CSWA SHOWTIME in Chicago December 20, 1995 Bill Buckley: That's right, fans! We're just mere hours away from the start of SHOWTIME, live from the United Center in Chicago, Illinois! Take a look at this exciting line up!! * Former Presidential champion "Gentleman" Jim Williams takes on "The Legacy" Mike Flair * The Greensboro title is on the line, as "Strongest Arms in the World" GUNS, the challenger, attempts to save face against the Greensboro champion "King of Guano" Overlord Bob Praxis, and his manager Dr. Guggen. * A rematch for the UNIFIED World Tag Team titles as newly crowned champions "The Dream Team" of Lethal Lex Taylor and Scotty Michaels defend against the team they beat in the finals, Jack "Summer" Samson and "Marvelous" Mike Chain. * It's "teacher vs. student" when two former tag team partners collide, as Joey Melton does battle with the man that stole his sister, his manager, and his CORPORATION, former UNIFIED World champion "Stylin'" Steven Flair * MIDGET MANIA finally comes to an end with a 20 midget UNDER the top rope battle royal. The twenty participants have been announced! The five, that's right FIVE Mighty Morphin Midgets will be in the battle royal, as the Red Midget makes a couragous return to the ring! Also in the battle royal will be the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Midgets! The battle royal will also be an international affair, featuring Little Italy, Chief Jay TinyFeather, the Mexican Midget, and a contingent from FantasyLand, the Seven Dwarfs. Plus, Disco Fever will be running wild in the battle royal as The Disco Midget will also be appearing! Twenty midgets in all, but after SHOWTIME, nineteen will forever be banned from the CSWA! * And in the other half of the DOUBLE MAIN EVENT, UNIFIED World Champion HORNET will do battle with the Eliminator in a match that the world is waiting for! There's still a lot of mystery surrounding this one! Well, folks, it's all coming your way next on SHOWTIME!! (FADEIN: The Green Valley Mental Institute, where Mad Mike is undergoing some psychological testing.) DOCTOR: Okay, Mike. In this test, I'm going to show you some cards, and you tell me what you see, okay? Here's the first one (Holds up a card with a circle on it.) What do you see, Mike? MAD MIKE: Midgets! DOCTOR: Hmm...okay, Mike. Here's the next one. (Holds up a card with a square on it.) What do you see? MAD MIKE: Midgets!! DOCTOR (scribbling something down on his notepad): Interesting. Okay, Mike. Here's the last one (Holds up a card with a triangle on it.) What do you see? MAD MIKE: MIDGETS!! I see those DAMN midgets!! ************************************************************ (CUTTO: Highlights (lowlights? ) from the Midget War Games at Thanksgiving Weekend Spectacular Day 1.) BUCKLEY (V/O): Thanksgiving Weekend Spectacular marked the height of Midget Mania here in the CSWA, as the Mighty Morphin Midgets' feud with Mad Mike came to an end in a Midget War Games, that ended with all eight midgets involved ganging up on the beleagured manager. But tonight, Midget Mania comes to an end with a twenty midget UNDER the top rope battle royal! Only the winner will remain, all others will be banned! Tonight...on SHOWTIME!! (CUTTO: The CSWA SHOWTIME logo. CUTTO: A shot of Hornet walking to the ring wearing the UNIFIED World title belt. CUTTO: Scotty Michaels and Lex Taylor celebrating after winning the UNIFIED World Tag titles. CUTTO: The Eliminator crying in the ring. CUTTO: Bob Praxis and Dr. Guggen dropping 100 pounds of poop on GUNS. CUTTO: Jim Williams making a speech in the ring. CUTTO: Alexandr Karelin hitting Steven Flair in the locker room. CUTTO: Another shot of Hornet with the UNIFIED World title. CUTTO: Bill Buckley and Sammy Benson at the announce position.) BUCKLEY: Hello fans, and welcome to SHOWTIME!! Live here from the United Center in Chicago, Illinois!! (Crowd roars.) And as I mentioned before, tonight marks the end of Midget Mania here in the CSWA... BENSON: Thank the Lord!! I mean, look at what those little twerps have done in the CSWA! They've driven Mad Mike into the looney bin! And I heard that after Midget War Games, Ventolo was found passed out next to an empty bottle of Tequila! BUCKLEY: Actually, Sammy, Mad Mike was released from Green Valley soon after those tests were taken after Thanksgiving Weekend Spectacular Day One. Apparently, the doctors felt Mad Mike wasn't crazy enough to be admitted. BENSON: I guess if they'll let Junior Hornet out on the streets, they'll let ANYBODY loose! BUCKLEY: But the twenty midget UNDER the top rope battle royal is only ONE HALF on the exciting DOUBLE MAIN EVENT!! BENSON: (Gulp) TWENTY midgets?? BUCKLEY: That's right, Sammy! But we also have a very intriguing match between the UNIFIED World Champion HORNET and the Eliminator! This is a match that the whole world is eagerly anticipating. BENSON: I'm breathless with anticipation. Can't you tell? BUCKLEY: The sarcasm isn't appreciated, Benson. You can be replaced. BENSON: Good, then somebody else can sit here and watch twenty midgets at once. I'll be in my hotel room (Gets up to leave.) BUCKLEY: Sit down, Sammy! You're stuck here! We'll be back! BUCKLEY: We're back and we're about ready to kick off our fabulous undercard this evening! We've got a UNIFIED World Tag Team title rematch, a rematch for the Greensboro title, a rematch between Joey Melton and "Stylin'" Steven Flair, and we've also got a former Presidential champion in action, so let's go up to the ring! ***** "Gentleman" Jim Williams vs. "Legacy" Mike Flair ***** BUCKLEY: "Gentleman" Jim Williams, the man who threw away the Presidential championship, is on his way to the ring with Johnny Tropic, and I hope Williams doesn't decide to give another speech! Listen to this crowd! BENSON: Not exactly thunderous applause for the man who is going to save the world from the Anti-Christ! BUCKLEY: Certainly not, as the former Presidential champ is greeted with a resounding chorus of boos. BENSON: These people just don't know how to show the proper respect for this man, but they'll thank him when he saves us all from Hornet. BUCKLEY: Right, Sammy. Oh no. Williams has the ring mike and it looks like he's going to give us another speech. WILLIAMS: "This is a travesty! You people, the people of Generation X, have been BRAINWASHED! Brainwashed by the Anti Christ! Look at you people out there with your painted faces and your Hornet souvenirs! You are succumbing to the enemy, but I am here to save you! To save you from the Anti Christ, and to save you from YOURSELVES..." BUCKLEY: Whoa! Mike Flair just came out from under the ring and nailed Jim Williams from behind! This one is underway! BENSON: What does he think he's doing? He just interrupted the speech of the savior of all humanity!! BUCKLEY: Apparently Flair, much like the rest of us, didn't really feel like listening to any more of Williams' ramblings. Mike Flair is all over Jim Williams after that surprise attack! He hammers the former Presidential champ with a hard right hand and backs him up into the corner, and now he's just chopping away at Williams! Listen to that impact! Whoa! Johnny Tropic just reached in and grabbed Williams' legs and pulled him out of the ring under the bottom rope! BENSON: Good move, Johnny! Get him out of there and let's start this thing face to face this time! Johnny Tropic now now jumps on the apron to give the referee a piece of his mind! Hey! BUCKLEY: Mike Flair came over and nailed Tropic with a hard right! And another! Wait a minute! Jim Williams is back in the ring! He charges Flair from behind! No! Flair moved and Williams just nailed Johnny Tropic and knocked him off of the apron! Flair rolls Williams up from behind! One...Two... No! Williams kicked out! Flair now whips Williams off the ropes and catches him with a hard elbow to the jaw! Williams is still standing but he's stunned! Flair runs off the ropes and catches Williams with a flying knee to the back that sends Williams out of the ring, and he landed right on Johnny Tropic! This crowd is going wild as Mike Flair has dominated the former Presidential champion thus far. BENSON: Williams is irate on the outside! Johnny Tropic has to calm him down a little bit! BUCKLEY: Williams now back on the ring apron, but he takes the time to yell something at a ringside fan! Flair comes over and grabs him! He goes to suplex Williams into the ring! No! Tropic pulled Flair's leg out from under him! Williams falls on top! He hooks the leg! One.....Two........ NO! Flair kicked out! But Jim Williams stays right on the Legacy. He picks Flair up and shoves him into the corner, and now Williams just buries knee after knee into the abdomen of Mike Flair! Patrick Young steps in and tells Williams to break. A clean break by Williams...no! Williams went for a sucker punch but Flair moved out of the way! Now it's Flair chopping away on Williams in the corner! He whips the Gentleman across the ring...no! Williams reversed it and Flair hit the far corner hard! Flair staggers out and Williams nails him with a clothesline! Flair is down, and Williams is quick to follow up with a reverse chinlock. BENSON: This is more like it! And look, Buckley, Williams is talking to Flair as he applies this hold. He's preaching to Flair, making him see the error of his ways! I love it! BUCKLEY: It doesn't look like Flair is listening, as he's up to his feet trying to break the hold...no! Williams pulled Flair back down to the mat with a handful of hair! BENSON: Blasphemy, Buckley! Jim Williams would never do that! Just ask him. BUCKLEY: Referee Patrick Young is asking Williams if he pulled the hair, and Williams denies it. BENSON: See, I told you, Buckley. A "Gentleman" never lies. BUCKLEY: Oh please. Flair is now up to his feet once again, and AGAIN Williams pulls him down with a handful of hair! This has to be frustrating Mike Flair! The crowd now getting behind Mike Flair, cheering him on to break the hold. BENSON: Shut up, morons! BUCKLEY: Flair is back to his feet and now he's elbowing away to the gut of Jim Williams, and that broke the hold! Flair follows it up with an inverted atomic drop! He whips Williams off the ropes...STUN GUN! The cover! One...Two...No Williams got his foot on the ropes! Now Flair has Williams up! Snap Suplex! The cover! One...Two...No! Again, Williams kicked out! Now Mike Flair sets Williams up in the corner! He's up on the second rope and he is hammering away on the former Presidential champ, and the crowd counts along! Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten! Now Flair with a monkey flip out of the corner...no! Williams held Flair's legs and Flair hit the mat hard! Williams holds Flair's shoulders down with the leverage of Flair's own legs...and the added leverage of his feet on the ropes! One, Two, THREE! He got him! BENSON: Ha ha ha! Jim Williams has struck again! BUCKLEY: Wait a minute! Patrick Young saw Williams with his feet on the ropes, and he's re-starting the match! Williams is irate and he is in Patrick Young's face! Mike Flair is up and he clipped the knee of Williams from behind! And now Mike Flair has hooked the figure four on Jim Williams! BENSON: This isn't right! Jim Williams has already won the match! Come on Young, break the hold and let Williams go home and save some more lost souls of Generation X! BUCKLEY: Quiet, Benson! Jim Williams is in a lot of pain with that figure four! He's reaching for the bottom rope, but he's too far away! Wait a second! Tropic just pushed the bottom rope further into the ring, and now Williams grabs it! Patrick Young has to break the hold! Now Williams and Tropic lock hands, while Flair tries to pull Williams into the middle of the ring! It's a tug of war between Johnny Tropic and Mike Flair...and Jim Williams is the rope! Oh my! Flair just let go and Williams falls to the outside! BUCKLEY: Williams and Tropic are on the arena floor! Now Mike Flair goes out after them! He grabs them both! Double Noggin Knocker! Williams crawls into the ring, as Flair hits Tropic with another right hand! Williams is arguing with Patrick Young! Flair goes to get back in the ring, but Johnny Tropic just blasted him from behind with a chair! Oh no! And now Johnny Tropic is blasting Mike Flair repeatedly in the knee with that chair! BENSON: They're setting Flair up for the always dangerous Indian Deathlock! I love it! BUCKLEY: Tropic rolls the bloody and dazed Mike Flair into the ring, and Williams just stomps repeatedly on that knee! Now Williams sets Flair's foot up on the bottom rope, and Williams just drops down upon that knee again and again! He picks Flair up...KNEEBREAKER! And now Jim Williams drops the elbow on the injured knee of Mike Flair! I think he can get Flair anytime he wants. He's setting up for the Indian Deathlock. No. He was about to apply the hold but now he's asking for the ring microphone! What's he doing? BENSON: He's going to finish his speech, Buckley! He was so rudely interrupted by Mike Flair earlier. WILLIAMS: "You people, take a look! This is what happens to those who try to silence the voice of the Savior! This is what happens to the mindless plebians of Generation X, who seek nothing but material possessions and overlook their true salvation! Salvation from the Anti Christ! The foul stench of the Franchise, the man that wears the gold in the CSWA! I beg you people to cast down your Hornet foam fingers, and rip off those Hornet T-shirts. Free yourselves from the grip of the Anti Christ, before it is too late..." (CUTTO: Hornet in the locker room, while Williams' speech continues.) HORNET: You know, I've had just about enough of this garbage! (Picks up the phone.) Yeah, Marvin...it's Hornet. Could you do me a big favor and cut the ring mike. I'm sick and tired of hearing this windbag calling me the AntiChrist. (CUTTO: The ring, where Williams is still speaking.) BUCKLEY: Oh my! Hornet just called up to Marvin Parsons, who has apparently cut the sound off from the ring mike. Jim Williams has just noticed that the microphone has been shut off! He is irate! He's yelling at the people around ringside! Wait a second! Mike Flair is back to his feet! He rolls Williams up from behind and hooks the tights! One, Two, THREE!! He got him! Mike Flair has defeated Jim Williams! Johnny Tropic is in the ring and he and Jim Williams are all over Mike Flair! BENSON: Flair might have stolen the victory, but Williams and Tropic are going to make him pay for it! BUCKLEY: I don't think so! Here comes HORNET! Jim Williams runs out of the ring as quickly as possible! Johnny Tropic doesn't see him! Hornet nails him with a hard right hand! He shoves Tropic into the corner and whips him across the ring! HORNET SPLASH! He nailed it! Now he signals for the Scorpion! No! Jim Williams reached in and pulled Tropic out of the ring, and they are headed back to the locker room! BENSON: No! The Anti Christ has struck again, and this time he cost Jim Williams the victory over Mike Flair! Hornet's day is coming, though, it's coming REAL soon. BUCKLEY: And I bet Hornet can't wait to get Williams in the ring and end this thing once and for all. Mike Flair is your winner! We'll be back with the Greensboro title match! BUCKLEY: We're back here in Chicago, for SHOWTIME, and this is the first card of ULTRATOUR '96! It's Ultratitle time once again here in the CSWA. And up next are two superstars that have as good a shot as any of winning Ultratitle, let's go up to the ring! ****************** Greensboro Title Match ****************** "King of Guano" Bob Praxis (C) vs. GUNS ************************************************************ BUCKLEY: GUNS is on his way to the ring and he's not taking the time to slap any of the fans' hands. He is all business tonight, Sammy! BENSON: Well, personally, I just think that no fans WANT to slap his hand. After all, the man does have dried poop on his face! BUCKLEY: You might have a point! And here comes the Greensboro champion, along with his manager Dr. Guggen, "King of Guano" Bob Praxis! And not only is Guggen carrying that 100 pound bag of poop, but Praxis is pushing a whole wheelbarrow full of poop. And boy, is it starting to stink around ringside. Praxis steps into the ring, and oh my! GUNS doesn't waste any time in going after the Greensboro champion! He's pummeling Praxis in the corner with rights and lefts! He whips Praxis into the far corner and follows it up with a crunching clothesline! He just hurled Praxis out of that corner and into the center of the ring! Praxis back up to his feet and he is met with another hard GUNS clothesline! GUNS now on top of Praxis, just hammering him with punches to the head. The referee finally breaks it and warns GUNS about the closed fists! BENSON: Manuel Juarez should just stay out of GUNS' way before he gets hurt! I don't think GUNS would care if he got disqualified in this one! He just wants to kick the you know what out of Praxis! BUCKLEY: Very funny, Sammy. Praxis staggers back to his feet and GUNS whips him off the ropes and catches him with an incredible powerslam! The cover...no! No cover! GUNS is just continuing to punch away on Praxis! Juarez again pulls GUNS off of Praxis, and the Greensboro champ rolls to the outside to take a breather. BENSON: No such luck for the Poopman, because GUNS is coming right out after him! He grabs Praxis and rams him headfirst into the metal barricade! BUCKLEY: Now GUNS whips Praxis into the ringpost...no!Praxis managed to reverse it, and GUNS hit the post hard headfirst, and then fell into the steel stairs before finally hitting the concrete floor! Bob Praxis has busted GUNS wide open! Praxis now rolls into the ring and awaits to see if GUNS can beat the count! I don't know if he'll be able to do it, Sammy! The count is at seven! Eight! Nine! Yes...GUNS just rolled into the ring before the count of ten! Praxis stays right on him, putting the boots to the head of GUNS! That knocked a piece of dried poop off of GUNS' face! Praxis picks it up and rubs it into the eyes of GUNS! That's just disgusting! BENSON: And stupid too, because it has fired GUNS up again! GUNS levels Praxis with a hard right hand! BUCKLEY: GUNS goes for the kneedrop! No! Praxis just barely got out of the way of that! Praxis cradles GUNS up! One..Two ...No! GUNS kicked out! Praxis stays on the former EN World champion and whips him off the ropes, and yes! Bob Praxis has caught GUNS in the sleeper hold! He's got it cinched tight! GUNS is starting to fade! Juarez checks the arm! It drops once! He cheks it again! It drops a second time! If it drops one more time, this one is over! He checks it a third time, and....no! It doesn't drop! GUNS holds that arm high! BUCKLEY: Now GUNS backs Praxis up into the corner, and the sleeper is broken! GUNS turns around and he hammers Praxis with a series of punshes to the head and ribs! BENSON: Mike Tyson would be envious of the shots GUNS is dishing out to the Poopman right now! BUCKLEY: Indeed he would! GUNS now pulls Praxis out of the corner and whips him off the ropes! He catches him with a Bubba Slam! He planted Praxis in the mat! He runs off the ropes and hits a legdrop on Praxis! GUNS with the cover! One...Two...No! He pulled him up! I think he could have had him there! He now picks Praxis up in a bearhug! He's using those 32 inch arms to squeeze the life out of the Greensboro champion! Praxis is fading fast! Juarez checks the arm! It drops once! It drops twicw! One more time and we have a new Greensboro champion. Wait! GUNS released the hold before Juarez could check the arm a third time! Instead he gives Praxis an inverted atomic drop! BENSON: With that bionic knee! That HAD to hurt Praxis' family jewels! BUCKLEY: GUNS now climbs to the top rope while Praxis stands holding his groin. He looks up...and oh my! He's blasted with a flying shoulderblock from GUNS! That has to do it! One...Two...No! GUNS once again picked Praxis up before the ref could count to three! Dr. Guggen is now on the ring apron and GUNS goes right over to him! BENSON: Praxis crawls toward his corner, and he's picked up that 100 pound bag of poop! It's deja vu all over again! BUCKLEY: GUNS is choking the life out of Dr. Guggen! Praxis has got the poop! He comes at GUNS from behind! No! GUNS got out of the way and Praxis dumped the contents of the bag on Dr. Guggen! BENSON: Look at the look in GUNS' eyes! He's burning a hole right through Praxis with that stare! Praxis doesn't know what to do! BUCKLEY: GUNS catches him with a kick to the midsection! Now he runs off the ropes! Oh my! Bionic kneelift with that running start! I think he knocked Bob Praxis out cold! GUNS covers him with one foot and flexes for the crowd! One...Two ...No! GUNS took his foot off of Praxis! What's this? He has has Praxis up in the Gorilla Press! He walks over to the ropes, and oh my! He tossed Praxis over the top rope and into the wheelbarrow! Poop flies everywhere, and a huge clump just landed on Co-Commissioner Stephen Thomas, who was watching the match from a ringside seat! Juarez calls for the bell! He's going to disqualify GUNS for throwing Praxis over the top rope! BENSON: I don't think GUNS really cares! I think we all can see who the REAL winner of this one was! BUCKLEY: I agree! GUNS didn't win the Greensboro title, but he obviously didn't want it. But he sure did get his revenge on Bob Praxis here tonight! GUNS is starting to get on a roll, and that isn't good news for Mark Windham, who faces him at SPT in Decatur! BENSON: Well, the good news for Windham is that GUNS is now on his way back to the locker room and to the showers, where he's finally going to wash his face! And if we show live coverage of THAT, I quit! BUCKLEY (laughing): Okay, Sammy. We'll be back with the UNIFIED tag team title rematch! ************** UNIFIED World Tag Team Title Match ********** Scotty Michaels vs. Jack "Summer" Samson "Lethal" Lex Taylor "Marvelous" Mike Chain ************************************************************ BUCKLEY: The challengers are on their way to the ring, and look who has come to join us at the broadcast booth over the commercial break. None other than TTL, the manager of the Armed Forces. TTL: That's right, Buckley, and I have a little Christmas surprise in store for our friends Jack and Mikey, coming up right about NOW! (The arena is bathed in red light and a foghorn sounds