A CSWA CHRISTMAS: Where Dreams Really Do Come True December 25, 1995 Note: The action listed here begins after the IRONMAN Tournament for the EN World Title. You can find all that action from the CSWA Archives page. (FADEIN: Mean Gene Okerlund, Bobby Heenan, and Missy Hyatt sitting at the announce table.) OKERLUND: We're back from that intermission following the IronMan tournament! I can't believe what we saw, as Mike Randalls was crowned the new Enterprises World Heavyweight Champion, and now we've got more... (Bill Buckley walks up to the announce position and rips the mike out of Okerlund's hand.) BUCKLEY: Get out of here, baldie. I was tied up earlier, but now I'm free from those "prior engagements", thanks to Schmid, so I think you, the Weasel, and the tramp should get out of here before I have security throw you out. HEENAN: We still get paid for this, right? BUCKLEY: Get outta here! HYATT: Oh well...I guess I'll just have to stand on a corner if I'm going to make any money tonight. (Okerlund, Heenan, and Hyatt are escorted out of the arena.) BUCKLEY: Hello once again, fans, and welcome to the CSWA Christmas: Where Dreams Really Do Come True! Mike Randalls' dream has already come true tonight, as he is the new EN World Champion, and my son Billy is going to have a very special interview in the ring with Mike Randalls later on this very same card! We're live here in the Merritt Auditorium, and let me tell you something, fans at home, it has really stunk in here tonight. It seems that the Merritt Auditorium played host to a hog racing festival on Christmas Eve, and CS Enterprises did not have the opportunity to clean the place up before starting the card. There is day old pig filth throughout the Merritt Auditorium tonight, and our fans with ringside seats are sitting all around it. The only place really cleaned up is the immediate ring area, and I'm told that ended up being a Christmas morning snack for one of our co-commissioners. We have a tremendous card coming up for you folks. Hey! Look who's making his way to the announce position! It's Sammy Benson, our resident pain in the butt! BENSON: Don't you EVER say the word "butt" to me again after what I've been through today. They told me I was coming to the office to get my Christmas bonus. That's NOT what I had in mind! BUCKLEY: Well, I'm glad that I didn't recieve my bonus this year from CS Enterprises! We're going to kick the card off with a classic matchup, as Devastator battles Space God in a Burial Match! BENSON: A classic matchup? Get real, Buckley. I'm torn as to whether I should go back to Merritt's office. My butt hurts much too much to sit through this one! BUCKLEY: Sit down, Sammy! I can't go through it alone. The double wide, double deep coffin is down at ringside, as well as a big bag of dirt from the local cemetery. The only way to win this one is to put your opponent in the coffin and then cover him up from head to toe with that dirt. Listen to the crowd as Space God makes his way to the arena! BENSON: Yeah! I didn't think this many people could actually all yawn at the exact same time. BUCKLEY: Can it, Sammy! Space God is in the ring, and this man is just plain strange. And now the Devastator is on his way to the ring. We're going to take a real short break, and then we'll return with the start of this great matchup! ******************** Burial Match ************************** Devastator vs. Space God ************************************************************ BUCKLEY: We're back! The bell sounds, and this one is underway! Devastator and Space God lock up in the center of the ring, and oh my! Devastator just shoved Space God hard into the corner! Sammy, what on Earth are you doing? BENSON: You don't really expect me to watch this match, do you? I brought my Watchman. "It's A Wonderful Life" is on, Buckley. BUCKLEY: Really? Wow! That's a great movie! Give me that Watchman! You watch the match! BENSON: Bah humbug! Space God tries to hit Devastator with a dropkick, but Devastator just swatted him to the mat like a bug! Now Devastator picks him up and delivers a chokeslam! Hey! What the heck hit me in the back of the head? BUCKLEY: My goodness! The ringside fans are throwing that petrified pig filth toward the ring! They're not happy that the CSWA didn't clean up the Merritt Arena before the card, Sammy. BENSON: They're not happy because they actually PAID to see this match! BUCKLEY: Space God starting to mount an offensive! A right hand by Space