CSWA SHOWTIME in Philadelphia

March 17, 2000

The tour of champs continues as the Presidential and US Titles are on the line... but maybe not against who you think!  Coming up next:  the Main Event!


CSWA Presidential Championship Rematch

Randy Harders vs. Aaron Douglas

BB:  We're back, fans, and I still don't know what to make of Commissioner Merritt's announcements...except that we'll see the winner of tonight's Deacon/Powers match take on HaVoC for the CSWA World Championship!   We’re down to the final two championship matches….and I’m almost afraid of what could happen after what we’ve already seen tonight.

SB: As long as we finally get some hooters out here, I’m a happy man. And where’s that peon with my drink…I’ve been waiting forever!

BB: It looks like Rhubarb is ready to introduce the US Champion and challenger (music begins to play)…..or maybe not….because here comes Randy Harders right now!

(Cue up: "Down in the Park" by Marilyn Manson.)

SB: Oh great, here comes the glorified, self proclaimed champion.

BB: Listen to the crowd as Harders comes out, and he's got a mic. I don’t think this crowd quite knows what to think of the United States Champion.

SB: Too bad. The night was going pretty well.

(Harders walks toward the ring in his wrestling gear, with the US Title strapped around his waist.)

RH: That's right, it's the CSWA champion. No, I'm not talking about the Mute Freak whose longest sentence includes a grunt and a sigh. No, I'm not talking about the Apocalypse wannabe, Vampire slaying, man with the IQ of the precious metal that his name represents. No, it's "The HARD One"! (mixed reaction, large pop from some, boos from others)

Now I bet you’re all wondering what I am doing out here. So am I. I’ve put down this Douglas goof more times than he’d like to count….but ‘management’ continues to send him out here. So Douglas…why don’t you just stay in the back where you belong and mop up something while I take care of some real business.

First for you, Mute One.  Yooooouuuuuuu, have got what should be mine after the work I have put in for this company. Yes, I know you all can piss and moan that you have put in more or you put in extra time, but I have something you don't.

SB: Yeah, a rock for a brain.

BB: Shh... the man's talking.

RH: It's called character. Mute boy, you don't speak, you don't laugh, you don't cry. How the hell can you appreciate that which you hold? Let me tell you what will happen, I'm gonna take my nice shiny belt... the only belt held by a true champion in the CSWA, and I'm gonna place it aside for one night. One night only and me and you are gonna get it on. You can choose the night and I'm gonna walk out with that title over there and return the title to a level of respect it hasn't seen since.....well lets just say, it's been a long time.

And don’t think I forgot about you, Powder. Don't you think your getting off without any hints of sarcasim or jokes laid out at your expense. Just think, what have you done recently. Oh yeah, you screwed the Family! Damn, I almost forgot about that one. I'll tell you what is going to happen with you.  If you by some chance beat the Mute Freak tonight, I'll have to lay waste to you.  All the resentment I had for him, will be directed unto you. I'll take PLR on the Farm, I'll take the PLR does Jeopardy, I'll take the UnBlowme and shove them in a nice little sack and slam you upside the head two or three times or until you find yourself unconscious.  Powder, you found yourself a hell you can't even begin to think of when you screwed me. You take the beatings you had from Flair and multiply them by 50 and you'll have the beatings I am gonna bring down on you!

(As Harders finishes his speech, the nursery rhyme "Rock-a-Bye Baby" begins to play. Aaron Douglas walks out pushing a baby carriage, and talking to the child inside. He reaches into the carriage and pulls out a mic.)

AD: I’ve gotta tell you, Randy. You may be a champion in the ring…for now, but you’re still a loser in real life. Who else would leave their wife and baby open for any sucker to make a move on? (He continues to wheel the carriage down toward the ring. Harders looks like he wants to make a move…but stays back as Douglas threatens to reach into the carriage) You’d think you’d learn from the example of some of these other losers like Mark Windham or Hornet who lost their (bleeped) too. But I’ve never accused you of being bright. You talk about laying waste to Deacon or Powers? I could lay waste to you right now, you pathetic (bleeped). But instead…I’m just gonna take that gold from around your waist.

(Douglas lifts the baby from the carriage and tosses it into the air above the ring. Harders makes a mad dash to catch the bundle, and does…then quickly realizes it’s a doll. Douglas levels Harders with a bulldog, sending the doll flying outside the ring.)