repeatedly as Chain and Samson reach the ring.) BUCKLEY: I don't like this, and neither do Jack Samson and Mike Chain! Look at the video wall! It's Battleship! BATTLESHIP: "Samson! Chain! You got real lucky in Philly! Christmas came early for you boys in the form of an idiot referee! Well, the Armed Forces are calling you out! We want a rematch! Any time! Any place! All you have to do is sign on the dotted line...you'll be signing your death warrants!" BUCKLEY: Jack Samson starts walking back down the aisle toward the locker room, almost welcoming a fight with Battleship! Chain is still in the ring! Wait a second! Submarine just came out of nowhere and nailed Chain over the head with a stocking! Chain dropped to the canvas like he had been hit with a ton of bricks! TTL: Only a stockingful, Buckley! Merry Christmas, boys! BUCKLEY: Mike Chain is out cold in the ring! Samson returns to the ring but Submarine has gone back wherever he came from! What a hit and run attack by Submarine! And here come the UNIFIED World Tag Team champions, "The Dream Team" of Lethal Lex Taylor and Scotty Michaels! BENSON: It looks like Jack Samson is going to have to go it alone or forfeit the titles, because Mike Chain is still out cold courtesy of that Christmas stocking! BUCKLEY: Samson says he's the Best in the Business, and I guess now is his chance to prove it! By the way, it still stinks out here. That wheelbarrow is still at ringside, and Bob Praxis is still out cold inside of it! Samson rolls Mike Chain out of the ring and onto the apron, and the doctor is at ringside with smelling salts, trying to wake him up! The bell rings and this one is underway, and at least for now, Jack Samson will have to go it alone against the UNIFIED World Tag Team champions. TTL: Well, come on, Jack. Back up the big talk. Let's see how good you really are! BUCKLEY: Samson locks up with Scotty Michaels to start out with, and he shoves the smaller man hard down to the canvas! Samson now flexes at Michaels and points to Lex Taylor! I think he wants a test of strength with "Lethal" Lex! BENSON: Samson isn't showing too much smarts. I'd think he'd rather have Michaels in the ring than the bigger Lex Taylor. BUCKLEY: Perhaps Samson feels that the quicker Michaels would wear him out faster. He doesn't want to chase Michaels around because he has nobody to tag out to for the time being. Michaels obliges and tags in "Lethal" Lex Taylor, and he and Samson lock up in the test of strength! Who's got the power edge? So far, it looks like Samson! He's almost got Taylor on his knees with an early surge of power! But Lex Taylor is fighting back up to his feet, and now he's forcing Samson down! No! Samson with a kick to the gut of Taylor! BUCKLEY: The kick to the gut by Samson followed up by a DDT! Jack Samson taking control early! He drops a big elbow on Lex Taylor! Now he picks the Lethal one up by the hair and places him in a neutral corner! He buries his shoulder into the ribs and abdomen of the champion. Samson with a forearm smash to Taylor's temple! And now Samson takes a brief second to taunt Taylor, and Lex Taylor responds with a hard right hand! Another right hand by Taylor! Taylor with a kick to the stomach! He picks Samson up! POWERBOMB! The quick cover! One...Two...No! Jack Samson kicked out! Taylor whips Samson off the ropes and right into Scotty Michaels' knee! Samson staggers into the center of the ring he is met by a devastating clothesline by Taylor! Taylor picks Samson back to his feet, scoops him up! Hard powerslam by Lex Taylor! He makes the tag to Scotty Michaels! BENSON: This is not where Jack Samson wants to be! He's on the wrong side of that ring, considering that his partner is still out cold on the ring apron. TTL: Ha ha ha! I love it! Come on, Michaels, rip this punk apart! BUCKLEY: Scotty Michaels has put Jack Samson in the surfboard. He's working on the back of the Master of the SummerSlam. Speaking of which, I've heard that you offered Samson $500,000 if he could SummerSlam Battleship. TTL: That's absolutely right, Buckley. But there's no danger of Samson EVER collecting that money. Look at the Battleship for goodness sake! BUCKLEY: Scotty Michaels maintaining that surfboard on Jack Samson, and Lex Taylor just waltzed into the ring and gave Samson a few kicks to the head! The referee puts Taylor out of the ring, and Michaels releases the surfboard and rolls Samson toward Steel Viper, who cracks Samson in the back with a chair! This is really three against one right now! BENSON: Samson and Chain brought it on themselves by stealing a win over the Armed Forces in the tournament! They felt good then, but I wonder how Jack Samson is feeling now! BUCKLEY: Scotty Michaels now has Jack "Summer" Samson in a Boston Crab in the center of the ring! Samson's back has been the focal point of the attack thus far for the UNIFIED World Tag Team Champions. Patrick Young asking Samson if he wants to submit, but Samson says no! Michaels waves in Taylor, and the Lethal one comes off the top rope with a knee to the prone back of Samson! Michaels now officially tags Taylor in, and Lex Taylor starts hammering away on the back of Samson! He picks Samson up, and delivers a crushing BACKBREAKER! Another backbreaker by Lex Taylor! He makes a quick tag to Michaels and sets Samson up on his knee! Michaels off the top! Demolition Drop! The cover! One...Two. ...NO! Jack Samson kicked out, but not with much authority! TTL: If Samson thinks he's taking a beating now, wait until he steps into the ring again with the Armed Forces! BUCKLEY: Michaels makes the tag to Taylor again! But before leaving, Michaels whips Samson off the ropes and hits a FRANK'N'PARSONS! Now Taylor comes off the ropes with a legdrop! That'll do it! One...Two...No! Samson just got a shoulder up! Now Lex Taylor has Samson up, and he's got him in a Torture Rack! Jack Samson can't possibly last long in this after the beating his back has taken! BENSON: Hey, Buckley, check out the Poop-Cam! Bob Praxis is starting to wake up in that wheelbarrow, and he's refilling that 100 pound bag with poop! I think he's looking to poop SOMEBODY besides his own manager tonight! BUCKLEY: Taylor still has that Torture Rack on Jack Samson! Speaking of people starting to stir, I think the smelling salts have taken effect, and Mike Chain is starting to wake up! TTL: I hope he enjoyed his nap! BUCKLEY: Chain is back on his feet, and he sees his partner in the Torture Rack! Chain charges in and catches Taylor in the gut with a dropkick! Samson turns the Rack into a crucifix! Taylor's shoulders are on the mat! One...Two...No! Taylor kicked out! Samson tries to crawl to the corner to tag in Chain, but Taylor's got his foot and drags him back into the center of the ring, and now Lex tags Scotty Michaels back into the ring! Taylor and Michaels whip Samson off the ropes for a double clothesline, but Samson ducked! He comes off the ropes and YES! He nailed them both with a clothesline of his own! Samson now to his feet! He tries to tag Chain, but Michaels caught Chain with a dropkick to the face that knocks the Marvelous One off of the apron! Samson wheels around and nails Michaels with a hard right hand! Now Samson hammers Taylor with a right hand as well! Jack Samson is fighting off both Taylor and Michaels! TTL: No, no, no!! BUCKLEY: Oh yes! Jack Samson rocks Taylor with a hard right hand that sends him flying out of the ring! Michaels throws a hard right hand, but Samson blocks it and whips him off the ropes...SummerSlam! He nailed it! This could do it! One...Two...Thr-NO! Lex Taylor made the save! Oh my! Mike Chain comes running in and he and Taylor are going at it! Patrick Young trying to get Mike Chain out of the ring! Meanwhile, Steel Viper just tossed one of the tag belts to Lex Taylor! Taylor just nailed Jack Samson with one of the UNIFIED Tag Team title belts! Samson is down and out! Hey! Where is TTL going? BENSON: I think he's going to take care of some business! BUCKLEY: TTL is at ringside now and Mike Chain just saw him and he's going after him! Patrick Young turns around and sees Michaels on top of Samson! One...Two...THREE! He got him! The Dream Team has retained the tag team titles! BENSON: Look on the outside, Buckley! Bob Praxis has finally emerged from that wheelbarrow, and he is covered in poop, and he's got more where that came from! Lex Taylor better watch out! BUCKLEY: Taylor just backed into Praxis! He was celebrating the victory! He didn't even see the Greensboro champion there! Taylor turns around, and oh my! Praxis just dumped the bag of poop onto Lex Taylor! BENSON: Run, Bob, run! BUCKLEY: Bob Praxis heads back to the locker room with Lex Taylor, Scotty Michaels, and Steel Viper giving chase! Meanwhile, Mike Chain has gotten a hold of TTL, and he's looking to give him the Lethal Injection! Wait a minute! Here come the Armed Forces! Submarine and Chain are going at it, while Battleship is going to work on the groggy Samson! Submarine whips Chain off the ropes and hits him with the Torpedo! Battleship just delivered a Battle Plex to Jack Samson! Officials have come down to break this up! BENSON: I love it, Buckley! The Armed Forces have annihalated Jack Samson and Mike Chain! War is hell, isn't it, Buckley? Ha ha ha BUCKLEY: We're back and I cannot believe what we have seen here tonight! Thusfar, we've seen the Hornet-Jim Williams situation come to a head as Hornet cost Jim Williams the match against Mike Flair. We've seen GUNS get his revenge on Bob Praxis by beating him from pillar to post in the ring, making Praxis drop 100 pounds of poop on Dr. Guggen, then knocking him senseless and tossing him into a whole wheelbarrow full of the stuff! BENSON: Well, I don't think Praxis minded it too much! He probably enjoyed the time in the wheelbarrow! And I'm sure he enjoyed "pooping" Lex Taylor! But does this mean Taylor won't be washing himself now? If that's the case, then the only thing "Lethal" about Lex Taylor will be his stench! BUCKLEY: You're a riot, Sammy. The Armed Forces also sent a message to Jack Samson and Mike Chain tonight, paying them back for what they felt was a robbery that occurred in Philadelphia in the tag team tournament. BENSON: It WAS highway robbery, Buckley! That idiot ref Worthington cost the Armed Forces the UNIFIED tag team titles! Well, the Armed Forces returned the favor in a big way! Not only did they cost Samson and Chain any shot they had of beating Taylor and Michaels, but they gave those two punks a pretty good beating before AND after the match! BUCKLEY: I'm sure we haven't heard the last of that situation! Jack Samson and Mike Chain were pretty upset as they went back to the locker room! But now, onto bigger and better things. BENSON: I think that's the wrong word choice, Buckley. BUCKLEY: Ahem...my son Billy and Rudy Seitzer are back in the locker rooms for some interviews with the participants in tonight's battle royal! Billy! ByBUCKLEY: Thanks, dad, and right now I am here with some of the midgets that add a bit of an international flair to this battle royal. Joining me at this time are Chief Jay Tiny Feather, Little Italy, and the Mexican Midget! Gentlemen, tell