God! Another right! He comes off the ropes with a flying bodypress, and he connects! He covers Devastator, but pinfalls don't count in this one! Space God asking referee Manuel Juarez why he didn't make the count, and oh my! A piece of petrified pig poop just hit Space God right in the head! He stumbles through the ropes and into the coffin! He's out cold! I don't believe it! A ringside fan actually knocked Space God out by throwing day old hog filth into the ring! Now Devastator goes to the outside and is trying to open that big bag of dirt to bury Space God, but he's having trouble with it! BENSON: Is there a pair of scissors in the house? BUCKLEY: Look at this! The fans are just tossing heaps of that pig poop into the coffin! They're covering Space God in the stuff! Look at Juarez! He's gone into the crowd and he's got two big handfuls of the stuff, and he dumps it into the coffin! What is going on here? Devastator still having problems getting that bad open, Sammy! BENSON: Oh, for chrissakes! I can't sit through this anymore! BUCKLEY: Sammy, get back here! He just took his chair and bashed Devastator over the head with it! Now Sammy rips the bag open and dumps its contents into the coffin on top of the unconscious Space God! Juarez calls for the bell, and the Burial Match is over! Devastator has won the Burial Match, courtesy of the ringside fans and Sammy Benson! Sammy, what was all that about? BENSON: Buckley, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.This match was basically a lump of coal in the CSWA stocking, so I just helped out and gave the fans a Christmas present! BUCKLEY: Well, when we return, my son Billy is going to be talking with the newly crowned Enterprises World Heavyweight Champion, Devastating Mike Randalls! We'll be right back! BENSON: Anybody got any Vaseline? BUCKLEY: Welcome back to the Merritt Auditorium, fans! About 75 fans have been ejected for throwing "poop balls" toward the ring during that last match. BENSON: Were they CSWA season ticket holders? BUCKLEY: I don't know about that, Sammy, but my son Billy is up in the ring. Take it away, Billy! ByB: "Thanks, dad. Now, I'd like to introduce a man who has had a very Merry Christmas! The newly crowned EN World Champion! The King of the Darkness!DEVASTATING MIKE RANDALLS (Randalls comes to the ring with his head bandaged up and the EN belt draped over his shoulder.) ByB: "Mr. Randalls, first of all, I want to congratulate you on your victory in the IronMan tonight. First of all, you finally did something here tonight that you've never been able to do before, and that is pin GUNS with the title on the line! How do you feel?" RANDALLS: "Buckley, GUNS has always come out on the wrong end when he messed with the Darkness! He never should have come back after I tore that knee apart at Apocalypse! That was supposed to be our last match, but GUNS was just too dumb to stay away. And tonight, I proved once again that the DARKNESS will always prevail over GUNS. He's not the man he once was, Buckley! The old GUNS never would have finished last in an event of this magnitude. But that's exactly what you did tonight, GUNS!" ByB: "After the match, GUNS appeared to offer you a handshake. Did you accept that handshake?" RANDALLS: "Ha ha ha! Of course not! Why would I shake hands with the shell of himself that GUNS has become. He knows the true Darkness will never be conquered, so he wishes to join it. Well, it's not going to happen GUNS. Perhaps if you were the man you used to be instead of the loser you are today! (Crowd roars as GUNS walks down to the ring.) GUNS: "Randalls! Let's get a few things straight! Number one is that I finished in last place today because of an unfortunate disqualification against Mark Windham! I proved that I could beat him at SPT, and I would have pinned his sorry butt tonight, but Hornet got a little too hot headed. Randalls, you've got to understand that because of that DQ, I went into our match with no chance of winning that title. I didn't wrestle as well as I would have if the title was on the line for me. Again, Randalls, I had nothing to gain. Sure, I could have stopped you from winning the belt, but there would be no satisfaction in that because then the Living Psycho would be wearing MY belt right now! And it's still my belt, Randalls! You want a real final chapter? You want a real final victory for your Darkness over me? Then you pin me in the center of the ring with that title on the line at SPT! You know tonight