CSWA PRIMETIME POOLJAM
November 6, 1999
Featuring: Eli Flair & Partner vs. Unholy
(Fade in on the Kingstown arena. Deep in the heart of the place. All is not well in paradise...)
VCV: Damnitt, Thomas... This idea of yours is NOT GOING to work! You know it, and I know it.
(Vice Commissioner Vizzachero, clad in a jacketless gray suit, is standing in front of CSWA Commisioner Thomas' makeshift desk. Next to him is a casually clad Sunshine Del Payne. She is dressed to handle the heat, in a tank top and cutoffs...)
ST: What are you talking about?
VCV: This crap with the Presidential Tournament. Do you really think anyone is going to accept you as the Presidential Champion?
ST: Me? That's nice that you've got such confidence in me, but with my opponent for the night here, don't you think it's kinda poor taste?
SDP: Commissioner Thomas... I don't think I'm going to be involved in this tournament. I'm not a wrestler.
ST: C'mon, kid! You did great against Susan and Gina, and against Poison Ivy... that might not be enough practice to take me on but it's a start. Take notes, Vizzachero, because if you can manage past Katz, you'll have to take on the winner of THIS war.
VCV: I'm not gonna play your games anymore, Thomas. You and Merritt--
ST: Don't say that name in here.
VCV: You and Merritt hired me to help the day- to- day business of the promotion, and my contract does NOT INCLUDE this crap. I've booked the CSWA's arenas up to the Alamodome for the TWS event, but you'd better start looking for a new Vice- Commish, because I'm outta here.
ST: You quit, you don't get paid.
VCV: Oh, I'll be getting what I deserve, don't you worry about that. And tonight, I'm setting up the Presidential Tournament.
ST: I already did that.
VCV: I mean the real one, you freak of nature.
(Vizzachero walks out of the office in disgust. Thomas looks at Sunshine, before she can do the same...)
ST: What's your opinion on all this?
ST: Are you with the man who's been running the CSWA for nearly twelve years, or this other guy we bailed out of a dead end job?
SDP: Commissioner, I don't know what you're trying to do with this whole tournament.
ST: Remember, Sunshine... we gave you a Board of Directors spot, and we didn't fire you even AFTER we found out how much your health plan will cost.
(V/O): This program is presented by CS Enterprises, in association with U-62 Television.
(Fade in on the final moments of the Flair/Love World Title match in Trinidad...)
BB(V/O): It was the final moments of a match, filled with amazement, marred by interference.
(Cut to: Unholy interference against Love...)
On the one hand... the evil threat in the CSWA.
(Cut to: NLS interference against Flair...)
On the other... the Frat-boy jokers.
(Screen fades... cut to a montage of images showing Flair/Troy/Love/Apocalypse)
Where do we go from here?
Bonecrusher vs. "The Destroyer" Dante Inferno
It’s rare that anyone can make Bonecrusher look anything but huge in the ring; but with a five inch, 60 pound advantage, Dante Inferno came in as the big man. Even so, the experienced man from Death Valley, and former CSWA USN Champion took control early on, surprising Inferno and Silky Rose with a short arm clothesline followed by a pump-handle slam. Bonecrusher continued the assault after it looked like Inferno might take over following a sidewalk slam…but during a whip to the ropes, Bonecrusher hurtled into Inferno with an old-fashioned spinebuster, knocking the wind out of the big man. Bonecrusher quickly headed up top, setting up for the shoulder tackle that everyone in the sport has come to fear.
But that’s when Silky Rose brandished one of her thorns. With chair in hand, she was ready for Bonecrusher’s try up top, and took matters into her own hands. The chairshot was enough to unbalance Bonecrusher, who crashed head-first to the mat. Dante quickly hooked the leg, just barely long enough to keep BC down for the three-count. After the match, Inferno and Rose took an early exit…while Bonecrusher took his frustration out on referee Manuel Juarez for what he felt was a quick three-count.
"Franchise" Paul Wolfstein vs.
Paul Wolfstein enters the CSWA with a long background to his name. And he quickly showed why, as he took Stanley from pillar to post early in this match. After a DDT by Wolfstein about five minutes into the match, Stanley took the opportunity to roll outside, attempting to get a breather. Wolfstein followed, however, whipping Stanley into the ring post. But when he tried to follow up with a shoulder…Stanley quickly moved out of the way…possibly with the help of Lord Alfred. Wolfstein was in obvious distress, but still rolled into the ring before he could be counted out. Stanley took advantage of the injury, hooking in an arm bar submission hold. Wolfstein refused to give up, and finally reached the ropes. Stanley quickly let up on the maneuver to everyone’s surprise…but quickly followed with a small package to get the three-count.
Later in the evening, word came down that Wolfstien suffered a separated shoulder during the match. He’ll be out of action for at least the next few weeks.