us a little bit about your chances in the battle royal! TINYFEATHER: "I came here to the CSWA to represent the Native American people. We have a very proud and storied tradition in midget wrestling, and I hope to continue to keep that tradition alive, as I defeat nineteen of the best midgets the world has to offer! Let it be known that Chief Jay TinyFeather is on the warpath, and I will be the winner of the battle royal. LITTLE ITALY: "Get real, Tonto! Everybody knows that I'm gonna win the battle royal! I got the looks, I got the style, and I got the connections! Anybody gets in my way, paison (sp), and I'm gonna whack him, you know what I'm talkin' about? And that includes you, Chief Beaten With an Ugly Stick, and you too there Taco Bell... (The Mexican Midget, who is totally covered in a black cloak with the Mexican flag on it. Remains totally silent.) ByBUCKLEY: Well, the Mexican Midget isn't being too talkative, so let's go over to Rudy Seitzer, who is with one of the more unique competitors in this event! SEITZER: That's right, Billy. Disco Fever was brought to the CSWA by the Disco Express, and now, yes, we even have a Dico Midget in our midst tonight! DISCO: "That's right, hip cat, and tonight's the night that Midget Mania goes outta sight, daddy O, because the Disco Midget is bringing Saturday Night SHOWTIME Fever in the house tonight. I'm a dancin' fool, and I'm gonna dance my way straight to victory, and then baby, I'm gonna boogie on down! Midget Mania might die tonight, but Disco will never die, jack! SEITZER: Um...okay, back to you, Billy! ByBUCKLEY: Thanks, Rudy! I'm here right now with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Midgets, and gentlemen, after Midget War Games, how can you guys expect to fare here in the battle royal? You were handled quite easily by the Mighty Morphin Midgets. RAPHAEL: That just goes to show what you know, Buckley! We lost that match on purpose so that we could get our hands on Mad Mike. You have no idea what a sick dude that guy is! But tonight, there isn't going to be any Mad Mike, and that spells the end of the Mighty Morphin Midgets. DONATELLO: That's right. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Midgets will reign supreme in the battle royal! ByBUCKLEY: Well, guys, only one man can win. It's every midget for themselves. The winner stays, and the losers are all banned from the CSWA. So, what happens if it comes down to you guys? LEONARDO: Simple, Buckley, I'm going to be the winner. MICHELANGELO: No way, dude, everyone knows that I'm the toughest midget around DONATELLO: Oh yeah? (The Teenage Mutant Ninja Midgets start fighting with each other, and Billy Buckley gets dragged down into the pile as officials come in to break it up.) SEITZER: Well, Billy certainly has his hands full with that melee in the back between the Teenage Mutant Ninja Midgets, but I'm here now with Stan Parsons and the Mighty Morphin Midgets, and for the first time since Fish Fund, all five of them are here! The Red Midget is making his return to the ring tonight! You must be very excited. RED MIDGET: I'm thrilled to be back in the ring fighting alongside my fellow Mighty Morphin Midgets. We're going to make sure that Mighty Morphim Midget Mania stays alive in he CSWA! BLUE MIDGET: That's right. We're going to make sure that one of us, whoever it may be, wins this battle royal. That way the Mighty Morphin Midgetsn will always be a part of the CSWA! SEITZER: Well, what happens if it comes down to you guys? ORANGE MIDGET: It's very simple, Rudy! May the best midget win! GREEN MIDGET: That's right. If one of us wins, we all win! WHITE MIDGET: Come on guys (They all put their hands in.) GO GO MORPHIN MIDGETS!! SEITZER: Back to you, Bill and Sammy! BENSON: I think I'm gonna be sick! I thought I could handle it, but after all seeing all of those midgets and thinking of them all in that ring, it just churns my stomach! Somebody just shoot me! BUCKLEY: Are you sure? Steven Flair's up next. BENSON: Well, if ANYBODY can save this evening, then it's Steven Flair and Teri! Hooters...yum! BUCKLEY: We'll be right back!! BUCKLEY: We're back and now we're just about ready for what should be a real classic matchup. Steven Flair and Joey Melton were once on top of the world, one of the greatest tag teams of all-time ARROGANCE. Both men have also achieved singles glory, having both held the UNIFIED World Heavyweight Championship. They were CORPORATE partners and the best of friends, but earlier this year, things began to go sour between Joey Melton and Steven Flair. Flair won the UNIFIED World title from Alexandr Karelin, and then began a relationship with Joey's sister and manager, Teri Melton. That's when Ray S. Cornette made his return to the CSWA, and he unleashed a diabolical plot. BENSON: Why don't you just say it like it is, Buckley. Cornette played Joey Melton like a cheap violin! BUCKLEY: A masked man began attacking Steven Flair, and Cornette, under the guise of a homeless bum, began "stalking" Flair and Teri. The masked man was revealed as Joey Melton at Battle of the Belts XII, and Cornette formed the REAL Corporation as an apparent competitor to Flair and Teri's CORPORATION. But it was all a hoax, and at Superstition, Cornette turned on Joey Melton and showed his true colors. He was with Steven Flair the whole time. They thought they had seen the last of Joey Melton, but he made a surprising return at Thanksgiving Weekend Spectacular, costing Steven Flair his match against "Mr. Magnificent" Tom Adler, which cost him not only the AAWC Universal and EN World championships, but a chance for a rematch with HORNET for the UNIFIED World title. So tonight, Joey Melton and Steven Flair meet again in a grudge match, as Joey goes for revenge against the man who stole his sister, his manager, and his CORPORATION! BENSON: Well, after tonight, there isn't going to be any more Joey Melton. Last time, Steven just humiliated him. This time, Flair's going to put him out PERMANENTLY! BUCKLEY: That remains to be seen. Joey Melton has made his way to the ring, and let's go up to Rhubarb Jones! ********* "Stylin'" Steven Flair vs. Joey Melton *********** RHUBARB: "Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall with a sixty minute time limit. Introducing first, already in the ring, a former UNIFIED World champion, a former UNIFIED World Tag Team Champion, here is JOEY MELTON! (Mixed reaction from the crowd.) And his opponent, making his way toward the ring with his manager Ray S. Cornette, and Teri Melton, here is the former UNIFIED World Heavyweight Champion, "STYLIN'" STEVEN FLAIR!! BENSON: Look at Teri! They've never looked better! BUCKLEY: You're right, Steven Flair and Teri Melton do look great together. Flair is more than ready for this matchup. BENSON: Oh yeah, Flair and Cornette look great too. But that's not the THEY I was referring to. Hooters...yum. BUCKLEY: Will you please stop drooling, Sammy? Look at Joey Melton's face. It has to be killing him to see his own sister aligned with Steven Flair. And it has to kill him to look at the smug face of Ray S. Cornette, the man that Joey trusted, and the man that sold him down the river and stabbed him in the back! BENSON: Well, you know, sometimes you've got to learn the hard way. You play with matches and you're gonna get burned! Apparently Joey still hasn't learned that, or he wouldn't have stuck his nose in Flair's match with Adler. BUCKLEY: Steven Flair is in the ring and Ben Worthington has called both men to the center of the ring to give them their final instructions! We're going to take a short break and we'll be back for the opening bell! BUCKLEY: We're back! Worthington calls for the bell and this one is underway! Flair and Melton are standing face to face in the center of the ring! Flair is talking a whole lot of trash, while Melton just maintains a look of determination! Flair employing a little ring psychology, trying to psych out his opponent, but I don't think it'll work on Joey. He's been around way too long. BENSON: I think Flair can get into his head REAL easy. I mean, the man has his sister. He's got Melton's manager. He's even got Melton's CORPORATION, and that's what Steven's telling him right now! BUCKLEY: Flair finishes up his verbal assault with a slap to the face of Joey Melton! And Joey Melton responds with a hard right hand to the jaw! Melton all over Steven Flair now, shoving him into the corner and going wild with a series of rights and lefts! Joey Melton didn't come to play around! Flair sticks his head between the ropes and Ben Worthington tells Melton to back off. Joey complies, and Steven Flair catches him with a kneelift to the abdomen A forearm smash to the face by Steven Flair! Now he rams Melton headfirst into the turnbuckle...no! Melton put his foot up and blocked it, and instead he rams Flair's head into the buckle! And again! And again! Joey Melton ramming Flair's head into the turnbuckle time and time again! Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, TWENTY! BENSON: I'm absolutely shocked! I didn't think you could count that high, Buckley! BUCKLEY: Put a sock in it, Sammy! Flair staggers out of the corner dazed. I can't believe he's still on his feet after that! Joey comes out of the corner and catches him with a bulldog! Now Flair's down! Melton turns him over for the cover! One...no! Flair kicked out before the count could even reach two. Joey Melton picks Flair up by the hair and whips him off the ropes! Back body drop...no! He telegraphed it and Flair dropped an elbow on the back of the neck! Now it's Joey Melton who is down! Flair follows it up with a kneedrop on the back of Melton's neck! Flair now in control of this one. He picks Melton back up to his feet, and then brings him right back down with a DDT! Joey Melton rolls out of the ring to take a breather. BENSON: Well, he's not gonna get it, because Ray Cornette is right there, putting the boots to him! I love it, Buckley! BUCKLEY: It's basically three against one out there, and there's still a whole CORPORATION in the back. Joey Melton is fighting against some incredible odds. Melton now climbs back on the ring apron, and he's met there by Steven Flair! Flair catches him with a hard right hand, grabs Melton by the hair, and then drops down, bringing Melton down throat first on the top rope and sending him back down to the arena floor! Melton on his feet and staggers right into the metal barricade, and Joey Melton falls over it and into the first row of fans! BENSON: Maybe Melton can tag one of these ham and eggers and let them have a try at Steven Flair, because he knows he can't get the job done! BUCKLEY: That remains to be seen, Sammy. Steven Flair now rolls to the outside and grabs Melton by the hair, and oh my! He picks him up for a vertical suplex...no! Flair brought Joey Melton down crotch first on the metal barricade, and then followed it up with a hard clothesline that knocks Melton back down to the concrete floor! Flair rolls into the ring and he is being admonished by Ben Worthington, but that just allows Ray Cornette to put the boots to Melton some more. Joey Melton is taking a beating here tonight! These