November 11, 2001

(CUE UP: “Love Buzz” by Nirvana. As the music starts to begin and rocks, four letters, in bold red, move across the screen-- spelling out C-S-W-A. A robotic voice then says over the music... "CCCCC ESSSSS DOOUBLLEYOOOO AAAAAA PRRRIIIIMETTIIIIIIIIME." The letters then EXPLODE-- into various shots of hot CSWA Action.)

CUT TO: Hornet, doing his Elvis impersonation at the Pay Per View, in the ring.

CUT TO: Cardigo Mysterian, in his mask/suit combo, in the first row of fans in Mobile , pointing up to the heavens as the fans all mark out for him.

CUT TO: Wicked Sight, hair freshly dyed and in a Hawaiian shirt, walking down the aisleway as a fan behind him is doing an impersonation, holding a sign over his head that reads “FREAK” with an arrow pointing down.

CUT TO: A deadly serious Evan Aho, in front of an empty wrestling ring in a CSWA dojo, massaging his muscles.

CUT TO: Both members of Simply Stunning doing a synchronized move in the ring on a hapless jobber duo.

CUT TO: Tsunami hitting WildStar from behind with a Savate Kick.

CUT TO: Gemini eating birthday cake as Wicked Sight lays hurt on the ground.

CUT TO: The CSWA's Masked Man, holding his dukes up.

CUT TO: Triple XXX on the hood of a car, flexing his muscles

CUT TO: Kevin Powers, walking down the street with his big-man cool vibe, laughing like there’s no tomorrow.

CUT TO: JJ DeVille, dressed as a ninja, polishing a limousine’s car tires.

CUT TO: Eddie Mayfield and Craig Miles, both shirtless, standing on a beach, ocean rolling at their feet, enjoying a cigarette.

CUT TO: Troy Windham and Eli Flair, bloodied up, on top of the cage at Elvis Lives, both hopping up and down as the crowd is at a fever pitch.

CUT TO: Teri Melton and Poison Ivy, each with a microphone in hand, yelling at each other.

CUT TO: “Warhorse Kid” Johnny Lang, on his way down to the ring, gripping his hands, with the large Video Wall screen with a horse behind him, charging.

CUT TO: Eddy Love, bottle of Cristal in his hand, partying with several young models.

CUT TO: Apocalypse, with Miso, brooding.

CUT TO: “The English Gent” Lawrence Stanley, hitting an insane, twisting suplex on an unidentified opponent, dropping him right on his head.

CUT TO: Mike Randalls, shaving Eddy Love’s head.

CUT TO: Steve Radder getting the CSWA World Title for the first time, and climbing to the middle turnbuckle, holding it above his head as the crowd goes ballistic.)

(CUT TO: The inside of the New Orleans Arena. The 18,000 plus crowd is ballistic, standing up with various signs: “GOD BLESS AMERICA,” “UNITED WE STAND,” “THE ICEMAN REIGNS,” “VIVA LOS PLAYBOYS,” “I HAVE EDDY'S HAIR” and “PROFESSIONALS” being prominently featured. Bill Buckley and Sammy Benson are at the ringside announcers’ table, standing up.)

BB: Fans, welcome to CSWA PRIMETIME from here in beautiful New Orleans ! We’re at the legendary Louisiana SuperDome, and let me tell you, fans... this arena is as loud as it seems on your television sets.

SB: New Orleans , a city truly after my own heart. You can't go five feet without getting offered alcohol here. And everywhere you look, Billary, a new young girl is down on Bourbon Street doing whatever she can to get a string of beads. Buckley, my man... (Sammy puts his arm around Buckley.) New Orleans rules.

BB: Well, I can already smell the 100 proof coming from your lungs... and folks, just like Sammy Benson, the CSWA as a whole has already seen a host of action today. Earlier, three of our biggest stars were at an auditorium at Tulane University ... as Cardigo Mysterian, Kevin Powers and newly crowned World Champion Steve Radder--

SB: Sno-Cone himself!