BB: Uh oh, fans, Stanley has the microphone.
"Show Time" Mikey Beretta vs. X
The big high flyer met up with a slightly smaller one in the masked man. Beretta, the former UWF North American Champion, tried to work over the masked man early on with a snap suplex quickly followed by a sleeper hold. But the mystery man, who must weigh somewhere around 230 or 240 pounds, quickly slipped out and behind the larger Beretta, and catching him as he came around with a superkick. Beretta kicked out at a count of one, but X followed with a quick powerslam. Beretta dodged the elbow before bringing the smaller man with drop toe hold. Beretta used his larger frame to get the masked man down with a brainbuster. Mikey quickly followed with a figure four, but X got the boot up and sent Beretta hard into the turnbuckle. X followed with a double underhook suplex for the 1-2-3.
MaxXx vs. "The Destroyer" Lance Richards
Lance Richards had no intention of going into this match to do anything but hurt MaxXx. The Thrill Kill cult's Enforcer attacked MaxXx in the aisleway with a chair before hurtling him into the ring. Richards followed with a pumphandle slam and a powerbomb...but wasn't able to keep MaxXx down for the three-count. MaxXx continued to take an enormous amount of punishment, until he was able to capitalize on a single mistake by Richards. As Richards charged into the corner for an elbow..MaxXx dropped to the mat, sending Richards hard into the turnbuckle. MaxXx quickly rolled "The Destroyer" up for the quick one-two-three. But afterwards, both Dexter and Richards lit into the young star...leaving him laying in the middle of the ring.
"Corporate Raider" Ellis Jackson vs. Cardigo Mysterian
In the doubleheader of the psychotic killers....Cardigo Mysterian obviously had nothing going on inside his masked head except a single-minded desire to hurt Ellis Jackson. Thankfully, JacksonCo's CEO is a smart man...he stayed out of reach of the killing blow, although Cardigo continued to make points with various moves. Jackson seemed to have things under control after a quick combination rana and knee drop, but Cardigo simply stood up and dealt a shot to the throat of Jackson that left him gasping on the mat. Cardigo crept around the ring, seemingly stalking Jackson...but as he went in for the kill, Jackson quickly flipped over the back of Mysterian, landing near the ropes. Mysterian began the stalking hunt again, but Jackson surprised him by charging. He caught hold of Mysterian, and both fell to the outside, hitting hard against the guardrail. Jackson quickly rolled back inside. Cardigo seemed ready to follow...until some comment by a fan at ringside caught his ear. He grabbed hold of a teenage boy's shirt and seemed ready to injure the youngster. Thankfully, CSWA security was ready....they quickly restrained Cardigo before he could make any other move. Ellis Jackson, in the meantime, took the match by countout.
Simply Stunning vs. War Machine
Michael Kerrigan impressed us at Trinidad, and the debut of his WAR partner, Hikaru Yoshida, was certainly not a disappointment for the crowd. Simply Stunning seemed barely able to comprehend what was happening as the War Machine began to systematically take them apart. Hardy and Wilcox tried to discuss it in the corner, but Kerrigan showed no fear, catching Hardy with a dropkick that sent him crashing into Wilcox...in turn sending Wilcox crashing to the floor below. Hardy was sent for the ride...and then got caught with a Kerrigan clothesline that sent him through the top two ropes and to the floor near Wilcox. Kerrigan came through the ropes himself for an amazing suicide tope....that backfired as the two youngsters maneuvered out of the way. Kerrigan hit the floor hard. Simply Stunning rolled him back inside and send him down with a double backdrop and double sidekick combination that BARELY allowed Wilcox to keep Kerrigan down for the one-two-three. Many fans seemed to question the ref's decision....but as usual, it stood, and with it, Simply Stunning got their arms raised.
Michael Gettis vs. Marcus Haggar
These two got into a donnybrook early, each jawing at each other about going through he other to mak their way to a title shot. The punches started shortly thereafter, and the brawling commenced. What we hoped would be a technical tour de force by the two youngsters turned into a nasty brawl that headed outside the ring, and was halfway to the back until the referee forced them to reign it in. On their way back, Haggar tossed Gettis into the crowd, and it looked like about 10 fans were going to get involved. As Haggar pulled Gettis back over the rail, Gettis caught Haggar by the hair and cracked his head against the rail. Gettis was busted open and bleeding down the aisle, as Gettis hurled him inside and followed with a huge brainbuster for the win.
"Hard Body" Bobby
In their meeting in Trinidad, Cruise came out on top after reversing an irish whip. Not quite what happened this time...but all the elements were there...the beautiful Mercedes Devon on the outside, and the two technically-sound men on the inside who know each other inside and out. They seemed to be able to predict what the other would do before he did it. And it was that anticipation that allowed Jackson to move just one step out of reach of a quick standing dropkick by Cruise. Jackson quickly followed in, grabbing the legs and flipping overthe head of Cruise or a tight and painful modified small package cover that got the one-two-three and evened the series between these two former tag partners to one apiece.