odds may be too much for him to handle! BENSON: Stop crying for Joey Melton. It's not my fault he doesn't have any friends. He never should have tried to double cross Steven Flair...period. BUCKLEY: Joey Melton is back on his feet, but he is really hurting. Once again he climbs back onto the apron and once again he is met with a hard right hand from Steven Flair! Now Flair sets him up! He's going to suplex Joey Melton into the ring...no! Melton goes over Flair's shoulder and rolls him up from behind! One...Two...No! Joey Melton almost got the surprise pin on Flair, but Flair kicked out and he goes right back to work on Melton! He catches Melton with a knee to the head that drops him right back down to the canvas, and Flair goes back to work on the neck, dropping a few more knees on it! He picks Joey Melton up and delivers a piledriver! Melton is writhing in pain on the canvas. After a quick start by Melton, this match has been all Steven Flair thusfar. He picks Melton up and sets him up for another piledriver. He;s got him up...no, Melton blocked it! Flair tries it again...BLOCKED AGAIN! Now a big back body drop by Joey Melton! Flair back to his feet and he's caught square in the jaw by a Joey Melton dropkick that sends him staggering into the ropes! Joey Melton stays on him and now he's choking out Steven Flair on the top rope, and now he rakes Flair's face across it! Worthington comes in and tells Joey to back off, and Steven Flair drops down to his knees, and Ray Cornette comes over to him and starts whispering into his ear! BENSON: Personally, I'd rather have Teri whispering sweet nothings into my ear, but Ray is probably giving Steven some useful strategy. Still, I think I'd rather look at Teri than listen to Ray! That's what keeps me going. BUCKLEY: Well, be sure to include that in your autobiography Sammy. Flair now back to his feet and he heads back to the center of the ring to lock up with Joey Melton, but he's pointing at Melton's boot and he's complaining to Worthington about something. I don't see anything out of the ordinary! He tells Worthington to check it out. Joey looks down at his boot, and oh! Steven Flair caught him with a kneelift to the gut! And now a European uppercut by Steven Flair! A snapmare brings Melton down to the mat, where Flair applies a reverse chinlock! It was all a ploy by Steven Flair! BENSON: Pure genius by Ray S. Cornette and the Stylin' One! They made Joey Melton take his eyes off of Flair, and now he's paying for it! BUCKLEY: Flair is putting all of his wait into this chinlock, pushing down on Melton's head. This can't be good for Joey Melton's neck, which Flair has been working on since the beginning of the match. Joey Melton is going to have to get out of this hold somehow, and he starts by getting back to his feet. Steven Flair wisely steps directly behind Melton to avoid any chance of Joey elbowing him in the gut, and he has changed it into a sleeperhold. BENSON: That's just another example of the ring smarts of Steven Flair! He's got it all, Buckley, and that's why some people are so jealous of him, like Melton and Alexandr Karelin! BUCKLEY: I don't think Karelin is jealous of Steven Flair, Sammy! He's upset because Flair cost him the chance to beat Tom Adler, and many people feel that Karelin had the match won when Flair came in and applied the STF! BENSON: The truth is that Karelin can't handle the fact that Flair beat him twice in two weeks for the UNIFIED title! BUCKLEY: Well, speaking of not being able to handle things, I don't know how much longer Joey Melton can last in this sleeper hold of Steven Flair! BENSON: Great segway, Buckley. That broadcast school is really paying off. When are you going to enroll Billy? And while you're at it, put the kid in some self defense classes. He just got beat up by four midgets. BUCKLEY: Sammy, I seem to remember you tied to Space Mountan courtesy of the Mighty Morphin Midgets. BENSON: That's why I'll be real glad later tonight when this whole midget mess is a thing of the past! BUCKLEY: Joey Melton is starting to fade, as he has dropped to a knee! Worthington over to check the arm! It drops once! He checks it again...it drops twice! Will it drop for a third time? NO! Joey Melton holds that arm up high, and now he starts shaking, building up some energy. He's got to be running on pure adrenaline right now! Joey Melton is back up to his feet! He grabs Flair's head and drops down, ramming Flair's jaw right into the top of his head! Flair releases the hold, and now he spits out some blood. I think he might have bit off part of his tongue! Steven Flair is in a lot of pain, but Joey Melton is back to his feet! He nails Flair with another hard right hand to the jaw, and I think I saw a tooth go flying, Sammy! Steven Flair might not look so pretty after this match is over! BENSON: I can't believe Joey would do this to the man his sister loves! This isn't right! This isn't fair to Flair! BUCKLEY: Melton whips Flair off the ropes and catches him with a STUN GUN! Flair still on his feet, but he is staggering and dazed. BENSON: He's walking like Ventolo leaving one of those gay bars he hangs out at. BUCKLEY: Gay bars?! How do you know that? BENSON: I've seen him...oops. Um, back to the match. BUCKLEY: Joey Melton catches Steven Flair in a side headlock and brings him down hard to the mat! Steven Flair responds by grabbing the tights and rolling Melton over onto his shoulders! One...Two...No! Melton recovers and maintains that side headlock on the mat. Flair once again grabs the tights and rolls Melton over! One...Two...No! Joey again recovers and maintains the side headlock! Steven Flair now gets up to his feet, and oh my! He catches Melton with a belly to back suplex, and now both men are down flat on their backs! Worthington begins a count! If his count reaches ten, we'll have a draw! BENSON: Get up, Steven! Get up! Come on, Teri! Ray! Do something! BUCKLEY: Will you stop with the cheerleading? Flair is the first to his feet, and now he goes to pull Melton up...no! Melton grabbed Flair by the tights and hurled him through the ropes, and oh my! Flair's head hit the side of our announce table, and he is busted wide open! BENSON: No! Steven, I'm sorry! It's Buckley's fault! He put the table there! BUCKLEY: Stop it, Sammy! Pull yourself together! Cornette over to tend to Flair! Joey heads to the outside, but Teri steps in his way, pleading with him not to go after Flair! BENSON: Come on, Joey! Listen to your sister! Leave Steven Flair alone! The man is obviously hurt! Look at all that blood! Melton's lucky he wasn't disqualified! BUCKLEY: Why? Flair hitting the table was an accident! Teri Melton continuing to plead with her brother, and it looks like Joey's listening. He starts to head into the ring...no! He just shoved Teri out of the way! BENSON: I'll kill him! Let me at him! I'll rip him apart! BUCKLEY: I'd sit down real quick if I were you, Sammy, because Joey Melton is right by us now! Ray S. Cornette runs away as Melton approaches Flair! He picks Flair up and rams him headfirst into the metal barricade! Now he picks him up and drops him down headfirst on the barricade! Now who's taking the beating, Sammy? BENSON: This isn't right, Buckley! Joey Melton has snapped here tonight! He's trying to end this man's career! BUCKLEY: He has Steven Flair up now...and oh my! He's got him up in the vertical suplex position! Wait a second! Teri just clipped her own brother in the knee from behind! Flair falls on top of Melton! Worthington didn't see it, as he was distracted by Ray S. Cornette! It's those 3 against 1 odds again, Sammy! BENSON: Teri helps Steven Flair back into the ring, and then she puts the boots to Joey with those Stilleto heels of hers! BUCKLEY: Steven Flair still laying in the center of the ring, and he is a bloody mess. Those normally blond locks are now completely red, and his face is a total crimson mask Joey Melton now climbs back into the ring and crawls over to Flair! He drapes an arm over! One...Two...No! Steven Flair just barely got the shoulder up! Now a full lateral press by Melton! One...Two...No! Flair kicked out again! Melton now hooks the leg! One...Two...No! Steven Flair showing some determination, as he continues to kick out! Joey Melton picks Flair up and tries for the suplex. He had him up, but you could see the knee start to buckle and Joey put him back down! But now Flair has him up...BRAINBUSTER! What a move by Steven Flair! Flair with the cover! One...Two...No! BENSON: Come on Steven! You've got to hook the tights...I mean the leg. BUCKLEY: Flair picks Melton up and shoves him into the corner, and now he's chopping away at the chest! I believe Joey Melton's chest has been lacerated by the impact of those Steven Flair chops, though it could just be blood from Flair himself! The man is bleeding like a stuck pig in there! Flair continues to chop, but Melton fires back with a chop of his own! Flair chops him back, and Melton returns the favor! Steven Flair and Joey Melton are now trading chops! Melton rakes the eyes and now he pushes Flair into the corner and he's just chopping away now! Flair can't even respond! He's slumped in the corner, just taking those chops from Joey Melton! Now Melton whips him across to the opposite corner, and Flair goes head over heels over the top rope, but he managed to stay on the apron! Flair runs across the apron and climbs on the top rope! BENSON: No, Steven! Get down from there! BUCKLEY: Flair off the top...and he's caught with a clothesline by Joey Melton! Flair is down in the center of the ring! Melton just falls on him! One...Two...No! I can't believe it! Flair kicked out again! BUCKLEY: Joey Melton can't believe it either! What does he have to do to put Steven Flair away! He's arguing with Ben Worthington about the count, and this gives Steven Flair an opportunity to get to his feet...no! Flair can barely even stand up, as he fell down, but right into the knee of Joey Melton! The same knee that Teri clipped earlier on the outside! BENSON: That's how good Steven Flair is! He saw he was going to fall, so he aimed right at Melton's leg! That's why he's the greatest wrestler of all-time! That's what Joey's sister knows! That's what Karelin's brother knows! And that's why losers like Melton and Karelin have these petty jealousies! BUCKLEY: That may be the case, Sammy. Flair now back to his feet, but not for long, as he drops an elbow to the knee of Joey Melton! Now Flair stays on the mat, just punching away at that knee! Melton rolls over to the ropes, and Steven Flair takes the time to discuss something with Worthington, and oh my! Teri Melton just bashed her brother in the knee with one of her heels! And again! This is just terrible, Sammy! Joey Melton is facing unbearable odds! Now Steven Flair comes over and stomps on the knee, and now he pulls Joey Melton into the center of the ring! He's going for the STF...no! Melton kicked him off and right into Ben Worthington! Worthington is down! BENSON: I don't think this is a good thing for Joey Melton! BUCKLEY: Flair yells something at Teri, and she tosses him one of the high heels! Joey Melton is back to his feet! Flair