BB: --participated in a debate... we have highlights of that coming up shortly, and I can promise you, that it was eventful. But first--

(CUE UP: "God Save The Queen" by the London Symphonic Choir. CUT TO: The Video Wall is in Union Jack colors and reads on it "THE ENGLISH GENT." This is followed by a sequence of various in-ring Lawrence Stanley highlights. Stanley himself walks underneath the Video Wall, wearing a varsity-style jacket in Union Jack colors. He's holding two flags-- a U.S. flag in one hand, and in the other a British flag and is waving them proudly. The crowd is eating it all up.)

BB: And who would have thought this a few short months ago? Lawrence Stanley, a man who used to deride what he felt was low-class society, is now a champion of the fans!

SB: Lawrence Stanley was a man such as myself... of high-class and dignity. Now look at him. Teri Melton was right. Lawrence Stanley is no good! I'm glad he got dumped!

BB: Of course, Lawrence Stanley has an intense feud brewing with the CSWA's living legend in Hornet, who Miss Melton claims is the father of her unborn child.

SB: What's this about ‘claims’? Miss Hoot-- I mean, Miss Melton is a woman who would never lie!

BB: (Sarcastically) She's certainly above that. But what is certain as this could be the biggest night in the career of Lawrence Stanley, one of the sport's greatest young stars. Not only does he have a chance to win the CSWA World Title... but he also has a chance to get a little bit of vengeance against Hornet later on in the six-man match as he teams with The Playboys-

SB: Oh yeah!

BB: -- against The ClaimStakers in what should be a classic! But first, Stanley has to go against a man who is trying to prove himself not just to be the best now... but the best of all-time!

(CUE UP: The chugga-chugga bass chords of "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against the Machine. CUT TO: The Video Wall. The lights dim and the Video Wall turns black. After a few seconds of the instrumental part of the music, the screen reads in ice-blue letters ICEMAN. The letters freeze and then explode, in synchronicity with a large pyro explosion at the top of the stage, followed by a series of flashbulb-style explosions up and down the ring aisle. The crowd goes ballistic and a lone spotlight shines underneath the Video Wall. "Iceman" Steve Radder leaps in the air in glee, holding the CSWA World Title in his right arm, extending it high above his head. The lights come on, and Radder, in his trunks and wearing a NYPD hat, is running down to the ring.)

BB: And I can barely hear myself think! This New Orleans crowd is going nuts for the man who fought the odds and came up aces!

SB: The Sno-Cone, the man who rode the coattails of men much better than he to greatness! Steve Radder, the lamest man alive!

BB: (As the crowd chants RAD-DER, as the Iceman gives his NYPD had to a young kid at ringside.) But these fans love the Iceman. He might not be the biggest, and he might not be the strongest. But the Iceman is a Working Class Hero... which is something all these fans can identify with!  And with the CSWA World Title around his waist, he’s got a claim to being the best.

SB: Proof positive right there as to why Steve Radder blows. If the fans like you, and your name isn't Eddy Love, then you might as well jump in front of traffic.

BB: Man, are you tanked. Referee Ben Worthington calls for the bell... and will you look at this!

SB: Yuck. Good sportsmanship.

(Radder and Stanley are in the middle of the ring and the crowd is electric, stomping away, with a lot of photos being taken from the crowd. Both guys are staring at each other, in each other's faces and then respectfully, both guys back away and offer a handshake.)

BB: And after that sign which the fans really appreciate... we now have a lock up between both men. Stanley manages to power his way into a headlock, as he has almost sixty pounds on the world champion.

SB: Which is why he won't be World Champion for much longer. You can have all the heart you want, but you also need some size. And that's something Steve Radder doesn't have.