(CUEUP "Sabotage" and out walk Billy Starr and Aaron Douglas. They have determined looks on their faces and mean business tonight. They step into the ring and out from the back runs CSWA low-life reporter, M. Harry Smilek. Smilek runs in with a microphone...)
SMILEK: Gentlemen, what brings you out here this evening? Douglas, we heard you call out Hornet a few weeks ago, have you heard from him since that tag match?
DOUGLAS: Geez, do you ever let up? (Looks into the camera.) Hornet, I know you are watching this and if you're not, I know you will hear about it. You walked out on me that night and left me for dead. We were on track to win the Unified tag team titles and I went to make the tag, you were nowhere to be seen. Hornet...where the hell did you go!? I vow that I will not let up...I will NOT STOP, until your punk (bleep) is back in the CSWA and you face me like a man! You, me, Billy, we were going to go out and start taking over the CSWA...and you flushed that right down the damn toilet! Now i'm going to flush YOU down the toilet and get rid of you once and for all!
SMILEK: Well it's obvious...
(Douglas shoves Smilek and takes the microphone.)
DOUGLAS: It wasn't that long ago that I called out the great tag team champions, Freddy Love and Calvin Powers, and issued them a challenge for the tag straps. Yes, I was well aware of their troubles and knew that they were going to be having a mystery partner match for the belts, however I took what those two "champions" had to offer and kept coming for more! Love hit the Hurricane Piledriver, Powers hit the Kiss the Canvas, and on both occasions...yours truly kicked out! And with Hornet gone, my main man, Billy Starr, ran down and it seemed as if the stage was set for the next card. However, when the challenge was laid out, Powers cowered away and claimed he wouldn't do it because we weren't ranked or some BS. He knows it, all these people know it, that Hot Stuff had their number and it wasn't before too long that he would take the belts away from them. You two go ahead, have your little mystery tag match, but whoever wins, remember, you're gonna have the HEADLINERS (Douglas points to himself and Billy.) to deal with!
(Smilek is on the outside and continues to do the interview, with another mic.)
SMILEK: The Headliners, wow...this is a major development! I'm glad I got the scoop over all those wannabe Smileks in the back!
(Smilek continues to talk and doesn't realize that Billy Starr is behind him. Starr grabs him and rams him into the steel ringpost.)
DOUGLAS: Thanks Billy, I owe you one. Now as I was saying, we figured we'd make a statement tonight to the entire tag team division, and especially whoever ends up with the straps! If there is any team in the back who thinks we are full of it, who wants to shut us up, and get on with the rest of the show, now is the time to step up and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
(CUEUP: "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees. Disco Express emerges from the back. Inferno is dancing around and Boogie Man looks pissed. They step into the ring and a staredown takes place. The fans are into the Express and chanting "DISCO, DISCO, DISCO".)
BOOGIE MAN: You motha(BLEEP) want some of us!? (Laughs and looks at Inferno) Who do these cats think they are?
DISCO INFERNO: Baby, it doesn't matter, if they want a fight...let's give it to 'em!
BB: The bell has rung...and it looks like we've got an unscheduled tag team match here in Kingstown!! This crowd is going wild for Disco Express....and Disco Inferno starts things off against Aaron Douglas with a big boot to the head!!! Swinging neckbreaker by Disco....ONE.......TWO......NO!!! The former Unified Tag Champs almost had one of the quickest wins of their career!
SB: Hey....where's that midget? Somebody tell him to bring me a drink.
BB: Disco heads in for the elbow, but Douglas gets the boot up! He turns Disco into the corner, and now he and Starr are doing a number on the Inferno! Douglas with a shot to the gut...he hooks the head...off the ropes...Tornado DDT!!!!!! ONE..........TWO .........THREE!!!!! The Headliners have the win over the former Unified Tag Champs!!!! Folks....we'll be back after this!
Presidential Championship Tournament
Mark Vizzachero vs. Jon "Cruncher" Katz
RJ: This contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is a first round Presidential Tournament match!
BB: Oh lord. This is going to be ridiculous, especially considering Vizzachero wants no part of this thing.
SB: Thomas knows what he's doing, though. And he'll come out on top.
RJ: Introducing first, from the CSWA Front Office... former CSWA Vice President, Jon "Cruncher" Katz!
BB: Here comes Katz down the aisle... it's been a long time since we saw anything from the Cruncher, pretty much since Fish Fund XI and the Ownership match. But he looks as ready for this match as he probably CAN be.
