proud of Ben... RS: Former Greensboro Champ Shane Southern wins this one and quickly rolls out of the ring before the CEO of Third Row Inc. can make a move after him. SB: Worthington better do the same thing before GUNS starts looking for him. RS: Folks, we're out of time here on ON TIME. Join us next time here on ON TIME from Portland, Oregon. But before that, don't miss our next LIVE telecast, CSWA SHOWTIME in Las Vegas, featuring Eli Flair taking on Mark Windham. ByB: Here's your chair, Sammy. SB: Kid, has your Dad every told you you aren't real bright? (Fadeout as Seitzer laughs hysterically.) |