was a fluke, and I'm calling you out, Randalls! I want a rematch at SPT!" RANDALLS: "You're calling me out, GUNS? I beat you tonight, but I didn't destroy you. Your lust for gold is going to be the end of you, GUNS! At SPT, I'm not just going to beat you...I'm going to end your career once and for all! (Crowd roars again as Mark Windham makes his way to the ring.) WINDHAM: "What the heck is this all about? You're giving HIM a shot at the belt that should be around my waist! Let's get one thing straight, steroid boy. Hornet didn't cost YOU anything tonight! He cost ME that title, because the world knows that you can't beat Mark Windham. And Randalls, you can't beat me either! I beat you like a dog tonight, Mike!" BUCKLEY: Get out of there, Billy! This one is gonna explode real soon! GUNS, Mike Randalls, and Mark Windham are all in that ring, they all want the EN title, and none of them likes the other two one bit! RANDALLS: "You did beat me tonight, Mark. You won the battle, but you lost the war, because take a look who's wearing the belt, Mark. That's me..." BUCKLEY: Oh my! GUNS just grabbed Randalls and Windham and gave them a double noggin knocker! Randalls is staggered! GUNS kicks him in the gut and oh my! He just delivered a Bionic kneelift! Randalls is out cold! GUNS now takes the EN belt and begins pounding Randalls with it, opening the same wounds that he created in the last match of the IronMan! BENSON: Look out, steroid freak, because here comes Mark! BUCKLEY: Mark Windham jumps on GUNS from behind with a bulldog! Now he's got the EN belt in his hands! He swings it at GUNS, but GUNS ducked and caught him with a hard right hand! Windham dropped the belt and GUNS shoves him into the corner! GUNS and Mark Windham are going toe to toe in the corner, and a bloody Mike Randalls is starting to stir in the center of the ring! Oh my! Here comes HORNET! BENSON: What is HE doing out here? Is he going to help GUNS or Mark Windham? BUCKLEY: We're not going to find out just yet, because as soon as he hit the ring, Mike Randalls jumped on him! Randalls and Hornet are going toe to toe in the center of the ring! GUNS lets up on Windham and charges Randalls from behind! Oh my! Hornet leveled Randalls with a hard right hand, and no! GUNS accidentally nailed Hornet with the clothesline he intended for Randalls, and Mike Randalls goes to the floor. BENSON: Was that an accident, or was that payback for getting him disqualified against Mark Windham, effectively ending his run for the EN title? BUCKLEY: GUNS is helping Hornet back up to his feet and is explaining to him that he meant to hit Randalls. Wait a second! Mark Windham's got a chair! He's coming at GUNS from behind! BENSON: Hornet and Windham are setting GUNS up! BUCKLEY: Nope! Hornet just shoved GUNS out of the way and down to the arena floor, and he blocked the chair shot from Windham! Now Hornet with a kick to the gut and he's stolen the chair from Mark Windham! On the outside, Mike Randalls pounces on GUNS...but no! GUNS grabbed him by the tights and hurled him headfirst into the ringpost! Randalls is dazed, and oh my! He's caught once again with a bionic kneelift! He is out like a light on the arena floor! GUNS climbs to the top rope! He's going to come down onto Mike Randalls, who is not moving on the arena floor! If he hits this in the right place, he could not only end Randalls' career, but Randalls' LIFE! Officials are coming down to stop GUNS from dropping the knee on Mike Randalls! BENSON: If he does it, he's risking a suspension! If he were to drop that bionic knee on Randalls' head or neck from that height, he could kill him! BUCKLEY: Hornet has run Mark Windham back to the locker room, and now he's pulling GUNS down from the top rope! He doesn't want to see GUNS get himself in trouble here! GUNS shoves Hornet, but Hornet trying to calm the big man down, and they finally shake hands! We'll be back with the <> Cutters taking on the Disco Express! BUCKLEY: We're back, and the situation between GUNS, Hornet, Randalls, and Windham just keeps heating up here in the CSWA! But right now, we're ready for tag team action as the EN/CPUWA World Tag Team champions are in action! ********** <> Cutters vs. Disco Express *************** BUCKLEY: The disco ball drops from the ceiling at the Merritt Auditorium as Disco Inferno, the Boogie Man, and the Disco Midget show their stuff! BENSON: That's a wrestling ring, not a dance floor! That's a lesson that the best tag team in