RJ: And his opponent... the CSWA Vice- Commissioner... MARK VIZZACHERO!
SB: Will he show?
BB: He'll show, just to spite Thomas. This man doesn't agree with a single thing that's happened in the CSWA since Merritt's ousting.
SB: Well, it looks like we'll find out what Vizzachero's got planned... because here he comes.
BB: He doesn't look like he's set to wrestle, though. He's wearing a black suit... and he's got a flyer in his hand. I think he's got a list of wrestlers on that paper.
SB: What tipped you off?
BB: Sammy... never mind. Vizzachero is in the ring, and he's asking for a microphone.
(Cut to: The ring)
VCV: I thought about this, long and hard. How to work with the CSWA best. How to keep this on top of the world of wrestling. But it's getting increasingly hard, and the reason for that, is Commissioner Thomas. He's running this business into the ground, and I can't be part of the team that lets it happen.
(Vizz hold up the paper in his hand.)
So, perhaps as my last official act, I've got a list of sixteen wrestlers on this paper. And by the end of the THANKSGIVING WEEKEND SPECTACULAR '99, one of them will be the REAL CSWA Presidential Champion. And now, I'll read the list of names. The number one seed--
(Katz taps him on the shoulder.)
Yeah, yeah, give me a second. The number one--
(Katz turns him around and takes a swing. Vizzachero ducks and lets loose with one of his own.)
BB: KATZ GOES DOWN! I think he's hurt, Sammy!
SB: Well what do you expect? These guys are businessmen, not wrestlers.
VCV: As I was saying, the number one seed for the Presidential Tournament is "The--" What are you doing?
BB: Young has called for the bell, I think he's awarded this match to Vizzachero!
SB: He's raising his hand, and it looks like Vizz will have to face the winner of the Thomas/Sunshine matchup.
BB: Vizzachero is looking at Patrick Young like he's sprouted six heads... and he's just shaking his own in frustration as he returns to the locker room. This has gotta be one of the more unusual moments in CSWA history, wouldn't you say, Sammy?
AJ Honold vs. Steve Schroeder
The bizarre tournament continued as current Vice-Commissioner AJ Honold took on former CSWA VP Steve "Poppy" Schroeder. Apparently these two had some deep resentment for each other that none of us knew about.....and this one went hardcore. The referee threatened to count both men out as they took things outside, but then gave up and followed the men out towards the concessions. It became obvious where both men were headed....straight for the popcorn, complete with Poppy's special sauce. Schroeder sent Honold head first into the popcorn machine...but as he followed in, Honold got Schroeder up and over with a backdrop that landed the former VP in the popcorn. One pull of a lever...a little extra hot butter flavoring...and Vice-Commish AJ had his win by submission...into the second round to face the winner of Gethard/Day.
Steve Day vs. Gregg Gethard
Steve Day, a member of the CSWA Board of Directors took his turn to face off against CSWA VP of Security, and head of CSTV, Gregg Gethard. Gethard seemed to have a few tricks of his own up his sleeve, as his security staff got into the act early, trying to intimidate Day. But Day got into the ring ready for the match...and he took it to Gethard early, catching the Security VP with a couple of hard right hands. Gethard fired back but missed, allowing Day to get in a couple of others. That continued for a couple of minutes...Gethard trying to lay a hand on Day...Day dancing away and catching Gethard with boxer-like jabs. Finally, Gethard tackled Day, getting lucky when Day's head hit the back of the turnbuckle. Gethard quickly pulled Day to the middle of the ring, hit his version of an elbow drop, and took his three-count on the way to the second round of the tournament.
Sunshine Del Payne vs. Commish Thomas
BB: We're back folks, and CSWA Commissioner Thomas and Sunshine Del Payne are in the ring. And yes... this is a first round match in the "Presidential" Tournament. I still can't believe this, Sammy.
SB: I love it...."Ms. Del Payne" is finally gonna get what she deserves.
BB: And what's that?
SB: A sound spanking if Thomas has any sense.
BB: The two seem to be talking in the ring...let's see if the ring mics can pick it up.
SDP: Commissioner Thomas....why are you doing this? We both know that I can't physically beat you in a ring... this is a little over the top don't you think? Why don't I just 'give up' now and you can go on?
ST: Sunshine, sweetheart, then I'd look like I made you give up. No...this has to be done right...otherwise people can say it's all a sham.
SDP: But sir...
ST: By the way, Sunshine, did I ever tell you that the CSWA paid your stepbrother to come 'help' you last year?
SDP: What? But you....you couldn't have...
ST: Oh yeah, we did....five figures too, he wasn't cheap. I know he took things a bit over the top...but I just asked him to shake you up a little.
BB: Sunshine just slapped the fire out of Thomas's face...and there's the bell...it looks like we've got a match! Thomas turns to try and escape a flurry of slaps by Sunshine....but she jumps on his back.