swings with the heel and misses! Joey catches him with a kick to the gut and the shoe flies right into Melton's hand! He's going to nail Flair...but Ray Cornette just jumped on his back! Melton backs up into the corner, squashing Cornette and knocking him off of him! But Flair just dove into that leg again! Worthington is starting to come around! Steven Flair drags Melton into the center of the ring, and he's going for the STF...no! Joey Melton hammered him with the high heel! And now he hooks him in a small package! Cornette is now on the apron, distracting the groggy Worthington! Teri Melton runs into the ring and reverses the small package! Wait a minute! Alexandr Karelin just sprinted down the aisle! He runs into the ring and reverses it again! Worthington didn't see him! Now Karelin nails Cornette with a hard right hand! Worthington over to make the count! One...Two...THREE!! Joey Melton has won it! BENSON: No! No! No! Karelin had no business interfering in that match! BUCKLEY: Like Teri and Cornette did? Uh oh! Joey's celebration is short lived, because here comes ARROGANCE, NC-17, and Ivan Karelin, and they are all over Joey Melton! Alexander Karelin has a chair and he's in the ring! He bashed Ivan over the head with it! And now Alexandr Karelin is cleaning house! The CORPORATION is running for cover! Karelin has the mike now! KARELIN: "Flair! Now we're even! You cost me a win! I cost you a win! And now I'm calling you out, Flair! I want you in the ring ONE MORE TIME, and this time I want it in a roofed steel cage! No CORPORATION! Just you and me, Flair, and I will RIP YOU APART!" BUCKLEY: Steven Flair is bloody and dazed, but he runs back into the ring with a chair and nailed Karelin! It had no effect! Karelin grabs the chair away, and Flair and the rest of the CORPORATION heads for the hills, with Alexandr Karelin giving chase! Joey Melton is alone and exhausted in the ring, but he has the victory! We'll be right back! BENSON: Hello, morons, and welcome back to CSWA SHOWTIME! No, I haven't killed Buckley or anything. We're not THAT lucky. Instead, he's up in the ring. Let's go up to Bill Buckley for a very (yawn) special interview. BUCKLEY: "Thank you, Sammy! Ladies and gentlemen, I've just recieved a request for an interview and we're going to grant it right now. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome "The Strongest Arms in the World"...GUNS! (Crowd cheers as GUNS walks down the aisle wearing a SHOWTIME T-Shirt, jeans, and cowboy boots.) BENSON: Well, at least he managed to get that poop off of his face, which is more than I can say for Co-Commissioner Stephen Thomas at ringside. He doesn't seem to mind being covered in poop at all. As a matter of fact...he's EATING it! Now I've seen it all... BUCKLEY: "First of all, GUNS, I'd like to congratulate you on your match with Bob Praxis. You certainly got your revenge and you looked like you could have had the Greensboro title any time you wanted it, so why didn't you go for the pin?" GUNS: "Yeah, I got my revenge. I beat Praxis like a red-headed stepchild. And then I put him in his place...a whole wheelbarrow full of that disgusting manure. Why didn't I go for the pin? Because I didn't come back to the CSWA to be the Greensboro champion. I came back for one reason, and one reason only...to be the UNIFIED World Heavyweight Champion!" (Crowd cheers.) BUCKLEY: Okay. But your good friend HORNET is the UNIFIED Heavyweight Champion at the moment, and we all saw what happened at SPT in Madison Square Garden. You two almost came to blows over the UNIFIED belt." GUNS: "You know. It's amazing. Simply amazing. People are always making mountains out of molehills. Hornet and I have discussed that incident in private, and I'd like to think we've put it behind us...but it's real hard when people like you keep rehashing it time and time again. All I hear is talk about how GUNS is bitter toward Hornet and how GUNS is going to turn on Hornet and how our alliance is coming apart at the seams. And I think this talk is starting to get to Hornet, because I know it's starting to get to me. As time goes by, I can almost feel Hornet's trust slipping away from me. At the last SHOWTIME, he brought in Jack Samson to be our tag team partner. But he didn't consult me about it. If he had asked me, I would have strongly suggested that he find someone else. Let me make one thing clear. I don't like Jack Samson. I don't like his attitude, and I don't like his ego. He and I had a pretty bitter fued back in the AAWC, and if you take a REAL close look at his chest, you'll still see "GUNS" carved in it, courtesy of one of my spurs! But I teamed with him at SHOWTIME anyway. Not because I trust him, because I wouldn't trust Jack Samson as far as you could throw him, Buckley. I teamed with him because I trust Hornet. If Samson tried anything, I was confident that Hornet was watching my back. That's why I wasn't looking over my shoulder. I played the game of trust, and I guess I won because I didn't get jumped from behind. Well, let me re phrase that. I didn't get jumped from behind by SAMSON. There was one person that did hit me from behind with a steel chair in that match, and that's the person I came here to talk about." BUCKLEY: "Mark Windham." GUNS: "Right, Buckley. You're not nearly as dumb as Benson says you are. Windham, the last time we met in that ring, I'll give you credit. You pinned me fair and square in the center of the ring. You're a great wrestler, and if you had "... left it at that, I might have been able to as well. But you crossed the line, Windham, when you tried to give me piledriver after piledriver. You tried to take me out, Windham! Well, Mark, we're going to meet again in Decatur. But, I watched the match between Hornet and Tom Adler at Thanksgiving, and I must say I'm more than a little confused. Now, I'd like to think the best of my friend Hornet...but it's REAL hard for me to do after watching what Mark Windham did to Tom Adler in that match. Remember the question that Adler asked Mark during the match? He said, "Whose side are you on?" Well, that's the question I came out here to ask. Hornet, I know you're in the back preparing for your match with the Eliminator, and that's another situation I'm not too happy with. I know you're in the back, but I haven't had the chance to ask this question to you yet, since I've been a little preoccupied with Praxis. But I need to know, man, when I step into the ring against Mark Windham in Decatur...whose side are you on?" BENSON: Ha ha ha! I love it! It's all falling apart! It's all falling apart! Why are these morons cheering? Oh boy! Here comes Hornet down the aisle! BUCKLEY: "Oh my! Here is the UNIFIED World Champion himself, HORNET!! Hornet, I'm sure you heard the question." HORNET: "Yeah, I heard the question, and if you want to do it like this, big man, then it's fine with me. If you want to air dirty laundry in front of the world, then fire away." GUNS: "Now's as good a time as any, Hornet. I want to know where we stand. Let me correct that. I want to know where YOU stand. A few months ago, you and Mark were best friends and I was your worst enemy. Well, now you and I are friends. You might be the only friend I have in this sport. You're the one person that I can trust, Hornet. I know where I stand, and I know where Mark Windham stands, and we stand on opposite sides of the street. So the real question I'm asking is. Where do YOU stand?" HORNET: "You're right, GUNS. Mark Windham and I have been best friends for a long time. And he's a little off right now, but someday I hope to renew the strong friendship that we once shared before Benedict messed up his head. But man, you can trust me! And you say you do trust me, but I'm not so sure. If you did, I don't think this interview would be going on right now. I think there's a little more on your mind, so as long as we're out here, let's clear the air." GUNS: "Man, I do trust you. But I still don't know that you trust me. If you did, you wouldn't have balked in that ring in Madison Square Garden..." HORNET: "We've talked about that, man. I let you put the belt around my waist, didn't I? I just wanted my belt, that's all. It had nothing to do with you." GUNS: "That may be the case, and if so, then fine. I'm happy that you trusted me then. But that still doesn't quite explain this whole situation between you and Poison Ivy. I thought we were friends. I thought we were partners, but you've kept me in the dark on this thing, brother. I just want to know what the heck is going on there. I mean, when Bob Praxis was pouring poop on my head, you were nowhere to be found until I got back in the locker room, and then you were cracking jokes..." HORNET: "I was just trying to lighten the mood, man. You were pretty intense. I realized I made a mistake when you shoved me away, and if I offended you or anything, I sincerely apologize for it. But you did look pretty funny." GUNS: "I bet I did look pretty funny. I watched Praxis do his thing before this, and I thought it was a pretty funny gimmick. But, Hornet, once you've had 100 pounds of poop poured on you, it's not quite as funny anymore. But the point is not the jokes, the point is that you weren't there to stop it. After they knocked me cold with that roll of quarters and went for that bag, you COULD have done something. You SHOULD have done something. But you didn't, man. And yet, the very next match, when Poison Ivy and the Eliminator needed you, you were right there by her side. Now I realize that I don't look nearly as good in a tight dress as she does..." HORNET: "That's not fair, man. That's not what that's about. I was out there trying to help a "friend." And that's what Poison Ivy is to me. Oh...and I was also there to help Eli get through whatever it is he's going through. As for what's going on between me and Ivy, I don't really know myself. As far as I'm concerned, I'm just being there for a friend. And, man, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when Praxis did his thing. You're right. I should have been there, man. Again, I'm sorry. We are friends. We are partners. And if you want me to be there for you in Decatur...if you want me to be in your corner when you and Mark Windham go at it... then consider me there, brother!" GUNS: "Let's get it straight right now, Hornet. We've got to be 100% united here. There are a lot of people out there who don't want to see us together. They know that united we stand, but divided, it will be a whole lot easier for us to fall. People out there know that Hornet and GUNS together is the strongest force in the CSWA, so we have to get it together. If we're gonna do this, then let's do it right!" (GUNS offers his hand out to Hornet.) HORNET: "Brother, I always stand behind my handshake, and I will be there for you in Decatur!" (Hornet shakes GUNS' hand.) BUCKLEY: "There you have it! GUNS and Hornet have re-affirmed their alliance!" BENSON: No! No! No! This can't be happening! Take him out GUNS, take him out! Wait a second! Guess who's coming to dinner? Ha ha ha! Jim Williams is in the ring, and he just grabbed the mike from Buckley! Let's see what our savior