BB: I think the only saving grace of that whole exchange was the fact that that was NOT Harders’ child. Other than that…these two are out of hand.

SB: Does Harders really think he’s the CSWA Champion?

BB: Apparently so.

SB: Even after getting worked by the Unholy and Forsaken? I think the man’s on crack.

BB: Sammy! SB: Well! I’ve heard rumors. 

BB: That’s enough, Sammy….unlike some others, the CSWA has a strict drug policy. 

SB: What about GUNS? 

BB: Well….I didn’t say when it was implemented. 

SB: Uh huh. 

BB: Douglas continues his assault, throwing Harders into the corner and following in with an elbow. He chokes Harders with his boot to the throat, but referee Ben Worthington is quick with the five-count. Douglas pulls Harders out of the corner and throws in through the ropes to the outside. Harders hits the mat-covered floor hard, but begin struggling to his feet. Douglas catches him with a double axe-handle blow that sends him chest-first into the metal barricade. Douglas pushes Harders to the floor, and now he’s got hold of one of the cables that connects our cameras to the truck in the back. He’s choking the life out of the Presidential Champ! Harders tries to pry Douglas’s hands away, but without much luck. And this crowd is going crazy…. 

SB: Because it’s everybody’s favorite burn victim…. 

BB: It’s Hornet! He’s halfway down the aisle, and Douglas doesn’t know it! Hornet shocked us all when he returned at Thanksgiving Weekend Spectacular and made his response to Douglas calling him out. 

SB: I bet Douglas is gonna wish that he had ‘Sumo Hornet’ back again. 

BB: We’re about to find out! Hornet taps Douglas on the back….Douglas turns…and gets coldcocked with a hard right hand!!! Douglas is off of Harders now…he fires back at Hornet, and now the two are trading punches. I’m getting word that referee Ben Worthington has thrown this match out…and Harders doesn’t look too pleased at that news. 

SB: Why not? At least he’s done with Douglas, right? 

BB: Apparently so, as Hornet slingshots Douglas down the aisleway and into the barricade.   Douglas goes sprawling, and Hornet quickly drags him to his feet by his hair and throws him through the curtain. Inside the ring, it looks like Harders has the microphone. 

RH: I want everyone to know…that’s the last time I’m wrestling that fool. I beat him at Thanksgiving for this belt, and I beat him what, four, five, sixty-seven more times before that? I’m through with him. It’s time for the CSWA’s Champion to move on and take on some real competition. So who’s next back there? Since the old man saved Douglas for the slaughter, who wants to step up and take the shot? 

(He waits a few seconds. As Harders begins to speak again, music comes on overhead. A young man comes through the crowd and climbs the barricade. Security goes to stop him, and then realizes that it’s Alex Wylde. He grabs Rhubarb Jones’ mic and climbs the ring steps, standing on the apron.)

WYLDE: Hey...Randy...look at me when I'm talking to you. You know why I'm here. You've been walking around with that belt for weeks telling everybody that you are the best the CSWA has to offer. You've been walking around for weeks telling everybody that you are the REAL CSWA champion. You say that belt makes you the best. Well I've come up to Philadelphia from Atlantic City tonight, and I'm here because by saying you are the best man on the CSWA roster...by saying you're the best in the world...you're personally extending a challenge to Alex Wylde. Now, don't get me wrong Randy, you can say what you want...but the only thing that matters is who can put whose shoulders on the ground for the three. And while you talk a lot...you and I both know that deep down you are NOTHING. Nothing at all unless and until you've beaten the best. And (bleeped)...everyone in this building knows that until I get back in the ring...there's going to be an asterisk with every one of your claims. They're gonna watch the tapes and SOMEONE out there is gonna see and know that Alex Wylde was and is BETTER than you...and BETTER than ANYONE else the CSWA has EVER had. SOMEONE out there will make the comparison and decide that when Alex Wylde says he's the BEST...he's damned right, and when Randy Harders says he's the BEST, he's VERY...DAMN... WRONG. But neither of us are going to prove it by talk. So I left Atlantic City and came to Philadelphia tonight to put you to the test Randy, and find out if you can handle the pressure of backing up what you say. You can say I shouldn't get a shot...and walk away if you want...but there'll still be the douberts...and YOU'LL never convince everyone that YOU are the future... until you've proven to the world that *I* am not. And Randy Harders, The only way to do that is to get your ass back in this ring, right now, and put that belt on the line AGAIN, and tonight, in Philly, we'll find out once and for all who's telling the truth...and who's blowing smoke. Ring the damn bell. (Wylde pulls off his shirt and climbs in the ring.)