SB: Ya know..for a psychopath, she sure knows how to go straight for the eyes!
BB: Thomas reaches around to grab hold of her...but he can't. He can, however, still move...and that's exactly what he does, right back into the turnbuckle. Sunshine lets go and falls into the corner.
SB: What's Thomas doing now???
BB: Oh dear....he gets hold of Sunshine's arms.....monkey flip off of the corner. That knocked the wind out of Ms. Del Payne...and Thomas, thankfully, goes for the quick cover. One......two.....three. I can honestly say I'm glad that one's over.
SB: What kind of Commish is he!?
BB: That's what we've all been saying.
SB: But he didn't even go for the cheap feel.
ST: (to Sunshine) Now was that so hard? (to referee) Raise my hand, idiot.
RJ: And the winner of this first round Presidential Tournament match....Stephen Thomas!
BB: I bet he threatened Rhubarb's job if he forgot that part. I guess Thomas is thrilled that he's undefeated in singles competition...although this was his first singles match.
SB: Ya gotta give the man something...it's all he has.
BB: I don't know what's going on anymore, Sammy. But Sunshine has been eliminated from this tournament, if you will, by Commissioner Thomas. Look at him, Sammy... he's acting like he just won the lottery.
SB: Like he needs the money.
BB: Still, he'll go on to face... Vice Commissioner Vizzachero is coming back to ringside? What's he doing? Vizzachero has asked for a microphone... and... Uh-oh, he's in the ring. That means, he's in Thomas' way.
VCV: Glad you advanced, Thomas. Now Sunshine and I can keep working on the CSWA and doing what's best for the PROMOTION.
ST: Vizzwhacker, you're getting in my moment. Now please leave the ring.
VCV: Yeah? Do something.
(They look at each other for a minute)
As I was saying, starting at the POOLJAM's next stop, in GRAND CAYMAN, there will be a sixteen man tournament for the PRESIDENTIAL CHAMPIONSHIP. The first round will happen next week in the Grand Caymans, the second round, on the POOLJAM's final stop at the Astrodome in Houston, Texas, on DAY ONE of the Thanksgiving Weekend Spectacular '99, and the semis and finals on DAY TWO! Now, as I was saying before, the NUMBER ONE SEED... will be a former Greensboro and United States Champion "The HARD One" Randy Harders. The number two... I'm very pleased to announce this, is a man who has been a SUPERSTAR in days past here... I'm talking about---
BB: OH MY! THOMAS HAS JUST ROLLED UP VIZZACHERO! He tells Juarez to make the
count, 1.........2...........3! Vizzachero has been eliminated from Thomas' tournament, and the Commish is in the finals!
SB: I don't think he cares. He and Cloudy are outta there, talking about... something. What, we're not gonna get the name of the #2 seed tonight?
BB: Apparently not, Sammy. Fans, we need to take a quick break, but we'll be right back with the MAIN EVENT!
Slowly, the scene cuts back to a dark locker room. A dim lamp is on the back corner, but other than that, complete darkness. A CD plays in the background, spinning the disc on repeat.
The view pans out. A person, sitting in the shadow of the room. A cloud of smoke idly rests around the surrounding area.
The view comes in closer . . . the face, covered partially by the shadows of the room. But the characteristics can be seen. The pierced eyebrow, the pierced lip. The ear rings in his ears, the short, spiked hair. The t-shirt of "Anarchy", the enclosed "A". The cigarette, as he slowly takes a deep drag.
The view shifts, to an off-centered view of the person. More of his profile .. . . with the dim lamp in the background, casting the view of his face into a complete shadow.
As he slowly exhales a cloud of smoke, he begins to speak.
"In a world full of leaders, there is a parallel, and quite larger, faction of those who are followers. The people who can't rise up and show that they, too, are able to be considered 'one of the best.' Those who are happy enough to be considered 'one of the guys,' but are unable to take the next step into being 'the man.' Nor, will they ever be able to. "
He lowers his head, thinking for a moment.
"In places that I have been before, so many people were trying to acheive the same level of mediocricy of others, that the one who was determined, quickly passed them up. He left them behind, as they feuded for the scraps that they so treasured. "
Raising his head, he brings the cigarette up to his mouth. The light catches a glimpse of his arm . . . tattooed, down to his elbow. A spider web tattoo on the elbow . . .
"Now looking at the CSWA, I see the same trend. People who are stuck in a self-made room, lowering the ceiling themselves. Lowering their goals, making them easier to obtain, en route to a quicker end. But, why do they limit themselves when the rooftop was made much higher? "
As he exhales the smoke calmly, steady, he flips the cigarette to the ground. Twisting it with his foot, he raises his head up, looking towards the ceiling.
