Part Two

December 26, 2001

(The scene shifts to the stage entrance of the arena, where Radder pulls up in a rented sedan.  Rudy walks slowly towards the car as Radder pulls in and puts in park.  As Radder starts to step out, there's a huge noise as he's blindsided from the right.)

RS:  LOOK OUT!

(The camera goes out of focus as the cameraman tries to get the action in frame.  It finally resolves, showing Cardigo, briefcase in hand, pummeling the World Champ, who is slumped between the seat, the car door, and the pavement.)

RS:  Cardigo just came out of nowhere and slammed the door back against Steve Radder as he was getting out of the car.  He's continuing to work over Radder's midsection with his boots and that blasted briefcase.  We need some help out here, Bill.  Can you hear me?

BB:  We hear you, Rudy.  Security and trainers are on their way.

(Cardigo leans in toward Radder and starts jawing at him, words that can't be picked up by the microphone.  Radder takes a swipe at his attacker, but Cardigo quickly pulls his face back, then resumes the beating.)

RS:  This guy is completely insane.  I'm beginning to think maybe even Hornet was right about some of the awful things he said about Cardigo.  He's completely lost it.... if somebody doesn't rein him in, we're going to have the makings of another murder on our hands...

(At the sound of the word 'murder', Cardigo's ears prick up.  He levels a stare at Seitzer and begins to step away from Radder and the car.)

RS:  I'm outta here, Bill.  He's lost it!

(As Cardigo advanced on Seitzer, CSWA Security arrives, spoiling the new prey.  Cardigo dodges between two semi-trucks as trainers arrive on scene to see to Radder.)

BB:  Rudy may be right.

SB:  I've been telling you that guy gives me the creeps for over a year...but it's RUDY who's right?  Thanks a lot!

BB:  Apparently Cardigo decided if he wasn't going to get the shot at Radder at ANNIVERSARY, then he might as well try and take a shot at him now.

SB:  Unless, of course, Kevin Powers arranged the whole thing.  He's a sneaky little devil, ya know.

BB:  Sammy, more and more I truly believe you couldn't even think your way out of a paper sack.

SB:  I thought it was 'fight you way out of a paper sack.'

BB:  It is...but I've seen you fight, and you couldn't even beat up a midget, let alone take on a paper sack.  I figured thinking might be a slightly more even challenge...for you, that is.  I think the sack has the better odds either way.

SB:  I don't have to take this.

BB:  There's the door, my friend.

SB:  You're just not right.

BB:  Up next we've got a singles match where a tag match should be.  Nathan Storm, associate of Tom Adler and Raw Deal, goes mano-e-mano against one-half of the Professionals, Eddie Mayfield.  Let's get down to Rhubarb so we can get this one underway.

RJ:  Ladies and Gentlemen, the next match of the night.....

(Suddenly there is the loud noise of motorcycle engines, which appear to be coming from the back, distracting the fans and Rhubarb Jones from the match at hand. A few seconds later, ten motorcycles, ridden by Hell's Angels, appear at the top of the ramp. They ride down to ringside and the leader of the group, Mitch Peterson, and four other bikers get off their bikes and  walk over to the Spanish announcers' table.  The leader picks up a microphone before stepping into the ring.  Mitch's friends form a cordon around the ring to prevent any unwelcome interference.)

MP:  HEY!  (The crowd's divided.  Half were waiting for the next match... half think the Harleys are even cooler...)

MP:  Now, since I've officially joined CSWA, I thought it would be a good idea for me to introduce myself. And boy, have I just done that!

BB:  Sounds to me, that our new-boy Mitch Peterson, LOVES himself, Sammy.

SB:  Oh boy, vroom vrooms.  Am I supposed to be impressed?  At least the canoe guys were original.

MP:  As you all know, I am 'Mighty' Mitch Peterson and I intend to do somethin', that to my knowledge, has NEVER been done before here in the CSWA.

SB:  (laughs) Ok lover boy, what's that?!

MP:  Now, to my knowledge, all (cough) JOBBERS (cough), have tried to reach the top here in the CSWA. And FAILED!

BB:  By definition it seems like jobbers would never reach the top, right?

SB:  Well, Steve Radder is the World Champ at the moment.

MP:  But I am gonna change that!

SB:  He's gonna change Radder being the champ?

BB:  I don't think that's quite where he was going.

MP:  I am gonna GLIDE to the top of this Federation, and make it a new, better, more GLORIFIED era in sports entertainment!

SB:  Somebody's been listening to the people in Connecticut...we still RASSLE here!  And THIS GUY is gonna ring in a "glorified era?"

BB:  I dunno. Like ya say, he loves himself!