BB: It’s looks like we’ve got a match!

SB: Is Wylde even under contract to the CSWA?

BB: Harders seemed a little stunned, but he shook the emotion off quickly, tearing into Wylde as the young wrestler climbs into the ring. Harders with a knee to the head, and he quickly sends Wylde to the mat with a swinging neckbreaker! Most of you fans will remember Alex Wylde from months ago in the CSWA when he called out anyone and everyone. And yes, Sammy, I’ve been told he is under contract…as of just a couple of days ago.

SB: Glory be…but am I still under contract?

BB: We can always hope not. Harders goes to drop an elbow on the downed Wylde, but the young star rolls out of the way. Now Wylde goes on the offense, coming to his feet with an uppercut to the stomach. Wylde sends Harders for the ride and brings him down with a spot-on dropkick. Wylde immediately to his feet, and he lays Harders back down with a clothesline! Wylde continues on to the ropes…as Harders quickly gets back to his feet. Another clothesli…NO! Harders ducks the clothesline and catches Wylde with his own as he comes back across!

SB: Now the kid goes to school…

BB: As Wylde comes to his feet, Harders drops him with an inverted DDT and hooks the leg! ONE………..TWO……NO! Wylde kicks out, and keeps his dreams of gold alive. Harders pulls the smaller man to his feet and sends him into the corner. Wylde hits hard…Harders follows in with the shoulder! NO! Wylde hit the mat…and Harders hit the turnbuckle!!! Wylde with a small package from the corner! ONE……..TWO………THREE!!!! I can’t believe it!! And neither can this crowd! Half are cheering, and half are in shock. Wylde quickly grabs the gold out of the hands of Ben Worthington, and rolls outside to the aisleway. Harders grabs hold of Worthington and he’s arguing that it was a fast count…or that his foot was under the ropes. I’ve never seen Randy Harders this upset, Sammy.

SB: Am I supposed to care, Buckley? The man could’ve gone back to the locker room, but no… he decides to call out somebody…how stupid can you be?

BB: We’ll be right back with the US Title match after these messages from U-62!

United States Heavyweight Championship

Blade vs. Lawrence Stanley

BB:  We're back...and we're ready to get into the next match!

RJ: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the United States Heavyweight Championship! First, introducing the challenger. He weighs in at 320 lbs and is escorted to the ring by Lord Alfred…

(CUE UP: God Save The Queen)


BB: He looks real focused, wouldn’t you say?

SB: Well, he’s been sort of obsessed with Blade lately. Hopefully, this satisfies him. He wanted the Greensboro belt for a long time, and now he’s out for Blade’s US strap.

RJ: And his opponent… He is the CSWA’s UNITED STATES CHAMPION and member of the Forsaken…

(CUE UP: Du Hast by Rammstein as pyro explodes)


BB: What an incredible entrance by the United States champ. He’s certainly been part of a lot of strange business lately… He was a member of the UnHoly, but broke off in an eerie way to take over as the leader of Forsaken.

SB: Not the leader, Bill. Remember what he said about them ALL begin equal.

BB: All right. They’re off to a quick start, with Stanley pounding away at Blade. Throws him to the far side… Blade ducks a lariat, spins around… lifts Stanley’s large frame into the air, but Stanley leapfrogs over. Blade turns around, kicks Stanley in the gut. Knee lift to Stanley’s face, followed by a nice spear. It looks like the "English Gent" is hurting.

SB: Blade pulling Stanley up, throws him to the corner, followed with a clothesline. Stanley dazed. Blade with a side headlock, goes for a bulldog. Stanley lifts him up, looks like a side suplex… Blade fighting in air, BULLDOG in the center of the ring. Blade runs into the ropes, legdrop on the fallen Brit.