the world today is going to teach tonight! BUCKLEY: Look at that! Planchard and Enderson have attacked during the Disco Express' pre-match dance! Oh my! This one is underway! Enderson and Inferno are going at it, while Planchard is taking it to the Boogie Man in the corner! Wait a second! The Disco Midget just ran from behind and bit Planchard in the butt! Tully's outraged! He chases the Midget across the ring, and the Midget bites Ern in the butt as well! The Disco Midget certainly has the attention of the <> Cutters! He's in the center of the ring and Tully and Ern are coming at him from both sides, trying to trap him! They dive at him, but the Midget moves and the <> Cutters crack their heads together, and the Midget goes to the floor as do the Disco Express! Planchard and Enderson are irate! BENSON: The Disco Midget just made fools out of the <> Cutters and took away the momentum of the pre-match attack, but that's just going to make these guys mad, and thye're going to take it out on Inferno and Boogie Man. BUCKLEY: Enderson is going to start this one out for the Cutters, while Disco Inferno starts out for the Express! They lock up and Enderson grabs a hold of Inferno's hair, and Disco is not too happy about it! He complains immediately to referee Patrick Young and starts slicking back his hair, and oh my! Enderson caught him right in the kisser with a hard left! He drags Inferno over to the corner and rams him right into the boot of Planchard, and quickly makes the tag! BENSON: That's what happens when you waste time fussing over your hair when you're in there with the best tag team in this sport! BUCKLEY: The <> Cutters whip Inferno off the ropes and catch him with a hard double clothesline! And they follow it up by dropping a double elbow on Inferno! These two are a precision machine, and now Tully Planchard picks Inferno up to his feet and sets him up for a suplex. He's got him up...no! Inferno blocked it and now he's got Planchard in a vertical suplex, but he's too close to the <> Cutter's side of the ring! Enderson catches him with a kick to the leg! Planchard drops on top of Inferno! One...Two...No! Inferno kicked out, but Planchard drags him toward the corner and tags in Enderson! Planchard holds him by the legs as Enderson drops an elbow to the throat! That brings Boogie Man into the ring, but he is met by Patrick Young! Enderson sets Inferno up throat first on the bottom rope and then goes over to jaw with Boogie Man! BENSON: Meanwhile, Planchard is on the outside pulling down on Inferno's head, choking him out on the second rope! Now he grabs a chair and smashes it across the top of Inferno's head! BUCKLEY: Disco Inferno is hurt! Enderson comes over now for the cover! One...Two...No! Foot on the ropes! Planchard kicked the foot off the ropes! One...Two...No! Inferno gets his shoulder up! Enderson pulls Inferno away from the ropes He sets Inferno up for a DDT...no! Inferno blocked it and delivers an inverted atomic drop to Ern Enderson! He's going to make the tag...no! Enderson dropped down and took Inferno down with a single leg scissors. He pulls Inferno toward the corner and tags in Planchard, who comes in with a big elbow to the back of the neck of the Inferno! Now Planchard whips Inferno off the ropes for a back drop... no! Inferno caught him with a big kick to the face! Now Disco Inferno with a hard right hand! And another! Disco Inferno is rocking Tully Planchard! Enderson tries to get into the ring but is immediately met by Patrick Young! Inferno makes the tag to Boogie Man, but the ref didn't see it and pushes Boogie Man back out of the ring! BENSON: Now Ern runs in the ring and hammers Inferno and drags him back to the <> Cutter corner! That's why these men are the only team ever to pin the CS Express in the CSWA! BUCKLEY: Planchard returns to his corner and hammers away on Inferno in the corner! Now he sets him up...SLINGSHOT SUPLEX! The cover! One...Two...Thr-NO! Inferno kicked out! Tully tags Enderson back into the ring, and the two of them just stomp away on the Disco Inferno for almost the full five count! Now Enderson whips Inferno off the ropes...and right into the knee of Planchard! Inferno staggers out and Enderson catches him with the spinebuster! Instead of making the cover right away, he gives the cutthroat sign! Now the cover! One...Two...No! Boogie Man made the save! Enderson is irate! He's screaming at Patrick Young! BENSON: Turn around, Ern! BUCKLEY: Inferno rolls Enderson up from