has to say!" WILLIAMS: "GUNS, you have proven yourself to be a fool here today. Can you not see what the Anti Christ is up to? You have sight, yet you are blind. He doesn't care about you. Just like he doesn't care about these plebians out here with their foam fingers and face paint! The only thing Hornet cares about is himself and that UNIFIED title! Resist the power of the Anti Christ, GUNS! He seeks to humiliate you! He seeks to see you destroyed, because he knows you are a threat, GUNS! You are a threat to what the Anti Christ holds dear! You are a threat to the UNIFIED title that keeps his black heart pumping! He was not there for you when you needed him, and in Decatur, he will plunge a knife deep into your back! Cast him down, GUNS! Strike him down and be SAVED!" BENSON: Listen to him, GUNS! Look at GUNS' face! He's thinking about it all right! He's thinking about it! HORNET: "You know what, Williams? I've had just about enough of this!" BUCKLEY: "Oh my! I'm getting out of here! BENSON: What are you doing back here at the table? BUCKLEY: I wasn't about to stick around for what's about to happen in there! WILLIAMS: "You say you have heard enough, Hornet? You have tried to silence the savior before! You tried to silence me earlier tonight! You don't want the truth to be heard. You don't want the world to know that you're the Anti Christ! These people must be saved from you! They must be..." BUCKLEY: Oh my! I knew this was coming! Hornet just nailed Williams with a hard right hand! He dropped him like a bad habit, and now the UNIFIED champ has dropped down upon him and he's hammering away on Jim Williams with a series of right hands! He's taking it to Williams! BENSON: He's just proving Williams' point! He IS the Anti Christ! Look at what he's doing! BUCKLEY: Hornet has just snapped here, as he continues to beat on Jim Williams! GUNS finally pulls Hornet off of him, and Williams runs back to the locker room as fast as he can! Hornet fires a right hand at GUNS, but GUNS blocked it and dropped him with a right hand of his own! BENSON: Yes! Yes! Come on, GUNS! Take him out once and for all! Destroy the Anti Christ! BUCKLEY: I don't think so, Sammy! GUNS helping Hornet to his feet, and I think that punch brought Hornet to his senses. Jim Williams is starting to get under Hornet's skin, and who can blame Hornet? I might get a little ticked too if someone was calling ME the Anti Christ. BENSON: Well, it is a close call between you and Hornet... BUCKLEY: GUNS now talking to Hornet, trying to calm him down, and Hornet appears to be apologizing for throwing a punch at GUNS. Hornet extends his hand, and GUNS once again shakes it! Hornet and GUNS are still together, Sammy, and Hornet is going to be with GUNS when he takes on Mark Windham at SPT! BENSON: Something's still not there, Buckley! I think Jim Williams may have gotten into GUNS' head. Why else would GUNS pull Hornet off of him? I think deep down, GUNS knows that Williams is right. Hornet knows that GUNS may be the biggest threat to his UNIFIED title, and he's going to try to take him out. I think GUNS is walking into a trap in Decatur, and I think we're going to see a reunion of "America's Team." This is a big con! They got Adler, and now they're gonna get GUNS! Jim Williams is right, and I think GUNS is gonna get burned! Just like Hornet conned Randalls into thinking he was on his side against GUNS, he's doing it again, making GUNS think that he's on his side against Windham. Only the Anti Christ can be that devious! BUCKLEY: I seem to recall Ray S. Cornette pulling something just as devious against Joey Melton. BENSON: Shut up, Buckley! BUCKLEY: When we come back, it's going to be the twenty man UNDER the top rope battle royal! BENSON: Twenty midgets? I better take some Pepto now. Actually, you know what, how about I go check on Steven Flair's condition. BUCKLEY: Sit down, Sammy! If I'm stuck here, so are you! ****** 20 Man UNDER the Top Rope Midget Battle Royal ******* BUCKLEY: Let's go up to Rhubarb Jones for the introductions of the combatants in this match! RHUBARB: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the 20 Midget Under the Top Rope Battle Royal! (Crowd roars.) A participant may be eliminated if he leaves the ring UNDER the top rope in any way, and both feet touch the arena floor. If he goes over the top rope, he is still in the match. The winner of this match will be allowed to remain in the CSWA, while all other midgets will be banned! Now here are the midgets! First, making his way to the ring, THE DISCO MIDGET! ("Stayin' Alive" plays over the PA and a disco ball lowers from the roof of the United Center as the Disco Midget dances to the ring.) BENSON: I thought Boogie Man and Inferno were bad, but this is much much worse. This guy combines two of the things I hate the most: Midgets and Disco! Where's my antacid? RHUBARB: Next, making a special appearance from FantasyLand, here are Dopey, Happy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Bashful, and Doc...THE SEVEN DWARVES!! (The crowd cheers as the Seven Dwarves walk to the ring.) BENSON: Surely you can't be serious... BUCKLEY: I am serious, and don't call me "Shirley." RHUBARB: Next, from the Foxwood Indian Reservation in Connecticut, here is CHIEF JAY TINYFEATHER!! (War drums play as Tiny Feather does a war dance down the aisle and climbs into the ring.) Introducing next, from Sicily, here is LITTLE ITALY!! (Theme to the Godfather plays as Little Italy walks down the aisle.) From Mexico, here is THE MEXICAN MIDGET!! (No music plays as the Mexican Midget walks slowly down the aisle, completely covered in a black cloak and stop and stands in the corner, not entering the ring.) BUCKLEY: That Mexican Midget is very strange. We still haven't seen his face, and now he won't get in the ring. BENSON: Look at some of the freaks in there for goodness sakes! You've got a Disco Midget, Seven Dwarves, a mini mobster, and an idiot wearing war paint. And you're calling someone who doesn't want to go in there with them strange? RHUBARB: "Next, here are Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael, and Donatello...THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA MIDGETS!" (Crowd boos as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Midgets walk down the aisle, still arguing and yelling at each other.) BENSON: These are the four guys that turned on Mad Mike at War Games, and they're the same guys that beat up Billy Buckley in the back, but there seems to be a lot of dissention in the ranks! RHUBARB: "And last, but certainly not least, being accompanied to the ring by Stan Parsons, here are THE MIGHTY MORPHIN MIDGETS! (The crowd goes wild as the Mighty Morphin Midgets run to the ring.) BUCKLEY: They're all in the ring now, except for the Mexican Midget, who has yet to remove his cloak and is just standing on the arena floor. And look who's come to join as at the broadcast table. Welcome, Stan! PARSONS: It's good to be here, Bill, even if HE'S here. BENSON: Yeah, I'm real thrilled to be sitting next to you, Parsons. I see the Red Midget is back in action. I guess that puts you out of a job. And what are you gonna do when all your little buddies are out of the CSWA after tonight? I think you should go with 'em! BUCKLEY: The bell rings and this midget battle royal is underway! It's chaos in that ring right now! This one will be really hard to call! The Disco Midget has found his first target, and he is the Red Midget! This is Red's return to the CSWA following the savage beating he took at Fish Fund, and his injuries might not be totally healed! PARSONS: They're not, Bill, but he wanted to be in this one with his buddies, and he wants to increase the probability of Might Morphin Midget Mania sticking around in the CSWA. BUCKLEY: Chief Jay Tiny Feather is going at it with Happy! He catches Happy with a big tomahawk chop to the chest! BENSON: Big tomahawk chop, Buckley? Please. Look at Little Italy take it to Sleepy! I think that stupid Dwarf actually fell asleep in the ring, and Little Italy sure woke him up with a hard right hand that would make Rocky proud! PARSONS: Bashful is standing in the corner, not wanting to get into the action! Meanwhile the Mighty Morphin Midgets and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Midgets are going at it right in the center of the ring! These two teams don't like each other, even after they combined to beat up on Mad Mike! BENSON: Look at Dopey! Instead of getting in the action, he's standing by the ropes making faces at the Mexican Midget, who is still on the outside! Hold up! The Mexican Midget just pulled his arm out of the cloak, grabbed Dopey by the throat, pulled him to the outside, and now...whoa! That's a pretty big midget! BUCKLEY: That's no Midget, Sammy! He's taken of his cloak, and oh no! It's El Nino! El Nino with a chokeslam on Dopey on the concrete floor! We haven't seen El Nino since Under New Ownership, when he was locked in a warehouse with you, Sammy... BENSON: Great. Just when I stopped having nightmares, he shows up again! I hate these midgets! BUCKLEY: El Nino is in the ring now, and I guess he's managed to trick his way into being a participant in this battle royal! The Seven Dwarves are not happy with his treatment of Dopey! Doc and Grumpy go after him, but El Nino catches each of them with a kick to the head! Sneezy over, and oh my! He just let out a huge sneeze, and caught El Nino is the face with some snot! BENSON: I think that just made him mad, Buckley! He grabs Sneezy and throws him through the ropes and onto the floor! That's two midgets eliminated! BUCKLEY: Now El Nino takes Doc and eliminates him as well! Grumpy jumps on the back of El Nino! He's got him in a sleeper hold! No! El Nino easily broke it and tossed Grumpy over his shoulder! Now a big legdrop by El Nino, and he rolls Grumpy under the bottom rope and eliminates him as well! PARSONS: I don't like this, Bill. I don't like this one bit! BUCKLEY: Me either, Stan. Now El Nino charges into the corner after Bashful! No! Bashful got out of the way and El Nino hit his shoulder hard against the post! He's irate now! He grabs a hold of Bashful, and oh no! BENSON: He bashed Bashful, all right! He rammed him headfirst into the ringpost, putting his head right between the second and top turnbuckles! Bashful is bleeding profusely, and now El Nino dumps him out of the ring! This midget battle royal isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be! I'm actually starting to enjoy this! BUCKLEY: You would enjoy this carnage, wouldn't you? Now Happy is organizing some of the other midgets. He's talking to Tiny Feather and Little Italy, and now they have surrounded El Nino, one midget on every side! PARSONS: This is an interesting strategy, Bill. If he goes after one, three are gonna jump on his back! The midgets are cooperating in there because they know if they don't get the big guy out, they're all going down! BUCKLEY: That's about right! El Nino grabs a hold of Happy, and Chief Jay Tiny Feather hammers El Nino in the back with a chop! Little Italy didn't jump in to help, and Sleepy fell asleep! Oh my! Italy just grabbed Sleepy and