BB: The cover, but only a one count. Stanley isn’t going to give up without a fight. Blade scoops him up, sets him in the corner… It’s going to be a TREE OF WOE! Blade kicking the daylights out of Stanley, now, but official Manny Juarez is making him let Stanley free. Blade kicks him a few more times, for added measure… but finally backs off before the five count is up.

SB: Blade COULD have gotten himself disqualified there, but he’s not that type of guy, Bill.

BB: True. Blade grabs Stanley by the hair and THROWS him over the top rope. That’s STRENGTH right there, Sammy.

SB: Yes, it is. Blade pounding away on Lawrence Stanley right in front of us here. He’s stood him up, goes to slam his head into our desk. Not once, but twice, Stanley’s skull bounces off the table. Juarez is administering Blade… low blow by Lawrence Stanley!

BB: That was REAL cheap.

SB: Yes, it was. However, he didn’t get caught, so it doesn’t matter. Now, Stanley bouncing Blade’s head off. An Irish whip into the steps… followed by a knee smash. Stanley moves Blade back over our way. This doesn’t bode well for the United States champ. Manny Juarez is being VERY lenient here. He’s… signaling for a chokeslam! I can’t believe it! He’s going to chokeslam Blade through this… No, Blade stops it, BLADE SCOOPS HIM UP! Watch out…

BB: POWERSLAM ON OUR TABLE! IT DOESN’T BUDGE! They finally got us a heavy table, and it didn’t pan out well for the challenger here!

SB: Blade is STUNNED! But, he throws the challenger back in the ring. He mounts the top rope… For a man as big as Blade to even look at the top turnbuckle is amazing. He launches off with a HUGE SPLASH on Lawrence Stanley, hooks the leg.

BB: One…. Two…. Thre….NO!

SB: Lawrence Stanley has a lot of guts here! Whether you love him or you hate him, Lawrence Stanley is putting on a superb display. He’s been stuck in a rut lately, but he certainly has proved himself tonight simply by kicking out.

BB: Blade throws Stanley into the ropes, bends over… telegraphed the move, Stanley ducks to a knee and slaps the taste out of Blade’s mouth! Blade stumbles backward… Stanley chops him hard in the chest, two times, then rests him against the ropes and DOES IT AGAIN! Throws him into the corner, tries to follow in. Blade with a back body drop, Stanley lands on the apron, mounts the top rope like a lightheavyweight! Blade catches him up top, though, throws him off! Stanley flies through the air and lands on his back half way across the ring!

SB: Blade is riled up now! Stanley stands up, runs into Blade, who scoops him up and hotshots him across the top rope! Stanley is hung out to dry as Blade is showing his incredible power. Simply lifting a 320-pound man like that takes a LOT of power. Blade backs up and elbows the back of Lord Alfred’s man, and Stanley topples over.

BB: Speaking of Lord Alfred, Blade had better watch what he does around that corner.

SB: You just jinxed him, Buckley! Blade tripped up by Lord Alfred! Stanley’s clearing the cobwebs while Blade is chasing Lord Alfred around the outside of the ring!

BB: I didn’t jinx him, I merely foreshadowed what was inevitable! Blade gets a hold of Alfred by the throat, but he’d better watch out! Stanley with a hard hand to the lower back of the Forsaken member. Alfred gets away, while Stanley gains the upper hand in this fierce bout. Stanley rolls him into the ring, now… Blade gets up first, hammers Stanley with a rain of fists…

SB: Whips him to the corn… Oh, man! Manny Juarez is out cold, as Blade threw Stanley into the corner and Manny got caught! Look at Alfred! He’s throwing his steel cane to Stanley… Blade picks off the pass like one of the Eagles cornerbacks and CRACKS IT OVER STANLEY’S HEAD!

BB: He goes for a cover, but there is no one to count!  He goes to wake up Juarez, but he’s out COLD! Stanley is getting to his feet... Blade turns around... Guillotine by Stanley, his modified DDT! He’s putting on a pump handle… it could be his finisher! It is, it’s the Face Down! And Manuel is waking up!

SB:  How convenient.

BB: One……. Two……. Th—NOO!  That’s guts! That’s strength, and endurance, and HEART! Wow! Blade kicked out of Stanley’s finisher!  Blade’s trying to get to his feet, turns around and stumbles into a urigami from Stanley, a shoulder to shoulder spine buster! The cover, the count... One… Two… ANOTHER KICKOUT!