behind! One...Two...Three...NO! I thought he had him! Now he crawls through Enderson's legs and YES! He made the tag to the Boogie Man! This place is going wild! Boogie Man catches Enderson with a hard right hand! Planchard comes in and he gets nailed with a hard right! He's got 'em together... DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! Planchard falls over near the Disco Express corner, and he's nailed with a chair by the Disco Midget! BENSON: This is getting out of hand! Planchard goes to the outside and he's got a hold of that little twerp! Snap his neck, Tully! Take him out once and for all! BUCKLEY: Inferno to the outside and he nails Planchard from behind! Meanwhile, Boogie Man is distracted by this as well! Enderson just pulled something out of his tights! He taps Boogie Man on the shoulder! Boogie Man turns around and Enderson nails him with a hard left hand full of brass knucks! And he follows it up with the DDT! He goes for the cover and shoves the knucks into Boogie Man's tights! One...Two...THREE! He got him! BENSON: Yes! Yes! Yes! A clean victory for the EN World Tag Team Champions! BUCKLEY: You call THAT a clean victory? Enderson knocked Boogie Man out with a foriegn object! BENSON: No way, Buckley! Tully and Ern assured me before the match that those knucks were made in America! BUCKLEY: Well, Boogie Man is still out cold in the ring, as the Disco Express didn't get the victory this night! We'll be right back with a defense of the USN Heavyweight title, as "Muppet Kid" Timmy Windham does battle with one half of the UNIFIED World Tag Team champions, Scotty Michaels! ************** USN Heavyweight Title Match ***************** "Muppet Kid" Timmy Windham vs. Scotty Michaels ************************************************************ BUCKLEY: We're back here in the Merritt Auditorium, and Scotty Michaels is in the ring awaiting the arrival of "The Muppet Kid", and listen to this crowd, Sammy! They love Timmy Windham! BENSON: I can't figure out why they like the guy who STOLE the USN title from his own brother, one of the true greats in this sport, Mark Windham. Look at him, Buckley, he's an idiot! BUCKLEY: Timmy steps into the ring and he is attacked right away by Scotty Michaels! Michaels is all over the USN champion! He whips Timmy off the ropes and goes for a clothesline...no! Timmy ducked and comes off the ropes! Flying bodypress by the Muppet Kid! One...Two...No! Michaels kicked out! Both men scramble back to their feet and Michaels catches Windham flush on the jaw with a superkick, and it knocks Timmy through the ropes and onto the arena floor! This has been a fast paced match thus far between two champions here in the CSWA! BENSON: Timmy Windham doesn't even know where he is! That superkick put him in a whole other world out there. Wait a second...Timmy's in his own world already. That kick could have knocked him into OUR world! BUCKLEY: What ARE you talking about, Sammy? Timmy climbs back on the apron and he is met with a hard right by Michaels! Michaels grabs Timmy by the hair and drops him throat first across the top rope! That sends Timmy flying off the apron, and oh my! Timmy's head cracked right against the ringside barricade! He's staggering. Scotty Michaels is on the top rope! He comes off with a shooting star press! Oh my! What a move by Scotty Michaels! Michaels now picks Timmy up and whips him hard into the ringside barricade! Now Scotty charges and oh my! He clotheslined Timmy Windham over the barricade and right into the front row of fans! BENSON: Scotty rolls back into the ring briefly to avoid being counted out. This match has belonged to Michaels so far! BUCKLEY: Well, Timmy Windham hasn't been the same since Mark Windham put him on the shelf at Fish Fund! He's still suffering from the effects of the attacks by his own brother! Timmy is back to his feet and he is met by Scotty. Michaels sets Timmy up for a suplex! He's got him...no! Timmy went over the shoulder! He waistlocks Michaels from behind! Belly to back suplex on the arena floor! Great move by Timmy Windham, and now the USN champ is back in the ring! Can Scotty Michaels beat the count? Ben Worthington's count has reached six...seven...eight...nine...no! Scotty is back on the apron! Timmy goes over to him, but Svotty catapults over the top rope and catches Timmy square in the face with a dropkick! Michaels with the cover! One...Two...No! Timmy kicked out! Michaels whips Timmy off the ropes...FRANK N PARSONS..NO! Timmy grabbed the ropes as he was coming off and Michaes completely missed the move! The back of his head hit hard on the canvas! Timmy with the cover! One...Two..... NO! Scotty Michaels kicked out! Timmy picks Michaels up to his feet, and he whips the tag champ off the ropes...LARIAT! This should do it! Windham with the cover! One...Two...No! Michaels kicked out again! BENSON: These two just can't put each other away. Mark would have easily disposed of either of these chumps by now! BUCKLEY: Shut up, Sammy! The Muppet Kid whips Michaels off the ropes...he put his head down and Michaels kicked him right in the face! Michaels follows up with a BULLDOG! 