BB: Stanley is really cinching the headlock in tight, but Radder runs and pushes Stanley into the ropes. Radder drops down, Stanley hops over and goes into the opposite ropes. And Radder drops Stanley with a toe-hold! Radder is wrenching Stanley's left leg, twisting it, but Stanley pushes Radder off with his right leg, Radder bounces into the ropes and Stanley gets up and sneaks behind, forcing Radder into the ropes-- HE CRADLES THE CHAMP! ONE! TWO!  THREE-- NO! NO! (The crowd is STUNNED to almost see the title change hands in less than a minute, letting out a collective shreak followed by a gasp.)

SB: And who would have thought that? I don't think Radder's all that and a bag, but no way do I think he loses the title in under a minute!

BB: But now Radder gets up and kicks Stanley in the stomach-- A DDT FROM OUT OF NOWHERE! STANLEY SNAPS UP AND FALLS RIGHT BACK DOWN! RADDER COVERS! ONE! TWO! THREE--- NO! NO! STANLEY BARELY GOT THE FOOT ON THE ROPES!

SB: Man alive... I thought I saw Stanley 's eyes roll into the back of his head. But come again, I think those might have been MY eyes.

BB: Radder now has Stanley and whips him into the corner and Stanley hits hard. Radder charges but Stanley sidesteps him. Radder bounces off the turnbuckles and STANLEY (The crowd gasps with the move.) JUST ABSOLUTELY HAMMERS RADDER WITH A LARIAT CLOTHESLINE! RADDER WAS LIFTED THREE FEET OFF THE GROUND WITH THAT MOVE! (The camera closes in on Radder's face. His nose is obviously broken already, with blood forming at the base of the left nostril. His eyes are glazed over, as the Iceman is obviously seeing stars.)

SB: Lordy... I don't think anyone could survive that move, let alone a skinny little twerp like The Sno Cone!

BB: And Lawrence Stanley is now HOISTING Radder to the top turnbuckle, and he's climbing the ropes... albeit it gingerly, considering his bell was rung only minutes ago. I think he's going to try for his coup de grace... The Guillotine.

SB: One of the most lethal moves in the sport today, Buckley! It's a Top Rope DDT and it's virtually unstoppable! I don't like giving credit to anyone who besmirches my girl Teri Melton, but it's true. The move is awesome.

BB: Stanley on the top... and he hooks Radder! He's going for The Guillotine-- NO! Radder holds onto the top rope, and Stanley falls to the mat, right on his back. Stanley rolls up, holding his back, and Radder leaps from the top--- FRANKENPARSONS FROM THE TOP! WHAT A MANEUVER! (The crowd BUGS with that move.)  Radder cover! ONE... TWO.... NO! NO! Stanley kicks out just in time, as I think Ben Worthington was out of position.  He was as surprised as we were and as the fans were!

SB: I've been saying for years that Ben Worthington should hang it up. It's about time someone listened to me!

BB: And both these guys are on the ground... laid out from an absolutely massive few minutes of wrestling. Lawrence Stanley has used his strength and power to hurt Radder. But Radder has managed to counter and strike back with his ingenuity.

SB: And this is just the first match. Man... this is going to be a long night. Barkeep!

BB: This crowd is on its feet, clapping away. Stanley is the first to get up, now he grabs Radder by the leg and drags him towards the middle of the ring. He's wrenching the leg, and he spins around in a half-crab.

SB: And Stanley is REALLY leaning back on it, and that has to hurt. Stanley 's a big dude.

BB: And that's going to put a lot of pressure onto Radder's knee, which is going to prevent him from flying through the air. Radder's going to have to rely on his mat game if his knee is hurting him. And while Radder is great with mat wrestling, Lawrence Stanley might be a tad bit better.

SB: Despite my current beef with Stanley , I do admit that he is smart. He went to good schools in Europe , and although he had problems with an evil headmaster, it means he's more intelligent than the average American public schooler.