throws him over the middle rope and eliminated him! BENSON: Never trust a mobster, Buckley! Now Little Italy just watching and laughing as El Nino has Happy by the throat in one hand and Tiny Feather by the throat in the other! He just chokeslammed both of them! Ha ha ha! BUCKLEY: Look at Little Italy now! He's negotiating with El Nino! PARSONS: This is a stupid move! El Nino certainly doesn't need him! Nino walks over to him and offers to shake his hand! Italy shakes the hand, and oh no! Shortarm clothesline by El Nino! BENSON: Short arm!! That's hilarious, Parsons! There's hope for you yet! BUCKLEY: El Nino just delivered a piledriver to Little Italy! He is just going through these midgets like a hot knife through butter! Meanwhile, the Mighty Morphin Midgets are still going at it with the Ninja Midgets, and the Disco Midget is trying to get the Red Midget over the second rope! The White Midget just DDT'd Leonardo, and now he runs over to make the save with a blow to the back of the Disco Midget! Leonardo is back to his feet! Donatello is holding the Orange Midget up! Leonardo with a spin kick! No! The Orange Midget ducked and Leonardo hit Donatello! Donatello is irate, and he goes after Leonardo! PARSONS: Now Raphael and Michelangelo jump in! The Teenage Mutant Ninja Midgets are going after each other now! This is ridiculous! BENSON: This whole MATCH is ridiculous, Parsons! BUCKLEY: Leonardo just dumped Donatello over the middle rope and onto the floor! Michelangelo and Raphael catch him with a double clothesline that sends him out of the ring and onto the floor! And now Raphael and Michelangelo are going toe to toe! The Blue Midget and the Green Midget walk over, and oh my! They caught both Teenage Mutant Ninja Midgets square in the jaw with dropkicks, and knocked them through the ropes and to the floor! The Teenage Mutant Ninja Midgets have all been eliminated, and now they are brawling with each other all the way back to the locker room! BENSON: While that nonsense was going on, El Nino has eliminated Little Italy, Happy, and Chief Tiny Feather! That brings the total number of midgets eliminated by El Nino up to eight! BUCKLEY: We're down to the 5 Mighty Morphin Midgets, the Disco Midget, and El Nino! The Red Midget and the White Midget are trying to eliminate the Disco Midget, and now the other three Mighty Morphin Midgets set themselves to go up BUCKLEY: against El Nino! The Blue Midget tries a dropkick, but El Nino swats him away like a bug! However, this opens it up for the Green and Orange Midgets each to clip him in a knee, and they have El Nino down on the canvas, and they are putting the boots to him! PARSONS: Go Go Morphin Midgets! BENSON: Shut up! BUCKLEY: Meanwhile, the Red Midget and the White Midget have Disco over the second rope and now he's just hanging onto the ropes, standing on the apron as the two Mighty Morphin Midgets go to work on him! Red catches him with a dropkick that sends him to the floor, and he landed right on top of Dopey, who is still laying injured at ringside! PARSONS: Now Red and White join in the attack on El Nino, and they continue to kick away at him! This was the man responsible for putting Red in the hospital originally! BUCKLEY: Uh oh! El Nino just grabbed the Orange Midget's foot and tripped him to the canvas! He does the same to the Green Midget! Now El Nino is up to his knees! The Blue and White Midgets go for a double DDT, but no! El Nino is back to his feet and he's got the two midgets in the air, and oh my! He just delivered a double sidewalk slam! And now he catches the Red Midget with a vicious kick to the head! Red goes down like a ton of bricks! BENSON: Now THIS is more like it! BUCKLEY: Nino has Green and Orange, and oh my! A vicious double noggin knocker! You could hear the sound of their heads cracking together! BENSON: And oh, what a sweet sound it was! PARSONS: This isn't a laughing matter, Sammy. The five Mighty Morphin Midgets are all down in the ring. Now Nino kicks Green and Orange under the bottom rope and onto the floor! BENSON: Hey, I just noticed that if El Nino wins this thing, then ALL midgets will be gone from the CSWA! What a merry Christmas it's turning out to be! BUCKLEY: Will you stop! El Nino now picks up the Blue Midget and sets him up against the ropes, and oh my! A vicious boot to the face sends Blue over the second rope and onto the floor! This is horrible! Now he picks up the White Midget and whips him off the ropes and catches him with a dropkick to the face that sends him flying out of the ring! You know, Sammy and Stan, I just noticed something. The Disco Midget has not left ringside yet, and he's standing on the lifeless carcass of Dopey! I don't think his feet have touched the floor yet! He might still be in this thing! BENSON: Well, after El Nino finishes off the Red Midget,I'll be sure to tell him! BUCKLEY: Now El Nino picks the Red Midget up to his feet, and he's slapping him in the face a few times for good measure! He's torturing him! This is disgusting! He just delivered a hard chokeslam! PARSONS: Just eliminate him already! There's no reason for this! This match should be stopped before Red gets killed! BENSON: This match should have been stopped long before it began, but there's no turning back now, Parsons! BUCKLEY: El Nino is taking great pleasure out of beating on the Red Midget, but he just made some sort of signal! He's ready to eliminate the Red Midget! He whips him off the ropes, catches him and throws him OVER the top rope! The Red Midget hit the floor hard, but he's still in this thing! El Nino thinks he's won it, but there are two midgets still left in this thing...Wait a second! Look what's coming down the aisle! BENSON: It's....it's a sleigh being pulled by reindeer, and the lead one has got a shiny red nose! That's Santa Claus coming down the aisle! What's going on, Buckley? BUCKLEY: I have no idea, Sammy. Santa calls the Red Midget over and pulls something out of his bag. He just gave the Red Midget a Christmas present. BENSON: Open it, munchkin! I want to see what it is! PARSONS: Red rips the paper off, and it's a Fozzie Bear doll! Santa just winked at the Red Midget! I think I know what's going on here! BUCKLEY: Red rolls back into the ring with that Fozzie Doll! El Nino just turned around and saw him, and oh my! Red Midget just sprayed the flaming goo from the Fozzie Doll into the chest of El Nino! BENSON: I don't believe this! El Nino staggers over to the ropes and he is howling in pain! I've felt that goo, and trust me...it hurts! BUCKLEY: True...the last time I heard screams like that was at Under New Ownership when we left you in that warehouse with El Nino! El Nino is leaning on the ropes in a great deal of pain! The other Mighty Morphin Midgets run over, and they grab onto El Nino, and they've pulled him through the ropes and down to the arena floor! El Nino has been eliminated! BENSON: No! No! No! This can't be happening! Santa Claus has ruined my chances for a happy holiday this year! BUCKLEY: El Nino is irate and he chases the other four Mighty Morphin Midgets around the ring! They've jumped into Santa's sleigh! Santa Claus just pulled a stocking out of his bag and handed it to El Nino! El Nino looks inside, and Santa's sleigh heads back up the aisle and away from ringside! El Nino reaches in the stocking and pulls out... PARSONS: A LUMP OF COAL! I love it! El Nino hasn't been a very good boy this year! He's outraged, and he's chasing after Santa, but I think he's taken the four other Mighty Morphin Midgets back to the North Pole with him. I think he just got four more elves to help him out this Christmas! BENSON: Bah humbug! BUCKLEY: We still have a match going on here! The Red Midget is now celebrating in the ring as if he has won it! He doesn't know that the Disco Midget is still alive in this matchup! PARSONS: Disco rolls back into the ring. Look out Red! BUCKLEY: The Disco Midget just jumped the Red Midget from behind, and now he's putting the boots to him! The Red Midget has taken quite a beating in this match, and remember that he was injured coming in! I don't know how much punishment the Red Midget will be able to take at the hands of the Disco Midget, who has been resting on the outside! PARSONS: You're right, Bill. Red is a tough little guy for even stepping in that ring tonight, but he's been on the shelf for almost five months, and he's taken a severe beating tonight! BENSON: Stop crying about it, you two! It's a part of the game! Frankly, I don't give a rat's ass who wins this one. BUCKLEY: Thanks for the insight, Sammy. The Disco Midget picks Red up to his feet and catches him with a forearm to the temple. Another forearm smash by the Disco Midget. He sets the Red Midget up...DDT! And now look at him dance! BENSON: I'd rather not...I'm out of Tums. BUCKLEY: The Disco Midget now picks Red Midget back up, and he delivers a power bomb! Now Disco runs off the ropes and drops an elbow on him! And once again, the Disco Midget takes the time to dance instead of trying to eliminate the Red Midget! PARSONS: Red is back up to his feet, but Disco stays right on him. He sets him up for a piledriver...no! Red blocked it and caught him with a back body drop! Disco gets to his feet, but he's caught with a swinging neckbreaker by the Red Midget! BUCKLEY: What unbelievable resiliency and courage! Red Midget is showing the heart of a champion tonight! BENSON: Please, Buckley, This is a midget battle royal, not a UNIFIED title match for chrissakes! Quit being so overly dramatic! BUCKLEY: The Red Midget now has Disco near the ropes and he's trying to get him over the second rope, but Disco responds with an elbow to the face! Now a rake of the eyes by the Disco Midget! He climbs to the second rope and comes down with an axhandle...no! Red caught him with a punch to the breadbasket! A flying dropkick to the kisser by the Red Midget! Now he charges in for a clothesline! He nailed it, and oh my! Both the Red Midget and the Disco Midget went over the second rope and onto the floor! BENSON: Yes! Yes! Yes! They're both gone! There won't be ANY midgets left in the CSWA! RHUBARB: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have conferred with Co-Commissioner Stephen Thomas, and he has informed me that since the Red Midget and the Disco Midget both went under the top rope at the same time...they are both WINNERS, and may both remain in the CSWA!!" BENSON: No! No! No! I think some of that poop must have clogged Thomas' brain! Boogie Man and Disco Inferno are out here to celebrate with the Disco Midget! I'm gonna throw up! BUCKLEY: Stan Parsons goes down to congratulate the Red Midget, and Sammy Benson is puking in a trash can around ringside! Up next, we have a big match between UNIFIED Champion Hornet and Intracontinental champion The Eliminator. Hopefully, that match will clear up some of the mysteries that are going on now in the CSWA, such as what is Hornet's relationship with Poison Ivy? We'll be back after these short messages with that excellent matchup! Once again, congratulations to both the Red Midget and the Disco Midget for being co-winners of the 20 man under the top rope battle royal!