"Success is what it comes down to. But, how the person views it, and what their opinion of it is, is the dividing line. To some, success lies in the area of who wins. The grand number of percentage of wins and losses. But to others, it goes past that, into what titles you hold, or have held, in
various stages of your career.
"But is that true success? Does the status of one's self in the eyes of another truly show that someone was successful? Or, does it lay deeper? Deeper, into the very thoughts of the person who is being analyzed. "
Slowly, he lowers his head, resting it in his arms.
" For me, success is when life becomes clear. When old problems have released themselves into the air. When . . . the burdens are no longer around, and the enjoyment that is life finally decides to make it's stop at my home. And then, that is success. Only then . . .
"Now in the CSWA, amongst those who are reaching for their lowered goals, bickering over ideas that are non-existent, I come in. Not to be another faceless person wondering the ground, but to be who I am, and reach for what I want. And then, success will finally find me. But until then…"
He reaches out of view, grabbing the pack of cigarettes.
"In the haze of confusion, the thoughts of ideas, the question now arise. The answers will come as I choose to let you know. But who am I? "
Slowly, he turns his head to a straight on shot. Lighting the cigarette, his face becomes clear for the first time. The tired face, the weary, but determination in the eyes, the solumn expression . . .
Slowly, he speaks . . .
" I . . . . . am Zero. "
Turning his head back around, becoming encased in the shadows that engulf the room, he sits; rests. As slowly, the scene fades . . .
Flair and a Mystery Partner vs.
BB: We're back, ladies and gentlemen! And we're set to go for the Main Event! Sammy, I'd think that the Unholy team has the advantage here, wouldn't you?
SB: It doesn't happen very often, but when you're right you're right, Buckley. The Unholy have been together for a long time, they know each other's moves, they know each other's strengths and weaknesses, and I think we could see a very well-greased machine with Harders and Tasker.
BB: On the other side, who could Eli Flair's partner be? He hasn't made many friends in this business, so it's got to be someone he can trust. But who?
SB: Only two names come to mind, and neither one are in active competition right now. Mark Vizzack and RF Meloneer. Anyone else and Flair is playing with fire. He's burned too many bridges in this sport to be able to trust anyone else enough to be in their corner. Except, of course, the Feminazi.
(CUE UP: "Down in the Park" - Marilyn Manson.)
RJ: This next contest is a tag team match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, at a total combined weight of five hundred and seventy-three pounds... Representing The Unholy... "THE COMMANDO" ALAN TASKER... and "THE HARD ONE" RANDY HARDERS!!!
BB: Listen to these boos. The fans here in Grenada really don't like the Unholy, do they?
SB: How can they do this? Tasker is one of the top prospects in the CSWA right now, I think it's only a matter of time before he's challenging one of the CSWA Champs. And Harders is a former Greensboro AND a former United States Champion. They're not exactly helpless in there.
BB: I agree with you. Harders over to the front row, and a kiss for his wife. This is going to be a war, and Sammy, I think Tasker and Flair's partner are really immaterial in this one. This is a war between Flair and Harders, before anything else.
SB: That's true. They had an intense match in the Multinational Wrestling Corporation, that, actually, went to a time limit draw, but they tore the arena down.
RJ: AND THEIR OPPONENTS... INTRODUCING FIRST...
(CUE UP: "Bawitdaba" - Kid Rock)
Accompanied to the ring by his manager, Poison Ivy... From Bronx, NY,
weighing in at 302 pounds... The CSWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... "TOTAL
ELIMINATION" ELI FLAIRRR!!!
BB: LISTEN to this reaction from the fans! Listen to how much they love this man! He's the CSWA's "Anti-Hero," and he's completely indulged in it!
SB: He's trying to buy some fans.
BB: He doesn't HAVE to buy any fans! Flair and Ivy are in the ring, and Eli Flair has a microphone!
SB: He can talk?
BB: Stop it, Sammy.
(Cut to: The ring.)
ELI: Now, is the moment we've all been waiting for. Who is Eli Flair's partner? I thought about this long and hard, but it was really no choice.
You see, about two months ago I was approached by a man whose best days, everyone told him, were behind him. He innocently enough gave me some pointers in a sparring bout, and I gave him some right back. I've been working with him nearly every day since then, and I think it's safe to say, he is, in fact, FAR from finished.
BB: Best days are over....? Sammy, I think I know who it is!
SB: I'm afraid to ask.
ELI: So allow me to introduce to you.... a NEW MAN in the world of *Professional Wrestling.... "ARROGANCE" JOEY MELTON!!!
(CUE UP: "Blue Monday" - Orgy)
BB and SB: MELTON?!?
(The fans are on their feet.... waiting with anticipation for Flair's partner. At last he emerges from the curtain.... The robe is gone. The gorgeous locks have been trimmed. But the man is the same. The man is still Joey Melton. HUGE pop from the fans.)