1...2 NO! Timmy kicked out again! Scotty can't believe it! He's in Worthington's face asking him about the count! Timmy is back to his feet! He dropkicked Scotty from behind, sending him fkying right into Worthington! BENSON: Can't that idiot EVER stay out of the way! BUCKLEY: Ben Worthington is down, and so is Scotty Michaels! They cracked heads pretty bad! Timmy trying to wake Worthington up, but he better look out, because look who's on his way to the ring! BENSON: Ha ha ha! I love it! Here comes "The Living Psycho" Mark Windham. Timmy's in trouble now! BUCKLEY: Mark is in the ring, and he taps Timmy on the shoulder! Timmy turns around, and oh my! Mark delivers an Implant DDT to his brother! He picks Timmy back up to his feet, and he tosses the USN over the top rope and oh my! He tossed him right on top of the table of our Spanish broadcast colleagues! Mark goes out there now, and he climbs on top of the table. He's going to piledrive Timmy right through the table...no! Big back body drop by Timmy! Now Timmy is perched up on the table! Mark's back to his feet... Timmy off the table with a clothesline! Timmy's standing up to his older brother here! He rams Mark headfirst into the ringpost! Now Timmy's got a chair, and he broke it right over his brother's head! Mark's busted wide open! Timmy goes back after Mark...no! Mark just turned around and slapped the claw on Timmy! BENSON: Scotty Michaels is just now starting to wake up in the ring! He has no idea what's going on on the outside, and that idiot ref is still in La La Land! BUCKLEY: Mark Windham has that claw on Timmy and has dropped Timmy down to the arena floor with it! He's squeezing Timmy out of consciousness! Worthington is just starting to stir. Mark throws the lifeless Timmy back into the ring, and now Mark is in there as well! Scotty Michaels is back to his feet, and oh my! Mark caught him with a boot to the gut and follows it up with a piledriver! Now Mark throws Michaels on top of Timmy and he heads back to the locker room! BENSON: I told you that Mark could take both of these chumps out by himself! Ha ha ha! BUCKLEY: Worthington is back up, and he sees Michaels on top of Timmy! One...Two...THREE! I don't believe it! We have a new USN Heavyweight Champion, and his name is SCOTTY MICHAELS! Lex Taylor is out here now to help Michaels back to his feet! I don't think Scotty even knows yet that he is the USN champion! Timmy Windham is starting to stir in the ring and he sees Michaels and Taylor celebrating with the USN belt! He can't believe it either! Did you hear what he just screamed? BENSON: He just yelled out "MARK" at the top of his lungs and he's running back to the locker room! Merry Christmas, Scotty Michaels, courtesy of "The Living Psycho" Mark Windham! BUCKLEY: Well, this whole Windham family thing just keeps right on rolling along! Up next, we have a special tag team challenge match, with $500,000 on the line! Either TTL or Jack "Summer" Samson could be richer after this match, as the AAWC Universal Tag Team Champion Armed Forces try to avenge their upset loss in the UNIFIED World Tag Team Tournament against Samson and "Marvelous" Mike Chain! We'll be right back with that match right here on U-62! **************** $500,000 Challenge Match ****************** The Armed Forces vs. Samson/Chain ************************************************************ RHUBARB: "Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit! And there is a special $500,000 challenge involved! If Jack Samson can SummerSlam Battleship, he will win $500,000 from TTL! However, if he tries and fails the SummerSlam, he loses $500,000 to TTL! Already in the ring, they are the runners-up in the UNIFIED World Tag Team Title Tournament, and are members of the illustrious Four Horsemen! Here are JACK "SUMMER" SAMSON and MARVELOUS MIKE