BB: Sammy, did you even graduate high school? You've been drunk since you were 12. Radder is starting to crawl his way towards the ropes, but Stanley is still wrenching on the knee, using his 280 pounds to really take a lot out of The Iceman. But Radder grabs the bottom rope, and Worthington steps in, forcing Stanley to break.

SB: If Stanley was REALLY smart, he'd hold onto the hold for a few more seconds. But without Teri Melton by his side, who is going to remind him of the various tricks of the trade, like pulling the trunks or thumbing the eye?

BB: Radder is up, trying to work out the kink in his left leg. And Stanley , like a machine, immediately stomps at that leg. That forces Radder into a defensive position, and Stanley powers into Radder, hooking him into a Greco-Roman waistlock from behind. And now Stanley crouches down and powers up... GERMAN SUPLEX ONTO RADDER'S NECK! WHAT STRENGTH!

SB: But he's not going for a pin.

BB: No, Stanley instead chose to hold on to his waistlock and again he's forcing Radder up. And now Stanley is crouching down again... Radder is trying to fight, but he's just too beaten up! Stanley   SNAPS back and AGAIN drops The Iceman onto his head and neck. Stanley covers! One.... twooo.... No! (The crowd pops as Radder gets the arm up.)

SB: Stanley didn't get him yet. But he's going to soon. Sno-Cone just can't handle this kind of punishment.

BB: And Stanley is smart, slowing the pace down by cinching in a chinlock. The first few minutes of this match were very fast-paced, which would favor Steve Radder, who has an uncanny ability to hit quick-strike moves. But by turning this into a more methodical affair, Stanley can really neutralize Radder's quickness.

SB: If only he paid as much attention to his lovelife as he does his strategy and tactics, then he'd still have Teri!

BB: Stanley now lets go of the chinlock and backs off a few steps and charges, he flips over and hits the champ with a jawbreaker! And in one quick motion, Stanley spins around and grabs Radder's legs and hoists him up for leverage-- Stanley drops back and uses the momentum to propel Radder to the turnbuckle!

SB: Radder looks like a pancake, just laying there across the top rope.

BB: And Stanley gets up and gingerly walks to the corner. His back is really smarting from before. Stanley climbing to the middle rope, and he has The Iceman over his shoulders... what is he doing here?

SB: Duh, Buckley. He's trying to win the match.

BB: Stanley is on the second rope with Radder on his shoulders... OHHHHH WOW! WHAT A MOVE! (The crowd goes NUTS with the impact of the move.) LAWRENCE STANLEY JUST DROPPED OFF THE MIDDLE ROPE WITH A FALLAWAY SLAM! AND HE HAS RADDER CRADLED! WE COULD HAVE A NEW CHAMP! (The crowd chants along as the camera looks in closely on Stanley-- his face grimacing from back pain, his eyes wide as he knows this match may be his.) ONE... TWO.... THREE-- NO! RADDERS ROLLS THE CRADLE OVER! AND NOW HE HAS STANLEY PINNED! (The crowd again chants along.) ONE... TWO.... THR- NO! NO! NO! (The crowd is jumping up and down, not believing the reversal they just saw.)

SB: This is why I hate Sno-Cone so much, aside from the fact he isn't in The Professionals and he isn't named Eddy Love. He always gets the crap beaten out of him but he always tries to fight back. Just give up, dude.

BB: Both guys are laid out on the mat, completely exhausted... and Worthington is starting to count. But I doubt Radder and Stanley can hear him... because this crowd is absolutely frenzied, clapping and stomping away!

SB: And ruining my buzz in the process. (To the crowd.) ALL YOU PEOPLE OWE ME A BEER!

BB: Both men are getting up now, slowly... Radder is first to his feet, and Stanley is hunched over, holding his back... (CUT TO: Radder, looking over his shoulder, tapping his forearm a few times as he starts to run towards the ropes.) Radder bounces off the ropes  and knocks Stanley back down with a Flying Forearm Smash right to the face!