MP:  (sighs) Oh, CSWA. What a great place! Ain't it just a PALACE?!  MP:  AIN'T IT JUST HEAVEN ON EARTH?!

(Half the crowd pops.... half's getting bored quickly.)

MP:  Well, y'all are wrong!  (Uh oh...now the crowd's turned... this could get ugly.)

BB:  WHAT?!

MP:  THE CSWA IS BETTER THAN HEAVEN ON EARTH!  (Gotta love cheap pop time.)

BB:   And I thought the Men of Adventure theme music was corny?  Geez.

MP:  AND WITH MY GREAT WRESTLING ABILITY, I AM GOING TO PROVE CSWA IS JUST THAT!

SB:  This guy is starting to make me sleepy, Buckley!

MP:  Now, ladies and gentlemen, will ya put ya hands together for CHAD MERRITT!

SB:  You've got to be kidding me.

(Merritt's music plays.... but there's no sign of him.  Peterson seems confused, but Merritt finally appears on the video wall.)

CM:  What can I do for you, Mitch?

MP:  I figured you'd wanna be involved in my introduction... seeing as I'm the best thing to come along since that popcorn recipe of yours.

CM:  Let's see...you want me to say something along the lines of....  I know people will be wondering why a legendary federation, the CSWA, can hire a guy who has had NO WRESTLING LEAGUE EXPERIENCE WHATSOEVER! Some people will think I have made an error of judgment. Some people will think I have made a mistake. But, THOSE PEOPLE have not seen this guy train, they have not seen this guy spar. I'm telling ya, this guy, ladies and gentlemen is gonna SHOOT to the top! In one year, EVERY WRESTLING FAN will know the name 'MIGHTY' MITCH PETERSON!

MP:  Yeah, I think that about does it.

CM:  And you probably wanted me to invite you up here to the Presidential Skybox, right?

MP:  That's be great, C-Daddy.

CM:  Mitch, let me explain a little bit about how things work here.  You see, we all have our jobs.  Jimmy the Janitor cleans up after people's messes.  You, of course, wrestle.  And I have the onerous task of running things, and making sure they run well.  And that's why when talent... talent like you Mitch, decides to walk out and start yammering for three or four minutes.... three or four minutes that I didn't give you, well, it makes me a little angry.  There's a MATCH about to take place, Mitch, so if you want to STAY employed, then get yourself and that oversized hunk of junk off the stage and out of the way.  Otherwise, I'll show you what happened the last time somebody decided to call me "C-Daddy."

(Merritt disappears from the video wall as the crowd gets a chuckle and some point at Peterson.  Peterson stares coldly at the now-empty video wall, then faces some of the jeering fans, before stepping out of the ring.  He gets on his ride and takes off down the rampway, quickly followed by his friends to the back.)

BB:  I don't think Mr. Mitch was expecting that welcome!

SB:  That's all we need.... one more ego around here with an IQ below retarded.

BB:  In the meantime, Rhubarb has introduced Nathan Storm as we get ready for another match in this intense rivalry between The Professionals and Tom Adler and his pals.  Now we’re waiting on the arrival of one half of the Professionals, Eddie Mayfield…

(CUE UP: ‘Voodoo Chile’ by Ben Harper – big crowd reaction.)

SB:  I can’t wait for this one, next to Eddy Love and a nice cold beer… I guess this is all a guy could ask for. 

(At the top of the ramp, Mayfield stands with one hand on his hip, the other throwing away a cigarette butt as the crowd goes even more insane.  He casually comes down to the ring as Storm waits, ready to pounce on Mayfield as up underneath the bottom rope.)

BB:  And here we go, Manny Juarez is calling this one and Nathan Storm is going to town on his opponent, lacing boots into Mayfield, and now he’s pulling him up, and he shoots him off into the far side and follows in with a dropkick, and Mayfield goes right over the top rope! 

SB:  Now… now I need a beer.

BB:  Storm isn’t taking a break, he hits the top and comes off with a plancha… Mayfield side steps and Storm just hit the concrete, and now Mayfield is taking advantage, sizing up some boots to his adversary and laughing about it, these fans are in to Eddie Mayfield!

SB:  Of course!

BB:  Now he’s pulling Storm to his feet, he’s got a chokehold applied and the referee is calling for him to break, but he’s going to take it to the five count… and there, he releases the hold and rolls Storm back into the ring.  Mayfield’s taking his time getting back in the ring…

SB:  He can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. 

BB:  Eddie Mayfield’s standing on the corner, raising a hand to the crowd and out of nowhere, Storm with a cartwheel kick and Mayfield falls off the apron, his head hit our table and now here comes Storm from the top with a corkscrew, it looks like a car wreck right here in front of us!  And now Storm is pounding away at the forehead of Eddie Mayfield, you’d have to say it would be an upset if Mayfield was beat out here…

SB:  You WOULD have to say that, I can’t believe what I’m seeing.