BB: Look at Harders and Tasker! They're beside themselves!
SB: Look at Flair and Ivy! They're loving it! Why, Joey? WHY?
BB: Fans, this puts this match into an entirely new frame of mind. Eli Flair's partner is none other than Joey Melton! Two-time ULTRATITLE winner, SEVEN time IntraContinental Champion! Former USN Champion, former United States AND Unified Tag Team Champion, FIRST EVER CSWA World Heavyweight Champion!
SB: Joey's turned his back on everyone and everything that loves him! What's his sister going to think?
BB: Well, it looks like we're finally going to get this match underway. And it looks like we've got Flair and Tasker starting things off tonight!
SB: Joey... I feel betrayed.
BB: Flair and Tasker lock up, and Tasker is shoved backward! Alan Tasker is not a small man by any means, but Flair got the advantage there! Sammy, I think Melton as Eli's partner has really thrown the game plan off for this team of Tasker and Harders.
SB: I can't believe it...
BB: Stop it, Sammy. The two lock up again, and this time Tasker pushes the Champ into the corner! Ben Worthington calls for the break... NO! A cheap shot by Tasker! Flair is irate! He takes three assertive steps forward, and a punch to the face! Worthington gets in between them!
SB: I thought you'd never let go, Joey...
BB: Flair takes hold of Tasker's neck, and applies a reverse headlock! There's the tag, and listen to these fans! They want to see Melton in a ring again! Joey with a kick to the stomach! And another! Melton off the ropes... CLOTHESLINE! Tasker dives into his corner, and he makes the tag to Harders!
SB: I feel like I've lost a son.
BB: Harders and Melton lock up... and Harders with an armdrag takedown! He's got Melton down on the mat, and he's applying more pressure to the arm! Melton is looking for a way out... and he rolls through! NO! Harders is just too powerful, and he pulled him back down to the mat! Joey looks like he's gonna try it again... he does it! NO! He rolled the other way and was able to brush past Flair's outstretched hand! Flair with a clothesline! Harders is down!
SB: C'mon, Harders! Knock some sense into Joey!
BB: Melton tagged out.
SB: I'm traumatized... leave me alone.
BB: Harders and Flair lock up, and nobody moves! They try it again... Flair is whipped into the ropes! Back out again, and Harders with a drop toe hold! And he locks on an ankle lock submission! Flair turns into it and kicks Harders in the face! OH MY! Flair goes for a Cross Face Chicken Wing, but Harders grabs his head and drops down! Chinbreaker! Harders hooks the World Champion from behind... DRAGON SUPLEX! The cover, 1............2.........NO! Flair with the kickout!
SB: Ray S. has been shamed from this.
BB: Harders picks up the Champ again... and he sends Flair into the corner! He moves in... WHIPS HIM TO THE OPPOSITE SIDE! NO! Flair reverses! NO! Harders reverses! NO! Flair pulled him in! DDT! Harders is up first, but he's dazed! Flair is trying to make the tag!
SB: NO! Don't let the betrayer into the ring!
BB: Harders grabs Flair by the boot, and he's pulling him in to HIS corner! NO! A kick to the groin and Harders drops him! Flair is going to make the tag!
SB: So is Harders, though.
BB: MELTON AND TASKER ARE IN! Melton fires away with lefts and rights! He hooks Tasker's head... DDT! Sets him up again... NO! Tasker with a bridge suplex! He hooks the leg! 1..............2............NO! Melton with the kickout!
SB: Here comes the Hard One!
BB: Here comes FLAIR!
BB: Flair intercepts Harders... CLOTHESLINE! Both men are over the top and onto the floor! Flair has taken this match to his 'home! Inside the ring, Tasker has applied a sleeper to Melton! On the outside, Flair and Harders are dueling with chairs! NO! Flair takes a swing, and catches Harders on the side of the leg! Harders is holding his leg! Inside the ring, it looks like Melton is fading fast! Tasker's got that sleeper LOCKED IN!
SB: It's what ya get when you diss the CORPORATION.
BB: Flair with a slam onto the concrete floor! He sets Harders onto Pedro and Eduardo's SAP table... and IVY is holding Harders' legs down! Flair to the apron... ELBOWDROP THROUGH THE TABLE! Both men are down, as well as the wrestlers!
SB: Melton is out!
BB: Joey Melton is down! Ben Worthington checks the arm... It drops once! Twice! Third time's the... NO! The arm didn't go down! Joey is trying to power out of it!
SB: Tasker is too strong.
BB: You may be right... He keeps that pressure on Melton's neck, and Joey is forced back down to the mat. WAIT! He's trying to turn INTO it! HE DOES! Tasker's only got a fraction of the pressure still on that jugular, and Melton is able to reach for the ropes! Worthington counts... and Tasker lets go of the hold. But that took a LOT out of Melton.