SB: Before the age of political correctness, we called that move the Flying Burrito!

BB: Radder is up, but limping somewhat on that knee Stanley targeted before. Radder sees Stanley on the mat and leaps over him onto the second rope-- MOONSAULT PRESS! THIS HAS TO BE IT! (With the crowd.)  ONE... TWO... THRE-- NO! NO! NO! Somehow, The English Gent kicks out!

SB: He must have energy reserves stored from all of that nutritional British food.

BB: Radder now picking Stanley up, and he meets The Gent with a powerful backhanded chop across the chest! (Crowd: WOOOO!) And another! (Crowd: WOOOO!) And another! (Crowd: WOOOO!) Radder has Stanley against the ropes and he whips him in-- SPINEBUSTER! (CUT TO: Stanley grimacing in excruciating pain, right hand folded on a point on his back.)  COVER! ONE.... TWO.... THRE-- NO! Stanley AGAIN kicks out!

SB: He shoulda pulled the trunks!

BB: Radder is now climbing to the top... Stanley is still down... And Radder leaps through the air-- ALABAMA JAM TOP ROPE LEGDROP! NOOOO! STANLEY ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY AT THE VERY LAST SECOND!

SB: There's no water in the pool... just like there's no sex in the champagne room!

BB: Radder is HURT, holding his knee... he came down hard, right on his knee.

SB: And you can sure bet that Lawrence Stanley would take that knee apart... if he could get up himself!

BB: Stanley is the first to get up this time, and he bends down to pick Radder up-- RADDER CRADLES STANLEY! (The crowd is leaping up and down.) ONE.... TWO.... STANLEY REVERSES THE CRADLE! ONE.... TWO.... NO! NO! NO!

SB: I thought he had them, but I've been seeing double since noon !

BB: Both guys are back up, sucking up oxygen, having been at it for nearly 30 minutes... Radder chops Stanley ! (Crowd: WOOO!) Stanley returns the chop! (CROWD: WOOO!) Radder! (CROWD: WOOO!) Stanley ! (CROWD: WOOO!) Radder! (CROWD: WOOO!) Stanley !

SB: WOOOOOOO! That's addictive.

BB:  Stanley chops Radder and forces him in the corner, using his size advantage, now lacing him with a series of European Uppercuts.

SB: Hitting him with the force of a British Mike Tyson, if you can somehow imagine that.

BB: Stanley now shoulderblocks The Champ, who is trapped in the corner. Stanley is PUNISHING The Iceman, driving his shoulder into Radder's ribs.

SB: He's softening him up for the coup de grace.

BB: Stanley has his arms around Radder and is trying to push him to the top, but Radder is trying with all his might to fight out of it. But Stanley is just too strong for him, placing Radder on the top... AND OH MY GOODNESS! (The crowd goes OHHHHHHH at the impact.) STANLEY JUST LEAPT UP WITH A SWINGING EUROPEAN FOREARM THAT CRACKED RADDER RIGHT IN THE BRIDGE OF HIS NOSE! (Radder almost falls off backwards off the top, just hanging on by his feet.)

SB: But that may have taken a lot out of his back. Stanley 's out on the mat.

BB: Stanley slowly making his way back up... and he's climbing to the top! (The crowd all stand up.) Stanley has Radder hooked... OHHHHHHHHHHH HE DROPS RADDER INTO THE GUILLOTINE! HE JUST BEHEADED RADDER WITH THAT DDT FROM THE TOP ROPE! (The crowd is absolutely mad, all applauding and cheering. An air horn goes off in the distance.) BUT STANLEY IS OUT ON THE MAT ALSO! HIS BACK IS TOO BANGED UP! ( Stanley is on the mat, holding his back, writhing in pain, yelling "Oh god... oh god... my back..."  Radder is out cold, his right leg twitching.)

SB: If he could just crawl over, we'd have a new champion right here in New Orleans .