SB:  Come on Blade....end it!

BB: Stanley throws him to the ropes… SPINEBUSTER! Another cover, but Blade KICKS OUT AT ONE!  Blade’s up, pounding Stanley! Blade, with a kick to the gut, followed by a piledriver! He drops an elbow on Stanley, hooks the leg, One… Two… kickout! Stanley gets up slowly… Blade gets up slowly… Both run into opposite sides, double clothesline! Both are out!  And Juarez is making the ten-count!  One.... Two… Three… Four… Five… Six…

SB:  (quickly) 7..8..9..10...it's over! 

BB:  Not yet!  They’re BOTH getting up! Stanley swings at Blade; Blade catches the fist and counter with one of his own! TWO of his own! THREE, Four punches and Stanley topples over.  Blade topples onto him, hooks the leg. One…. Two…. NO! Stanley kicks out! Blade is frustrated, and we’re nearing the ten-minute mark here. He goes for another cover, but only a one count. Blade stands, backs into the corner and drops a knee into the sternum. Hooks the legs AGAIN… kickout.  Blade pulls Stanley up by the head, sets him up for... he learned this one from Apocalypse… it’s a tombstone piledriver, THE SEVENTH SEAL!

SB: Please let this be it...I really need a drink.

BB: One… two… what the?!  Alfred hopped on the apron and distracted Manny! Blade gets off of Stanley, makes his way toward Alfred! He’s got him! Hard right hand and Alfred falls off the apron. Blade turns around, Stanley with a drop kick, and Blade falls over the top! Stanley goes out after him, but Blade rolls back in. Stanley follows him in; Blade catches him with a lariat. Runs into the ropes… Alfred pulls the top rope down! Blade falls out of the ring!

SB:  Good ol' Alfred...I wonder if he did stuff like this when he worked for the Caped Crusader.

BB: Manny’s checking with Alfred, to see if he did it, but Alfred’s denying anything. Blade’s up, chasing after Lord Alfred AGAIN! Stanley with a baseball slide, pasting Blade’s face.  Alfred "helps" Blade get back in the ring…

SB:  What?  He just rolled him back in?

BB:  It's not helping when you use the end of a cane.  Stanley with a cover. One… two… thr—NOOOO! Stanley shoved Juarez, telling him it was three… Juarez shoved him RIGHT BACK! Stanley is cowering from Juarez, Blade with a rollup. One… Two… Almost. Blade lacing Stanley in the corner with big boots.

SB:  You know, I like Stanley too....but that was pretty stupid....why in the world would you shove a Cuban?

BB: Blade pulls him up, chops him twice, and whips him to the opposite side. Stanley hits hard, topples over the corner onto the apron. Blade runs into him, knocks him off… Stanley fell into Alfred! Both men topple! As they’re standing, Blade with a PLANCHA OVER THE TOP!  Blade pounding away at Lawrence Stanley, with a cloud of fists. Throws Stanley back into the ring, Blade rolls in after, hooks the leg… One… two… KICKOUT!

SB: He should’ve just stayed outside with him…I’m sure Alfred wouldn’t have bothered them.

BB: Not while he’s still down on the floor he wouldn’t. Blade turns Stanley over and is going for a powerbomb on the big man! Stanley rolls through! He turns Blade around….knee to the stomach…he’s going for it!! FACE DOWN!!! Stanley hits the Face Down inverted powerbomb! He covers! ONE………..TWO……….THREE!!!! Lawrence Stanley is the new US Heavyweight Champion! Lord Alfred rolls inside to celebrate with his protégé.

SB: Um…somebody should’ve taken a cue from Wylde and gotten the heck outta there.

BB: Blade from behind!!! He knees Stanley to the back, knocking him into Alfred…who goes through the ropes!! Now Blade grabs Stanley….deathdrop! Blade takes the US title and puts it over Stanley’s face!!! And now he’s dropping the knee onto the belt…and the head…of Lawrence Stanley!!! Here comes security…but the damage is already done! Somebody get the paramedics down here….I’ve got no doubt that at the very least, Stanley’s nose is broken. Marvin, get us to commercial…now!

Onto Part 4 of SHOWTIME