CHAIN! (Mixed crowd reaction as Samson and Chain hold up four fingers to the crowd.) And their opponents, making their way toward the ring! (A red light covers the entire arena, as a foghorn sounds repeatedly.) They are led toward the ring by their manager TTL! They are the AAWC Universal Tag Team Champions! Battleship...Submarine...THE ARMED FORCES!" BUCKLEY: Battleship and Submarine are on their way to the ring with a chorus of boos! They helped cost Samson and Chain a rematch against UNIFIED World Tag Team champions Scotty Michaels and Lex Taylor! Submarine talking trash to Mike Chain, asking him how his head is feeling, while Samson and Battleship are talking trash to each other about that $500,000 challenge. Patrick Young needs to get one man in the ring for each team, and here we go! Mike Chain is going to start out against Submarine! The bell rings and we're underway! Chain locks up with Submarine, and catches him with an armdrag takedown! Submarine back to his feet and locks up again with Chain, and he pulls the Marvelous One down by the hair! Young asks Sub if he used the hair, and Submarine denies it! BENSON: One of these days, a ref is going to trick someone into admitting he did it...but that man isn't going to be Submarine. He's one of the sneakiest wrestlers in the world. He just might be THE dirtiest player in the game! BUCKLEY: Chain and Submarine lock up again...side headlock by Submarine! Chain whips Submarine off the ropes and drops down. Sub goes over and comes off the ropes again and is caught with a FRANK N PARSONS by Chain! Now Chain jumps right on Submarine and is pounding on him with rights and lefts! He is not happy with Submarine! BENSON: Of course not, Buckley! Heck, Submarine nailed him with a stocking full of bricks on SHOWTIME! BUCKLEY: Chain now pushes Sub into the corner and makes the tag to Samson, and now they're double teaming Submarine in the corner! Samson now snapmares him out of the corner, and now he comes out and snaps the neck of Submarine down! And now Samson goes over to the Armed Forces corner and gets into Battleship's face and slaps him right in the kisser! BENSON: He better turn around, because here comes Sub! BUCKLEY: Submarine hammers Samson from behind and sends him flying into Battleship, who hammers Samson with a giant right hand! Samson staggers out and is caught with a lariat by Submarine! Submarine makes the tag to the big man! He whips Samson off the ropes and drops down! Samson jumps over Submarine and is caught by Battleship with a sidewalk slam! Battleship runs off the ropes...BIG SPLASH! One...Two...No! Samson got his shoulder up! Battleship now picks Samson up and whips him hard into the neutral corner, and here comes Battleship! Avalanache! Now Battleship is just beating on Samson in the corner! He's hammering him repeatedly in the ribs with those dangerous body shots! Now Battleship buries the shoulder into the gut of Samson! Battleship now backs off, and Samson staggers out of the corner and just flops face first in the center of the ring! BENSON: Samson has taken a beating so far from Battleship! Let's see him SummerSlam the big man now! BUCKLEY: Battleship picks Samson up and goes to ram him into Submarine's boot! No! Samson dropped down and shoved Battleship right into the boot of Submarine! Great move by Samson! The tag is made by Battleship! Submarine is in the ring and he's after Samson! Samson dives into the corner and YES! He made the tag to Mike Chain! Submarine stops in his tracks! Chain is charged up! Submarine is trying to talk peace to Mike Chain! No! He suckered him in and caught him with a big boot to the gut! And Submarine follows it up with a DDT! BENSON: That's why he's as good as he is! He's so crafty! It's hard to believe he's only been in this sport for just over a year! BUCKLEY: Submarine now sets Chain up on the top rope of the neutral corner! He's going for the superplex...no! Chain won't go, and he hammers Sub with a right hand and shoves him down to the canvas! Chain now remains perched on the top rope! Here he comes with a sunset flip! He's got it! One.... Two...Thr-NO! Submarine just barely kicked out! Chain stays right on top of Submarine and whips him off the ropes... STUN GUN by Chain! Submarine staggers out and he's caught with a big lariat clothesline by Chain! The cover! One...Two ...No! Chain stays on top of Sub! He's got him set up for a piledriver...no! Submarine blocked it and delivered a back drop! Chain is back to his