BB: Stanley is still down, trying to move. Worthington is over both men... This crowd is kicking and stomping, making all sorts of noise...

SB: It's a good thing I'm already a lush, or else I'd have to take up drinking from all this tension!

BB: Stanley rolls over to his stomach and is slooooowly crawling. He's crawling towards The Iceman... I'm not going to make the count, because this is going to be it right here! Lawrence Stanley is now next to Radder and he drops down... ( Stanley falls flat and unconscious, his arm draped around Radder. Worthington drops down to make the historic count.)

CROWD: (In synch with the ref's pin counts.) OONNNNNNEEEEEEE.....  TWOOOOOOOOOOO.... THREEEEEE--- (The crowd FLIPS out, hopping up and down like mad.)

BB: NOOOOOOOOOO! SOMEHOW STEVE RADDER KICKED OUT! SOMEHOW THE ICEMAN KICKED OUT! (The crowd starts chanting... RAD-DER. RAD-DER. RAD-DER.)

SB: HOW DOES HE DO IT? HOW DOES HE DO IT?

BB: BOTH MEN OUT ON THE MAT... AND EVERY FAN IS ON THEIR FEET! STANLEY IS OUT COLD... AND RADDER IS SLOWLY GETTING UP!

SB: STAY DOWN, SNO CONE!

BB: RADDER IS LIMPING... HE HOOKS STANLEY 'S LEG! THIS IS GOING TO BE IT! ONNNNNEEEE..... TWOOOOOOO..... THRREESTANLEY GETS HIS SHOULDER UP! LAWRENCE STANLEY GETS HIS SHOULDER UP! (The crowd is going crazy... now chanting STAN-LEY. STAN-LEY. STAN-LEY.)

SB: UNBELIEVABLE!

BB: RADDER CAN'T BELEIVE IT... BUT RADDER IS SLOWLY GETTING ON HIS FEET. HE HOPS OVER STANLEY , LIMPING... AND HE HOPS ON THE MIDDLE ROPE! ANOTHER MOONSAULT PRESS! RADDER COVERS...

CROWD: ONEEEEEEEEEEEE.... TWWWWOOOOOOOOO....  THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (The bell rings frequently and both Radder and Stanley lie on the mat, dead to the world.)

BB: STEVE RADDER... LAWRENCE STANLEY ... IT TOOK ALMOST THIRTY MINUTES... (A deafening RAD-DER RAD-DER RAD-DER chant starts.) BUT THE ICEMAN STEVE RADDER SOMEHOW MANAGED TO DEFEAT LAWRENCE STANLEY ...

SB: Who had Sno-Cone BEAT. He had him BEAT, Buckley. We shoulda had a new champ.

BB: Somehow, Steve Radder survived this match... defending his title in one of the most competitive, dramatic and epic matches... showing the world why the CSWA World Title is the gold belt every little boy dreams of having someday!

SB: You won't believe this... but I'm on my third six-pack already!

(Radder is up now, getting the title from Worthington . He has the title and climbs to the second rope, extending his title over his head. The crowd is reigning down with its RAD-DER RAD-DER RAD-DER chant. Then Stanley starts to get up and the crowd now starts to chant STAN-LEY STAN-LEY STAN-LEY.)

BB: Steve Radder gets down off the ropes and he sees his foe... him and Stanley are eyeing each other up, and Stanley offers his hand! Radder grabs it, and the two hug! (The crowd gives a loud standing ovation.)

SB: That's disgusting. I want to see some violence.

BB: Well, you'll see some later... if Lawrence Stanley can wrestle in our other main event! He's not done yet... as he has to somehow recoup after this draining, emotional matchup and team with Troy Windham and Eddy Love to take on Mike Randalls... Eli Flair... and the man he hates the most in the world... THAT DAMN HORNET. Folks... we need to take a break!

PART TWO AWAITS!