SB: So did leaving the CORP.
BB: Will you let it go? Harders and Flair are both stirring on the outside... NO! Harders cracks a chair over the World Champion's head! He stays down! But he's not out! He's trying to get up!
SB: Hit him again!
BB: Tasker sets Melton up for a powerbomb... NO! Melton hits a backdrop! Tasker is up... SCOOP AND A SLAM BY JOEY! He picks Tasker up again... NO! Tasker with a shot to the chest! He sets Melton up... SUPLEX! NO! He's sat Melton down on the top turnbuckle! And Tasker is climbing the ropes! He's got Melton set up for a superplex!
SB: If he hits this, it's ALL over!
BB: He's got Melton's head hooked... NO! NO! MELTON SHOVED TASKER! Tasker takes the shortcut to the mat! MELTON WITH A SPLASH! HE HIT! HE HIT! Harders has composed himself on the outside, and it looks like Flair is pulling himself to his feet! Amazing! Joey Melton hooks the leg, 1.............2.........NO! Tasker with the kickout at the last minute!
SB: C'mon, Unholy!
BB: Melton to his feet, and he pulls Tasker to the middle of the ring... HE'S GOING FOR IT! HE'S GOING FOR IT! He's got Tasker wrapped up in the Figure Four Leglock! Tasker's in a lot of pain, but he's not tapping! He's trying to turn it over, but Melton's got it LOCKED IN! He's got himself set on the mat so he ain't goin' nowhere! Tasker's shoulders are down! 1...............2................NO!
SB: Here comes Harders!
BB: Oh my... Harders has returned to the ring, and he's got a steel chair in hand! Melton looks up at him... and HARDERS... cracks TASKER over the head? Harders has knocked out his own partner! Flair is back to the ring apron as well... and Harders tells Worthington to count the pin!
1................2.......................3! Melton and Flair win the match, but Harders is all over Tasker! He sets him up... WHIRLWIND! And he slams Tasker back to the mat!
SB: I don't like this.
BB: Flair and Harders are staring at each other... AND THEY SHAKE HANDS! It was a setup! They set up the Unholy! Listen to these fans, Sammy! They're ecstatic!
(CUE UP: "Clubbed to Death" - Rob B.)
SB: Here comes the cavalry!
BB: This is bad for the trio in the ring... it's Apocalypse, Pat Black, Dante Inferno, and BLADE all coming to ringside! And there they go! We've got a brawl on our hands! Apocalypse and Harders are getting into it like old rivals, and Flair is being double teamed by Inferno and BLADE! Melton is holding his own against Pat Black... TO THE OUTSIDE GOES MELTON! Where is Gethard and security when we need them?
VOICE : Do you smell what ... oh no ... no that's not right at all.
SB: Who was that?
BB: WHAT was that?
VOICE : Was it .. Excellence of Execution? No ...
BB: The fans are puzzled over this 'voice' that's come over the speaker system. I don't have any answers here.
(Buckley begins to shuffle through some papers in front of him... when...)
VOICE : To be the best you gotta beat the best? No, no, no. Why can't I get this right ..
SB: Well, look at the ring. The Unholy and Flair's team have stopped their fighting... they want to see what's going on!
VOICE : Space mountain .. sheesh. AH WAIT! I got it! HIT IT BOYS!
(Cue Up: "Bulls on Parade" - RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE... From the curtain,
BB: STEVE RADDER! STEVE RADDER IS IN THE BUILDING! IT'S "THE ICEMAN" STEVE
RADDER! HE'S GOT A MICROPHONE IN HIS HANDS!
(Cut to: Radder, at the curtain.)
Steve Radder : Now this just doesn't seem fair at all, really ... I figure Flair and Melton must be a little tired ... thats the only way I can explain the fact that they're not stomping your bones into little pieces. And since I'm always up for smashing bones ... especially those of the Unholy sort....
BB: Radder has dropped the microphone and he has headed for the ring! He goes for Inferno! These two had a BRUTAL match at ELVIS LIVES XI, and they seem to be starting up again! Flair with a neckbreaker on the Greensboro Champion! Security has finally hit the ringside area, and the Unholy are being taken back to the locker room! Radder and Harders embrace, and it looks like we've got a happy ending to this story!
(Cue Up: "All in the Family" - KoRn and Fred Durst)
SB: I can't believe Melton though... he's gone to the darkside.
BB: Not in the opinion of these fans, Sammy! Listen!
(The song kicks into high gear, and the scene scales back at Flair, Radder, Harders, and Melton in the middle of the ring, surrounded, on all sides, by a standing ovation... FADE TO BLACK)
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