BB:  And Storm lets up, rolling Mayfield into the ring now and he’s mounting the turnbuckle again, Mayfield’s up and Storm goes for a moonsault, Mayfield comes under but STORM LANDED ON HIS FEET, he goes for a sidekick, but Mayfield throws it away and WHAT A CLOTHESLINE FROM EDDIE MAYFIELD!

SB:  Storm’s head bounced off the mat like a basketball on concrete, Buckley!

BB:  Mayfield methodically walks over and he’s applying a simple wristlock, and now he elbows the back of Storm’s arm, there’s no doubt here folks, that Mayfield pulls his opponents apart, piece by piece, and he’s pulling on that arm again, and now he whips Storm into the corner and follows in, Storm hops up and he goes for a hurricanrana, but Mayfield has him!  He’s coming out of the corner, STORM JUST GOT PLANTED BY MAYFIELD, AND MAYFIELD MAKES THE COVER!

SB:  Yes!

BB:  One… two… NO!  AT THE LAST SECOND, NATHAN STORM GOT A SHOULDER UP!

SB:  That’s all right, Buckley, look at Mayfield.  He’s grinning. 

BB:  Mayfield again on the offensive, with a knife edged chop, and now he sends Storm into the ropes and he just telegraphed that back-body drop, it’s not often a veteran like Eddy Mayfield makes a mistake like that Nathan Storm wisely capitalizes with a kneelift, and he sent the Professional reeling, and now he hits a dropkick, one of the best dropkicks in the business, and Mayfield stumbles into the corner, Storm follows in with a handstand kick, and he just caught Mayfield right in the face…

SB:  Bad move, Eddie Mayfield LOVES his face!

BB:  Storm with an Irish whip out of the corner, but Mayfield reverses and sends Storm back into the ropes, and there comes a big boot, and Mayfield has lost his grin, folks, he looks angry.

SB:  Play time is over, Buckley.

BB:  He sets up … and delivers a suplex and floats over for the cover, but he only gets a one count this time, from Manny Juarez, and now he’s getting back to his feet… he’s setting up a piledriver, this one could do it right here folks… wait, who’s that down the ramp?

SB:  It doesn’t matter, Mayfield’s a PROFESSIONAL, he can take care of them!

BB:  That’s Raw Deal, the Mills brothers…

SB:  Saw and Tread, they’re a hell of a team, y’know…

BB:  Mayfield sees them and he clotheslines both men off the ramp, and now he’s following them outside!  Mayfield’s laying fists into the brotherly duo, and this match is still going on!  Mayfield throwing lefts and rights now, but here comes Storm to the top…

SB:  Those damned lightweights…

BB:  Storm with a somersault splash AND MAYFIELD MOVES, STORM JUST TOOK OUT HIS OWN PARTNERS, THE RAW DEAL!  AND NOW EDDIE MAYFIELD IS LAYING HARD RIGHT HANDS INTO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD OF STORM, HE ROLLS HIM BACK IN THE RING, AND HE’S GOING FOR THAT PILEDRIVER…

SB:  NO!

BB:  Raw Deal’s back in the ring and they just attacked Eddie Mayfield, Manny Juarez calls for the bell… Nathan Storm just clocked him for his troubles, and that might just be a fine from Commissioner Merritt, but it might not matter because the Mills brothers and Nathan Storm are doing a number on Eddie Mayfield…

SB:  Wait a minute!  I haven’t had anything to drink… but is that SANTA CLAUS?

BB:  Sammy, you’re right!  Santa Claus… or… someone… just entered the ring with a Singapore cane in his hand and he’s hammering away at Raw Deal, and on Nathan Storm, RIGHT IN THE HEAD, SANTA CLAUS JUST NAILED NATHAN STORM ACROSS THE HEAD WITH A CANE AND NOW MAYFIELD IS UP… He just took Raw Deal out of the ring, and now Santa Claus is helping Manny Juarez up… who is that?

SB:  I think we know who that is… it may not be the most original case of dress-up, but hey, it works.

(Eddie Mayfield raises up the beard and cap on “Santa Claus” and it reveals the face of Craig Miles, cigarette in mouth and huge grin on his face.)

BB:  THE PROFESSIONALS HAVE CAME OUT ON TOP AGAIN, we’re definitely in the midst of a holiday season here, aren’t we folks?

SB:  Looks like Manny is asking Santa for a new bicycle…

BB:  Oh, would you give it a rest, Benson?

CLICK FOR PART THREE!