feet! Hey! Battleship just ran into the ring and gave Chain a big boot to the back of the head! BENSON: He was in and out well within the five count, Bill! That was a great move by the Armed Forces! BUCKLEY: That kick may have knocked Mike Chain into next week, and Samson is not happy about it! Things aren't looking too good for the Horsemen right about now! Submarine makes the tag to Battleship, and Mike Chain is in trouble now! Battleship whips Chain off the ropes and then he whips Submarine off the opposite ropes! SUPER TORPEDO by Submarine, and Chain did a 360 in the air before landing right on his head on the canvas! Battleship now picks Chain up, and he's got Chain set up for the Battle Plex! Submarine is on the top rope! Oh my! SPIKE BATTLE PLEX! Chain is taking a beating here from the Armed Forces! Now Chain is set up in the middle of the ring! Battleship is on the top rope! Here it comes...THE ATOMIC BOMB! He landed it flush on Chain! This one is over! One...Two...No! Battleship pulled Chain up by the hair! BENSON: What is he doing? What's he thinking about here? BUCKLEY: I think I know what he wants! He picks up Chain and tosses him into the corner, and Samson tags in! The crowd is on their feet! Samson locks up with Battleship, and the big man just tossed him into the corner like a rag doll! BENSON: If I was Samson, I'd just leave now! There's no way he's going to be able to SummerSlam that guy! He's over 600 pounds! He's almost eight feet tall! He's an absolute freak of nature...and he's an awesome wrestler to boot! Forget it, Jack, just head for the hills! BUCKLEY: Well, Samson doesn't appear to be heeding your advice, as he locks up with Battleship again, and again he is just shoved hard into the corner! Samson just spit at Battleship from the corner! Battleship charges in and Samson got out of the way! Battleship's shoulder hit the ringpost hard! Samson stays right on him! He rams Battleship's head BUCKLEY: Samson rams Battleship hard headfirst into the buckle! And again! Battleship is dazed! Samson turns Battleship around and climbs to the second rope, and he's pounding away on Battleship! Battleship now comes out of the corner, and delivers an inverted atomic drop! And he follows it up with a huge clothesline that drops Samson to the canvas! Battleship is now taunting Samson, and the big man throws him out of the ring and onto the floor, and look at TTL put the boots to him! Samson's back up to his feet and he nailed TTL with a hard right hand! TTL might have just fired Samson up! Samson's got a hold of TTL! Submarine comes off the apron with an axhandle...no! Samson saw him coming out of the corner of his eye and caught him with a shot to the breadbasket! Now the adrenaline is flowing for Samson! BENSON: Samson is back in the ring and wow! He just hammered Battleship with a right hand! That surprised the big man! You're right, Buckley! Samson is fired up! If he's gonna try the SummerSlam, he better try it now! BUCKLEY: Samson continues to beat away on Battleship! He gives out a yell to the crowd, and he whips Battleship off the ropes! He catches him with a big clothesline! And now he's got Battleship up! He's going for the SummerSlam! TTL has jumped on the ring apron! BENSON: Samson is struggling but he's got Battleship up in the air! I can't believe he's gotten this far! Can he finish it? BUCKLEY: No! Submarine just ran in the ring and clipped Samson's knee out! Battleship comes crashing down on top of Samson! Sub quickly exits the ring! TTL is off the apron! Young turns around! One...Two...THREE! The Armed Forces get the victory, and TTL wins $500,000 from Jack Samson, though in a less than honorable fashion! BENSON: He tried it and he failed it, Buckley! He wouldn't have slammed him anyway, but Submarine made sure! BUCKLEY: TTL grabs the duffel bag with Samson's money in it and the AAWC Universal Tag Team Champions are on their way back to the locker room. Samson can't believe that not only did he lose the money, but he also lost the match! He and Chain are irate, and they are hurt! Both of them had the 600 pound plus Battleship come crashing down on them, and Chain still has to wrestle Lex Taylor later on tonight! Well, up next, we're going to have one of the staple events here in the CSWA, an Electric Cage Match! This is perhaps the most dangerous match in professional wrestling, and it's going to be used to settle a strange feud here in the CSWA, as the Intracontinental champion The Eliminator s